White Trash Love Song
Page 8
WHEN I FINALLY woke, I didn’t feel any better. I wished I had someone I could talk to, but E was definitely not a good choice and Cass was still off celebrating her marriage. I felt so alone, even with my boyfriend’s arms locked around my body. I glanced at the alarm clock next to the bed. It was almost dinnertime and I had slept a lot longer than I intended. I pulled Derek’s arm off me and slowly slid out of bed to use the bathroom. I knew I should wake him, but I needed a few more minutes to myself.
I ran a hot bath and slid into the tub, my hair piled on top of my head with a clip. I wanted to disappear underneath the bubbles so I didn’t have to face the world again. I closed my eyes, getting lost in the warmth.
“Why didn’t you wake me?” Derek’s voice startled me.
I jumped, splashing water over the edge of the tub. I tried not to let the fear from memories of my past show on my face. “You looked so peaceful. I figured you could use a little more sleep.”
He lifted the lid to the toilet and peed.
I gave him a look of disgust as I pushed myself up and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around myself. The bubbles still clung to my skin, but I needed to get out of there. The room was closing in on me. Derek zipped up his pants and grabbed my arm as I tried to walk by him and out the door. His nose skimmed along my jawline up to my ear.
“I know how you could make me feel better.” His teeth nipped gently on my earlobe, and his hand trailed down my arm and gripped the towel in his hand, pulling it from my body and letting it fall to the floor. “It killed me not being here with you last night.”
He turned toward me, lacing his hands behind my neck and pulling my mouth to his, reminding me of what had drawn us together in the first place—that magnetic pull that was impossible to deny. Those strong arms that had always made me feel so protected.
Derek’s kisses were hungry and he grabbed his shirt, pulling it over his head and dropping it on the towel. My eyes danced over his tattooed chest before he pulled me back against him, needing to feel his skin on mine. His palm ran roughly over my breast as his lips moved over my jaw and down my throat.
The memories of kissing E flooded me, and my head began to swim with regret as I pushed against his chest to get away from his touch. I wasn’t feeling guilty for keeping it a secret. I felt guilty because I’d liked it.
“What’s gotten into you?”
“Nothing. I just want to take it slow.” I pressed my lips against his, desperate to ignite the fire that had nearly flickered out. Derek backed me up against the bathroom wall, his body slamming hard against mine as he undid his pants and shoved them down his hips. Slow wasn’t an option and I squeezed my eyes closed, hoping he couldn’t feel how fast my heart was racing. I begged my brain to focus on the now.
The opening notes to “Free Bird” began to play in my mind, and I focused on the song as I let my mind detach from my body. I’d never enjoyed sex, but how do you explain that to your boyfriend? How do you even begin to tell the rock god you’re dating that you don’t feel like making love?
The lyrics grew louder in my subconscious as I let my imagination wander. Unfortunately, it went to the one thought I wished I could forget: kissing E.
9
ERIC
I COULDN’T GET MY mind off Sarah as I spun a beer bottle in my hand.
“Shit, you’ve got it f**king bad.” Chris laughed and took a drink from his bottle as he motioned for the bartender to bring another round.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“The f**k you don’t, man. You nearly killed Derek last night.”
“I was being a good friend. You would have done the same.”
“Maybe. But I would have told her what he did. Why wouldn’t you dime him out? She would have ran right into your arms.”
“Because I want her to want me, not settle for me.”
“That’s f**king deep. You’re starting to sound like Tuck.”
“That’s what scares me.”
The bartender brought our drinks and I picked mine up. Nodding to Chris, I slowly nursed it. “She won’t leave him. She thinks he’s changed.” I stared ahead at the half-empty bottles of beer.
“She say that?”
I nodded, hating how my chest tightened when I thought of her.
“What does Donna think about all this?”
“She knows we are just friends. We’re just having some fun.”
“Like when you nearly f**ked her on the dance floor last night? You’re treading in dangerous territory, man. Women don’t ever just want to be friends with benefits. They catch feelings faster than my brother gets STDs.”
I chuckled and shook my head as Chris pulled his phone from his pocket and typed out a message.
“What’s up?”
“Letting Terry know where we’re at.”
I grabbed my phone from my pocket and sent a text to Donna so she could come out with Terry and not have to walk alone. After we’d had a late lunch at the diner, she went back to her room to get some work done and set up dates and locations for our next tour.
Chris leaned over my shoulder to read my message.
“Get the f**k out of here, man.” I used my elbow to block him from reading over my shoulder.
“I can’t wait to watch this train wreck.”
TERRY SHOWED UP at the bar an hour later with Donna, who was wearing tight jeans and a black tank top that read DAMAGED across her chest. Unfortunately, he also brought Sarah and Derek. I downed the rest of my beer and ordered another as I prepared for a fight. I wasn’t sure Derek was stupid enough to say who f**ked up his face just to keep me from Sarah, but he had been known to make worse decisions.
The bar was smaller than the club we hit last night, but just as crowded. Donna sat on my knee and I looped my arm loosely around her waist as I absentmindedly pulled at a loose thread on the thigh of her jeans. I owed her big-time for playing the perfect girlfriend role, although I’m sure she was enjoying being included in the group. It had to be miserable always pushing everyone away.
Derek sat on the other side of Chris, and Sarah stood between his legs with her back resting against his chest. Her dark gray skirt only came down midthigh, and it was hard not to stare at her long legs.
I swallowed down my feelings so I could prove to her that we could just be friends. I wasn’t going to risk losing her over some stupid f**king crush.
“What the f**k happened to your face?” Chris called over to Derek, knowing damn well I was what happened.
“Fight was intense last night.” Derek looked around Chris to me. “I heard you came to find me. Good looking out, man.”
“It’s no big deal. I would do it again,” I smirked, and Terry laughed from behind me.
“Looks like it hurts,” Terry called out.
Derek shook his head with a laugh before his eyes locked on mine. “Sarah kissed it and made it better.” He pressed his lips against her cheek, and my skin felt as if it were on fire.
My eyes went to Sarah’s but she was looking down at the ground now and her cheeks were reddening as they had last night after I had kissed her.
Donna pulled at my arm that I had tightened around her waist to get me to relax so she could breathe. She leaned back, placing her lips next to my ear.
“If you snap me in half, I am going to demand a raise,” she whispered, and I laughed, turning to make a face at her, our lips nearly touching.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered back as I tried not to let Derek get to me.
“If he gets you to fight him in front of her, he wins, and I’m stuck trying to get you out of jail.”
“He already won. I won’t go after someone who doesn’t want me.”
Donna smiled sadly and nodded as she took my drink from my hand and took a sip. “Does this mean I need to find my own bar-stool?”
I gave her a small squeeze, holding her in place. “I’d be offended if you did. How much rejection can one man’s ego take?”
Inside, every piece of me felt fractured, but I smiled for the sake of saving my friendship. If Sarah needed to know I wasn’t going to pursue her, I would show her, even if it killed me inside to do it.
I placed a soft kiss on Donna’s cheek and she pressed into my lips. My eyes closed as I thought of being so close to Sarah in my hotel room. I could still smell her; feel the heat from her body. Even though she’d pushed me away, I still felt that a part of her had wanted to pull me closer . . . or had I just imagined it?
“I need to get some strange.” Chris began scanning the joint for women. “All this lovey-dovey shit is making me horny.”
Donna reached out and smacked him on the arm as he laughed at her. I kept a smile on my face, trying to mask the emptiness I felt inside. Maybe everyone was right. What was the harm in letting someone else in and taking my mind off Sarah? At least then she wouldn’t view me as a threat to her relationship, and I could still be near her. Maybe then we could just go back to being friends . . . and that would just have to be enough.
I dropped my hand to Donna’s thigh and rubbed over her jeans as I listened to the twins talk about new bands. Derek grew louder and more animated as he drank and argued over what the best band of all time was.
I felt my eyes drift to Sarah, who was deep in her own thoughts. Her dark hair was wild and messy around her face. She looked as if she’d just stepped off the beach or . . . I shook the thought of what she had been doing with Derek from my mind. Her eyes met mine as if she sensed I was thinking about her.
Terry’s hand clapped down on my shoulder. He had said something and I didn’t hear it.
“What?” I called out, trying to crane my neck to see him.
“Let’s play some pool.”
I nodded as Donna slid off my lap and I stood up behind her, my hands on her small waist. She had no idea how much easier she made all of this on me. Her friendship was the only thing keeping me off a ledge tonight. She glanced over her shoulder at me, smiling as her hand fell on mine, and she laced our fingers together, giving my hand a squeeze.
“You ready to get your ass kicked?” I asked next to her ear so only she could hear.
“As long as I don’t end up looking like Derek when you’re done with me,” she joked sarcastically as we made our way to the tables.
“He got off easy.” I sighed as I ran my free hand through my messy hair.
“That’s what she said,” Chris said quietly as he walked by.
10
SARAH
I HAD THE OVERWHELMING urge to write. My fingers burned to put ink to paper to try to sort out everything that was on my mind.
I sat down at a small table along the wall, and Donna took the seat on the other side as we watched the guys prepare for their game of pool.
“You all right?” she asked as I drummed my fingers on the table.
“Just thinking of some lyrics.” I smiled politely at her as my eyes went back to the guys. E and Terry were on one team against Derek and Chris. They were already taking jabs at each other as Chris broke.
“I wish I could put words down on a paper and have it come out as a beautiful song.”
“Some of the most beautiful songs come from pain,” I said sullenly as my eyes danced over E, who was bent over the table and lining up his shot.
“You and E are close, huh?”
Her words caught me off guard, and I quickly looked down at the chipping black paint on my nails. “We’re just friends.” I regretted using the word just, but Donna ignored it.
She nodded and took a sip from her beer as her eyes followed E around the pool table. “I’m worried about him.”
“Why? What did he say?” My voice rose an octave.
“You know E.” Her eyes fell to mine and she smiled sadly. “He doesn’t say much. But when he gets down, it is nearly impossible to pull him out of it. He doesn’t open up.”
E walked over, pool stick in hand, and grabbed Donna’s beer from the table, winking at her as he picked it up and put it to his lips.
“You winning?” she asked,
He smiled with a quick nod. He glanced at me but quickly looked back to Donna and kissed her on the forehead. “I’m doing all right.”
She smiled and reached out to run the pad of her thumb over the small cut on Eric’s bottom lip. “That looks like it hurts.”
“You should see the other guy.” He winked as he tucked her hair behind her ear and turned around to watch the game.
I picked at the chipping paint from my pinkie nail and watched the flake flutter to the dirty wooden floor as I hummed to myself.
“I’ll be right back,” E called to Donna and disappeared into the main bar area.
A few minutes later he returned with a pen and a piece of paper from an order pad. He set them down next to me and his lips curved up slightly.
I stopped humming, realizing that he had heard me.
“Write it down,” he said quietly, and turned back to the pool game. My heart stuttered at how well he knew me.
I flipped the paper over in my hand before jotting down a few lines.
I drove all night trying to escape,
the truth of you I cannot take,
On E and broken-down,
why is that bad luck follows when you come around?
“Get me a beer?” My eyes shot up to Derek’s and I nodded as I crumbled the paper and tossed it on the table.
I slid off my stool and made my way into the crowded bar. Country music blared from the speakers and I bobbed my head to the beat as I waited for the bartender to notice me. Fingers trailed over my lower back, followed by the unmistakable smell of E’s cologne. My body stiffened but his hand fell away, an easy smile on his face.
I ran a hot bath and slid into the tub, my hair piled on top of my head with a clip. I wanted to disappear underneath the bubbles so I didn’t have to face the world again. I closed my eyes, getting lost in the warmth.
“Why didn’t you wake me?” Derek’s voice startled me.
I jumped, splashing water over the edge of the tub. I tried not to let the fear from memories of my past show on my face. “You looked so peaceful. I figured you could use a little more sleep.”
He lifted the lid to the toilet and peed.
I gave him a look of disgust as I pushed myself up and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around myself. The bubbles still clung to my skin, but I needed to get out of there. The room was closing in on me. Derek zipped up his pants and grabbed my arm as I tried to walk by him and out the door. His nose skimmed along my jawline up to my ear.
“I know how you could make me feel better.” His teeth nipped gently on my earlobe, and his hand trailed down my arm and gripped the towel in his hand, pulling it from my body and letting it fall to the floor. “It killed me not being here with you last night.”
He turned toward me, lacing his hands behind my neck and pulling my mouth to his, reminding me of what had drawn us together in the first place—that magnetic pull that was impossible to deny. Those strong arms that had always made me feel so protected.
Derek’s kisses were hungry and he grabbed his shirt, pulling it over his head and dropping it on the towel. My eyes danced over his tattooed chest before he pulled me back against him, needing to feel his skin on mine. His palm ran roughly over my breast as his lips moved over my jaw and down my throat.
The memories of kissing E flooded me, and my head began to swim with regret as I pushed against his chest to get away from his touch. I wasn’t feeling guilty for keeping it a secret. I felt guilty because I’d liked it.
“What’s gotten into you?”
“Nothing. I just want to take it slow.” I pressed my lips against his, desperate to ignite the fire that had nearly flickered out. Derek backed me up against the bathroom wall, his body slamming hard against mine as he undid his pants and shoved them down his hips. Slow wasn’t an option and I squeezed my eyes closed, hoping he couldn’t feel how fast my heart was racing. I begged my brain to focus on the now.
The opening notes to “Free Bird” began to play in my mind, and I focused on the song as I let my mind detach from my body. I’d never enjoyed sex, but how do you explain that to your boyfriend? How do you even begin to tell the rock god you’re dating that you don’t feel like making love?
The lyrics grew louder in my subconscious as I let my imagination wander. Unfortunately, it went to the one thought I wished I could forget: kissing E.
9
ERIC
I COULDN’T GET MY mind off Sarah as I spun a beer bottle in my hand.
“Shit, you’ve got it f**king bad.” Chris laughed and took a drink from his bottle as he motioned for the bartender to bring another round.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“The f**k you don’t, man. You nearly killed Derek last night.”
“I was being a good friend. You would have done the same.”
“Maybe. But I would have told her what he did. Why wouldn’t you dime him out? She would have ran right into your arms.”
“Because I want her to want me, not settle for me.”
“That’s f**king deep. You’re starting to sound like Tuck.”
“That’s what scares me.”
The bartender brought our drinks and I picked mine up. Nodding to Chris, I slowly nursed it. “She won’t leave him. She thinks he’s changed.” I stared ahead at the half-empty bottles of beer.
“She say that?”
I nodded, hating how my chest tightened when I thought of her.
“What does Donna think about all this?”
“She knows we are just friends. We’re just having some fun.”
“Like when you nearly f**ked her on the dance floor last night? You’re treading in dangerous territory, man. Women don’t ever just want to be friends with benefits. They catch feelings faster than my brother gets STDs.”
I chuckled and shook my head as Chris pulled his phone from his pocket and typed out a message.
“What’s up?”
“Letting Terry know where we’re at.”
I grabbed my phone from my pocket and sent a text to Donna so she could come out with Terry and not have to walk alone. After we’d had a late lunch at the diner, she went back to her room to get some work done and set up dates and locations for our next tour.
Chris leaned over my shoulder to read my message.
“Get the f**k out of here, man.” I used my elbow to block him from reading over my shoulder.
“I can’t wait to watch this train wreck.”
TERRY SHOWED UP at the bar an hour later with Donna, who was wearing tight jeans and a black tank top that read DAMAGED across her chest. Unfortunately, he also brought Sarah and Derek. I downed the rest of my beer and ordered another as I prepared for a fight. I wasn’t sure Derek was stupid enough to say who f**ked up his face just to keep me from Sarah, but he had been known to make worse decisions.
The bar was smaller than the club we hit last night, but just as crowded. Donna sat on my knee and I looped my arm loosely around her waist as I absentmindedly pulled at a loose thread on the thigh of her jeans. I owed her big-time for playing the perfect girlfriend role, although I’m sure she was enjoying being included in the group. It had to be miserable always pushing everyone away.
Derek sat on the other side of Chris, and Sarah stood between his legs with her back resting against his chest. Her dark gray skirt only came down midthigh, and it was hard not to stare at her long legs.
I swallowed down my feelings so I could prove to her that we could just be friends. I wasn’t going to risk losing her over some stupid f**king crush.
“What the f**k happened to your face?” Chris called over to Derek, knowing damn well I was what happened.
“Fight was intense last night.” Derek looked around Chris to me. “I heard you came to find me. Good looking out, man.”
“It’s no big deal. I would do it again,” I smirked, and Terry laughed from behind me.
“Looks like it hurts,” Terry called out.
Derek shook his head with a laugh before his eyes locked on mine. “Sarah kissed it and made it better.” He pressed his lips against her cheek, and my skin felt as if it were on fire.
My eyes went to Sarah’s but she was looking down at the ground now and her cheeks were reddening as they had last night after I had kissed her.
Donna pulled at my arm that I had tightened around her waist to get me to relax so she could breathe. She leaned back, placing her lips next to my ear.
“If you snap me in half, I am going to demand a raise,” she whispered, and I laughed, turning to make a face at her, our lips nearly touching.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered back as I tried not to let Derek get to me.
“If he gets you to fight him in front of her, he wins, and I’m stuck trying to get you out of jail.”
“He already won. I won’t go after someone who doesn’t want me.”
Donna smiled sadly and nodded as she took my drink from my hand and took a sip. “Does this mean I need to find my own bar-stool?”
I gave her a small squeeze, holding her in place. “I’d be offended if you did. How much rejection can one man’s ego take?”
Inside, every piece of me felt fractured, but I smiled for the sake of saving my friendship. If Sarah needed to know I wasn’t going to pursue her, I would show her, even if it killed me inside to do it.
I placed a soft kiss on Donna’s cheek and she pressed into my lips. My eyes closed as I thought of being so close to Sarah in my hotel room. I could still smell her; feel the heat from her body. Even though she’d pushed me away, I still felt that a part of her had wanted to pull me closer . . . or had I just imagined it?
“I need to get some strange.” Chris began scanning the joint for women. “All this lovey-dovey shit is making me horny.”
Donna reached out and smacked him on the arm as he laughed at her. I kept a smile on my face, trying to mask the emptiness I felt inside. Maybe everyone was right. What was the harm in letting someone else in and taking my mind off Sarah? At least then she wouldn’t view me as a threat to her relationship, and I could still be near her. Maybe then we could just go back to being friends . . . and that would just have to be enough.
I dropped my hand to Donna’s thigh and rubbed over her jeans as I listened to the twins talk about new bands. Derek grew louder and more animated as he drank and argued over what the best band of all time was.
I felt my eyes drift to Sarah, who was deep in her own thoughts. Her dark hair was wild and messy around her face. She looked as if she’d just stepped off the beach or . . . I shook the thought of what she had been doing with Derek from my mind. Her eyes met mine as if she sensed I was thinking about her.
Terry’s hand clapped down on my shoulder. He had said something and I didn’t hear it.
“What?” I called out, trying to crane my neck to see him.
“Let’s play some pool.”
I nodded as Donna slid off my lap and I stood up behind her, my hands on her small waist. She had no idea how much easier she made all of this on me. Her friendship was the only thing keeping me off a ledge tonight. She glanced over her shoulder at me, smiling as her hand fell on mine, and she laced our fingers together, giving my hand a squeeze.
“You ready to get your ass kicked?” I asked next to her ear so only she could hear.
“As long as I don’t end up looking like Derek when you’re done with me,” she joked sarcastically as we made our way to the tables.
“He got off easy.” I sighed as I ran my free hand through my messy hair.
“That’s what she said,” Chris said quietly as he walked by.
10
SARAH
I HAD THE OVERWHELMING urge to write. My fingers burned to put ink to paper to try to sort out everything that was on my mind.
I sat down at a small table along the wall, and Donna took the seat on the other side as we watched the guys prepare for their game of pool.
“You all right?” she asked as I drummed my fingers on the table.
“Just thinking of some lyrics.” I smiled politely at her as my eyes went back to the guys. E and Terry were on one team against Derek and Chris. They were already taking jabs at each other as Chris broke.
“I wish I could put words down on a paper and have it come out as a beautiful song.”
“Some of the most beautiful songs come from pain,” I said sullenly as my eyes danced over E, who was bent over the table and lining up his shot.
“You and E are close, huh?”
Her words caught me off guard, and I quickly looked down at the chipping black paint on my nails. “We’re just friends.” I regretted using the word just, but Donna ignored it.
She nodded and took a sip from her beer as her eyes followed E around the pool table. “I’m worried about him.”
“Why? What did he say?” My voice rose an octave.
“You know E.” Her eyes fell to mine and she smiled sadly. “He doesn’t say much. But when he gets down, it is nearly impossible to pull him out of it. He doesn’t open up.”
E walked over, pool stick in hand, and grabbed Donna’s beer from the table, winking at her as he picked it up and put it to his lips.
“You winning?” she asked,
He smiled with a quick nod. He glanced at me but quickly looked back to Donna and kissed her on the forehead. “I’m doing all right.”
She smiled and reached out to run the pad of her thumb over the small cut on Eric’s bottom lip. “That looks like it hurts.”
“You should see the other guy.” He winked as he tucked her hair behind her ear and turned around to watch the game.
I picked at the chipping paint from my pinkie nail and watched the flake flutter to the dirty wooden floor as I hummed to myself.
“I’ll be right back,” E called to Donna and disappeared into the main bar area.
A few minutes later he returned with a pen and a piece of paper from an order pad. He set them down next to me and his lips curved up slightly.
I stopped humming, realizing that he had heard me.
“Write it down,” he said quietly, and turned back to the pool game. My heart stuttered at how well he knew me.
I flipped the paper over in my hand before jotting down a few lines.
I drove all night trying to escape,
the truth of you I cannot take,
On E and broken-down,
why is that bad luck follows when you come around?
“Get me a beer?” My eyes shot up to Derek’s and I nodded as I crumbled the paper and tossed it on the table.
I slid off my stool and made my way into the crowded bar. Country music blared from the speakers and I bobbed my head to the beat as I waited for the bartender to notice me. Fingers trailed over my lower back, followed by the unmistakable smell of E’s cologne. My body stiffened but his hand fell away, an easy smile on his face.
