Trying Not to Love You
Page 53
I had dropped my towel, and was pulling on my tank top when the door to my room flew open. I yelped in surprise. "What the hell Hunter, get out."
He froze in place, staring at my bare ass. "Hunter!" I yelled again.
Shaking his head, he looked at me and then moved towards me. "Why didn't you lock the door?"
I quickly grabbed my shorts and pulled them on. "I shouldn't have to. Normal people knock first, ass**le."
He reached up, tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear and took a deep breath. I stood completely still, waiting for his next move. "God CC, you're killing me. You need to talk to me, tell me what's going on with us. I know I screwed up and took shit out on you, but we can work it out. Just stop running from me." He started swaying where he stood.
"Hunter, you're drunk. I'm not talking to you about anything. Now get out." I pushed his shoulders back a little, letting him know I was serious but I didn't let go of him for fear he would fall over.
"I'm not drunk." He was slightly slurring his words. He may not be drunk but he was feeling pretty good. "I want you so f**king bad it hurts, CC."
His words were squeezing my heart so tight I felt like I couldn't breathe. I wanted him too, but not like this, not until he knew my secret. "I can't Hunter. It hurts me too, but I just can't do it."
I needed him to wrap me in his arms and tell me everything would be ok, that we would figure things out together. I gripped his shirt where my hands were still on his shoulders and pulled him so we were close but not quite touching. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath; he smelled manly and clean, with a hint of his cologne that I loved so much. His smell settled me. He lifted my chin with his fingers. He was shaking, or maybe that was me.
"CC please, even if it's for tonight. I just need to hold you."
I took a deep breath. I could do this. We didn't need to do anything and I doubt he would even remember come morning. I know this is a bad idea, but I need him too. I'll slip out before he wakes and hope he doesn't remember this.
"Fine, but nothing is happening Hunter. It can't." I let go of him, went to pull down the covers from my bed and crawled in. I heard Hunter wrestling with something behind me. Please let it only be his shoes. I cannot have him cuddled up to me skin to skin. Luck wasn't on my side tonight. When he got in bed, he was in nothing except his boxers.
"Hunter, you need to put your clothes back on. I don't need my parents walking in here, and seeing you practically naked, lying in my bed." My parents wouldn't come in here but he didn't need to know that. I just needed his clothes back on.
"It's fine CC, just lay here with me." Hunter said, with his eyes half closed.
Huffing, I reached under my head, took one of my pillows and shoved it between us; Hunter looked down at the pillow, reached for it and threw it on the floor, then pulled my body so my back was against his chest. "Stop fighting me." He whispered.
His arm snaked around my waist and his hand spread out over my stomach. I tensed. "Stop pushing it." I moved his hand down my body so it rested on my hip. I was self-conscience about my stomach, knowing I was pregnant now.
After a few minutes of complete stillness, I heard Hunter whisper, "I love you," and then a second later he was lightly snoring. I was finally able to relax and fall asleep. I snuggled up to him a little closer, wanting to take advantage of this time.
The next morning, I woke up before Hunter even stirred. As soon as I opened my eyes, I ran to the bathroom to throw up. After that, I went back into my room as quietly as I could, grabbed some clothes and went back into the bathroom to get ready for what could be the worst day of my life.
Mom was leaning against the kitchen island reading the paper and drinking her coffee. I could not see anyone else around, and thankfully, she wasn't cooking anything. "Morning, Mom."
She took off her glasses and set them down on the island. "Morning baby girl, you want something for breakfast?"
I took a deep breath, trying hard not to think of food. "No thanks, I was going to go for a walk. You want to come with me?"
"Oh, um, sure." She finished her coffee, sat the cup in the sink and we left for our walk.
"So," She crossed her arms over her chest. We were walking down the sidewalk towards the park I met Dominic at last night. "You want to tell me what's going on with you and Hunter?"
Here goes nothing I guess. It is probably better to start at the beginning. "Well, it was Mason that we were fighting over; things were pretty tense for a while. We were fighting off and on and I was constantly panicking that at any minute he would tell me he couldn't work things out with me. I kept getting sick, worrying about it all the time. He found out that Dominic came over to the house on Christmas, and was pissed off because I hadn't told him. I told Hailey I needed some space from him, so I took off one night from his house while waiting for Hailey; I guess that pissed him off even more. He didn't talk to me for two weeks after that. A guy from school covered my shift yesterday so I could leave early and come home." We stopped at the stop sign, looked to make sure there were no cars coming then crossed the street. "I ran into Dominic on my way home from work that night, and he asked if we needed a ride home. I guess Hunter came looking for me and when I wasn't there he panicked and called you."
"He told me he had a feeling you were with Dominic. He went to Dominic's dorm room and he wasn't there either but Hunter wasn't sure. Sweetie, I know this isn't any of my business but he really does love you and your brothers. He was torn between you guys."
"I know mom, I just wish things didn't end the way they did. Mason, I think, finally got his head out of his ass about us, but it's a little too late now."
"It's not too late if you don't let it be. I know you love him." Mom said smiling at me.
I started crying, and sat on a bench that we were passing. "Mom, he's going to hate me for what I did. He is going to think I'm trapping him. I don't know how I am going to be able to tell him. I'm so scarred he's going to leave me for good."
She sat down next to me, and hugged me into her side. "Tell me what's going on baby girl."
I took a deep breath. Here goes nothing. I wiped the tears from my eyes and looked her direction, "I'm so sorry mom. I didn't mean for this to happen but I'm pregnant."
Mom blinked a few times, letting the words sink in. Disappointment crossed over her face, and then realization as to what I just said hit her. She didn't say anything for a while; I started shaking from my nerves. Was she upset, mad? I needed her to say something, anything.
He froze in place, staring at my bare ass. "Hunter!" I yelled again.
Shaking his head, he looked at me and then moved towards me. "Why didn't you lock the door?"
I quickly grabbed my shorts and pulled them on. "I shouldn't have to. Normal people knock first, ass**le."
He reached up, tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear and took a deep breath. I stood completely still, waiting for his next move. "God CC, you're killing me. You need to talk to me, tell me what's going on with us. I know I screwed up and took shit out on you, but we can work it out. Just stop running from me." He started swaying where he stood.
"Hunter, you're drunk. I'm not talking to you about anything. Now get out." I pushed his shoulders back a little, letting him know I was serious but I didn't let go of him for fear he would fall over.
"I'm not drunk." He was slightly slurring his words. He may not be drunk but he was feeling pretty good. "I want you so f**king bad it hurts, CC."
His words were squeezing my heart so tight I felt like I couldn't breathe. I wanted him too, but not like this, not until he knew my secret. "I can't Hunter. It hurts me too, but I just can't do it."
I needed him to wrap me in his arms and tell me everything would be ok, that we would figure things out together. I gripped his shirt where my hands were still on his shoulders and pulled him so we were close but not quite touching. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath; he smelled manly and clean, with a hint of his cologne that I loved so much. His smell settled me. He lifted my chin with his fingers. He was shaking, or maybe that was me.
"CC please, even if it's for tonight. I just need to hold you."
I took a deep breath. I could do this. We didn't need to do anything and I doubt he would even remember come morning. I know this is a bad idea, but I need him too. I'll slip out before he wakes and hope he doesn't remember this.
"Fine, but nothing is happening Hunter. It can't." I let go of him, went to pull down the covers from my bed and crawled in. I heard Hunter wrestling with something behind me. Please let it only be his shoes. I cannot have him cuddled up to me skin to skin. Luck wasn't on my side tonight. When he got in bed, he was in nothing except his boxers.
"Hunter, you need to put your clothes back on. I don't need my parents walking in here, and seeing you practically naked, lying in my bed." My parents wouldn't come in here but he didn't need to know that. I just needed his clothes back on.
"It's fine CC, just lay here with me." Hunter said, with his eyes half closed.
Huffing, I reached under my head, took one of my pillows and shoved it between us; Hunter looked down at the pillow, reached for it and threw it on the floor, then pulled my body so my back was against his chest. "Stop fighting me." He whispered.
His arm snaked around my waist and his hand spread out over my stomach. I tensed. "Stop pushing it." I moved his hand down my body so it rested on my hip. I was self-conscience about my stomach, knowing I was pregnant now.
After a few minutes of complete stillness, I heard Hunter whisper, "I love you," and then a second later he was lightly snoring. I was finally able to relax and fall asleep. I snuggled up to him a little closer, wanting to take advantage of this time.
The next morning, I woke up before Hunter even stirred. As soon as I opened my eyes, I ran to the bathroom to throw up. After that, I went back into my room as quietly as I could, grabbed some clothes and went back into the bathroom to get ready for what could be the worst day of my life.
Mom was leaning against the kitchen island reading the paper and drinking her coffee. I could not see anyone else around, and thankfully, she wasn't cooking anything. "Morning, Mom."
She took off her glasses and set them down on the island. "Morning baby girl, you want something for breakfast?"
I took a deep breath, trying hard not to think of food. "No thanks, I was going to go for a walk. You want to come with me?"
"Oh, um, sure." She finished her coffee, sat the cup in the sink and we left for our walk.
"So," She crossed her arms over her chest. We were walking down the sidewalk towards the park I met Dominic at last night. "You want to tell me what's going on with you and Hunter?"
Here goes nothing I guess. It is probably better to start at the beginning. "Well, it was Mason that we were fighting over; things were pretty tense for a while. We were fighting off and on and I was constantly panicking that at any minute he would tell me he couldn't work things out with me. I kept getting sick, worrying about it all the time. He found out that Dominic came over to the house on Christmas, and was pissed off because I hadn't told him. I told Hailey I needed some space from him, so I took off one night from his house while waiting for Hailey; I guess that pissed him off even more. He didn't talk to me for two weeks after that. A guy from school covered my shift yesterday so I could leave early and come home." We stopped at the stop sign, looked to make sure there were no cars coming then crossed the street. "I ran into Dominic on my way home from work that night, and he asked if we needed a ride home. I guess Hunter came looking for me and when I wasn't there he panicked and called you."
"He told me he had a feeling you were with Dominic. He went to Dominic's dorm room and he wasn't there either but Hunter wasn't sure. Sweetie, I know this isn't any of my business but he really does love you and your brothers. He was torn between you guys."
"I know mom, I just wish things didn't end the way they did. Mason, I think, finally got his head out of his ass about us, but it's a little too late now."
"It's not too late if you don't let it be. I know you love him." Mom said smiling at me.
I started crying, and sat on a bench that we were passing. "Mom, he's going to hate me for what I did. He is going to think I'm trapping him. I don't know how I am going to be able to tell him. I'm so scarred he's going to leave me for good."
She sat down next to me, and hugged me into her side. "Tell me what's going on baby girl."
I took a deep breath. Here goes nothing. I wiped the tears from my eyes and looked her direction, "I'm so sorry mom. I didn't mean for this to happen but I'm pregnant."
Mom blinked a few times, letting the words sink in. Disappointment crossed over her face, and then realization as to what I just said hit her. She didn't say anything for a while; I started shaking from my nerves. Was she upset, mad? I needed her to say something, anything.
