Worth Forgiving
Page 40
The packed late morning subway car actually brings me comfort. Oddly, being crammed in like sardines makes me breathe easily. I ride the dozen or so stops to Ralley’s Gym and notice a few photographers outside. Jax must be at the gym already. The paparazzi have dwindled over the last few days and only a few diehards follow him back and forth to his hotel now.
I take a deep breath before pulling the door open, even though Joe told me Caden wouldn’t be there till the fight next week. Jax is sparring at the back, but he catches my eye the minute I walk through the door.
“Everything okay?” Joe comes out from the back office.
“Yes.”
His eyes drop to my neck. The black and blue has faded to a lovely shade of yellow and purple. His jaw tightens. “Caden’s been keeping away?”
“Haven’t heard from him or seen him since that night,” I confirm.
Joe nods. “Good.” He eyes Jax in the back, who just knocked Marco on his ass. “He’s got good hands. Very good hands. Caden’s my nephew, but his ego gets the best of him sometimes. Thinks he’s better than he is. The only way he stands a chance against Jackson is if his crazy comes out and fuels a fire of adrenaline.” Great. Just great.
A few minutes later Joe comes back to the front desk, boxes in hand. “I’m going to head out, run uptown to drop off the new gloves that just came in. I almost forgot…” He hands me an oversized cream envelope with beautifully scribed calligraphy on the front. “That was delivered for Jackson this morning before he came in. Messenger brought it.”
“Thanks Joe. I’ll see that he gets it. Have a good afternoon.”
***
After Jax finishes up his training, he comes to the front desk. He’s sweaty and his muscles are pumped up from a vigorous workout. My eyes roam his chest, the way his t-shirt clings to his pecs is a feast for the eyes. Unconsciously, I lick my lips.
“I thought you asked me to keep things low in here.”
“I did.” I snap out of my worship trance.
“Then stop looking at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like you need to be bent over this counter.”
I stare down at the counter, visions of our encounter in the closet flood my mind.
Jax chuckles. He hooks one arm around my neck and pulls me in for a kiss. “Going to shower. You’re locking up tonight, right?”
I nod.
A dirty grin on his face, Jax looks at the counter and then back to me, arching an eyebrow. My cheeks start to pink just from the thought he puts in my head.
***
We’re back in my apartment before I realize I’ve forgotten to give Jax the envelope that came today. It’s odd that someone would deliver what appears to be a wedding invitation to the gym. His hotel would have made more sense, someone apparently knows Jax’s routine.
“Sorry. I almost forgot. A messenger brought this for you today. Joe gave it to me and I put it in my bag. I got busy and it slipped my mind till now.” I hand Jax the envelope and he furrows his brow.
“What is it?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t open it.”
Jax opens the envelope and glances at the first few lines, he quickly discards it on the table.
“A wedding invite you weren’t expecting?” I ask curiously.
“No. An invitation to a birthday party.” He doesn’t add more, his unhappy face relaying the surprise of the invite wasn’t a good surprise.
He’s quiet the rest of the evening. We’re getting into bed before he shares what upset him. “My father is throwing a birthday party for my mother.”
“Oh.” I’m not quite sure how to respond.
He stays silent as we get comfortable and I snuggle into him. His voice is quiet when he eventually begins to speak again. “My mother’s best and worst quality is the same. She’s loyal to a fault.” Jax says as he rubs my bare shoulder. Head on his chest, I trace the outline of a figure eight between the bulk of his pectoral muscle in the dark. My fingernail scrapes lightly in the plain between the ridges as I respond.
“I think loyalty is always a good quality. It’s our choice of where to place it that can be a fault.”
He nods and kisses the top of my forehead. “You’re right. I just don’t know how she stays with him after everything he’s done to her. Why didn’t she walk away?”
“Love isn’t something you can turn off. When it happens, it takes a little piece of who you are. I think sometimes people keep fighting because they’re more afraid to lose that piece of them, rather than lose the person they love.”
Jax exhales deeply. “Jesus, Lily. You may not know her, but you couldn’t be more right.”
We’re both quiet for a few minutes. “Have you ever been in love?” Quietly, I ask, tilting my head up to look at him even though it’s dark.
His hand rubbing my shoulder freezes. “You first.”
“Why me first?”
“Because now you have me thinking that you’re lying there thinking about another man.”
I laugh. “I’m not.”
“Good because I don’t think I could handle that.” He rolls us so I’m lying on my back. “So have you?”
“I thought I was once. But I realize now that I wasn’t really.”
He kisses my lips gently.
“Have you?” I ask again.
“I think so.” He kisses the corner of my mouth, then the other corner, before softly kissing the center of my mouth again. “Every day I become more sure.”
Chapter 22
Jax
After a night of tossing and turning, I’ve finally made up my mind. “I’m going to go back to D.C. for my mother’s birthday party. I need to spend a few hours with Brady anyway. He’s trying not to let on he needs me, but I know spending an afternoon in the office would give him a little relief.”
Lily nods and smiles politely. “Okay.”
“It’s about my mother. Not him. Or me. I’m going to go for her. She had a breakdown after the news of my father’s endless string of affairs hit. I’ve been holding a grudge against her for too long. Taking it out on her for loving him, because he doesn’t deserve her love or loyalty.”
She refills my mug of coffee and sets it in front of me. I catch her hand as she begins to walk away and pull her down on my lap. “I’ll fly up tonight. Come back the day after the party.” That will still give me a few days to rest before the fight with Caden, although I don’t mention that part to Lily. I’ve learned it’s a topic we’re never going to agree upon, so it’s best to avoid it.
I take a deep breath before pulling the door open, even though Joe told me Caden wouldn’t be there till the fight next week. Jax is sparring at the back, but he catches my eye the minute I walk through the door.
“Everything okay?” Joe comes out from the back office.
“Yes.”
His eyes drop to my neck. The black and blue has faded to a lovely shade of yellow and purple. His jaw tightens. “Caden’s been keeping away?”
“Haven’t heard from him or seen him since that night,” I confirm.
Joe nods. “Good.” He eyes Jax in the back, who just knocked Marco on his ass. “He’s got good hands. Very good hands. Caden’s my nephew, but his ego gets the best of him sometimes. Thinks he’s better than he is. The only way he stands a chance against Jackson is if his crazy comes out and fuels a fire of adrenaline.” Great. Just great.
A few minutes later Joe comes back to the front desk, boxes in hand. “I’m going to head out, run uptown to drop off the new gloves that just came in. I almost forgot…” He hands me an oversized cream envelope with beautifully scribed calligraphy on the front. “That was delivered for Jackson this morning before he came in. Messenger brought it.”
“Thanks Joe. I’ll see that he gets it. Have a good afternoon.”
***
After Jax finishes up his training, he comes to the front desk. He’s sweaty and his muscles are pumped up from a vigorous workout. My eyes roam his chest, the way his t-shirt clings to his pecs is a feast for the eyes. Unconsciously, I lick my lips.
“I thought you asked me to keep things low in here.”
“I did.” I snap out of my worship trance.
“Then stop looking at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like you need to be bent over this counter.”
I stare down at the counter, visions of our encounter in the closet flood my mind.
Jax chuckles. He hooks one arm around my neck and pulls me in for a kiss. “Going to shower. You’re locking up tonight, right?”
I nod.
A dirty grin on his face, Jax looks at the counter and then back to me, arching an eyebrow. My cheeks start to pink just from the thought he puts in my head.
***
We’re back in my apartment before I realize I’ve forgotten to give Jax the envelope that came today. It’s odd that someone would deliver what appears to be a wedding invitation to the gym. His hotel would have made more sense, someone apparently knows Jax’s routine.
“Sorry. I almost forgot. A messenger brought this for you today. Joe gave it to me and I put it in my bag. I got busy and it slipped my mind till now.” I hand Jax the envelope and he furrows his brow.
“What is it?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t open it.”
Jax opens the envelope and glances at the first few lines, he quickly discards it on the table.
“A wedding invite you weren’t expecting?” I ask curiously.
“No. An invitation to a birthday party.” He doesn’t add more, his unhappy face relaying the surprise of the invite wasn’t a good surprise.
He’s quiet the rest of the evening. We’re getting into bed before he shares what upset him. “My father is throwing a birthday party for my mother.”
“Oh.” I’m not quite sure how to respond.
He stays silent as we get comfortable and I snuggle into him. His voice is quiet when he eventually begins to speak again. “My mother’s best and worst quality is the same. She’s loyal to a fault.” Jax says as he rubs my bare shoulder. Head on his chest, I trace the outline of a figure eight between the bulk of his pectoral muscle in the dark. My fingernail scrapes lightly in the plain between the ridges as I respond.
“I think loyalty is always a good quality. It’s our choice of where to place it that can be a fault.”
He nods and kisses the top of my forehead. “You’re right. I just don’t know how she stays with him after everything he’s done to her. Why didn’t she walk away?”
“Love isn’t something you can turn off. When it happens, it takes a little piece of who you are. I think sometimes people keep fighting because they’re more afraid to lose that piece of them, rather than lose the person they love.”
Jax exhales deeply. “Jesus, Lily. You may not know her, but you couldn’t be more right.”
We’re both quiet for a few minutes. “Have you ever been in love?” Quietly, I ask, tilting my head up to look at him even though it’s dark.
His hand rubbing my shoulder freezes. “You first.”
“Why me first?”
“Because now you have me thinking that you’re lying there thinking about another man.”
I laugh. “I’m not.”
“Good because I don’t think I could handle that.” He rolls us so I’m lying on my back. “So have you?”
“I thought I was once. But I realize now that I wasn’t really.”
He kisses my lips gently.
“Have you?” I ask again.
“I think so.” He kisses the corner of my mouth, then the other corner, before softly kissing the center of my mouth again. “Every day I become more sure.”
Chapter 22
Jax
After a night of tossing and turning, I’ve finally made up my mind. “I’m going to go back to D.C. for my mother’s birthday party. I need to spend a few hours with Brady anyway. He’s trying not to let on he needs me, but I know spending an afternoon in the office would give him a little relief.”
Lily nods and smiles politely. “Okay.”
“It’s about my mother. Not him. Or me. I’m going to go for her. She had a breakdown after the news of my father’s endless string of affairs hit. I’ve been holding a grudge against her for too long. Taking it out on her for loving him, because he doesn’t deserve her love or loyalty.”
She refills my mug of coffee and sets it in front of me. I catch her hand as she begins to walk away and pull her down on my lap. “I’ll fly up tonight. Come back the day after the party.” That will still give me a few days to rest before the fight with Caden, although I don’t mention that part to Lily. I’ve learned it’s a topic we’re never going to agree upon, so it’s best to avoid it.
