Trusting Liam
Page 49
“Glorious!” he sang out as he reached for the bag—once again like it was precious and fragile. “You here for some ink?” he asked over his shoulder as he walked to his station.
“Not today,” I said on a sigh, and took a seat. “I came for your crazy-worded wisdom. Liam said he always went to talk to you whenever anything was going on his life, so I figured I would try.”
“Smart boy.” He pointed at me and grinned cheekily. “And very smart girl! Lay it on me.”
“Has Liam been by in the last month to maybe talk to you about . . .” I trailed off, and my face twisted up as I tried to figure out how to explain the situation in as few words as possible.
“About your ex-boo? Oh yeah, I’ve heard all about it. My boy is torn up, my dude. Completely. Torn,” he emphasized by tearing a fry in half.
“That makes three of us,” I muttered. “I don’t know what to do, Brian.”
“What’s your heart tell you?”
I thought for a second, trying to sort through all the emotions I’d been fighting with for the last month. “It tells me that I can’t lose Liam—just like it told me the day Liam walked away from me.”
“Uh-huh. Uh-huh,” he mumbled around a bite of food. “But what about your ex-boo? What’s it saying about him?”
“That I’m so scared of hurting him. I don’t love him anymore, Brian,” I confessed out loud for the first time ever—and Christ, did that small confession feel good. “I don’t love him, not in the way I did, and not in a way that could make me possibly want him in the future. I enjoy his company, he’s fun to have around, but that’s it. That piece of my heart that I gave him all those years ago still belongs to him—but only in a first-love-memory type of way. But he thought we would be together again for four years. Four. Years. I was devastated when I lost Rhys after only having him for a few months, and I’m so worried about what I’ll do to him if I tell him I don’t want him.”
Brian had stopped chewing, and continued to sit there with his burger halfway to his mouth for a few moments before shaking his head. “You can’t be with someone just because you’re afraid of making their heart hurt. Because their hurt will be temporary, but think about how much your heart will hurt if you spend the rest of your life avoiding hurting his.”
“I know,” I whispered, and my shoulders fell with the weight of the decision that was looming over me.
“Dude number one, tell me something, ’kay ’kay?”
“All right.”
“When you met the ex-boo, what was it like?”
I shrugged. “Easy. We both fell hard and fast, and I was so sure at that time—and even for years after—that I would never again experience what I had experienced with him.”
“And my boy? When he found you here in his dad’s gym, what was it like for you?”
“Terrifying,” I answered with a laugh.
Brian nodded and took another bite of his burger with a smirk on his face the entire time. “That’s all you need to know right there.”
“What? What is?”
“LC terrified you.”
I huffed softly. “Okay . . .”
“My lady love terrified me. Finding your true love is the most terrifying experience of your life, dude number one. Well, unless you have kids. I’ve heard that shit is pretty fucking scary.”
“Brian, no. I—”
“Tell me why you were terrified,” he demanded, cutting me off.
“Because of the way he made me feel. That, and his personality reminded me of Rhys.”
“Is that really why he terrified you? Because he made you feel like your ex-boo did?” There were a few beats of silence between us as I waited for him to realize that I’d already answered his question. “Who can’t you live without?”
“Liam,” I said without hesitation.
Brian clucked his tongue. “If you’re asking me, dude number one, then I’d say my boy terrified you because he made you feel more than you ever felt for your ex-boo. And finding that, after being hurt by the ex, only made the fear of finding your true love that much greater.”
“But I don’t lo—” I cut off quickly, and my mouth dropped as my eyes widened. “I love Liam,” I whispered. “Brian, I’m in love with him.”
“I already know that, dude.”
I laughed and looked around me, like I couldn’t seem to grasp the epiphany I’d just had. Even last night I would have continued denying my true feelings for Liam. But something about this conversation with Brian—something about finally voicing the fact that I no longer loved Rhys—had made the last of my walls finally fall.
“Oh my God, Brian!” I said in awe. “Do you know how absolutely amazing you are with your nonstoned mind?”
“Like I told my boy when I informed his denying ass that he loved you not long after you came back into his life: I should be Cupid’s sidekick. I’ve got this love shit down.”
“Twins expert. Cupid’s sidekick. Badass tattoo artist. And a fucking genius.”
“Ha! You get me, my dude!” He took another large bite of his burger and waved it at me as he spoke around the mouthful. “Well, now that you’re done acting like you don’t know what the fuck’s up with your heart, you better go tell my boy what you just realized.”
I stood, but Brian’s voice stopped me from leaving.
“Not that I know much about anything. But it’s Saturday.”
“Yeah,” I said a little breathless. I was anxious to get to Liam, and the anxiety had my heart racing. “And?”
“And, dude number one, all I know is that every Saturday my boy comes to see me and feed me after he gets done sparring with his daddy-o. So if I’m not as high as I think I am . . . he’s at the gym, or he’s on his way there.”
I barreled forward and wrapped my arms around Brian’s neck. “Thank you. And don’t tell your wife that you got two cheat meals in one day!”
“Who’s tellin?” he called out as I raced toward the door to leave. “Go get him, dude!”
17
December 5
Liam
“I FIGURED IT out,” I said in way of announcing myself.
Dad turned around from where he’d been talking to Kristi at the drink bar with his brow pinched together. “Figured out what?”
“Kennedy, and what I need to do.”
A smile crossed his face, and he folded his arms across his chest. “Really? Well, let’s hear it.”
“I’m you and Chase. And my entire relationship with Kennedy has been what Mom went through with both of you.”
Both of his eyebrows rose, and he nodded. “Explain.”
“At first, I pushed for a relationship that she tried to stay out of because she’d been married before. Granted, I didn’t know, but I kept pushing until she was mine. When I found out about Rhys, I thought there was no way that she would end up choosing me, which is why I wanted to step back. I did it for her, but I knew I had to start protecting myself from what I thought was coming, so in a way it was also for me. So that’s Chase, right?”
“Not today,” I said on a sigh, and took a seat. “I came for your crazy-worded wisdom. Liam said he always went to talk to you whenever anything was going on his life, so I figured I would try.”
“Smart boy.” He pointed at me and grinned cheekily. “And very smart girl! Lay it on me.”
“Has Liam been by in the last month to maybe talk to you about . . .” I trailed off, and my face twisted up as I tried to figure out how to explain the situation in as few words as possible.
“About your ex-boo? Oh yeah, I’ve heard all about it. My boy is torn up, my dude. Completely. Torn,” he emphasized by tearing a fry in half.
“That makes three of us,” I muttered. “I don’t know what to do, Brian.”
“What’s your heart tell you?”
I thought for a second, trying to sort through all the emotions I’d been fighting with for the last month. “It tells me that I can’t lose Liam—just like it told me the day Liam walked away from me.”
“Uh-huh. Uh-huh,” he mumbled around a bite of food. “But what about your ex-boo? What’s it saying about him?”
“That I’m so scared of hurting him. I don’t love him anymore, Brian,” I confessed out loud for the first time ever—and Christ, did that small confession feel good. “I don’t love him, not in the way I did, and not in a way that could make me possibly want him in the future. I enjoy his company, he’s fun to have around, but that’s it. That piece of my heart that I gave him all those years ago still belongs to him—but only in a first-love-memory type of way. But he thought we would be together again for four years. Four. Years. I was devastated when I lost Rhys after only having him for a few months, and I’m so worried about what I’ll do to him if I tell him I don’t want him.”
Brian had stopped chewing, and continued to sit there with his burger halfway to his mouth for a few moments before shaking his head. “You can’t be with someone just because you’re afraid of making their heart hurt. Because their hurt will be temporary, but think about how much your heart will hurt if you spend the rest of your life avoiding hurting his.”
“I know,” I whispered, and my shoulders fell with the weight of the decision that was looming over me.
“Dude number one, tell me something, ’kay ’kay?”
“All right.”
“When you met the ex-boo, what was it like?”
I shrugged. “Easy. We both fell hard and fast, and I was so sure at that time—and even for years after—that I would never again experience what I had experienced with him.”
“And my boy? When he found you here in his dad’s gym, what was it like for you?”
“Terrifying,” I answered with a laugh.
Brian nodded and took another bite of his burger with a smirk on his face the entire time. “That’s all you need to know right there.”
“What? What is?”
“LC terrified you.”
I huffed softly. “Okay . . .”
“My lady love terrified me. Finding your true love is the most terrifying experience of your life, dude number one. Well, unless you have kids. I’ve heard that shit is pretty fucking scary.”
“Brian, no. I—”
“Tell me why you were terrified,” he demanded, cutting me off.
“Because of the way he made me feel. That, and his personality reminded me of Rhys.”
“Is that really why he terrified you? Because he made you feel like your ex-boo did?” There were a few beats of silence between us as I waited for him to realize that I’d already answered his question. “Who can’t you live without?”
“Liam,” I said without hesitation.
Brian clucked his tongue. “If you’re asking me, dude number one, then I’d say my boy terrified you because he made you feel more than you ever felt for your ex-boo. And finding that, after being hurt by the ex, only made the fear of finding your true love that much greater.”
“But I don’t lo—” I cut off quickly, and my mouth dropped as my eyes widened. “I love Liam,” I whispered. “Brian, I’m in love with him.”
“I already know that, dude.”
I laughed and looked around me, like I couldn’t seem to grasp the epiphany I’d just had. Even last night I would have continued denying my true feelings for Liam. But something about this conversation with Brian—something about finally voicing the fact that I no longer loved Rhys—had made the last of my walls finally fall.
“Oh my God, Brian!” I said in awe. “Do you know how absolutely amazing you are with your nonstoned mind?”
“Like I told my boy when I informed his denying ass that he loved you not long after you came back into his life: I should be Cupid’s sidekick. I’ve got this love shit down.”
“Twins expert. Cupid’s sidekick. Badass tattoo artist. And a fucking genius.”
“Ha! You get me, my dude!” He took another large bite of his burger and waved it at me as he spoke around the mouthful. “Well, now that you’re done acting like you don’t know what the fuck’s up with your heart, you better go tell my boy what you just realized.”
I stood, but Brian’s voice stopped me from leaving.
“Not that I know much about anything. But it’s Saturday.”
“Yeah,” I said a little breathless. I was anxious to get to Liam, and the anxiety had my heart racing. “And?”
“And, dude number one, all I know is that every Saturday my boy comes to see me and feed me after he gets done sparring with his daddy-o. So if I’m not as high as I think I am . . . he’s at the gym, or he’s on his way there.”
I barreled forward and wrapped my arms around Brian’s neck. “Thank you. And don’t tell your wife that you got two cheat meals in one day!”
“Who’s tellin?” he called out as I raced toward the door to leave. “Go get him, dude!”
17
December 5
Liam
“I FIGURED IT out,” I said in way of announcing myself.
Dad turned around from where he’d been talking to Kristi at the drink bar with his brow pinched together. “Figured out what?”
“Kennedy, and what I need to do.”
A smile crossed his face, and he folded his arms across his chest. “Really? Well, let’s hear it.”
“I’m you and Chase. And my entire relationship with Kennedy has been what Mom went through with both of you.”
Both of his eyebrows rose, and he nodded. “Explain.”
“At first, I pushed for a relationship that she tried to stay out of because she’d been married before. Granted, I didn’t know, but I kept pushing until she was mine. When I found out about Rhys, I thought there was no way that she would end up choosing me, which is why I wanted to step back. I did it for her, but I knew I had to start protecting myself from what I thought was coming, so in a way it was also for me. So that’s Chase, right?”
