White Trash Beautiful
Page 27
Cops swarmed in from every direction but I could hardly keep my eyes open.
“Be on the lookout for a white male, early twenties, named Jackson Fisher. Suspect may be armed and is extremely dangerous.”
Tucker squeezed my hand as his face hovered over mine. “It’s going to be okay, sweetheart. It’s okay now. I love you. I love you so much.”
I tried to respond but my throat felt bruised and sore. I could feel the hands of others on me, checking my injuries. I let sleep take over as they worked to mend all but my broken heart.
“Sweet girl, why are you pouting?” My mother finished putting the bobby pins into my hair.
“Daddy is gonna miss my birthday. You promised he would be here!”
“You know he wants to be with you, baby. He just couldn’t make it.” My mother got up and hurried down the hallway to her room. I heard a few things shuffle around before she returned.
“What’s that?”
“Well, go on. Open it.” I took the box from her hand and pulled off the newspaper.
“It’s a teddy bear! Is it from Daddy?”
“Sure it is, baby.”
I jumped up and wrapped my arms around her neck, squeezing her as tightly as possible.
“Where am I?” I rubbed at my throat.
“Welcome back.” A cheery nurse smiled down at me and patted me on the shoulder.
The circumstances that landed me in this bed all came crashing down on me like a tsunami.
“Tucker.”
“The doctor is going to look you over quickly and then I’ll send in your guests, okay?”
I nodded as a man in a long, white coat entered.
“There she is!” He pulled out a small light and shined it into my eyes.
“I’m fine.” I pushed his hand away. My head was throbbing.
“You’re very lucky.”
Lucky was the last thing I would call myself.
“No broken bones. Lots of bumps and bruises, but nothing that won’t heal over time.” He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.
“My baby.”
“I’m sorry. You were only a few weeks along and the fetus could not withstand the trauma. The good news is you’re still young and there is nothing stopping you from having a family in the future.”
I shook my head no as tears welled in my eyes.
“I’m truly sorry for your loss.”
I couldn’t look at him. I felt his weight lift from the edge of the bed as he spoke quietly to the nurse.
“Ms. Daniels? Is it okay if I send in your fiancé?”
My heart began to race as the machine next to me beeped faster. I prayed she meant Tucker and that Jackson was not here to finish me off. He couldn’t hurt me any worse than he already had.
“Calm down, sweetheart.”
“Don’t call me that.” I narrowed my eyes at her.
“You’ve been through a great deal. I can tell Mr. White you don’t wish to have any visitors.”
“No. He can come in.” I struggled to sit up. The nurse nodded once and left the room. I tried my best to run my fingers through my hair. It was no use. It was a knotted mess. My mother wouldn’t even be able to fix it. My heart ached as I thought of her.
“Cass . . .” Tucker stood in the doorway with my teddy bear in his hands. “I thought you would want this.” He stepped closer as his eyes took in my ragged state. I held my hand out to him and he handed the bear to me.
“Thank you. It was from my mother.”
He sat down on the edge of the bed and drew his brows together. “I thought it was from your father.”
“I thought so, too.” I picked at the tattered fur on one of the paws.
“Sweetheart, the baby—”
“I know.” I didn’t take my eyes off the bear. I couldn’t stand to see the sadness in Tucker’s eyes. The pain that Jax had inflicted upon me was minuscule in comparison to the pain I had caused Tucker.
“There’s something else.” He reached for my hand, entwining our fingers. His thumb rubbed over the back of my hand as he struggled to tell me what he needed to say.
I braced for him to tell me he didn’t want to be with me anymore. I wouldn’t blame him; in fact I knew it would be best for me to get as far away from him as possible before the damage I caused him was irreversible.
“Jackson is here.”
I gripped Tucker’s hand for dear life. I felt as if I were drowning. “Why? Why is he here? Oh, God, please keep him away from me.”
Tucker wrapped his arms around me, cocooning me in his safety. “Shh . . . He can’t hurt you anymore. The police are with him. He overdosed last night. They found him about a half mile from your house.”
“So he just gets away with it? With everything he did?”
Tucker kissed the top of my head as he rocked us back and forth. “He’s bleeding internally from our fight. Three cracked ribs, a broken nose, and a fractured jaw.”
“Oh, God. Are you in trouble? Are they going to come after you? Tucker, I’m so sorry for all of this!”
“No. It wasn’t your fault. Not mine either. It was self-defense. He can’t hurt you anymore. That’s all that matters.”
I clung to Tucker as if he were the oxygen that I breathed.
“No one will ever hurt you again. I promise.” Tears began to fall down his cheeks as he pulled me tight against him.
—
I was released the next morning from the hospital. Tucker rented a car so I wouldn’t have to sit on the back of his motorcycle. He took me to the drugstore to fill my prescription. The woman at the counter looked horrified when she saw my bruised and swollen face. She glared at Tucker, but he didn’t say a word. He didn’t care what anyone thought. For once, my guy only cared about one thing: me.
We stayed locked away in a hotel room where no one could find us, only leaving for my mother’s funeral. We had her buried in Eddington Cemetery, just a mile from the trailer park. Aggie and Larry showed up to support me and pay their respects to her. The preacher who ran the NA meetings we’d attended said kind words about her, never once bringing up her struggles and addictions. I left the teddy bear she had given me when I was a child in front of the plaque that marked her grave.
I never attended Jax’s funeral, but I knew that one day I would need to visit his grave. Whether to condemn him or forgive him, I didn’t know . . . but one day I’d need to make peace with everything Jax had given me . . . and taken from me.
“You don’t need to go there, Cass. It’s only going to make things harder on you.” Tucker sank down on the hotel bed and scrubbed his hands over his face.
“Harder? I don’t sleep, I can’t eat, I hate myself for what you’ve had to go through. I don’t see how it could get any worse.”
“Please don’t put yourself through anything more. Give your body and heart time to heal.” He rubbed the pad of his thumb over my bruised cheekbone, causing me to flinch.
I stepped back from between his legs and stormed off into the bathroom, locking the door behind me.
He was at the door in seconds. “Come on, sweetheart. I’m just trying to make you feel better.”
I didn’t respond. I had no idea what to say.
“Fine. Do what you want.” He kicked the door gently, but it still caused me to jump. “You’re not the only one who’s hurting here, Cass.”
“I know.” I clenched my jaw.
“He killed our baby. He doesn’t deserve your sympathy. He deserves to rot in hell.”
I sank down to the floor and hung my head in my hands. I had no sympathy for Jax. Not anymore, but I deserved to have my say, to feel the way I felt. And I deserved to tell him how I felt. The door to the hotel room slammed and I knew that it would be hours before Tucker returned. I pulled open the bathroom door and shut off the lights before crawling into bed and crying myself to sleep.
Tucker missed countless concerts and his band had to cancel the rest of the tour. He didn’t care, but I knew that I was killing his dreams the longer he stayed with me. I knew they had to hate me by now, but Tucker assured me that they only wanted what was best for the two of us. I didn’t believe him. I didn’t believe in fairy tales anymore. How could any relationship survive what we had been through?
Jax had killed me in that trailer. I no longer lived, no longer smiled. I could feel nothing but sadness and pain.
I forced myself to get out of bed every morning and get ready for the day even though I had nothing to wake up for. I hadn’t been back to the trailer park since that night. I couldn’t work again until my bruises healed. The doctor gave me medication to cope with the pain. I refused to take it. I had grown accustomed to pain and it would be too easy to slip down the path of addiction, which had ultimately ended in the deaths of three people. I deserved to suffer through everything that was dealt my way.
Tucker spent his days writing songs and silently dealing with all of his own pain. I encouraged him to meet with his band. He needed to get back to what he loved doing. He told me he didn’t want to ever leave me alone again, but I knew he missed his old life, and I was sure he resented me for all I put him through. I knew he regretted stepping foot into Aggie’s Diner that day. I had to make it right for him.
While he was taking a shower one morning, I called Dorris and let her know where we were. The band was waiting for Tucker by the time he came out of the bathroom.
“What the f**k is this?”
“I knew you weren’t ever going to call them.”
“So you went behind my back?”
“I’m not doing this to you. I’m doing this for you.”
“Funny. I thought I should have a say in what I want out of my life.”
“Tuck, we know your hurtin’, man, but we need you, too. You can’t just give up on your entire life.” Terry stepped forward, taking the heat off me momentarily. I was grateful.
“I’m not giving up on shit, Terry. In case you didn’t notice, I didn’t ask for any of this.”
“Did we?” Eric crossed his arms over his chest.
“This isn’t fair.” Tucker paced the floor like a caged animal.
“It’s not. None of this is fair. Are you going to let him win? He’s destroyed everything you worked your entire life for and you’re just letting it happen,” Chris interjected.
“Fine. I’ll try. That’s the best I can do. I’m not making any promises.” Tucker ran his hand over his unshaven face.
He was angry, but he didn’t say a word to me. In fact, he pretty much gave up on talking to me altogether. I lashed out at him, with no one else to direct my anger toward. Neither of us knew how to deal with such a great loss. It was impossible to describe loving someone you had never even met. The band told Tucker they would wait as long as he needed for him to get past all he’d been through. If they waited for him to be ready, they would be waiting a lifetime.
A week later, after several secret phone calls to Dorris, the band had set up their first gig in over a month. They would be playing a small set at the Lucas Theatre in Savannah. It would kick off the second leg of their tour. I spent the morning looking for apartments in the local paper as he prepared. He was nervous.
“I have to go. The guys want to rehearse the new song before the concert tonight.”
I smiled as he kissed me on the forehead. “Are you sure you’re up for this tonight?”
“You didn’t leave me with much of a choice, Cass.” I looked into his eyes and he grinned. “Thank you for that.”
“You refused to jump. I pushed you. Break a leg.” I winked at him and he laughed, running his hand through his hair.
He kissed me again and looked down at the paper. “I pulled out cash from the ATM. You can check out some of these places, and if you find one you like, put down a deposit. The concert starts at six. Don’t be late.” He pulled out a stack of money from his wallet and laid it on the bed next to me.
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.” He grinned as he pulled me into his arms and hugged me tight. I squeezed him back, not wanting to let him go, but I knew I had to. I had to let him go so he could go on to be the rock star he was destined to be.
“Good-bye, Tucker.”
“See you later, Cass.” He left the room and I finally let the tears fall. Once again, it was time to let him move forward with his life.
I grabbed my purse and flew around the room, gathering my belongings. I had four hours before he would know I was gone. Four hours before I broke his heart. I had no other choice.
I made my way down to the sidewalk in the bright afternoon sun. I had to work fast. I hurried down a few blocks and made my way across Bay Street toward the river. I slipped past the Chart restaurant to Scarlett’s.
“I saw your ad in the paper for help,” I told the woman at the register. She smiled brightly as she handed her customer change.
“Do you have any experience in retail?”
“I’ve worked as a waitress, but I’ve always loved your shop.” I thought back to when Tucker bought me my first dress from here. I hoped he would forgive me for what I was doing.
“Well, I just need someone who can run a register and help customers find their sizes. You think you can handle that?”
“Absolutely.”
“Great. Be here at seven in the morning and I’ll show you the ropes.”
“Thank you so much,” I squealed. I hurried out of the shop to execute part two of my plan. I needed to find an affordable apartment not too far away. The paper was advertising low-income housing just a few blocks from Bay Street, and I knew with the cash Tucker had given me, I would be able to pay the deposit and the first month’s rent, with plenty left over for food until my first paycheck rolled in.
“Be on the lookout for a white male, early twenties, named Jackson Fisher. Suspect may be armed and is extremely dangerous.”
Tucker squeezed my hand as his face hovered over mine. “It’s going to be okay, sweetheart. It’s okay now. I love you. I love you so much.”
I tried to respond but my throat felt bruised and sore. I could feel the hands of others on me, checking my injuries. I let sleep take over as they worked to mend all but my broken heart.
“Sweet girl, why are you pouting?” My mother finished putting the bobby pins into my hair.
“Daddy is gonna miss my birthday. You promised he would be here!”
“You know he wants to be with you, baby. He just couldn’t make it.” My mother got up and hurried down the hallway to her room. I heard a few things shuffle around before she returned.
“What’s that?”
“Well, go on. Open it.” I took the box from her hand and pulled off the newspaper.
“It’s a teddy bear! Is it from Daddy?”
“Sure it is, baby.”
I jumped up and wrapped my arms around her neck, squeezing her as tightly as possible.
“Where am I?” I rubbed at my throat.
“Welcome back.” A cheery nurse smiled down at me and patted me on the shoulder.
The circumstances that landed me in this bed all came crashing down on me like a tsunami.
“Tucker.”
“The doctor is going to look you over quickly and then I’ll send in your guests, okay?”
I nodded as a man in a long, white coat entered.
“There she is!” He pulled out a small light and shined it into my eyes.
“I’m fine.” I pushed his hand away. My head was throbbing.
“You’re very lucky.”
Lucky was the last thing I would call myself.
“No broken bones. Lots of bumps and bruises, but nothing that won’t heal over time.” He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.
“My baby.”
“I’m sorry. You were only a few weeks along and the fetus could not withstand the trauma. The good news is you’re still young and there is nothing stopping you from having a family in the future.”
I shook my head no as tears welled in my eyes.
“I’m truly sorry for your loss.”
I couldn’t look at him. I felt his weight lift from the edge of the bed as he spoke quietly to the nurse.
“Ms. Daniels? Is it okay if I send in your fiancé?”
My heart began to race as the machine next to me beeped faster. I prayed she meant Tucker and that Jackson was not here to finish me off. He couldn’t hurt me any worse than he already had.
“Calm down, sweetheart.”
“Don’t call me that.” I narrowed my eyes at her.
“You’ve been through a great deal. I can tell Mr. White you don’t wish to have any visitors.”
“No. He can come in.” I struggled to sit up. The nurse nodded once and left the room. I tried my best to run my fingers through my hair. It was no use. It was a knotted mess. My mother wouldn’t even be able to fix it. My heart ached as I thought of her.
“Cass . . .” Tucker stood in the doorway with my teddy bear in his hands. “I thought you would want this.” He stepped closer as his eyes took in my ragged state. I held my hand out to him and he handed the bear to me.
“Thank you. It was from my mother.”
He sat down on the edge of the bed and drew his brows together. “I thought it was from your father.”
“I thought so, too.” I picked at the tattered fur on one of the paws.
“Sweetheart, the baby—”
“I know.” I didn’t take my eyes off the bear. I couldn’t stand to see the sadness in Tucker’s eyes. The pain that Jax had inflicted upon me was minuscule in comparison to the pain I had caused Tucker.
“There’s something else.” He reached for my hand, entwining our fingers. His thumb rubbed over the back of my hand as he struggled to tell me what he needed to say.
I braced for him to tell me he didn’t want to be with me anymore. I wouldn’t blame him; in fact I knew it would be best for me to get as far away from him as possible before the damage I caused him was irreversible.
“Jackson is here.”
I gripped Tucker’s hand for dear life. I felt as if I were drowning. “Why? Why is he here? Oh, God, please keep him away from me.”
Tucker wrapped his arms around me, cocooning me in his safety. “Shh . . . He can’t hurt you anymore. The police are with him. He overdosed last night. They found him about a half mile from your house.”
“So he just gets away with it? With everything he did?”
Tucker kissed the top of my head as he rocked us back and forth. “He’s bleeding internally from our fight. Three cracked ribs, a broken nose, and a fractured jaw.”
“Oh, God. Are you in trouble? Are they going to come after you? Tucker, I’m so sorry for all of this!”
“No. It wasn’t your fault. Not mine either. It was self-defense. He can’t hurt you anymore. That’s all that matters.”
I clung to Tucker as if he were the oxygen that I breathed.
“No one will ever hurt you again. I promise.” Tears began to fall down his cheeks as he pulled me tight against him.
—
I was released the next morning from the hospital. Tucker rented a car so I wouldn’t have to sit on the back of his motorcycle. He took me to the drugstore to fill my prescription. The woman at the counter looked horrified when she saw my bruised and swollen face. She glared at Tucker, but he didn’t say a word. He didn’t care what anyone thought. For once, my guy only cared about one thing: me.
We stayed locked away in a hotel room where no one could find us, only leaving for my mother’s funeral. We had her buried in Eddington Cemetery, just a mile from the trailer park. Aggie and Larry showed up to support me and pay their respects to her. The preacher who ran the NA meetings we’d attended said kind words about her, never once bringing up her struggles and addictions. I left the teddy bear she had given me when I was a child in front of the plaque that marked her grave.
I never attended Jax’s funeral, but I knew that one day I would need to visit his grave. Whether to condemn him or forgive him, I didn’t know . . . but one day I’d need to make peace with everything Jax had given me . . . and taken from me.
“You don’t need to go there, Cass. It’s only going to make things harder on you.” Tucker sank down on the hotel bed and scrubbed his hands over his face.
“Harder? I don’t sleep, I can’t eat, I hate myself for what you’ve had to go through. I don’t see how it could get any worse.”
“Please don’t put yourself through anything more. Give your body and heart time to heal.” He rubbed the pad of his thumb over my bruised cheekbone, causing me to flinch.
I stepped back from between his legs and stormed off into the bathroom, locking the door behind me.
He was at the door in seconds. “Come on, sweetheart. I’m just trying to make you feel better.”
I didn’t respond. I had no idea what to say.
“Fine. Do what you want.” He kicked the door gently, but it still caused me to jump. “You’re not the only one who’s hurting here, Cass.”
“I know.” I clenched my jaw.
“He killed our baby. He doesn’t deserve your sympathy. He deserves to rot in hell.”
I sank down to the floor and hung my head in my hands. I had no sympathy for Jax. Not anymore, but I deserved to have my say, to feel the way I felt. And I deserved to tell him how I felt. The door to the hotel room slammed and I knew that it would be hours before Tucker returned. I pulled open the bathroom door and shut off the lights before crawling into bed and crying myself to sleep.
Tucker missed countless concerts and his band had to cancel the rest of the tour. He didn’t care, but I knew that I was killing his dreams the longer he stayed with me. I knew they had to hate me by now, but Tucker assured me that they only wanted what was best for the two of us. I didn’t believe him. I didn’t believe in fairy tales anymore. How could any relationship survive what we had been through?
Jax had killed me in that trailer. I no longer lived, no longer smiled. I could feel nothing but sadness and pain.
I forced myself to get out of bed every morning and get ready for the day even though I had nothing to wake up for. I hadn’t been back to the trailer park since that night. I couldn’t work again until my bruises healed. The doctor gave me medication to cope with the pain. I refused to take it. I had grown accustomed to pain and it would be too easy to slip down the path of addiction, which had ultimately ended in the deaths of three people. I deserved to suffer through everything that was dealt my way.
Tucker spent his days writing songs and silently dealing with all of his own pain. I encouraged him to meet with his band. He needed to get back to what he loved doing. He told me he didn’t want to ever leave me alone again, but I knew he missed his old life, and I was sure he resented me for all I put him through. I knew he regretted stepping foot into Aggie’s Diner that day. I had to make it right for him.
While he was taking a shower one morning, I called Dorris and let her know where we were. The band was waiting for Tucker by the time he came out of the bathroom.
“What the f**k is this?”
“I knew you weren’t ever going to call them.”
“So you went behind my back?”
“I’m not doing this to you. I’m doing this for you.”
“Funny. I thought I should have a say in what I want out of my life.”
“Tuck, we know your hurtin’, man, but we need you, too. You can’t just give up on your entire life.” Terry stepped forward, taking the heat off me momentarily. I was grateful.
“I’m not giving up on shit, Terry. In case you didn’t notice, I didn’t ask for any of this.”
“Did we?” Eric crossed his arms over his chest.
“This isn’t fair.” Tucker paced the floor like a caged animal.
“It’s not. None of this is fair. Are you going to let him win? He’s destroyed everything you worked your entire life for and you’re just letting it happen,” Chris interjected.
“Fine. I’ll try. That’s the best I can do. I’m not making any promises.” Tucker ran his hand over his unshaven face.
He was angry, but he didn’t say a word to me. In fact, he pretty much gave up on talking to me altogether. I lashed out at him, with no one else to direct my anger toward. Neither of us knew how to deal with such a great loss. It was impossible to describe loving someone you had never even met. The band told Tucker they would wait as long as he needed for him to get past all he’d been through. If they waited for him to be ready, they would be waiting a lifetime.
A week later, after several secret phone calls to Dorris, the band had set up their first gig in over a month. They would be playing a small set at the Lucas Theatre in Savannah. It would kick off the second leg of their tour. I spent the morning looking for apartments in the local paper as he prepared. He was nervous.
“I have to go. The guys want to rehearse the new song before the concert tonight.”
I smiled as he kissed me on the forehead. “Are you sure you’re up for this tonight?”
“You didn’t leave me with much of a choice, Cass.” I looked into his eyes and he grinned. “Thank you for that.”
“You refused to jump. I pushed you. Break a leg.” I winked at him and he laughed, running his hand through his hair.
He kissed me again and looked down at the paper. “I pulled out cash from the ATM. You can check out some of these places, and if you find one you like, put down a deposit. The concert starts at six. Don’t be late.” He pulled out a stack of money from his wallet and laid it on the bed next to me.
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.” He grinned as he pulled me into his arms and hugged me tight. I squeezed him back, not wanting to let him go, but I knew I had to. I had to let him go so he could go on to be the rock star he was destined to be.
“Good-bye, Tucker.”
“See you later, Cass.” He left the room and I finally let the tears fall. Once again, it was time to let him move forward with his life.
I grabbed my purse and flew around the room, gathering my belongings. I had four hours before he would know I was gone. Four hours before I broke his heart. I had no other choice.
I made my way down to the sidewalk in the bright afternoon sun. I had to work fast. I hurried down a few blocks and made my way across Bay Street toward the river. I slipped past the Chart restaurant to Scarlett’s.
“I saw your ad in the paper for help,” I told the woman at the register. She smiled brightly as she handed her customer change.
“Do you have any experience in retail?”
“I’ve worked as a waitress, but I’ve always loved your shop.” I thought back to when Tucker bought me my first dress from here. I hoped he would forgive me for what I was doing.
“Well, I just need someone who can run a register and help customers find their sizes. You think you can handle that?”
“Absolutely.”
“Great. Be here at seven in the morning and I’ll show you the ropes.”
“Thank you so much,” I squealed. I hurried out of the shop to execute part two of my plan. I needed to find an affordable apartment not too far away. The paper was advertising low-income housing just a few blocks from Bay Street, and I knew with the cash Tucker had given me, I would be able to pay the deposit and the first month’s rent, with plenty left over for food until my first paycheck rolled in.
