Uncivilized
Page 76
I notice Zach’s eyes fly to me at that last statement and narrow over my choice of wording. I wince internally because while I know that Zach is far more than just a test subject in a project, I’m sure it didn’t feel nice to hear me say that about him just now.
Zach watches me a moment and then a hard look filters in. My guilt increases. I open my mouth to try to sugarcoat what I just said, but Zach pushes his plate away and turns to Randall.
“Randall… you need to know that Moira and I are involved in a relationship. So while she’s still helping me to adjust,” and here he looks back over to me with a pointed look, “and she’s certainly studying my ability to acclimate, we are a little bit more than just a scientist and a test subject.”
I gasp that Zach would tell our secret in such a blatant fashion. My face flushes red with embarrassment, even as I totally feel that Zach was justified in calling me out on the scientist/test subject misnomer.
My head turns slowly toward Randall, and he’s looking at Zach in surprise. “Oh, well… I see.”
“Actually, you probably don’t,” Zach says in a soft voice. “But what you need to know is that I pursued Moira. I seduced her, and she fought me hard. She was so worried about breaching professional ethics that she wouldn’t even entertain the notion of having a relationship with me.”
Randall’s head swivels to look at me briefly, and then back to Zach. A huge smile breaks out on his face. “Pursued her, did you? Wore her down?”
“Yes, sir. I wanted her and wasn’t going to let up until she submitted,” Zach says as he shoots me a devious grin, and only Zach and I truly know what he means by “submission.”
“Randall… I’m so sorry,” I tell him. “I totally breached your trust. I have no excuse.”
Giving me an amused smile, Randall says, “Well, the way Zach tells it, you had no choice in the matter.”
I stand from the table and place my fingertips on the edge to help balance myself because I feel I might be on the edge of a panic attack. “But see… I did. I did have a choice, and I chose to give in to my feelings for Zach. It was wrong, and I have no business even staying here another moment. You can get someone else to take over for me, and I’ll share all of my notes so far. There are plenty of qualified people that can continue to help Zach.”
Turning from the table, I leave the dining room even as Zach calls out to me, “Moira… wait.”
I can hear the scraping of his chair against the polished hardwood floor and I speed up my pace, reaching the staircase and jogging up it. I expect Zach to be in hot pursuit, and I need to reach my room to lock both doors before he shows up.
Once I’m secured inside, I look around almost blindly, trying to figure out what to do. It was the right thing to do… to resign. I can’t, in good conscience, continue on and, frankly, I should have quit the very first time that Zach f**ked me.
But I was selfish.
So selfish.
I didn’t want to give Zach up. Not for the scientific opportunity, but I didn’t want to give him up because I selfishly wanted him and wanted as much time with him as possible. And to do that, I had to prey on Randall’s trust in my abilities and his generosity.
A soft knock sounds on the door, and I hear Randall’s voice filter through softly. “Moira… I’d like to talk to you a moment.”
Oh, shit. Shit, shit, shit. I don’t want to face this.
With leaden feet, I walk to the door and unlock it. When I swing it open, Randall is standing there with a kind smile on his face. “Can I come in?”
I nod and stand aside so he can enter, shutting the door behind him.
“You’re absolutely right,” Randall says as I turn to face him. “There are other people qualified. In fact, some are way more qualified than you are. I interviewed two other anthropologists that had dual Ph.D.s in psychology in addition to their Ph.Ds in anthropology. They certainly would have been far better choices than you to deal with any psychological stressors that Zach would be experiencing.”
I nod in understanding. “I agree. I’m sure one of them would be more than happy to step in. This is a golden opportunity.”
“Yes, it is,” Randall concurs. “But I don’t care about the opportunity for their benefit, or yours for that matter. What I care about is the opportunity for Zach.”
My eyes lower to the floor in shame, that I’ve ruined this for Zach.
“And I believe you are the best person to make the most of this opportunity for him,” Randall concludes.
My eyes rise to his in confusion. “I don’t understand.”
“I chose you very specifically, Dr. Reed. Do you think I was just sending someone in to Caraica blindly, hoping for the best? No, I knew everything about the Caraican tribe before I even started looking at anthropological help. I spent a great deal of time with Father Gaul and other scientists that had studied indigenous tribes, learning about Caraican society and their customs and norms. I needed to understand what Zach was truly facing before he came out of the jungle. And once I was able to grasp what I was facing, then I started my search for the perfect person to bring him out.”
I’m stunned silent but even if I had the power of speech, I have no clue what to say.
“You were the person, Moira. The best person for Zach.”
Understanding starts to dawn on me. “Because I was a woman?”
“Because you are a beautiful, strong, and independent woman, and you’re close to his age. You’re young and idealistic, so you could show him the world with fresh eyes. You are the antithesis to what Zach is accustomed to. I think you are the best representation of what opportunity looks like in this world. You’re also no-nonsense and dedicated. You have a kind touch and a soft voice, and I knew Zach would be like a wounded animal some of the time. You were my first choice then, and you’re my only choice now, so I am not accepting your resignation.”
Zach watches me a moment and then a hard look filters in. My guilt increases. I open my mouth to try to sugarcoat what I just said, but Zach pushes his plate away and turns to Randall.
“Randall… you need to know that Moira and I are involved in a relationship. So while she’s still helping me to adjust,” and here he looks back over to me with a pointed look, “and she’s certainly studying my ability to acclimate, we are a little bit more than just a scientist and a test subject.”
I gasp that Zach would tell our secret in such a blatant fashion. My face flushes red with embarrassment, even as I totally feel that Zach was justified in calling me out on the scientist/test subject misnomer.
My head turns slowly toward Randall, and he’s looking at Zach in surprise. “Oh, well… I see.”
“Actually, you probably don’t,” Zach says in a soft voice. “But what you need to know is that I pursued Moira. I seduced her, and she fought me hard. She was so worried about breaching professional ethics that she wouldn’t even entertain the notion of having a relationship with me.”
Randall’s head swivels to look at me briefly, and then back to Zach. A huge smile breaks out on his face. “Pursued her, did you? Wore her down?”
“Yes, sir. I wanted her and wasn’t going to let up until she submitted,” Zach says as he shoots me a devious grin, and only Zach and I truly know what he means by “submission.”
“Randall… I’m so sorry,” I tell him. “I totally breached your trust. I have no excuse.”
Giving me an amused smile, Randall says, “Well, the way Zach tells it, you had no choice in the matter.”
I stand from the table and place my fingertips on the edge to help balance myself because I feel I might be on the edge of a panic attack. “But see… I did. I did have a choice, and I chose to give in to my feelings for Zach. It was wrong, and I have no business even staying here another moment. You can get someone else to take over for me, and I’ll share all of my notes so far. There are plenty of qualified people that can continue to help Zach.”
Turning from the table, I leave the dining room even as Zach calls out to me, “Moira… wait.”
I can hear the scraping of his chair against the polished hardwood floor and I speed up my pace, reaching the staircase and jogging up it. I expect Zach to be in hot pursuit, and I need to reach my room to lock both doors before he shows up.
Once I’m secured inside, I look around almost blindly, trying to figure out what to do. It was the right thing to do… to resign. I can’t, in good conscience, continue on and, frankly, I should have quit the very first time that Zach f**ked me.
But I was selfish.
So selfish.
I didn’t want to give Zach up. Not for the scientific opportunity, but I didn’t want to give him up because I selfishly wanted him and wanted as much time with him as possible. And to do that, I had to prey on Randall’s trust in my abilities and his generosity.
A soft knock sounds on the door, and I hear Randall’s voice filter through softly. “Moira… I’d like to talk to you a moment.”
Oh, shit. Shit, shit, shit. I don’t want to face this.
With leaden feet, I walk to the door and unlock it. When I swing it open, Randall is standing there with a kind smile on his face. “Can I come in?”
I nod and stand aside so he can enter, shutting the door behind him.
“You’re absolutely right,” Randall says as I turn to face him. “There are other people qualified. In fact, some are way more qualified than you are. I interviewed two other anthropologists that had dual Ph.D.s in psychology in addition to their Ph.Ds in anthropology. They certainly would have been far better choices than you to deal with any psychological stressors that Zach would be experiencing.”
I nod in understanding. “I agree. I’m sure one of them would be more than happy to step in. This is a golden opportunity.”
“Yes, it is,” Randall concurs. “But I don’t care about the opportunity for their benefit, or yours for that matter. What I care about is the opportunity for Zach.”
My eyes lower to the floor in shame, that I’ve ruined this for Zach.
“And I believe you are the best person to make the most of this opportunity for him,” Randall concludes.
My eyes rise to his in confusion. “I don’t understand.”
“I chose you very specifically, Dr. Reed. Do you think I was just sending someone in to Caraica blindly, hoping for the best? No, I knew everything about the Caraican tribe before I even started looking at anthropological help. I spent a great deal of time with Father Gaul and other scientists that had studied indigenous tribes, learning about Caraican society and their customs and norms. I needed to understand what Zach was truly facing before he came out of the jungle. And once I was able to grasp what I was facing, then I started my search for the perfect person to bring him out.”
I’m stunned silent but even if I had the power of speech, I have no clue what to say.
“You were the person, Moira. The best person for Zach.”
Understanding starts to dawn on me. “Because I was a woman?”
“Because you are a beautiful, strong, and independent woman, and you’re close to his age. You’re young and idealistic, so you could show him the world with fresh eyes. You are the antithesis to what Zach is accustomed to. I think you are the best representation of what opportunity looks like in this world. You’re also no-nonsense and dedicated. You have a kind touch and a soft voice, and I knew Zach would be like a wounded animal some of the time. You were my first choice then, and you’re my only choice now, so I am not accepting your resignation.”
