White Trash Beautiful
Page 11
The woman held up her hand to stop me from talking. “Coffee. Black” was all she said, and her eyes glanced over the menu. Her hair was a deep gray and curled perfectly back into a bun. Heavyset, she had an air of superiority about her. What a bitch.
I bit my tongue and stormed off to the kitchen to get a fresh cup of coffee. I brought it out to her, resisting the urge to spill it over her lap. She gave me a smile and I tried my best to smile back.
“Have you decided?” I asked as she took a small sip from her mug and made a sour face.
“Wheat toast and strawberry jelly, please.” She held her menu out for me to take but stared straight ahead. At least she used her manners.
I headed back into the kitchen. Larry had already cleared our breakfast plates and was washing them in the sink. I slipped past him and grabbed some bread for toast. He didn’t say anything to me. I felt incredibly uncomfortable and worried that maybe he would tell Jax about Tucker. Not that there was really anything to tell . . . but I knew Jax wouldn’t react well to news that I’d been friendly with another guy. The toast popped up, jarring me from my worried thoughts. I grabbed a few packs of strawberry jelly and made my way to my customer.
I stopped as I entered the dining area, my eyes locked on one of the Twisted Twins. He smiled, holding out a brown box. I gave him a confused look and walked to my table to drop off the toast.
I brushed my hands over my apron as I made my way to the twin. “What’s this?” I looked at the box as if it might explode. He smiled and nudged it toward me. His eyes flicked to my customer, who had her back to us. I took it and he smiled, turning to leave as quickly as possible.
“Thanks.” My fingers ran around the edge of the cardboard as I looked around. Larry was still in the kitchen.
I made my way to the ladies’ room and locked myself inside. I sank to my knees and carefully pulled back the flaps. Inside was a beautiful bright yellow sundress. My eyes danced over the silky material as I pulled it to my chest and hugged it tightly against me.
I glanced back down at the box and saw a white envelope. Picking it up, I let the dress slip through my fingers onto my lap. I tore open the envelope and pulled out a handful of cash.
“What the f**k?” I pulled out a small sliver of paper.
I wanted to make sure you had money for a cab. No excuses not to come. —Tuck
I smiled as I brought the note to my face, inhaling the light scent of coconut that lingered on the paper. I was touched by the gesture, but I didn’t want his money. It felt like charity. I worked my ass off and didn’t need any handouts.
I made up my mind that I was going to call him. My hand went to where the necklace should be. I sighed. With Jax in my room this morning, I didn’t have a chance to grab it.
I stuffed the envelope of money into my apron and tucked the dress back into the box, folding the top closed as I made my way out of the bathroom. I slid the package under the waitress station and closed the curtain underneath so no one would see it.
My customer was glaring at me over her cup. I grabbed the pot of coffee and quickly made my way to her table. “Can I top you off?”
She held out her mug but didn’t say anything. I poured her coffee and gave her the best smile I could manage before leaving her to herself. Sitting back at the far table, I continued to roll silverware as I let myself daydream about what the concert would be like at Tybee. I hadn’t been to the beach in years. It was by far my favorite place in the world. It felt a million miles away from the trailer park. The water was always warm, clean. Looking out at the ocean, I always felt so free, as if I could just close my eyes and let the water carry me off to somewhere far away.
“Miss? Miss?” My customer was raising her voice in aggravation. I pushed up from my seat.
“I’m sorry. Is there something else I can get you?” I made my way quickly to her table.
“Just the check.”
“Of course.” I grabbed the pad out of my apron and tore off the ticket, sliding it onto the table. “Thanks again.” I smiled and walked into the kitchen. I grabbed a mug and poured myself a cup of coffee, sinking back against the counter as I took a long sip.
I heard the bell above the door chime and my heart skipped a beat as I set down my mug and pushed open the kitchen door. I sighed as the mean woman made her way outside. I turned back into the kitchen, locking eyes with Larry.
He looked down and shook his head.
“Don’t f**king judge me, Larry.” I grabbed my coffee and headed back into the dining room, where I could be alone with my thoughts.
I made my way to the dirty table and grabbed the plate and the mug in one hand and grabbed the cash. She had left just three cents more than her bill. Just f**king great. She’d also left behind a magazine, which I folded in half and slid into my apron. Was this supposed to make up for my tip?
I stormed into the kitchen and dropped the dishes in the sink.
“Holy f**k, Cass. You break it you’re paying for it!” Larry had a warning glare in his eyes.
I leaned against the sink, calming myself before I picked up the plate and a rag and began to clean it. The door chimed and I looked at Larry. He shook his head and went back to his kitchen prep work. I threw down the rag and made my way into the dining room.
It wasn’t Tucker, and once again I let my heart fall in disappointment. The day continued like this. The customers seemed meaner than usual, but I barely cared. I couldn’t concentrate on anything. All I could think about was the pretty yellow dress tucked below the waitress station. I wanted to try it on and see what it looked like. I wanted to see Tucker’s face when he saw me in it. I wasn’t a pretty girl by any means, but it would be hard to look less than spectacular in a dress like that. I smiled to myself.
“Clock out,” Larry called from the cash register.
“But I still have to—”
“Just go home. That goofy smile you’ve been wearing all day is starting to scare the shit out of me.” He waved his hand toward the door with a disgusted look on his face.
I laughed and grabbed my secret brown package, making my way out the back door as quickly as possible. I let out a small giggle. My hand shot up to cover my mouth as Larry shook his head in disgust.
My cheeks hurt from smiling and I wished I could hold on to this feeling of happiness forever. But I wasn’t that naïve. I knew eventually I would wake up from this fairy tale, but I was determined to try to enjoy it while it lasted. I sighed as I made my way through the trailer park fence. I continued past my place and slipped between the next row of trailers.
I climbed the steps of an old green-and-white single-wide and knocked on the door. After a moment and some choice swear words, the door flew open.
“Hey, Marla. I was wondering if you might be able to take my shift tomorrow?” I smiled.
She narrowed her eyes and ran her hand through her tangled, bleached mane. “What are you up to?” She stepped down a step and crossed her arms over her chest as she blew out a puff of cigarette smoke.
“Nothing. I just need a favor. I have a mountain of laundry to catch up on and we’re in desperate need of groceries.” I felt sick as the lies poured out of my mouth.
“Yeah, all right. For an extra twenty.” She raised an eyebrow and held out her hand.
I gritted my teeth and dug through my apron, pulling a twenty out of the white envelope.
She smiled and squeezed her fist tight. “You got yourself a deal.” She walked back inside and slammed the door closed behind her.
I cursed her under my breath as I made my way back to my trailer. I made sure no one was around as I slipped my window open and slid the box inside.
I opened the front door and closed it quickly just as something came flying in my direction and smashed against the door. I pulled it back open to see my mother standing inside threatening Jackson. “What the f**k, Mama? You almost f**king killed me!”
My mom smoothed her hair as she shuffled her feet anxiously. “I didn’t mean to, baby. I was aiming for Jax’s head.”
“Fuck you,” Jax screamed from the kitchen.
“What the hell is going on?” I stepped between them as they yelled more profanities at each other.
“I just need a fix, baby, and Jax is holding out on me!”
“This is about dope?” I turned to look at Jax and back to my mother. I shook my head and took off down the hall to my room, slamming the door as hard as possible. The arguing continued as I held up the yellow dress to my body, spinning once and watching it fly out in the wind.
“That is a perfect dress for our tea party, baby.” My mother always knew how to make me feel like the belle of the ball.
I spun in a circle as I held up my pink polka-dot dress and watched the skirt fly out around me. “Do you think you can do my hair like a princess, Mama?”
She looked at her watch, frowning at the time. “Daddy is gonna be home real soon. We don’t want to be late for your own birthday party, do we? It’s not every day a princess turns four.” She smiled widely as she twisted a long, blond strand of my hair around her finger.
The front door banged off the wall and I took off down the hallway, dragging my pretty new dress behind me.
“Where’s my birthday girl?” my father yelled from the entry of our home. I jumped as I reached him, leaping into his arms. He caught me, spinning us around before wrapping an arm around my mother’s waist and pulling her in for a kiss on the head.
“How was work?” she asked as she smoothed her vibrant blond hair and plastered on a dazzling smile.
“Johnson said if I keep up these hours, I’m on my way to a promotion.”
My mother squealed, then clapped her hands over her mouth in shock.
“Things are finally looking up for us. Let’s go out and celebrate.” He set me on the floor and ran his hand over my hair. I quickly smoothed it down just as my mother always did to her own. “Get your dress on, birthday girl.”
I pulled off my uniform, double-checking the lock on the bedroom door. I began to hum “Loved” by Damaged as I slipped the slinky dress over my head. It fit me like a glove.
A loud banging shook the door. “Cass,” Jax called from the hallway. I pulled the dress over my head and shoved it into the box, throwing it into the closet. I ran my hand over my hair as I opened the door in my bra and panties.
“Hey.” He smirked as he stepped closer.
I backed away and crossed my arms angrily over my chest. “What do you want?”
“Don’t be mad at me, baby. I did her a favor. I didn’t give her no dope, like you asked.” He smiled.
He was right—why was I mad at him?
“That’s because he used it all himself!” My mother was behind him in the hallway now, screaming. I rolled my eyes and shoved Jax backward out of my room, closing and locking the door. I couldn’t take it any longer. Every day was more of the same. People always made promises that things would get better, but it only seemed to ever get worse. I was sick of the disappointment. Sick of the fighting.
“How was I supposed to know he was skimming the books?” My dad slammed his fork down on his plate.
My mother’s eyes danced from me to my father as I took another bite of macaroni and cheese, still wearing my princess dress from my birthday party three weeks prior. I refused to take it off, except to bathe, not wanting the magic to end. I was certain that if Cinderella hadn’t lost her shoe, she would still have been a princess come midnight.
“We spent three times the money we would have on that party. You said you were getting promoted, not fired.” My mother clenched her jaw as she spoke, trying not to raise her voice.
My father ran a hand through his hair and slammed back his chair.
My mother reached her hand over the table, placing it on mine, and smiled brightly as tears filled her eyes. “Everything is gonna be just fine, baby. I promise.”
“I know, Mama.” But even then, a part of me already knew it wouldn’t be.
Chapter Eleven
I GATHERED UP MY laundry and shoved it in a basket along with Jax’s pile of clothes, throwing the magazine my customer had left behind on top of the pile. I slipped the tiny locket around my neck and hid it under my shirt. As I made my way down the hall, the house was quiet again. When I reached the living room, I realized they were now in the back room, most likely getting high.
“I’m going to do laundry,” I called back down the hall, not bothering to wait for a response.
I was glad to be under the cover of darkness so I could play with my necklace as I walked to the Laundromat on the far side of the trailer park. The ridiculous grin was plastered firmly back in place as I thought about the concert at the beach. I knew it was stupid of me to keep this fantasy going, but I finally had something to look forward to. Finally, I had a reason to wake up. It didn’t matter what I thought of myself as long as Tucker looked at me as if I were perfect. I’d never felt wanted and I was determined to enjoy it as long as it lasted.
I pulled open the heavy door to the Laundromat and shoved past the people loading their machines. One day I will have a set of these machines in my home, I thought as I stuffed my clothes into the washer. I got some quarters from the change machine and started the load. I chewed on my lip as I held an extra dollar in my hand.
“Fuck it.”
I made my way outside to the pay phone. I carefully pulled open the locket and unfolded the tiny slip of paper with Tucker’s phone number on it. My heart beat out of my chest as I pressed the buttons on the phone and it rang in my ear. After four rings, I pulled the receiver away from my ear, disappointed.
“Yeah?” Tucker sounded exhausted.
My smile spread.
I bit my tongue and stormed off to the kitchen to get a fresh cup of coffee. I brought it out to her, resisting the urge to spill it over her lap. She gave me a smile and I tried my best to smile back.
“Have you decided?” I asked as she took a small sip from her mug and made a sour face.
“Wheat toast and strawberry jelly, please.” She held her menu out for me to take but stared straight ahead. At least she used her manners.
I headed back into the kitchen. Larry had already cleared our breakfast plates and was washing them in the sink. I slipped past him and grabbed some bread for toast. He didn’t say anything to me. I felt incredibly uncomfortable and worried that maybe he would tell Jax about Tucker. Not that there was really anything to tell . . . but I knew Jax wouldn’t react well to news that I’d been friendly with another guy. The toast popped up, jarring me from my worried thoughts. I grabbed a few packs of strawberry jelly and made my way to my customer.
I stopped as I entered the dining area, my eyes locked on one of the Twisted Twins. He smiled, holding out a brown box. I gave him a confused look and walked to my table to drop off the toast.
I brushed my hands over my apron as I made my way to the twin. “What’s this?” I looked at the box as if it might explode. He smiled and nudged it toward me. His eyes flicked to my customer, who had her back to us. I took it and he smiled, turning to leave as quickly as possible.
“Thanks.” My fingers ran around the edge of the cardboard as I looked around. Larry was still in the kitchen.
I made my way to the ladies’ room and locked myself inside. I sank to my knees and carefully pulled back the flaps. Inside was a beautiful bright yellow sundress. My eyes danced over the silky material as I pulled it to my chest and hugged it tightly against me.
I glanced back down at the box and saw a white envelope. Picking it up, I let the dress slip through my fingers onto my lap. I tore open the envelope and pulled out a handful of cash.
“What the f**k?” I pulled out a small sliver of paper.
I wanted to make sure you had money for a cab. No excuses not to come. —Tuck
I smiled as I brought the note to my face, inhaling the light scent of coconut that lingered on the paper. I was touched by the gesture, but I didn’t want his money. It felt like charity. I worked my ass off and didn’t need any handouts.
I made up my mind that I was going to call him. My hand went to where the necklace should be. I sighed. With Jax in my room this morning, I didn’t have a chance to grab it.
I stuffed the envelope of money into my apron and tucked the dress back into the box, folding the top closed as I made my way out of the bathroom. I slid the package under the waitress station and closed the curtain underneath so no one would see it.
My customer was glaring at me over her cup. I grabbed the pot of coffee and quickly made my way to her table. “Can I top you off?”
She held out her mug but didn’t say anything. I poured her coffee and gave her the best smile I could manage before leaving her to herself. Sitting back at the far table, I continued to roll silverware as I let myself daydream about what the concert would be like at Tybee. I hadn’t been to the beach in years. It was by far my favorite place in the world. It felt a million miles away from the trailer park. The water was always warm, clean. Looking out at the ocean, I always felt so free, as if I could just close my eyes and let the water carry me off to somewhere far away.
“Miss? Miss?” My customer was raising her voice in aggravation. I pushed up from my seat.
“I’m sorry. Is there something else I can get you?” I made my way quickly to her table.
“Just the check.”
“Of course.” I grabbed the pad out of my apron and tore off the ticket, sliding it onto the table. “Thanks again.” I smiled and walked into the kitchen. I grabbed a mug and poured myself a cup of coffee, sinking back against the counter as I took a long sip.
I heard the bell above the door chime and my heart skipped a beat as I set down my mug and pushed open the kitchen door. I sighed as the mean woman made her way outside. I turned back into the kitchen, locking eyes with Larry.
He looked down and shook his head.
“Don’t f**king judge me, Larry.” I grabbed my coffee and headed back into the dining room, where I could be alone with my thoughts.
I made my way to the dirty table and grabbed the plate and the mug in one hand and grabbed the cash. She had left just three cents more than her bill. Just f**king great. She’d also left behind a magazine, which I folded in half and slid into my apron. Was this supposed to make up for my tip?
I stormed into the kitchen and dropped the dishes in the sink.
“Holy f**k, Cass. You break it you’re paying for it!” Larry had a warning glare in his eyes.
I leaned against the sink, calming myself before I picked up the plate and a rag and began to clean it. The door chimed and I looked at Larry. He shook his head and went back to his kitchen prep work. I threw down the rag and made my way into the dining room.
It wasn’t Tucker, and once again I let my heart fall in disappointment. The day continued like this. The customers seemed meaner than usual, but I barely cared. I couldn’t concentrate on anything. All I could think about was the pretty yellow dress tucked below the waitress station. I wanted to try it on and see what it looked like. I wanted to see Tucker’s face when he saw me in it. I wasn’t a pretty girl by any means, but it would be hard to look less than spectacular in a dress like that. I smiled to myself.
“Clock out,” Larry called from the cash register.
“But I still have to—”
“Just go home. That goofy smile you’ve been wearing all day is starting to scare the shit out of me.” He waved his hand toward the door with a disgusted look on his face.
I laughed and grabbed my secret brown package, making my way out the back door as quickly as possible. I let out a small giggle. My hand shot up to cover my mouth as Larry shook his head in disgust.
My cheeks hurt from smiling and I wished I could hold on to this feeling of happiness forever. But I wasn’t that naïve. I knew eventually I would wake up from this fairy tale, but I was determined to try to enjoy it while it lasted. I sighed as I made my way through the trailer park fence. I continued past my place and slipped between the next row of trailers.
I climbed the steps of an old green-and-white single-wide and knocked on the door. After a moment and some choice swear words, the door flew open.
“Hey, Marla. I was wondering if you might be able to take my shift tomorrow?” I smiled.
She narrowed her eyes and ran her hand through her tangled, bleached mane. “What are you up to?” She stepped down a step and crossed her arms over her chest as she blew out a puff of cigarette smoke.
“Nothing. I just need a favor. I have a mountain of laundry to catch up on and we’re in desperate need of groceries.” I felt sick as the lies poured out of my mouth.
“Yeah, all right. For an extra twenty.” She raised an eyebrow and held out her hand.
I gritted my teeth and dug through my apron, pulling a twenty out of the white envelope.
She smiled and squeezed her fist tight. “You got yourself a deal.” She walked back inside and slammed the door closed behind her.
I cursed her under my breath as I made my way back to my trailer. I made sure no one was around as I slipped my window open and slid the box inside.
I opened the front door and closed it quickly just as something came flying in my direction and smashed against the door. I pulled it back open to see my mother standing inside threatening Jackson. “What the f**k, Mama? You almost f**king killed me!”
My mom smoothed her hair as she shuffled her feet anxiously. “I didn’t mean to, baby. I was aiming for Jax’s head.”
“Fuck you,” Jax screamed from the kitchen.
“What the hell is going on?” I stepped between them as they yelled more profanities at each other.
“I just need a fix, baby, and Jax is holding out on me!”
“This is about dope?” I turned to look at Jax and back to my mother. I shook my head and took off down the hall to my room, slamming the door as hard as possible. The arguing continued as I held up the yellow dress to my body, spinning once and watching it fly out in the wind.
“That is a perfect dress for our tea party, baby.” My mother always knew how to make me feel like the belle of the ball.
I spun in a circle as I held up my pink polka-dot dress and watched the skirt fly out around me. “Do you think you can do my hair like a princess, Mama?”
She looked at her watch, frowning at the time. “Daddy is gonna be home real soon. We don’t want to be late for your own birthday party, do we? It’s not every day a princess turns four.” She smiled widely as she twisted a long, blond strand of my hair around her finger.
The front door banged off the wall and I took off down the hallway, dragging my pretty new dress behind me.
“Where’s my birthday girl?” my father yelled from the entry of our home. I jumped as I reached him, leaping into his arms. He caught me, spinning us around before wrapping an arm around my mother’s waist and pulling her in for a kiss on the head.
“How was work?” she asked as she smoothed her vibrant blond hair and plastered on a dazzling smile.
“Johnson said if I keep up these hours, I’m on my way to a promotion.”
My mother squealed, then clapped her hands over her mouth in shock.
“Things are finally looking up for us. Let’s go out and celebrate.” He set me on the floor and ran his hand over my hair. I quickly smoothed it down just as my mother always did to her own. “Get your dress on, birthday girl.”
I pulled off my uniform, double-checking the lock on the bedroom door. I began to hum “Loved” by Damaged as I slipped the slinky dress over my head. It fit me like a glove.
A loud banging shook the door. “Cass,” Jax called from the hallway. I pulled the dress over my head and shoved it into the box, throwing it into the closet. I ran my hand over my hair as I opened the door in my bra and panties.
“Hey.” He smirked as he stepped closer.
I backed away and crossed my arms angrily over my chest. “What do you want?”
“Don’t be mad at me, baby. I did her a favor. I didn’t give her no dope, like you asked.” He smiled.
He was right—why was I mad at him?
“That’s because he used it all himself!” My mother was behind him in the hallway now, screaming. I rolled my eyes and shoved Jax backward out of my room, closing and locking the door. I couldn’t take it any longer. Every day was more of the same. People always made promises that things would get better, but it only seemed to ever get worse. I was sick of the disappointment. Sick of the fighting.
“How was I supposed to know he was skimming the books?” My dad slammed his fork down on his plate.
My mother’s eyes danced from me to my father as I took another bite of macaroni and cheese, still wearing my princess dress from my birthday party three weeks prior. I refused to take it off, except to bathe, not wanting the magic to end. I was certain that if Cinderella hadn’t lost her shoe, she would still have been a princess come midnight.
“We spent three times the money we would have on that party. You said you were getting promoted, not fired.” My mother clenched her jaw as she spoke, trying not to raise her voice.
My father ran a hand through his hair and slammed back his chair.
My mother reached her hand over the table, placing it on mine, and smiled brightly as tears filled her eyes. “Everything is gonna be just fine, baby. I promise.”
“I know, Mama.” But even then, a part of me already knew it wouldn’t be.
Chapter Eleven
I GATHERED UP MY laundry and shoved it in a basket along with Jax’s pile of clothes, throwing the magazine my customer had left behind on top of the pile. I slipped the tiny locket around my neck and hid it under my shirt. As I made my way down the hall, the house was quiet again. When I reached the living room, I realized they were now in the back room, most likely getting high.
“I’m going to do laundry,” I called back down the hall, not bothering to wait for a response.
I was glad to be under the cover of darkness so I could play with my necklace as I walked to the Laundromat on the far side of the trailer park. The ridiculous grin was plastered firmly back in place as I thought about the concert at the beach. I knew it was stupid of me to keep this fantasy going, but I finally had something to look forward to. Finally, I had a reason to wake up. It didn’t matter what I thought of myself as long as Tucker looked at me as if I were perfect. I’d never felt wanted and I was determined to enjoy it as long as it lasted.
I pulled open the heavy door to the Laundromat and shoved past the people loading their machines. One day I will have a set of these machines in my home, I thought as I stuffed my clothes into the washer. I got some quarters from the change machine and started the load. I chewed on my lip as I held an extra dollar in my hand.
“Fuck it.”
I made my way outside to the pay phone. I carefully pulled open the locket and unfolded the tiny slip of paper with Tucker’s phone number on it. My heart beat out of my chest as I pressed the buttons on the phone and it rang in my ear. After four rings, I pulled the receiver away from my ear, disappointed.
“Yeah?” Tucker sounded exhausted.
My smile spread.
