Why Not Tonight
Page 55
She continued to back up until she bumped into the table. Then she turned and raced for the door.
“I’m going to check on the food,” she said. “I’ll be right back.”
Silver only smiled. “I’ll be here.”
Natalie waited until she was alone in the hallway, then crouched down and wrapped her arms around her stomach.
She wasn’t in love with Ronan. She refused to be! No. This was just them having fun. It was easy and great and she liked being around him, but anything else wasn’t going to happen. It couldn’t. He didn’t want a relationship that would last forever and she couldn’t accept anything else. So there would be no “in love” for them. Just this fun stuff, and then, well, she wasn’t sure what the “then” was, but it wasn’t love. It couldn’t be. His hiding from his brothers proved her point.
She forced herself to her feet. She had a rehearsal dinner to help with and then the wedding tomorrow. For now, she would let it all go. Ellen and Barry needed her. As for the rest of it, chances were her problems would be patiently waiting for her after that.
* * *
THE WEDDING STARTED on time exactly at three. By five, it was a party.
“What is it with zip lines at weddings?” Natalie asked Pallas as they paused in the kitchen to grab a glass of water before heading back to work.
“I know, right? We had that one last year and I honestly never thought I’d have reason to call the guy again. Still, it’s a fun and memorable addition.” She sat on a chair in the corner, leaning her head against the wall. “I feel so much better. Still tired, but better.”
“You look good.”
Pallas smiled. “Thanks. In a couple of months, I’ll be a whale, so I’m trying to really enjoy all the compliments I’m getting now.”
“First, you will never be a whale. Second, you’re having a baby. It’s worth it and you know it.”
“I do. I’m so happy.” She touched her stomach. She looked at Natalie. “Have you talked to Ronan?”
“Not today. But I saw him Thursday. Why?”
“I don’t know. Nick’s worried. Everything was okay and then it all blew up at the tournament.” She got up. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. We have a reception to get through. Have I mentioned how much I appreciate your help?”
“About a thousand times,” Natalie said, pretending to be totally fine with what they’d just talked about. “Renee is going to be jealous.”
“You think? I’m still having trouble reading her, although I certainly can’t complain about her work. She’s amazing, but sometimes, when she doesn’t know I’m looking, I would swear she’s...” Pallas hesitated. “I’m not sure. Sad, I guess. Not that it’s any of my business. Okay, I’m rested. You ready to go back and deal with our slightly drunk guests?”
“I’m here to do whatever makes your day easier.”
Pallas chuckled. “That makes me love you even more!”
* * *
NATALIE MADE HER escape close to eight o’clock. She wasn’t sure how long the party would go, but Pallas was heading home, leaving Renee in charge, and she’d told Natalie she was free to go, as well. Natalie sat in her shiny red car for a couple of seconds as she tried to figure out what she was going to do. Going back to her place was one option. She was tired and wanted to just sleep the whole night. But she couldn’t stop thinking about Ronan and all that had, or hadn’t, happened in the past week.
He was pulling away from her. She could feel it, and while she tried to understand why, she found herself getting more and more pissed. He’d come so far and now he was retreating and she knew exactly what would happen then. He wouldn’t be able to work, he wouldn’t be happy and he wouldn’t want to be with her.
Her anger gave her a burst of energy. She pulled out of the parking lot and headed up the mountain. She pulled into the driveway and gave herself a second to really get her juices flowing, then stomped up to the front door and rang the bell.
Ronan answered quickly, looking surprised. “Hi. Did I know you were coming by after the wedding?”
“No.” She pushed past him, then waited while he closed the door behind her. “You didn’t. I want to talk.”
His expression turned wary. “Okay,” he said slowly. “Should we go into the—”
“No,” she interrupted. “We should stay right here. I don’t want to be comfortable and I’m not staying long.” She tried to think of something rational to say, but all that came out was “You’re a butthead. A complete and total butthead.”
Ronan’s mouth tightened, but he didn’t speak.
She glared at him. “Worse, you’re stupid. You know what you’re doing and you know the consequences, but here you are hiding out, anyway. You’re probably thinking about leaving. Am I right?”
She didn’t bother waiting for an answer. “But here’s the thing. You like what’s been happening to you. You like it a lot. You like hanging out with me. You like what we have. You also enjoy being with your brothers and working in the gallery studio again. You’re creating and that’s got to feel like you can finally draw in a full breath. But is it enough? Of course not.”
She put her hands on her hips. “You know what’s going to happen. You’re going to cut yourself off from everyone and then what? You won’t be able to work anymore. You’ll be stuck, like you were before, only it will be worse this time because you just had everything you wanted and you lost it because you’re a stupid butthead.”
“You have no idea what I’m dealing with.”
He spoke between clenched teeth, which made her wonder how mad he was. She supposed she should have been afraid, but it was too late for that.
“You’re right. I don’t. So here’s the thing—you’re not dying. You’re not sick. You haven’t lost a child, or your job or your house. You’re not worried about how to deal with your mom’s Alzheimer’s when you can’t afford care and you have to work and she’s started wandering around the neighborhood. You have as much money as God, a family who loves you and a hell of a cute girlfriend.”
Her voice was getting louder, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself. “I’m sorry about your dad and what he did and I’m sorry you don’t know who your biological mother is, but you know what? You have a mom who loves you and you don’t care. That is wrong. People care about you and you’re going to throw it all away because you’re a stupid butthead and you liked being in the world again.”
She drew in a breath, then realized she’d said all she wanted, so she walked past him to the front door. Once she was in the car, she started it and headed down the mountain.
By the time she got home, she was shaking. Possibly from fatigue, possibly from emotional overload. She forced herself to eat some cheese and crackers and drink some water before pulling on yoga pants and a T-shirt. She would veg out in front of the TV until she felt sleepy, and then she would go to bed. As for Ronan, she honestly didn’t know what was going to happen. She’d told him the truth. She didn’t have anything else to give.
She’d barely settled on the sofa when she heard a knock at her door. Her heart fluttered and ridiculous hope flared. She had it bad, she thought grimly as she walked to the door.
“I’m going to check on the food,” she said. “I’ll be right back.”
Silver only smiled. “I’ll be here.”
Natalie waited until she was alone in the hallway, then crouched down and wrapped her arms around her stomach.
She wasn’t in love with Ronan. She refused to be! No. This was just them having fun. It was easy and great and she liked being around him, but anything else wasn’t going to happen. It couldn’t. He didn’t want a relationship that would last forever and she couldn’t accept anything else. So there would be no “in love” for them. Just this fun stuff, and then, well, she wasn’t sure what the “then” was, but it wasn’t love. It couldn’t be. His hiding from his brothers proved her point.
She forced herself to her feet. She had a rehearsal dinner to help with and then the wedding tomorrow. For now, she would let it all go. Ellen and Barry needed her. As for the rest of it, chances were her problems would be patiently waiting for her after that.
* * *
THE WEDDING STARTED on time exactly at three. By five, it was a party.
“What is it with zip lines at weddings?” Natalie asked Pallas as they paused in the kitchen to grab a glass of water before heading back to work.
“I know, right? We had that one last year and I honestly never thought I’d have reason to call the guy again. Still, it’s a fun and memorable addition.” She sat on a chair in the corner, leaning her head against the wall. “I feel so much better. Still tired, but better.”
“You look good.”
Pallas smiled. “Thanks. In a couple of months, I’ll be a whale, so I’m trying to really enjoy all the compliments I’m getting now.”
“First, you will never be a whale. Second, you’re having a baby. It’s worth it and you know it.”
“I do. I’m so happy.” She touched her stomach. She looked at Natalie. “Have you talked to Ronan?”
“Not today. But I saw him Thursday. Why?”
“I don’t know. Nick’s worried. Everything was okay and then it all blew up at the tournament.” She got up. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. We have a reception to get through. Have I mentioned how much I appreciate your help?”
“About a thousand times,” Natalie said, pretending to be totally fine with what they’d just talked about. “Renee is going to be jealous.”
“You think? I’m still having trouble reading her, although I certainly can’t complain about her work. She’s amazing, but sometimes, when she doesn’t know I’m looking, I would swear she’s...” Pallas hesitated. “I’m not sure. Sad, I guess. Not that it’s any of my business. Okay, I’m rested. You ready to go back and deal with our slightly drunk guests?”
“I’m here to do whatever makes your day easier.”
Pallas chuckled. “That makes me love you even more!”
* * *
NATALIE MADE HER escape close to eight o’clock. She wasn’t sure how long the party would go, but Pallas was heading home, leaving Renee in charge, and she’d told Natalie she was free to go, as well. Natalie sat in her shiny red car for a couple of seconds as she tried to figure out what she was going to do. Going back to her place was one option. She was tired and wanted to just sleep the whole night. But she couldn’t stop thinking about Ronan and all that had, or hadn’t, happened in the past week.
He was pulling away from her. She could feel it, and while she tried to understand why, she found herself getting more and more pissed. He’d come so far and now he was retreating and she knew exactly what would happen then. He wouldn’t be able to work, he wouldn’t be happy and he wouldn’t want to be with her.
Her anger gave her a burst of energy. She pulled out of the parking lot and headed up the mountain. She pulled into the driveway and gave herself a second to really get her juices flowing, then stomped up to the front door and rang the bell.
Ronan answered quickly, looking surprised. “Hi. Did I know you were coming by after the wedding?”
“No.” She pushed past him, then waited while he closed the door behind her. “You didn’t. I want to talk.”
His expression turned wary. “Okay,” he said slowly. “Should we go into the—”
“No,” she interrupted. “We should stay right here. I don’t want to be comfortable and I’m not staying long.” She tried to think of something rational to say, but all that came out was “You’re a butthead. A complete and total butthead.”
Ronan’s mouth tightened, but he didn’t speak.
She glared at him. “Worse, you’re stupid. You know what you’re doing and you know the consequences, but here you are hiding out, anyway. You’re probably thinking about leaving. Am I right?”
She didn’t bother waiting for an answer. “But here’s the thing. You like what’s been happening to you. You like it a lot. You like hanging out with me. You like what we have. You also enjoy being with your brothers and working in the gallery studio again. You’re creating and that’s got to feel like you can finally draw in a full breath. But is it enough? Of course not.”
She put her hands on her hips. “You know what’s going to happen. You’re going to cut yourself off from everyone and then what? You won’t be able to work anymore. You’ll be stuck, like you were before, only it will be worse this time because you just had everything you wanted and you lost it because you’re a stupid butthead.”
“You have no idea what I’m dealing with.”
He spoke between clenched teeth, which made her wonder how mad he was. She supposed she should have been afraid, but it was too late for that.
“You’re right. I don’t. So here’s the thing—you’re not dying. You’re not sick. You haven’t lost a child, or your job or your house. You’re not worried about how to deal with your mom’s Alzheimer’s when you can’t afford care and you have to work and she’s started wandering around the neighborhood. You have as much money as God, a family who loves you and a hell of a cute girlfriend.”
Her voice was getting louder, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself. “I’m sorry about your dad and what he did and I’m sorry you don’t know who your biological mother is, but you know what? You have a mom who loves you and you don’t care. That is wrong. People care about you and you’re going to throw it all away because you’re a stupid butthead and you liked being in the world again.”
She drew in a breath, then realized she’d said all she wanted, so she walked past him to the front door. Once she was in the car, she started it and headed down the mountain.
By the time she got home, she was shaking. Possibly from fatigue, possibly from emotional overload. She forced herself to eat some cheese and crackers and drink some water before pulling on yoga pants and a T-shirt. She would veg out in front of the TV until she felt sleepy, and then she would go to bed. As for Ronan, she honestly didn’t know what was going to happen. She’d told him the truth. She didn’t have anything else to give.
She’d barely settled on the sofa when she heard a knock at her door. Her heart fluttered and ridiculous hope flared. She had it bad, she thought grimly as she walked to the door.
