Trailer Park Heart
Page 67
The frantic beating in my chest skidded to a stop. “Excuse me?”
“We consider you family, Ruby. I know your relationship with Logan wasn’t lasting, but you’re our grandson’s mother. That makes you part of our family. We want the best for both of you. Always.”
Surprised tears pooled in the corners of my eyes and I resisted the urge to give into my weakness and fear. Darcy’s hand was an anchor to reality as I struggled to find my footing on this brand new, untested ground.
“Th-thank you,” I finally managed to say, genuinely meaning it. “I don’t know if Levi has told you much about my family, but I’ve never had people I could count on before.”
Darcy’s eyes filled with empathetic tears. “He’s told us some about your mother. I just want you to know you can come to me for anything, Ruby. Anything. I’m here for you always.”
Without fully realizing what I was doing, I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around her in a hug. Her arms hesitated for only a second before returning the gesture.
What started as an awkward and instinctive embrace, turned into something so much more when Darcy’s arms tightened around me into a real, tight, maternal hug—of which I’d never experienced before. She held me firmly against her, stroking my back and proving her words to be true.
It should have been weird or over the top or enough to send me running, but it did the opposite. It proved to me that she meant what she said, that she would always mean what she said. She hugged me as family hugs, or at least how I imagined family to hug. She healed a beaten, battered part of my heart that had resigned itself to always feeling unwanted.
Tears streamed down my cheeks, streaking my carefully applied makeup.
“What are you guys doing?” Max asked when he found us crying and clinging to each other in the foyer.
I pulled back, totally embarrassed by my tears and hugging. “Oh, god, I’m sorry,” I sniffled.
She waved me off, wiping her own tears with the backs of her hands. “Don’t ever be sorry for that, Ruby. You hear me? Never.”
“Thank you,” I whispered, my throat clogging with fresh emotion. “That means more than you’ll ever know.”
She nodded, acknowledging the brokenness of my past.
When I’d collected myself, I turned to Max, “You sure you’re going to be okay overnight?”
“They have like every movie in the whole wide world!” he said excitedly. “And Papa said he’d take me on a four-wheeler ride. Plus, Nana said she’d make pancakes again. I’m good, Mom. Don’t worry about me.”
For Christmas, since we couldn’t afford to give Darcy and Rich much in return for all their generous gifts, Max had “gifted” them the titles of grandparents. Nana and Papa had officially become their names.
It was safe to say, we were all getting comfortable crying around each other.
“That sounds like the best sleepover ever!” I joined in his excitement and it turned out to be genuine. Somewhere over the last couple months, my biggest fear had become a reality. I was losing pieces of Max to another family. Only instead of feeling like loss, it felt like life. Instead of being taken away from me, he was being given another family that loved him and wanted the best for him.
And somehow, I was also getting more of that family.
Somehow it wasn’t just his gift. It was mine too.
“I love you a million, Maximillian,” I whispered in his ear when I pulled him in for one last hug.
He threw his arms around my neck, kissed my cheek and said, “I love you back, Mommy.”
“Call if you need anything,” I told Darcy.
She waved me off, “We’ll be fine. I promise.”
Leaving the Cole’s farm was not one of the hardest things I had ever done, even though it was difficult. It was also good. I also knew Max was in excellent hands.
I knew this was the beginning of many, many more nights like this. My affection for this family swelled at the thought, my worry soothed, and my mama’s heart rested in the truth that my son was well loved.
Driving back into town, I ignored the jerking engine of my Corolla because the temperatures were in the negatives and she hated the cold weather. I fixed my makeup at stop signs and the one light in town and parked at Rosie’s again. Main Street was so compact, I used Rosie’s backlot whenever I planned to stay in town.
For the first time ever, I was going to the New Year’s Eve party at Pug’s. Nerves rustled in my belly and I thought about my couch and Netflix, but I’d promised Coco I’d show up for at least an hour.
It was still early, so I braced myself against the cold and headed to Coco’s.
“Ruby!” she squealed when I knocked on her door.
I walked inside to find Emilia and her dressed to the nines. I looked down at my jeans, snow boots and silky tunic and felt completely underdressed. “You guys look amazing,” I told them, feeling awkward and out of place. Oh, well, it just meant I’d get to leave faster. Netflix and a long list of cheesy holiday movies were calling my name.
“You can’t wear that,” Coco announced, immediately confirming my fears.
“What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?”
“Not sexy enough,” Emilia threw in. “New Year’s Eve is all about the spice.”
I looked down at my clothes again, feeling defensive. “This is spicy.”
“No,” the agreed together.
“That’s lonely,” Coco added.
“It’s all I have.”
Emilia tsked. “Wrong. You have us. And we have more than we know what to do with.”
An hour later, a pile of clothes littered their living room, but we were all dressed to impress. Coco wore a black, shimmery sheath dress that barely covered her bum with lace sleeves and thigh-high black suede boots. Her dark hair was done in big, bouncy curls and she’d styled them over one shoulder. Emilia’s maroon, velvet dress reached her thighs, but it was tight enough to reveal every single curve and contour of her body. The sweetheart neckline with spaghetti strap sleeves only added more va-va-voom. Her sky-high heels were the opposite of her hiking boots, but somehow she managed her balance just fine.
And for me? They’d found a pale pink, lacey, loose, long-sleeved tunic. We’d belted it, so I had a figure, but the neckline dipped below the belt. Thankfully, my bra still worked to keep the girls in place. Also, praises because I had shaved all the way up my legs this morning. In the winter, it was always iffy if I bothered with my thighs or not. So, score for that little piece of intuition.
My pale, pale skin somehow managed to look more porcelain than translucent and Emilia had done some voodoo with my hair, because it looked styled instead of wild. Coco had finished my look with chunky gold bangles and champagne ankle boots.
I blinked at myself in the mirror, not remembering the last time I looked this put together. Or pretty.
“Voila!” Coco cheered, showing me the finished look in the mirror.
“Wow,” I gasped. “I… I didn’t even know this was possible.”
“You look amazing,” Em confirmed.
I felt amazing too. For the first time ever, I was able to relax tonight. I wasn’t worried about Max at home with my mom or how I would pay her for babysitting him. I wasn’t worried about the hundred little things that always seemed to pile up. I was just… happy.
And it felt strange. But good.
“We consider you family, Ruby. I know your relationship with Logan wasn’t lasting, but you’re our grandson’s mother. That makes you part of our family. We want the best for both of you. Always.”
Surprised tears pooled in the corners of my eyes and I resisted the urge to give into my weakness and fear. Darcy’s hand was an anchor to reality as I struggled to find my footing on this brand new, untested ground.
“Th-thank you,” I finally managed to say, genuinely meaning it. “I don’t know if Levi has told you much about my family, but I’ve never had people I could count on before.”
Darcy’s eyes filled with empathetic tears. “He’s told us some about your mother. I just want you to know you can come to me for anything, Ruby. Anything. I’m here for you always.”
Without fully realizing what I was doing, I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around her in a hug. Her arms hesitated for only a second before returning the gesture.
What started as an awkward and instinctive embrace, turned into something so much more when Darcy’s arms tightened around me into a real, tight, maternal hug—of which I’d never experienced before. She held me firmly against her, stroking my back and proving her words to be true.
It should have been weird or over the top or enough to send me running, but it did the opposite. It proved to me that she meant what she said, that she would always mean what she said. She hugged me as family hugs, or at least how I imagined family to hug. She healed a beaten, battered part of my heart that had resigned itself to always feeling unwanted.
Tears streamed down my cheeks, streaking my carefully applied makeup.
“What are you guys doing?” Max asked when he found us crying and clinging to each other in the foyer.
I pulled back, totally embarrassed by my tears and hugging. “Oh, god, I’m sorry,” I sniffled.
She waved me off, wiping her own tears with the backs of her hands. “Don’t ever be sorry for that, Ruby. You hear me? Never.”
“Thank you,” I whispered, my throat clogging with fresh emotion. “That means more than you’ll ever know.”
She nodded, acknowledging the brokenness of my past.
When I’d collected myself, I turned to Max, “You sure you’re going to be okay overnight?”
“They have like every movie in the whole wide world!” he said excitedly. “And Papa said he’d take me on a four-wheeler ride. Plus, Nana said she’d make pancakes again. I’m good, Mom. Don’t worry about me.”
For Christmas, since we couldn’t afford to give Darcy and Rich much in return for all their generous gifts, Max had “gifted” them the titles of grandparents. Nana and Papa had officially become their names.
It was safe to say, we were all getting comfortable crying around each other.
“That sounds like the best sleepover ever!” I joined in his excitement and it turned out to be genuine. Somewhere over the last couple months, my biggest fear had become a reality. I was losing pieces of Max to another family. Only instead of feeling like loss, it felt like life. Instead of being taken away from me, he was being given another family that loved him and wanted the best for him.
And somehow, I was also getting more of that family.
Somehow it wasn’t just his gift. It was mine too.
“I love you a million, Maximillian,” I whispered in his ear when I pulled him in for one last hug.
He threw his arms around my neck, kissed my cheek and said, “I love you back, Mommy.”
“Call if you need anything,” I told Darcy.
She waved me off, “We’ll be fine. I promise.”
Leaving the Cole’s farm was not one of the hardest things I had ever done, even though it was difficult. It was also good. I also knew Max was in excellent hands.
I knew this was the beginning of many, many more nights like this. My affection for this family swelled at the thought, my worry soothed, and my mama’s heart rested in the truth that my son was well loved.
Driving back into town, I ignored the jerking engine of my Corolla because the temperatures were in the negatives and she hated the cold weather. I fixed my makeup at stop signs and the one light in town and parked at Rosie’s again. Main Street was so compact, I used Rosie’s backlot whenever I planned to stay in town.
For the first time ever, I was going to the New Year’s Eve party at Pug’s. Nerves rustled in my belly and I thought about my couch and Netflix, but I’d promised Coco I’d show up for at least an hour.
It was still early, so I braced myself against the cold and headed to Coco’s.
“Ruby!” she squealed when I knocked on her door.
I walked inside to find Emilia and her dressed to the nines. I looked down at my jeans, snow boots and silky tunic and felt completely underdressed. “You guys look amazing,” I told them, feeling awkward and out of place. Oh, well, it just meant I’d get to leave faster. Netflix and a long list of cheesy holiday movies were calling my name.
“You can’t wear that,” Coco announced, immediately confirming my fears.
“What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?”
“Not sexy enough,” Emilia threw in. “New Year’s Eve is all about the spice.”
I looked down at my clothes again, feeling defensive. “This is spicy.”
“No,” the agreed together.
“That’s lonely,” Coco added.
“It’s all I have.”
Emilia tsked. “Wrong. You have us. And we have more than we know what to do with.”
An hour later, a pile of clothes littered their living room, but we were all dressed to impress. Coco wore a black, shimmery sheath dress that barely covered her bum with lace sleeves and thigh-high black suede boots. Her dark hair was done in big, bouncy curls and she’d styled them over one shoulder. Emilia’s maroon, velvet dress reached her thighs, but it was tight enough to reveal every single curve and contour of her body. The sweetheart neckline with spaghetti strap sleeves only added more va-va-voom. Her sky-high heels were the opposite of her hiking boots, but somehow she managed her balance just fine.
And for me? They’d found a pale pink, lacey, loose, long-sleeved tunic. We’d belted it, so I had a figure, but the neckline dipped below the belt. Thankfully, my bra still worked to keep the girls in place. Also, praises because I had shaved all the way up my legs this morning. In the winter, it was always iffy if I bothered with my thighs or not. So, score for that little piece of intuition.
My pale, pale skin somehow managed to look more porcelain than translucent and Emilia had done some voodoo with my hair, because it looked styled instead of wild. Coco had finished my look with chunky gold bangles and champagne ankle boots.
I blinked at myself in the mirror, not remembering the last time I looked this put together. Or pretty.
“Voila!” Coco cheered, showing me the finished look in the mirror.
“Wow,” I gasped. “I… I didn’t even know this was possible.”
“You look amazing,” Em confirmed.
I felt amazing too. For the first time ever, I was able to relax tonight. I wasn’t worried about Max at home with my mom or how I would pay her for babysitting him. I wasn’t worried about the hundred little things that always seemed to pile up. I was just… happy.
And it felt strange. But good.
