Why Not Tonight
Page 58
Natalie didn’t know all the details but she’d heard that the couple had been hot and heavy back in high school. Things had gone awry, and while they’d never gotten back together again, there were rumors that Drew was more than a little interested in winning back the platinum blonde he’d once sworn to love forever.
Silver shook her head. “Let me be clear. I was not talking about myself.”
“If you’re sure.”
“I am. Now what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. I’m scared on so many levels.”
She’d never thought she would fall in love. She’d even been considering having a baby on her own. Okay, not considering, but toying with the idea. Now she knew that wasn’t possible—at least not for a long time. She loved Ronan—she wanted to be with him. She wanted him to be “the one” and have them get married and start a family together. She wanted the fantasy. But she needed him to want it, too, and right now he wouldn’t even admit Elaine was his mother.
“He won’t love me back. He doesn’t trust emotionally because he’s too closed off.”
“He’s changing.”
“Not enough.” Of that she was sure.
“How do you know?” Silver asked. “Maybe your love is what he needs to push him over the edge.” She smiled. “In a good way.”
Natalie was having a little trouble in the faith department. “You’re saying I should just walk up to Ronan and tell him I love him and everything will be fine?”
Silver shrugged. “Yeah, I’m not sure Ronan is that guy, but that’s about him, not you. But maybe you should try.”
Maybe, she thought, trying to imagine the moment. What would he do? Accept her love? Walk away? Maybe it was better not to know.
Like with the pregnancy?
The voice was so soft she barely heard it, but the words resonated all the same. Natalie had promised herself to do better next time. Was she going to keep her word or not?
“I’ll tell him,” she said aloud, so the words had more power. “I’m going to trust him to be okay. I should tell him how I feel and that I believe in him. Then he can make his own decision.”
“That’s very mature of you.”
Natalie drew in a breath. “I hope so. Regardless, it’s right. I’m hoping that my believing in him is going to help him believe in himself.”
“You really are an optimist.”
“I’m in love. What else would I be?”
* * *
IT TOOK NATALIE three days to internalize the whole concept of being in love with Ronan. She had to think about her past and what she’d done both right and wrong before she could accept that when she hadn’t been looking or paying attention, she’d made the most significant decision of her life.
Once she’d accepted the truth of it, she had reveled in knowing her heart was open and happy and ready to accept the one man meant for her, she knew the next step was telling him. She needed him to hear the words—for his sake and for her own. She wanted to declare herself, to be honest and open. He’d had so much deception already. She sensed in her gut that the way to connect with him was to bare her soul...or, in this case, her heart. What he did after that was up to him.
With that in mind, she invited him to dinner, then picked up takeout from the Italian place they both loved.
“Hey, you,” Ronan said when he arrived. He kissed her. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in a while.”
“There’s been a lot going on.” She stared into his green eyes and saw the affection there. Her worry faded. He’d come so far. He was realizing how much love and family mattered. Maybe this would be okay.
They walked into the kitchen and he opened the wine he’d brought. “Tell me what’s been going on.”
She smiled. “Different things. I’m trying to keep my expectations low on selling the burned piece while at the same time planning for what to do if it does sell. I’ve been working on a budget, figuring out exactly how much I need to pay my bills. I’m nowhere near ready to quit my job, but I’d like to take off a couple weeks at a time. I don’t want to waste the days, so I need to know what I’m going to be doing. Obviously the big flower project for Atsuko, but there are other things, too.”
“You have been busy.” He handed her a glass of wine and they went into the living room and sat facing each other on the sofa. “I’m so proud of you.”
“Thank you. Like I said, I’m trying to manage my expectations.”
“You’ve never had trouble selling anything before.”
She wrinkled her nose. “I’ve never had a piece priced so high.”
“It’ll sell. Trust me. I have total faith in you.”
She believed him yet wondered if total faith was the same as love.
“Enough about my still-uncertain future. How are you doing? Last I saw, great progress had been made on your commission.”
“That’s still the case. I’m starting to think about shipping and installation. Both are going to take some time.” He touched her face. “You should come with me. We’ll have a great time.”
“You’ll be busy, working sixteen-hour days to get the installation right. You won’t have time to miss me.”
“You’re wrong.”
She felt her stomach tighten. Did he mean that? Because if he did, maybe she wasn’t the only one to realize what had happened. Maybe it was all going to work out.
He chuckled. “What are you thinking? You have the strangest expression.”
“I want to show you something.”
She grabbed her laptop keyboard and opened the slide show she’d prepared, then brought the laptop back to the sofa and sat so Ronan could see the screen.
“What is that?” he asked, staring at a color photograph of his father’s work. “If you’re trying to break the mood, you’re doing a really good job.”
“Just look. Don’t think about the artist—he’s not important. Think about the art. That one.” She stopped the slide show on a massive glass wave that was all the colors of the sea. She half expected to see a dolphin jumping out of the water at any second. She would swear she could see the shadow of it, deep in the glass.
“He has a gift,” she said. “What he creates can be beautiful.” She started the show again and the pictures showed the darker side of his creations. Sharp, angry pieces that seemed to suck in all the light and happiness appeared on the screen.
“Some of his pieces are more to be appreciated rather than admired,” she continued. “But love it or hate it, his work inspires emotion.”
“If you say so.”
“You know I’m right.”
Ronan put down his wine. “Why are you doing this, Natalie? What’s the point?”
“If he wasn’t who he is, you wouldn’t be who you are. You get your ability to create from him. Can you imagine who you would be without that?”
“No.”
“So there is a plus side to having him as your dad.”
He looked at her. “And?”
She put the computer on the coffee table and faced him. “Like all of us, you’re the sum of your parts. I never knew my dad, but my mom loved him. I guess what I have inside that I didn’t see in my mom comes from him. I have no idea what kind of man he was, but I trust her and I trust who I am.”
Silver shook her head. “Let me be clear. I was not talking about myself.”
“If you’re sure.”
“I am. Now what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. I’m scared on so many levels.”
She’d never thought she would fall in love. She’d even been considering having a baby on her own. Okay, not considering, but toying with the idea. Now she knew that wasn’t possible—at least not for a long time. She loved Ronan—she wanted to be with him. She wanted him to be “the one” and have them get married and start a family together. She wanted the fantasy. But she needed him to want it, too, and right now he wouldn’t even admit Elaine was his mother.
“He won’t love me back. He doesn’t trust emotionally because he’s too closed off.”
“He’s changing.”
“Not enough.” Of that she was sure.
“How do you know?” Silver asked. “Maybe your love is what he needs to push him over the edge.” She smiled. “In a good way.”
Natalie was having a little trouble in the faith department. “You’re saying I should just walk up to Ronan and tell him I love him and everything will be fine?”
Silver shrugged. “Yeah, I’m not sure Ronan is that guy, but that’s about him, not you. But maybe you should try.”
Maybe, she thought, trying to imagine the moment. What would he do? Accept her love? Walk away? Maybe it was better not to know.
Like with the pregnancy?
The voice was so soft she barely heard it, but the words resonated all the same. Natalie had promised herself to do better next time. Was she going to keep her word or not?
“I’ll tell him,” she said aloud, so the words had more power. “I’m going to trust him to be okay. I should tell him how I feel and that I believe in him. Then he can make his own decision.”
“That’s very mature of you.”
Natalie drew in a breath. “I hope so. Regardless, it’s right. I’m hoping that my believing in him is going to help him believe in himself.”
“You really are an optimist.”
“I’m in love. What else would I be?”
* * *
IT TOOK NATALIE three days to internalize the whole concept of being in love with Ronan. She had to think about her past and what she’d done both right and wrong before she could accept that when she hadn’t been looking or paying attention, she’d made the most significant decision of her life.
Once she’d accepted the truth of it, she had reveled in knowing her heart was open and happy and ready to accept the one man meant for her, she knew the next step was telling him. She needed him to hear the words—for his sake and for her own. She wanted to declare herself, to be honest and open. He’d had so much deception already. She sensed in her gut that the way to connect with him was to bare her soul...or, in this case, her heart. What he did after that was up to him.
With that in mind, she invited him to dinner, then picked up takeout from the Italian place they both loved.
“Hey, you,” Ronan said when he arrived. He kissed her. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in a while.”
“There’s been a lot going on.” She stared into his green eyes and saw the affection there. Her worry faded. He’d come so far. He was realizing how much love and family mattered. Maybe this would be okay.
They walked into the kitchen and he opened the wine he’d brought. “Tell me what’s been going on.”
She smiled. “Different things. I’m trying to keep my expectations low on selling the burned piece while at the same time planning for what to do if it does sell. I’ve been working on a budget, figuring out exactly how much I need to pay my bills. I’m nowhere near ready to quit my job, but I’d like to take off a couple weeks at a time. I don’t want to waste the days, so I need to know what I’m going to be doing. Obviously the big flower project for Atsuko, but there are other things, too.”
“You have been busy.” He handed her a glass of wine and they went into the living room and sat facing each other on the sofa. “I’m so proud of you.”
“Thank you. Like I said, I’m trying to manage my expectations.”
“You’ve never had trouble selling anything before.”
She wrinkled her nose. “I’ve never had a piece priced so high.”
“It’ll sell. Trust me. I have total faith in you.”
She believed him yet wondered if total faith was the same as love.
“Enough about my still-uncertain future. How are you doing? Last I saw, great progress had been made on your commission.”
“That’s still the case. I’m starting to think about shipping and installation. Both are going to take some time.” He touched her face. “You should come with me. We’ll have a great time.”
“You’ll be busy, working sixteen-hour days to get the installation right. You won’t have time to miss me.”
“You’re wrong.”
She felt her stomach tighten. Did he mean that? Because if he did, maybe she wasn’t the only one to realize what had happened. Maybe it was all going to work out.
He chuckled. “What are you thinking? You have the strangest expression.”
“I want to show you something.”
She grabbed her laptop keyboard and opened the slide show she’d prepared, then brought the laptop back to the sofa and sat so Ronan could see the screen.
“What is that?” he asked, staring at a color photograph of his father’s work. “If you’re trying to break the mood, you’re doing a really good job.”
“Just look. Don’t think about the artist—he’s not important. Think about the art. That one.” She stopped the slide show on a massive glass wave that was all the colors of the sea. She half expected to see a dolphin jumping out of the water at any second. She would swear she could see the shadow of it, deep in the glass.
“He has a gift,” she said. “What he creates can be beautiful.” She started the show again and the pictures showed the darker side of his creations. Sharp, angry pieces that seemed to suck in all the light and happiness appeared on the screen.
“Some of his pieces are more to be appreciated rather than admired,” she continued. “But love it or hate it, his work inspires emotion.”
“If you say so.”
“You know I’m right.”
Ronan put down his wine. “Why are you doing this, Natalie? What’s the point?”
“If he wasn’t who he is, you wouldn’t be who you are. You get your ability to create from him. Can you imagine who you would be without that?”
“No.”
“So there is a plus side to having him as your dad.”
He looked at her. “And?”
She put the computer on the coffee table and faced him. “Like all of us, you’re the sum of your parts. I never knew my dad, but my mom loved him. I guess what I have inside that I didn’t see in my mom comes from him. I have no idea what kind of man he was, but I trust her and I trust who I am.”
