Why Not Tonight
Page 63
“She’s flawed, Ronan. Everyone is. We make mistakes. I’m sure if she could go back, she would do things differently. Wouldn’t you?”
He nodded.
“You need to go talk to her. Tell her what happened.”
He looked at her for a long time. Silence stretched out between them. For a second she was terrified she’d gone too far and that he was going to get mad at her. Then she told herself to suck it up. If Ronan got mad, she would tell him he was wrong and they both knew it. The break with the woman who had raised him had gone on far too long and it was time to fix things. If he couldn’t see that, he was a stupid butthead, which she had told him before.
Before she got much mad going, he smiled. “You’re right. I need to go to Fool’s Gold. Want to come with me?”
“What?”
“I’m going to drive up there tomorrow. Come with me. We’ll take a couple of days off and see the sights.” He reached across the table and took her hand. “If you don’t want to, I understand, but I’m hoping you’ll go with me. We have things to talk about.”
Hope fluttered insistently. Natalie supposed the smart thing would be to protect herself, but she didn’t know how to do that. Not when she loved Ronan as much as she did.
“Of course I’ll go with you. How long will we be gone?”
He thought for a second. “If we leave early tomorrow, we can be there by the afternoon, then cut across to San Francisco. Let’s spend a couple of nights there. We can hang out in the city.”
She smiled. “I’d like that. Let me text Atsuko and tell her I won’t be in. Oh, and I need to pack and...”
He rose and pulled her to her feet, then kissed her. “You have a lot to do. Let me get out of your hair. I’ll be back tomorrow. How early is too early?”
“Does six work?” Which was early, but she doubted she would be sleeping much that night.
“Six is perfect. See you then.”
Ronan kissed her again before letting himself out. Natalie stood in the middle of the kitchen, her thoughts swirling. He was going home to talk to the woman who had raised him. That was good, right? He was making peace with his past and he wanted her along. Maybe he was thinking they could have a future together. Ronan was many things, but he wasn’t cruel. He knew exactly how she felt and she trusted him not to lead her on.
She told herself she would find out when she found out, then tidied the kitchen before going into her bedroom to figure out what she should pack. San Francisco was a beautiful city, but slightly more upscale than Happily Inc. As for Fool’s Gold, she was totally flummoxed about that. There would be a long car ride, so comfort was important, but at the other end would be Ronan’s mother! Not that they would necessarily meet, but still. She needed a plan.
By two in the morning, she was as ready as she was going to be. Now she simply had to wait and see how the events unfolded and hope that when it was all over Ronan would be willing to admit that he needed her in his life.
* * *
“THANKS FOR COMING with me,” Ronan said as they headed north on I-5 toward Business 80. He’d told himself everything was fine, but couldn’t help the sense of apprehension that weighed on him.
Natalie shifted in her seat. “You’ve already thanked me like a thousand times. I’m happy to be here with you. I mean that.”
“A thousand times? Really?”
She laughed. “Okay, maybe more like four hundred, but still.”
He reached across the console of the truck and took her hand in his. She squeezed his fingers. So far they hadn’t talked about their relationship, but he knew that time was coming. She deserved to hear him tell her about his feelings and she would. Just as soon as he cleared things up with Elaine.
He hadn’t slept in a couple of days, but he wasn’t tired. More on edge, he thought. Running on adrenaline. He would have to sleep at some point, but not until all this was resolved.
“I made reservations at a hotel in San Francisco,” he told her. “For tonight and tomorrow night. That will give us a day to sightsee.”
“I’d like that. Did you tell Elaine we’re stopping by?”
He nodded. “I texted her last night. She said she would be home all afternoon.”
He wasn’t sure about Ceallach. He had no interest in seeing his father, but if the old man was there, Ronan figured he would deal as best he could.
“You said your hometown has a lot of festivals,” Natalie said. “What do you mean?”
“They celebrate everything. There’s a waterskiing festival and a casserole cook-off in the winter. Parades all the time.” He grinned at her. “Christmas is the best. From Thanksgiving until New Year’s, there’s something going on. Right after Thanksgiving, a huge tree goes up in the center of town. There’s a Day of Giving, when all the local charities have booths and there’s an animal adoption. Every Christmas Eve we went to see the Dance of the Winter King put on by the local dance school, then to midnight services.”
“You were busy.”
“Always. Growing up there was great. We were able to run around as much as we wanted. The town is safe and friendly. If one of us got into trouble, someone called home to rat us out.”
“That’s nice. You must have been happy.”
“I was. I had my brothers.” Especially Mathias, he thought. Back then, they’d been twins. Part of a unit—them against the world. He missed that.
“You were close,” he said, changing the subject. “Just a few miles away in Sacramento. I never knew.”
“You mean what if we’d met back then?” She smiled. “I don’t know what would have happened.”
“I would have liked to meet your mom.”
She squeezed his hand. “I would have liked that, too. Although I think she would have warned me about you.”
“Why is that?”
“You’re kind of a bad boy.”
“Never.”
He took Forest Highway off Business 80 and pointed out several familiar buildings. The library and police station. He told her about his favorite restaurants, and when they turned north on Mother Bear Road, he motioned to the offices of Score PR.
“It’s owned by former football players,” he said.
“I’m not really a sports fan,” she admitted.
“What a surprise.”
She grinned.
But as he got closer to the house where he’d grown up, they both got quiet. He had a feeling Natalie sensed his tension. After all this time, what was he supposed to say to the woman who had raised him?
He still hadn’t worked out how he felt about everything. The information was too new, too surprising. He was happy she’d taken him in and kept him out of the foster care system. More than that, he was grateful she’d made him one of her own. Growing up, he’d never once guessed he wasn’t hers by birth. She’d raised him as her fifth son, had loved him, disciplined him, supported him and been there for him exactly as she had his brothers. Yes, she’d kept the truth from him, but he was starting to understand how that had happened. Once concealed, a secret tended to take on a life of its own, growing bigger and bigger with time.
He knew he could complain about what she’d done, but the truth was, there was no good time to shatter his world. Being who she was, Elaine would have also wanted to protect Ceallach—a flaw that was unlikely to change after all these years. She was who she was and he was the man he’d grown into because of her.
He nodded.
“You need to go talk to her. Tell her what happened.”
He looked at her for a long time. Silence stretched out between them. For a second she was terrified she’d gone too far and that he was going to get mad at her. Then she told herself to suck it up. If Ronan got mad, she would tell him he was wrong and they both knew it. The break with the woman who had raised him had gone on far too long and it was time to fix things. If he couldn’t see that, he was a stupid butthead, which she had told him before.
Before she got much mad going, he smiled. “You’re right. I need to go to Fool’s Gold. Want to come with me?”
“What?”
“I’m going to drive up there tomorrow. Come with me. We’ll take a couple of days off and see the sights.” He reached across the table and took her hand. “If you don’t want to, I understand, but I’m hoping you’ll go with me. We have things to talk about.”
Hope fluttered insistently. Natalie supposed the smart thing would be to protect herself, but she didn’t know how to do that. Not when she loved Ronan as much as she did.
“Of course I’ll go with you. How long will we be gone?”
He thought for a second. “If we leave early tomorrow, we can be there by the afternoon, then cut across to San Francisco. Let’s spend a couple of nights there. We can hang out in the city.”
She smiled. “I’d like that. Let me text Atsuko and tell her I won’t be in. Oh, and I need to pack and...”
He rose and pulled her to her feet, then kissed her. “You have a lot to do. Let me get out of your hair. I’ll be back tomorrow. How early is too early?”
“Does six work?” Which was early, but she doubted she would be sleeping much that night.
“Six is perfect. See you then.”
Ronan kissed her again before letting himself out. Natalie stood in the middle of the kitchen, her thoughts swirling. He was going home to talk to the woman who had raised him. That was good, right? He was making peace with his past and he wanted her along. Maybe he was thinking they could have a future together. Ronan was many things, but he wasn’t cruel. He knew exactly how she felt and she trusted him not to lead her on.
She told herself she would find out when she found out, then tidied the kitchen before going into her bedroom to figure out what she should pack. San Francisco was a beautiful city, but slightly more upscale than Happily Inc. As for Fool’s Gold, she was totally flummoxed about that. There would be a long car ride, so comfort was important, but at the other end would be Ronan’s mother! Not that they would necessarily meet, but still. She needed a plan.
By two in the morning, she was as ready as she was going to be. Now she simply had to wait and see how the events unfolded and hope that when it was all over Ronan would be willing to admit that he needed her in his life.
* * *
“THANKS FOR COMING with me,” Ronan said as they headed north on I-5 toward Business 80. He’d told himself everything was fine, but couldn’t help the sense of apprehension that weighed on him.
Natalie shifted in her seat. “You’ve already thanked me like a thousand times. I’m happy to be here with you. I mean that.”
“A thousand times? Really?”
She laughed. “Okay, maybe more like four hundred, but still.”
He reached across the console of the truck and took her hand in his. She squeezed his fingers. So far they hadn’t talked about their relationship, but he knew that time was coming. She deserved to hear him tell her about his feelings and she would. Just as soon as he cleared things up with Elaine.
He hadn’t slept in a couple of days, but he wasn’t tired. More on edge, he thought. Running on adrenaline. He would have to sleep at some point, but not until all this was resolved.
“I made reservations at a hotel in San Francisco,” he told her. “For tonight and tomorrow night. That will give us a day to sightsee.”
“I’d like that. Did you tell Elaine we’re stopping by?”
He nodded. “I texted her last night. She said she would be home all afternoon.”
He wasn’t sure about Ceallach. He had no interest in seeing his father, but if the old man was there, Ronan figured he would deal as best he could.
“You said your hometown has a lot of festivals,” Natalie said. “What do you mean?”
“They celebrate everything. There’s a waterskiing festival and a casserole cook-off in the winter. Parades all the time.” He grinned at her. “Christmas is the best. From Thanksgiving until New Year’s, there’s something going on. Right after Thanksgiving, a huge tree goes up in the center of town. There’s a Day of Giving, when all the local charities have booths and there’s an animal adoption. Every Christmas Eve we went to see the Dance of the Winter King put on by the local dance school, then to midnight services.”
“You were busy.”
“Always. Growing up there was great. We were able to run around as much as we wanted. The town is safe and friendly. If one of us got into trouble, someone called home to rat us out.”
“That’s nice. You must have been happy.”
“I was. I had my brothers.” Especially Mathias, he thought. Back then, they’d been twins. Part of a unit—them against the world. He missed that.
“You were close,” he said, changing the subject. “Just a few miles away in Sacramento. I never knew.”
“You mean what if we’d met back then?” She smiled. “I don’t know what would have happened.”
“I would have liked to meet your mom.”
She squeezed his hand. “I would have liked that, too. Although I think she would have warned me about you.”
“Why is that?”
“You’re kind of a bad boy.”
“Never.”
He took Forest Highway off Business 80 and pointed out several familiar buildings. The library and police station. He told her about his favorite restaurants, and when they turned north on Mother Bear Road, he motioned to the offices of Score PR.
“It’s owned by former football players,” he said.
“I’m not really a sports fan,” she admitted.
“What a surprise.”
She grinned.
But as he got closer to the house where he’d grown up, they both got quiet. He had a feeling Natalie sensed his tension. After all this time, what was he supposed to say to the woman who had raised him?
He still hadn’t worked out how he felt about everything. The information was too new, too surprising. He was happy she’d taken him in and kept him out of the foster care system. More than that, he was grateful she’d made him one of her own. Growing up, he’d never once guessed he wasn’t hers by birth. She’d raised him as her fifth son, had loved him, disciplined him, supported him and been there for him exactly as she had his brothers. Yes, she’d kept the truth from him, but he was starting to understand how that had happened. Once concealed, a secret tended to take on a life of its own, growing bigger and bigger with time.
He knew he could complain about what she’d done, but the truth was, there was no good time to shatter his world. Being who she was, Elaine would have also wanted to protect Ceallach—a flaw that was unlikely to change after all these years. She was who she was and he was the man he’d grown into because of her.
