Uninhibited
Page 61
“But I told you about him. The first night we met.”
Dex shakes his head. “This is different. Knowing it’s him, knowing how you think about him.” He clenches his jaw, “I told you, I wanted to smash that guy’s face in, whoever hurt you like that.”
“It’s not his fault!” I exclaim quickly. “Hunter never knew, not for a minute. Dex, you can’t, please, promise me you won’t say anything.”
He stares at me. “That’s what you care about right now?”
“No, I just…” I scramble to think straight. “It’s over now. It’s done. I just want to put it behind me. Please, Dex, listen to me.”
“How can it be over?” He demands, looking agonized. “I saw your face, watching him. Tell me you weren’t standing right next to me, imagining yourself up there with him. Wishing you were the one saying ‘I do.’”
I catch my breath. He’s right, I was—only for a moment. But my hesitation is a heartbeat too long.
Hurt slams across Dex’s face. “You were, weren’t you?” He reels back. “You’re still in love with him.”
“No!” I cry, needing him to understand. “It’s over. You’re right, I saw him up there, and a part of me wished I was the one, but then I realized, he doesn’t belong to me. I don’t know him, not like I know you—”
I reach for Dex, but he shakes me off. “I should have known a girl like you would never want me,” he growls, his face shadowed with self-loathing. “I thought, maybe, after everything…But he’s what you want, isn’t he? Mr. Cowboy, all clean-cut and perfect, not some wretched fuck-up like me.”
“Don’t say that,” I protest. “You’re not like that—and neither is he.”
“Listen to yourself!” Dex cuts me off. “You’re defending him!”
“Because he’s my friend,” I try to explain.
“So what am I?” Dex demands harshly. “Just the walking disaster you screwed to get him off your mind? Or maybe you wanted to show him what he’s missing out on, fuck the rock star, the famous guy, yeah, that’ll teach him a lesson.”
The bitterness in his tone slices right through me. “Is that really what you think of me?” I whisper, my heart aching. “Dex, you know that’s not true.”
“I don’t know what to think anymore,” he shoots back at me. Betrayal is etched deep in his face, those dark eyes that can undo me with a single glance now full of anger. “This was real to me. You. Us, together. I had myself believing you felt the same.”
“But I do,” I whisper.
He shakes his head. “Not like this. You don’t even know.” Dex takes a ragged breath. "Dammit, Alicia, I’m in love with you!”
I stare back in shock.
“How do you not realize?” he demands, anguished. “From the moment we met, it’s only been you. I’m so fucking out of my mind, I can’t see straight. You consume me, every part of me, and knowing that he’s the one you want, the one you picture yourself with—” He cuts off, eyes blazing with regret. “Fuck, what the hell am I doing?”
Dex releases me, turning away. I stumble back, reeling.
He loves me?
“Dex…” I stammer, trying to think straight. This is all too much, suddenly falling apart right in front of me. I never realized, I didn’t see. “It’s over with Hunter, I promise you.”
“How can it be over when it was never even real?” Dex demands. “You know, I didn’t understand how you could give all of yourself to this, this figment! But I’ve done exactly the same thing, haven’t I? I built you up—built us up—into something that was never there. I shared everything, but was only ever about the sex to you, wasn’t it?”
“No!” I protest. “It’s not true!”
But he's not listening. Dex advances, the dark glitter in his eyes turning deadly. “That’s something, I guess. One honest thing about this whole mess. Because you can’t pretend you don't feel something, can you, baby? Your body doesn’t lie.”
Dex takes my face in his hands, pushing me back until I’m up against the wall. His expression blazes with fierce anger and passion, his body crushing against me.
“Dex,” I try to argue, but he trails his thumb over my cheek, whispering hotly in my ear.
“Do you think about him when I’m touching you?” he demands, running his hands down my body, clutching me hard and tight. I shiver, his touch burning through my skin. “When I’m kissing you, do you see his face? When I’m inside you? When I’m making you scream?”
Dex’s eyes flash with fury, and then his lips crash down on mine.
30.
DEX
I can’t lose her.
I kiss Alicia hard, like I can brand her with my passion. Like if I can make her want me, this will all go away. The hurt and betrayal, the whispers of doubt.
She’ll never really love you. You don’t deserve a girl like her.
I wanted her to be my everything. From the moment I saw her, I knew she could save me from the darkness. My angel, full of sweetness and passion and wild, reckless hope. Every moment we’ve spent together has been a miracle, discovering her, knowing her.
Loving her.
But it was all a lie. I’d fooled myself into thinking it could be different now—that I could be the better man she needs. But one look in her eyes, watching that golden boy say his vows, and I knew.
Dex shakes his head. “This is different. Knowing it’s him, knowing how you think about him.” He clenches his jaw, “I told you, I wanted to smash that guy’s face in, whoever hurt you like that.”
“It’s not his fault!” I exclaim quickly. “Hunter never knew, not for a minute. Dex, you can’t, please, promise me you won’t say anything.”
He stares at me. “That’s what you care about right now?”
“No, I just…” I scramble to think straight. “It’s over now. It’s done. I just want to put it behind me. Please, Dex, listen to me.”
“How can it be over?” He demands, looking agonized. “I saw your face, watching him. Tell me you weren’t standing right next to me, imagining yourself up there with him. Wishing you were the one saying ‘I do.’”
I catch my breath. He’s right, I was—only for a moment. But my hesitation is a heartbeat too long.
Hurt slams across Dex’s face. “You were, weren’t you?” He reels back. “You’re still in love with him.”
“No!” I cry, needing him to understand. “It’s over. You’re right, I saw him up there, and a part of me wished I was the one, but then I realized, he doesn’t belong to me. I don’t know him, not like I know you—”
I reach for Dex, but he shakes me off. “I should have known a girl like you would never want me,” he growls, his face shadowed with self-loathing. “I thought, maybe, after everything…But he’s what you want, isn’t he? Mr. Cowboy, all clean-cut and perfect, not some wretched fuck-up like me.”
“Don’t say that,” I protest. “You’re not like that—and neither is he.”
“Listen to yourself!” Dex cuts me off. “You’re defending him!”
“Because he’s my friend,” I try to explain.
“So what am I?” Dex demands harshly. “Just the walking disaster you screwed to get him off your mind? Or maybe you wanted to show him what he’s missing out on, fuck the rock star, the famous guy, yeah, that’ll teach him a lesson.”
The bitterness in his tone slices right through me. “Is that really what you think of me?” I whisper, my heart aching. “Dex, you know that’s not true.”
“I don’t know what to think anymore,” he shoots back at me. Betrayal is etched deep in his face, those dark eyes that can undo me with a single glance now full of anger. “This was real to me. You. Us, together. I had myself believing you felt the same.”
“But I do,” I whisper.
He shakes his head. “Not like this. You don’t even know.” Dex takes a ragged breath. "Dammit, Alicia, I’m in love with you!”
I stare back in shock.
“How do you not realize?” he demands, anguished. “From the moment we met, it’s only been you. I’m so fucking out of my mind, I can’t see straight. You consume me, every part of me, and knowing that he’s the one you want, the one you picture yourself with—” He cuts off, eyes blazing with regret. “Fuck, what the hell am I doing?”
Dex releases me, turning away. I stumble back, reeling.
He loves me?
“Dex…” I stammer, trying to think straight. This is all too much, suddenly falling apart right in front of me. I never realized, I didn’t see. “It’s over with Hunter, I promise you.”
“How can it be over when it was never even real?” Dex demands. “You know, I didn’t understand how you could give all of yourself to this, this figment! But I’ve done exactly the same thing, haven’t I? I built you up—built us up—into something that was never there. I shared everything, but was only ever about the sex to you, wasn’t it?”
“No!” I protest. “It’s not true!”
But he's not listening. Dex advances, the dark glitter in his eyes turning deadly. “That’s something, I guess. One honest thing about this whole mess. Because you can’t pretend you don't feel something, can you, baby? Your body doesn’t lie.”
Dex takes my face in his hands, pushing me back until I’m up against the wall. His expression blazes with fierce anger and passion, his body crushing against me.
“Dex,” I try to argue, but he trails his thumb over my cheek, whispering hotly in my ear.
“Do you think about him when I’m touching you?” he demands, running his hands down my body, clutching me hard and tight. I shiver, his touch burning through my skin. “When I’m kissing you, do you see his face? When I’m inside you? When I’m making you scream?”
Dex’s eyes flash with fury, and then his lips crash down on mine.
30.
DEX
I can’t lose her.
I kiss Alicia hard, like I can brand her with my passion. Like if I can make her want me, this will all go away. The hurt and betrayal, the whispers of doubt.
She’ll never really love you. You don’t deserve a girl like her.
I wanted her to be my everything. From the moment I saw her, I knew she could save me from the darkness. My angel, full of sweetness and passion and wild, reckless hope. Every moment we’ve spent together has been a miracle, discovering her, knowing her.
Loving her.
But it was all a lie. I’d fooled myself into thinking it could be different now—that I could be the better man she needs. But one look in her eyes, watching that golden boy say his vows, and I knew.
