Unsuitable
Page 95
He nods slowly. Something in his eyes makes my stomach shift.
Did he…
Surely not.
“Jason committed suicide,” I continue, watching him with hawk-like eyes. “He slit his wrists. He also left a note—a confession—clearing my name.”
His eyes move back to the wall. He nods. “I’m glad the truth finally came out.”
I bite my lip, fighting against the words that I’m burning to ask him.
The fight doesn’t last long.
“Was this you, Kas? Did you force Jason to write that letter and then…kill him, making it look like suicide?”
He exhales a sad-sounding breath. Then, his eyes move slowly back to mine. “There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to protect you.”
I suck in a breath. Tears fill my eyes. “Thank you,” I whisper.
Who is this man? I don’t know what I did to deserve him, but I’m glad I found him—or, as the case is, that he found me.
I can’t even bring myself to feel any sadness or remorse for Jason. He put me in prison and then sold me out to his brother. He had to have known what Damien was going to do to me.
Blowing out a breath, I press the back of my hand to my eyes, drying away the tears. “And thank you for what you said to Anne about me.”
His eyes flash with confusion.
“You spoke to her on the telephone before this all happened.”
“I only spoke the truth.”
“Regardless, it helped a lot.”
He shifts on his feet. “So, things are looking good for Jesse coming home?”
“Yes.” I smile. “Even with…what happened. The fact that I’m”—I stall on the word—“innocent of the crime I was put in prison for and that my name is in the process of officially being cleared, I guess it holds a lot of clout with Social Services.” I bind my hands together in front of me. “They no longer see me as a risk to Jesse…even though what happened…happened. Because Damien and Jason are dead, I guess they see it as being over. I think.”
“It is over,” his words are spoken softly.
But, for some reason, they hurt.
Almost like he’s saying we are over…
“Nothing that happened that day was your fault, Daisy. You saved us…you saved me. So, don’t ever blame yourself for what happened. Don’t hold on to it because it will eat you up.” He sounds like he’s speaking from experience.
I guess he is.
“Damien was always going to die. You just beat me to it.” The corner of his lip tips up into a half-smile, making me smile.
Then, it drops when I remember the reason I’m smiling.
I killed a man. Just like Kas has.
I guess we have more in common now than we ever did before.
Mirroring him, I wrap my arms over my chest. “How did you know that Damien was here that day?” I ask him the question that’s been plaguing me for a while now.
“I didn’t. It was just lucky timing.”
“So, why were you here?”
“To see you.”
“Why?”
He sighs. “Because being without you just didn’t feel like an option.”
My heart constricts at his words. But something tells me there’s a but in those words.
“And now?” I ask quietly.
He blows out a breath, pushing his hands into his pockets, his eyes making friends with the carpet. “And, now…it still doesn’t feel like an option, but…”
And there it is.
I tighten my arms around my suddenly cold chest. “But?”
He lifts his eyes to mine, and what I see in them makes my heart break.
“I’m leaving, Daisy. Once the thing is sorted with the police, I’m leaving.”
He’s leaving.
“Oh.” I step back, needing the distance, though wanting to be closer to him now more than ever.
He exhales roughly. Freeing his arm, he shoves a hand through his hair. “You’re so close to getting Jesse back, and being with me, it would hinder that. I might be close to getting off with self-defense, but in the eyes of the law, I killed a man. I have killed men. In cold blood. There’s no coming back from that, Daisy.”
“I’ve killed someone, too.”
Fierce black eyes meet with mine. “You need to forget that ever happened.”
“You want me to forget when you won’t allow yourself to forget?”
“It’s different.”
“How?”
“Because I fucking deserve to remember everything. You don’t.”
“Bullshit!” I snap. “This is bullshit! You’re leaving me here, and I’m just supposed to accept that? Fuck you, Kas.”
“Daisy…” He takes a step toward me. “You know I’m right. If I stay here, you won’t get Jesse back. They’ll use me as a reason to keep him from you—”
“No, they won’t. Anne said—”
“Daisy,” he reasons. Taking my face in his hands, he forces my eyes up to his. Tears are filling them. “I don’t want to be—I can’t be the reason you don’t get Jesse back. You’d resent me. End up hating me. I couldn’t bear it if that happened.”
He’s right. I know he’s right. Just the selfish part of me doesn’t want to let him go.
The selfish part of me wants it all.
Wants him and Jesse.
But I know, in the real world, the two things just don’t go together.
Did he…
Surely not.
“Jason committed suicide,” I continue, watching him with hawk-like eyes. “He slit his wrists. He also left a note—a confession—clearing my name.”
His eyes move back to the wall. He nods. “I’m glad the truth finally came out.”
I bite my lip, fighting against the words that I’m burning to ask him.
The fight doesn’t last long.
“Was this you, Kas? Did you force Jason to write that letter and then…kill him, making it look like suicide?”
He exhales a sad-sounding breath. Then, his eyes move slowly back to mine. “There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do to protect you.”
I suck in a breath. Tears fill my eyes. “Thank you,” I whisper.
Who is this man? I don’t know what I did to deserve him, but I’m glad I found him—or, as the case is, that he found me.
I can’t even bring myself to feel any sadness or remorse for Jason. He put me in prison and then sold me out to his brother. He had to have known what Damien was going to do to me.
Blowing out a breath, I press the back of my hand to my eyes, drying away the tears. “And thank you for what you said to Anne about me.”
His eyes flash with confusion.
“You spoke to her on the telephone before this all happened.”
“I only spoke the truth.”
“Regardless, it helped a lot.”
He shifts on his feet. “So, things are looking good for Jesse coming home?”
“Yes.” I smile. “Even with…what happened. The fact that I’m”—I stall on the word—“innocent of the crime I was put in prison for and that my name is in the process of officially being cleared, I guess it holds a lot of clout with Social Services.” I bind my hands together in front of me. “They no longer see me as a risk to Jesse…even though what happened…happened. Because Damien and Jason are dead, I guess they see it as being over. I think.”
“It is over,” his words are spoken softly.
But, for some reason, they hurt.
Almost like he’s saying we are over…
“Nothing that happened that day was your fault, Daisy. You saved us…you saved me. So, don’t ever blame yourself for what happened. Don’t hold on to it because it will eat you up.” He sounds like he’s speaking from experience.
I guess he is.
“Damien was always going to die. You just beat me to it.” The corner of his lip tips up into a half-smile, making me smile.
Then, it drops when I remember the reason I’m smiling.
I killed a man. Just like Kas has.
I guess we have more in common now than we ever did before.
Mirroring him, I wrap my arms over my chest. “How did you know that Damien was here that day?” I ask him the question that’s been plaguing me for a while now.
“I didn’t. It was just lucky timing.”
“So, why were you here?”
“To see you.”
“Why?”
He sighs. “Because being without you just didn’t feel like an option.”
My heart constricts at his words. But something tells me there’s a but in those words.
“And now?” I ask quietly.
He blows out a breath, pushing his hands into his pockets, his eyes making friends with the carpet. “And, now…it still doesn’t feel like an option, but…”
And there it is.
I tighten my arms around my suddenly cold chest. “But?”
He lifts his eyes to mine, and what I see in them makes my heart break.
“I’m leaving, Daisy. Once the thing is sorted with the police, I’m leaving.”
He’s leaving.
“Oh.” I step back, needing the distance, though wanting to be closer to him now more than ever.
He exhales roughly. Freeing his arm, he shoves a hand through his hair. “You’re so close to getting Jesse back, and being with me, it would hinder that. I might be close to getting off with self-defense, but in the eyes of the law, I killed a man. I have killed men. In cold blood. There’s no coming back from that, Daisy.”
“I’ve killed someone, too.”
Fierce black eyes meet with mine. “You need to forget that ever happened.”
“You want me to forget when you won’t allow yourself to forget?”
“It’s different.”
“How?”
“Because I fucking deserve to remember everything. You don’t.”
“Bullshit!” I snap. “This is bullshit! You’re leaving me here, and I’m just supposed to accept that? Fuck you, Kas.”
“Daisy…” He takes a step toward me. “You know I’m right. If I stay here, you won’t get Jesse back. They’ll use me as a reason to keep him from you—”
“No, they won’t. Anne said—”
“Daisy,” he reasons. Taking my face in his hands, he forces my eyes up to his. Tears are filling them. “I don’t want to be—I can’t be the reason you don’t get Jesse back. You’d resent me. End up hating me. I couldn’t bear it if that happened.”
He’s right. I know he’s right. Just the selfish part of me doesn’t want to let him go.
The selfish part of me wants it all.
Wants him and Jesse.
But I know, in the real world, the two things just don’t go together.
