All I Want
Page 43
“Tessa…”
“No! Fuck you, Luke! I’m done. I’m so fucking done with this.”
I storm away, not bothering to look back when he calls out for me. The tears stream down my face as I bypass the elevators and enter the stairwell.
He’s just confirmed my biggest fear, the one I was almost certain of. He’ll never talk about this with me. Never.
I’m the one standing on the other side of that door, begging him to let me in.
I force myself to keep moving when I want to collapse onto one of the steps. I want to curl up into a ball, shield myself away from anyone and everything around me. When I finally step out on the bottom floor, my phone rings.
I almost don’t look at it. I know it’s him, but something has me reaching into my pocket and pulling out my phone. A number I don’t recognize flashes on the screen and I step to the side of the main entrance before lifting it to my ear.
“Hello?” I answer, brushing off the tears on my cheeks with the back of my hand.
“Tessa?”
I recognize Mason’s voice immediately. “Yeah.”
“Are you all right? You sound like you’re crying.”
I lift my head, looking out into the main lobby of the hospital, letting my eyes follow the crowd of people. “No, I’m okay. What’s up?”
“I really wasn’t planning on calling you this soon. I was going to at least wait a day, but I can’t seem to stop thinking about you.”
I let myself smile. “That’s not a bad thing.”
“Good, ’cause I wanted to see if you’d go out with me sometime this week. What are your plans?”
I open my mouth to respond, but Luke’s face breaks through the crowd and finds mine instantly. He’s walking toward me with purpose, his face a blank canvas that I can’t read.
“Tessa?”
I grip the phone tighter as Luke steps up in front of me.
You’re done with him. Let him go.
“I’d love to go out with you,” I reply, watching as the mouth in front of me slowly drops open. His eyebrows set into a hard line as he stares at the phone in my hand, but I don’t let that stop me. “Actually, one of my best friends is celebrating his birthday tomorrow night at McGill’s Pub. Do you know where that is?”
“Yeah, on Calvert Street, right?”
“That’s the one. If you want to pick me up, say around seven-ish, you could go with me.”
Luke steps closer, and I turn, keeping my phone out of his grasp in case he tries to snatch it.
“All right. Text me your address and I’ll pick you up.”
“Okay, I’ll send it to you later. I gotta go.”
“Cheers, babe.”
I end the call and turn back around, running straight into Luke. “What?” I step to the side to get to the entrance but he moves with me.
“Did you just invite another guy to Reed’s party?”
“Yup.”
“What the fuck? I thought we were together?”
Now it’s my mouth that’s dropping open. I jab my finger into his chest, digging in until my knuckle cracks. “We aren’t anything. Maybe we were something over the weekend, or ten minutes ago, before you told me you’ll never talk to me about the shit you’re going through, but not anymore. I can’t do this. I will never be okay with what we had last summer again, and if you have a problem with me bringing a date to Reed’s party, then I suggest you stay the fuck home.”
I turn to walk away but he grabs my arm, spinning me back around. “I still want you.”
“You can’t have me,” I growl up at his face. “Let me go.”
“I can’t.” He pulls me into him, sliding his hand around my neck. “I can’t let you go, Tessa. Please, don’t ask me to do that.”
I shove him off me before I lose it, before I break completely. “I’m not asking you. I’m telling you. Let me go, Luke.”
I walk out of the hospital, leaving him and the pleading look he’s giving me, because I can’t stand to see it anymore. It’s the look I pictured him having last night when I locked him out, causing me to second guess my decision, and it has the same effect on me now as I walk away from him.
The pain is unbelievable, but I ignore it. It has to be this way.
“Man, these cuffs are too tight. They’re diggin’ into my skin.”
I look up from the plastic bag I’m searching through, leering at the piece of shit who Ben and I just busted for selling a dime bag in front of the local high school.
“Shut the fuck up before I make them tighter.”
“I’d listen to him if I were you,” Ben says, rounding the front of the car and dropping the hoodie we took off the guy next to the bag. “He’s in a shit mood today, and I wouldn’t care if he used excessive force on your dumb ass.”
The asshole spits in the direction of Ben, but misses him by a long shot. “Fuck you, pig. I know my rights.”
“No, man.” Ben steps up in front of him, waiting until the guy looks up from where he’s perched on the curb. “You’re the one who’s gonna be getting fucked. Not me, and I got pull down in Jessup. If you spit at me again, I’ll make sure they put you in with the big boys.”
“There’s nothing else in here,” I say, balling up the plastic bag and grabbing the sweatshirt off the hood. “Did you find anything in this?”
“Just a wad of cash. It’s on the front seat.”
“Man, motherfucker, that’s my money. You know I’m gonna be gettin’ that back.” He makes a “tsk” sound while shaking his head. “If I wasn’t in these cuffs, shit.”
The last spec of tolerance I have left vanishes, and I drop the hoodie before hauling him to his feet. “If you weren’t in these cuffs what, motherfucker? What would you do?”
“Luke.”
I ignore Ben, keeping one hand on the handcuff chain and pulling down until this asshole squeals.
“Fuuuck! Shit, man! Shit!”
Ben grabs the guy’s shoulders and pulls him out of my grasp. “I got him. Grab his stuff.”
I pick up the hoodie and ball it up as Ben puts him in the back of the car. He shuts the door, slowly lifting his head, and I ready myself for the fucking lecture I know I’m about to get.
“What the fuck?”
I move to the driver’s side door, avoiding his stare. “Like you haven’t done the same thing to assholes like that, or worse.”
“Yeah, if they’re being combative. If they’re just running off at the mouth, we ignore it.”
I meet his stare over the top of the car. “What do you want me to say?”
He stretches his arms out on the roof, his hands interlocked together. “Maybe it would be a good idea if you skipped Reed’s party tonight.”
I set the hoodie on the roof, keeping a fist around it. “That’s a shit idea. Wherever Tessa is, I’m going.”
“She’s bringing a date, man, and the way you’ve been acting today, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to see that. I’ll be fucking pissed if I have to arrest you, but I will if you start something.”
“No! Fuck you, Luke! I’m done. I’m so fucking done with this.”
I storm away, not bothering to look back when he calls out for me. The tears stream down my face as I bypass the elevators and enter the stairwell.
He’s just confirmed my biggest fear, the one I was almost certain of. He’ll never talk about this with me. Never.
I’m the one standing on the other side of that door, begging him to let me in.
I force myself to keep moving when I want to collapse onto one of the steps. I want to curl up into a ball, shield myself away from anyone and everything around me. When I finally step out on the bottom floor, my phone rings.
I almost don’t look at it. I know it’s him, but something has me reaching into my pocket and pulling out my phone. A number I don’t recognize flashes on the screen and I step to the side of the main entrance before lifting it to my ear.
“Hello?” I answer, brushing off the tears on my cheeks with the back of my hand.
“Tessa?”
I recognize Mason’s voice immediately. “Yeah.”
“Are you all right? You sound like you’re crying.”
I lift my head, looking out into the main lobby of the hospital, letting my eyes follow the crowd of people. “No, I’m okay. What’s up?”
“I really wasn’t planning on calling you this soon. I was going to at least wait a day, but I can’t seem to stop thinking about you.”
I let myself smile. “That’s not a bad thing.”
“Good, ’cause I wanted to see if you’d go out with me sometime this week. What are your plans?”
I open my mouth to respond, but Luke’s face breaks through the crowd and finds mine instantly. He’s walking toward me with purpose, his face a blank canvas that I can’t read.
“Tessa?”
I grip the phone tighter as Luke steps up in front of me.
You’re done with him. Let him go.
“I’d love to go out with you,” I reply, watching as the mouth in front of me slowly drops open. His eyebrows set into a hard line as he stares at the phone in my hand, but I don’t let that stop me. “Actually, one of my best friends is celebrating his birthday tomorrow night at McGill’s Pub. Do you know where that is?”
“Yeah, on Calvert Street, right?”
“That’s the one. If you want to pick me up, say around seven-ish, you could go with me.”
Luke steps closer, and I turn, keeping my phone out of his grasp in case he tries to snatch it.
“All right. Text me your address and I’ll pick you up.”
“Okay, I’ll send it to you later. I gotta go.”
“Cheers, babe.”
I end the call and turn back around, running straight into Luke. “What?” I step to the side to get to the entrance but he moves with me.
“Did you just invite another guy to Reed’s party?”
“Yup.”
“What the fuck? I thought we were together?”
Now it’s my mouth that’s dropping open. I jab my finger into his chest, digging in until my knuckle cracks. “We aren’t anything. Maybe we were something over the weekend, or ten minutes ago, before you told me you’ll never talk to me about the shit you’re going through, but not anymore. I can’t do this. I will never be okay with what we had last summer again, and if you have a problem with me bringing a date to Reed’s party, then I suggest you stay the fuck home.”
I turn to walk away but he grabs my arm, spinning me back around. “I still want you.”
“You can’t have me,” I growl up at his face. “Let me go.”
“I can’t.” He pulls me into him, sliding his hand around my neck. “I can’t let you go, Tessa. Please, don’t ask me to do that.”
I shove him off me before I lose it, before I break completely. “I’m not asking you. I’m telling you. Let me go, Luke.”
I walk out of the hospital, leaving him and the pleading look he’s giving me, because I can’t stand to see it anymore. It’s the look I pictured him having last night when I locked him out, causing me to second guess my decision, and it has the same effect on me now as I walk away from him.
The pain is unbelievable, but I ignore it. It has to be this way.
“Man, these cuffs are too tight. They’re diggin’ into my skin.”
I look up from the plastic bag I’m searching through, leering at the piece of shit who Ben and I just busted for selling a dime bag in front of the local high school.
“Shut the fuck up before I make them tighter.”
“I’d listen to him if I were you,” Ben says, rounding the front of the car and dropping the hoodie we took off the guy next to the bag. “He’s in a shit mood today, and I wouldn’t care if he used excessive force on your dumb ass.”
The asshole spits in the direction of Ben, but misses him by a long shot. “Fuck you, pig. I know my rights.”
“No, man.” Ben steps up in front of him, waiting until the guy looks up from where he’s perched on the curb. “You’re the one who’s gonna be getting fucked. Not me, and I got pull down in Jessup. If you spit at me again, I’ll make sure they put you in with the big boys.”
“There’s nothing else in here,” I say, balling up the plastic bag and grabbing the sweatshirt off the hood. “Did you find anything in this?”
“Just a wad of cash. It’s on the front seat.”
“Man, motherfucker, that’s my money. You know I’m gonna be gettin’ that back.” He makes a “tsk” sound while shaking his head. “If I wasn’t in these cuffs, shit.”
The last spec of tolerance I have left vanishes, and I drop the hoodie before hauling him to his feet. “If you weren’t in these cuffs what, motherfucker? What would you do?”
“Luke.”
I ignore Ben, keeping one hand on the handcuff chain and pulling down until this asshole squeals.
“Fuuuck! Shit, man! Shit!”
Ben grabs the guy’s shoulders and pulls him out of my grasp. “I got him. Grab his stuff.”
I pick up the hoodie and ball it up as Ben puts him in the back of the car. He shuts the door, slowly lifting his head, and I ready myself for the fucking lecture I know I’m about to get.
“What the fuck?”
I move to the driver’s side door, avoiding his stare. “Like you haven’t done the same thing to assholes like that, or worse.”
“Yeah, if they’re being combative. If they’re just running off at the mouth, we ignore it.”
I meet his stare over the top of the car. “What do you want me to say?”
He stretches his arms out on the roof, his hands interlocked together. “Maybe it would be a good idea if you skipped Reed’s party tonight.”
I set the hoodie on the roof, keeping a fist around it. “That’s a shit idea. Wherever Tessa is, I’m going.”
“She’s bringing a date, man, and the way you’ve been acting today, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to see that. I’ll be fucking pissed if I have to arrest you, but I will if you start something.”
