Unbeautiful
Page 38
I gasp as I chuck the pen at the door as the shadow of him fades away.
“That’s it.” I get up from my bed, snatch the phone from my dresser, and slam my fingertip against my mother’s number. “You want me to ask questions. Fine, I’ll ask them.”
As much as I know I’ll probably regret the call, I need to talk to Ellis, need to make sure he’s okay. Need to see if maybe he has answers. Unfortunately, he doesn’t have a phone of his own anymore, not that I know of in any case, which leaves only one option.
My mother answers after three rings. “I was expecting your call.”
“How?” I sink down on the bed. “I wasn’t planning on calling you until about three seconds ago.”
“You should have called me sooner,” she snaps. Rustling rises in the background and then banging. I wonder where she is but don’t ask, knowing she won’t be truthful. “But you’re forgiven.”
“Okay...?” What the heck is going on? “I just called to talk to... Ellis. That’s all.”
The silence between us feels like it drags on for an eternity.
“That’s all?” Her voice is clipped. “You just called to talk to Ellis?”
I bite on my thumbnail as I gaze out the window. Clouds have rolled in, and the sky is dark with an impending storm. “I’m just worried about him. I wanted to make sure he’s okay. I thought I could talk to him and see for myself.”
Her breathing sounds ragged through the line.
“Mom, is there something wrong with Ellis? Is everything okay there?”
“Of course everything’s okay here,” she says coldly. “The question is, is everything okay there?”
“Yeah, everything’s great.” My muscles wind into tight, suffocating knots.
“Emery, I’m going to ask this only once. Have you been taking your medication?”
I glance at the single pink pill on the nightstand. “Of course.”
“Are you positive?”
“Yes.”
“Emery, if you’re lying—if you haven’t taken those pills—your father is going to come there and drag you home.”
I recollect Ryler getting into a BMW I thought might be her car. Crap, what if they’re together right now? “Are you sure you’re not here to do that right now?”
“What are you talking about?” She sounds genuinely baffled, but my mother is equally as good at lying as me, if not better.
I trace circles on my comforter as I summon up the strength to ask, “I thought I saw your car at my apartment earlier today…? Were you... here?
“Why on earth would I be hanging around your filthy apartment?” she asks with repulsion.
“I don’t know… to spy on me.”
She sharply inhales. “Emery, are you even listening to yourself? You sound insane.”
“You’ve spied on me before. When I first started dating Evan.”
“No, we told you time and time again that never happened.”
“Yes, it did.” I seethe, balling my hands into fists. “I saw your car following us every time we went out together.”
“Emery, you have got to stop this paranoid behavior.” Silence fills the line. “You stopped taking your pills, didn’t you?”
“No, I haven’t. I take them every day like I’m supposed to.” I sit up on the bed and force myself to stay focused on the reason I called. “Look, Mom, I didn’t call to talk about me. I called to talk to Ellis.”
“This is unbelievable.” She laughs haughtily. “You know what? I’m done talking to you.” She hangs up.
I gape at the phone. She hung up on me? All because I wanted to talk to my brother? Thrumming my fingers on my knee, I replay our conversation in my head. She was angry with me because I wanted to talk to my brother. I know he’s being punished, but her anger makes me question what’s being done to him.
She was so persistent about the pills, too, more than usual.
The pills. I almost forgot.
I collect my laptop from the foot of my bed and open the discussion board again to check my post.
Still nothing.
I retype my post to convey the urgency.
Unbeautiful: Please, this is really important. I need to know what pill this is. Someone I know has been forcing me to take them, and I’m starting to worry.
About a half an hour later, there’s still no response. It’s nearing three o’clock. Class will be starting shortly. Ryler should be showing up here any minute.
I shut my computer down, gather my books, and shove them in a bag. Then I wait in the living room for Ryler to arrive while I figure out what to say to him. Do I just flat out ask him about the car he got into?
I never get the chance, because Ryler never shows up. I end up having to walk to school on my own.
Swinging the handle of my bag over my shoulder, I step outside the apartment. My shoulders feel weighted, like they did every day in Ralingford. The stress is starting to take a toll on me. If I’m not careful, I’ll have another panic attack and blackout.
You can do this, Emery.
You are strong.
You were strong enough to escape Ralingford.
As I turn around to lock my door up, I realize the possibility of keeping it together seems dimmer. Stuck to my door with a knife is a piece of paper.
Thou shall break.
A rule of our community.
And it’s written in my father’s handwriting.
“That’s it.” I get up from my bed, snatch the phone from my dresser, and slam my fingertip against my mother’s number. “You want me to ask questions. Fine, I’ll ask them.”
As much as I know I’ll probably regret the call, I need to talk to Ellis, need to make sure he’s okay. Need to see if maybe he has answers. Unfortunately, he doesn’t have a phone of his own anymore, not that I know of in any case, which leaves only one option.
My mother answers after three rings. “I was expecting your call.”
“How?” I sink down on the bed. “I wasn’t planning on calling you until about three seconds ago.”
“You should have called me sooner,” she snaps. Rustling rises in the background and then banging. I wonder where she is but don’t ask, knowing she won’t be truthful. “But you’re forgiven.”
“Okay...?” What the heck is going on? “I just called to talk to... Ellis. That’s all.”
The silence between us feels like it drags on for an eternity.
“That’s all?” Her voice is clipped. “You just called to talk to Ellis?”
I bite on my thumbnail as I gaze out the window. Clouds have rolled in, and the sky is dark with an impending storm. “I’m just worried about him. I wanted to make sure he’s okay. I thought I could talk to him and see for myself.”
Her breathing sounds ragged through the line.
“Mom, is there something wrong with Ellis? Is everything okay there?”
“Of course everything’s okay here,” she says coldly. “The question is, is everything okay there?”
“Yeah, everything’s great.” My muscles wind into tight, suffocating knots.
“Emery, I’m going to ask this only once. Have you been taking your medication?”
I glance at the single pink pill on the nightstand. “Of course.”
“Are you positive?”
“Yes.”
“Emery, if you’re lying—if you haven’t taken those pills—your father is going to come there and drag you home.”
I recollect Ryler getting into a BMW I thought might be her car. Crap, what if they’re together right now? “Are you sure you’re not here to do that right now?”
“What are you talking about?” She sounds genuinely baffled, but my mother is equally as good at lying as me, if not better.
I trace circles on my comforter as I summon up the strength to ask, “I thought I saw your car at my apartment earlier today…? Were you... here?
“Why on earth would I be hanging around your filthy apartment?” she asks with repulsion.
“I don’t know… to spy on me.”
She sharply inhales. “Emery, are you even listening to yourself? You sound insane.”
“You’ve spied on me before. When I first started dating Evan.”
“No, we told you time and time again that never happened.”
“Yes, it did.” I seethe, balling my hands into fists. “I saw your car following us every time we went out together.”
“Emery, you have got to stop this paranoid behavior.” Silence fills the line. “You stopped taking your pills, didn’t you?”
“No, I haven’t. I take them every day like I’m supposed to.” I sit up on the bed and force myself to stay focused on the reason I called. “Look, Mom, I didn’t call to talk about me. I called to talk to Ellis.”
“This is unbelievable.” She laughs haughtily. “You know what? I’m done talking to you.” She hangs up.
I gape at the phone. She hung up on me? All because I wanted to talk to my brother? Thrumming my fingers on my knee, I replay our conversation in my head. She was angry with me because I wanted to talk to my brother. I know he’s being punished, but her anger makes me question what’s being done to him.
She was so persistent about the pills, too, more than usual.
The pills. I almost forgot.
I collect my laptop from the foot of my bed and open the discussion board again to check my post.
Still nothing.
I retype my post to convey the urgency.
Unbeautiful: Please, this is really important. I need to know what pill this is. Someone I know has been forcing me to take them, and I’m starting to worry.
About a half an hour later, there’s still no response. It’s nearing three o’clock. Class will be starting shortly. Ryler should be showing up here any minute.
I shut my computer down, gather my books, and shove them in a bag. Then I wait in the living room for Ryler to arrive while I figure out what to say to him. Do I just flat out ask him about the car he got into?
I never get the chance, because Ryler never shows up. I end up having to walk to school on my own.
Swinging the handle of my bag over my shoulder, I step outside the apartment. My shoulders feel weighted, like they did every day in Ralingford. The stress is starting to take a toll on me. If I’m not careful, I’ll have another panic attack and blackout.
You can do this, Emery.
You are strong.
You were strong enough to escape Ralingford.
As I turn around to lock my door up, I realize the possibility of keeping it together seems dimmer. Stuck to my door with a knife is a piece of paper.
Thou shall break.
A rule of our community.
And it’s written in my father’s handwriting.
