Unbeautiful
Page 37
“Oh. Okay. Yeah, go.” I stuff my hands into my back pockets, trying not to get too upset, but it kind of feels like he’s blowing me off. I back across the grass toward the main building of the apartment complex. “I’ll go tell the landlord what’s up. See you later, maybe?” I start to turn around, but he catches me by the arm, stopping me.
His fingers unfold from my arm. “I’ll see you in a few hours,” his hands glide through the air. “We have class, remember?” He smiles, but it’s fake.
So fake.
Like all the smiles I have ever known.
“You don’t have to take me if you don’t want to,” I say, hugging my arms around myself as I stare at the grass. See, this is what you get for being so open. No one wants to hear your secrets, Emery. “I mean, I get it. A crazy neighbor girl bringing drama into your life is probably the last thing you want.”
“I want to drive you to class, Emery,” he presses, dipping his head to meet my gaze. “I swear. I’m only leaving right now because of work.”
“Okay.” I try to shake off my insecurities the best I can. “Sorry. I just wasn’t sure if I was annoying you or something.”
His chuckles. “No, you’re not annoying me at all. If anything, you’re doing the exact opposite.” He stuffs the phone into his back pocket. “See you in a bit.” He steps back to leave, but then changes his mind and moves forward instead. The movement is jolting and makes him appear like he’s dancing.
A giggle slips from my lips, and he smiles genuinely as he regains his footing.
“Sorry,” he signs, coming at me. Without warning, he kisses me. The kiss is way briefer than the others we’ve shared, just a caress of a butterfly wings on my lips.
As quick as the kiss began, Ryler is hurrying off, flying toward the carport.
He passes car after car, striding across the parking lot and out the entrance of the complex. I’m starting to wonder if he takes the bus to work when he makes a sharp veer to the right on the sidewalk and rushes up to a black BMW parked at the end of the street. He pauses as he reaches the back of the car and begins to turn around.
I quickly duck out if sight. I’m not even sure why, other than I’m worried about Ryler and who is behind the wheel of that car. I’m worried because that car looks exactly like my mother’s.
What if Ryler is an Evie?
Evie was my friend for most of middle school, until the day she got mad at me over a guy and outed that she had only been my friend because my parents had forced her to be. I confronted my mother, who denied it. But then I overheard her talking to Evie’s mother about it. They had done it so Evie could report everything I did.
What if Ryler is another Evie? What if my mother hired him to keep an eye on me while I try my new life in Laramie?
My stomach drops.
With as many secrets as I have, I’m starting to wonder if Ryler might have more.
Chapter 10
Thou Shall Break
Emery
After I report the window to the landlord, I return to my apartment. The window won’t be fixed for a couple of days, so I rip off the top of a box and replace the plastic with it. Then I vacuum up the glass and spend the next couple of hours writing in my notebook to distract myself from thoughts of Ryler possibly being somewhere with my mother.
What I saw that night,
when I snuck out of the house,
was nothing except wicked.
But the wicked wasn’t the people living in the Shadows.
The wicked was the people made of gold.
See, in Ralingford the rich have secrets.
And the poor suffer because of them.
They suffer greatly in the streets and in their homes.
I suffered right along with them.
My world was ripped right out from under my feet.
The grass and dirt crumbled.
Collapsed.
I had two choices.
Fall blindly into the hole.
Or run away from it.
Even though I knew it would be hard,
I chose to run.
I knew I’d be tested,
knew I’d be chased.
I knew I’d be broken.
Knew I would pay.
But, as long as I was determined,
as long as I fought,
I knew I’d make it.
Knew I’d survive my torture.
Little did I know that even after I escaped,
I’d still be running from the men.
That they’d break me into silence.
Break me
into
the girl
they wanted.
And they did,
For months...
And over those months,
I learned the truth.
All that time, I listened to the rumors
of my brother dancing with the devil.
All that time, I spent believing
that it couldn’t be true.
When all that time,
the devil was living
under my roof.
He was part of me.
Under my skin.
In my veins.
All that time.
All that time.
All that time.
All that time.
And then I let that side out.
Let my devil side briefly win.
I used my hands to take a life.
A life that will never be given back again.
I didn’t mean to do it.
I thought I had to in order to survive.
And maybe I did.
Or maybe I just tell myself that to sleep better at night.
“All that time you knew nothing, Emery, just like you know nothing now,” Ellis’s voice floats over my shoulder. “Because you’re not asking questions.”
His fingers unfold from my arm. “I’ll see you in a few hours,” his hands glide through the air. “We have class, remember?” He smiles, but it’s fake.
So fake.
Like all the smiles I have ever known.
“You don’t have to take me if you don’t want to,” I say, hugging my arms around myself as I stare at the grass. See, this is what you get for being so open. No one wants to hear your secrets, Emery. “I mean, I get it. A crazy neighbor girl bringing drama into your life is probably the last thing you want.”
“I want to drive you to class, Emery,” he presses, dipping his head to meet my gaze. “I swear. I’m only leaving right now because of work.”
“Okay.” I try to shake off my insecurities the best I can. “Sorry. I just wasn’t sure if I was annoying you or something.”
His chuckles. “No, you’re not annoying me at all. If anything, you’re doing the exact opposite.” He stuffs the phone into his back pocket. “See you in a bit.” He steps back to leave, but then changes his mind and moves forward instead. The movement is jolting and makes him appear like he’s dancing.
A giggle slips from my lips, and he smiles genuinely as he regains his footing.
“Sorry,” he signs, coming at me. Without warning, he kisses me. The kiss is way briefer than the others we’ve shared, just a caress of a butterfly wings on my lips.
As quick as the kiss began, Ryler is hurrying off, flying toward the carport.
He passes car after car, striding across the parking lot and out the entrance of the complex. I’m starting to wonder if he takes the bus to work when he makes a sharp veer to the right on the sidewalk and rushes up to a black BMW parked at the end of the street. He pauses as he reaches the back of the car and begins to turn around.
I quickly duck out if sight. I’m not even sure why, other than I’m worried about Ryler and who is behind the wheel of that car. I’m worried because that car looks exactly like my mother’s.
What if Ryler is an Evie?
Evie was my friend for most of middle school, until the day she got mad at me over a guy and outed that she had only been my friend because my parents had forced her to be. I confronted my mother, who denied it. But then I overheard her talking to Evie’s mother about it. They had done it so Evie could report everything I did.
What if Ryler is another Evie? What if my mother hired him to keep an eye on me while I try my new life in Laramie?
My stomach drops.
With as many secrets as I have, I’m starting to wonder if Ryler might have more.
Chapter 10
Thou Shall Break
Emery
After I report the window to the landlord, I return to my apartment. The window won’t be fixed for a couple of days, so I rip off the top of a box and replace the plastic with it. Then I vacuum up the glass and spend the next couple of hours writing in my notebook to distract myself from thoughts of Ryler possibly being somewhere with my mother.
What I saw that night,
when I snuck out of the house,
was nothing except wicked.
But the wicked wasn’t the people living in the Shadows.
The wicked was the people made of gold.
See, in Ralingford the rich have secrets.
And the poor suffer because of them.
They suffer greatly in the streets and in their homes.
I suffered right along with them.
My world was ripped right out from under my feet.
The grass and dirt crumbled.
Collapsed.
I had two choices.
Fall blindly into the hole.
Or run away from it.
Even though I knew it would be hard,
I chose to run.
I knew I’d be tested,
knew I’d be chased.
I knew I’d be broken.
Knew I would pay.
But, as long as I was determined,
as long as I fought,
I knew I’d make it.
Knew I’d survive my torture.
Little did I know that even after I escaped,
I’d still be running from the men.
That they’d break me into silence.
Break me
into
the girl
they wanted.
And they did,
For months...
And over those months,
I learned the truth.
All that time, I listened to the rumors
of my brother dancing with the devil.
All that time, I spent believing
that it couldn’t be true.
When all that time,
the devil was living
under my roof.
He was part of me.
Under my skin.
In my veins.
All that time.
All that time.
All that time.
All that time.
And then I let that side out.
Let my devil side briefly win.
I used my hands to take a life.
A life that will never be given back again.
I didn’t mean to do it.
I thought I had to in order to survive.
And maybe I did.
Or maybe I just tell myself that to sleep better at night.
“All that time you knew nothing, Emery, just like you know nothing now,” Ellis’s voice floats over my shoulder. “Because you’re not asking questions.”
