Beautiful Broken Promises
Page 35
“God, I freaked her out, didn’t I? I was so angry…” I tried to reverse my memory and remember what exactly had happened after Adam passed out. I didn’t think I said anything to upset her…hell, I didn’t remember saying anything at all. “She wouldn’t take Kate…” I wasn’t sure why I said that out loud. Raegan would never do anything like that to me.
“No, she wouldn’t,” Jax confirmed.
“I can’t stand the other option either.”
“What’s that?” he asked, turning onto the dirt driveway.
“Her leaving Kate. Leaving me.”
Before he could push the gear into park, I went flying up the porch steps and shoved inside Audrey and Jace’s door. Just as I stomped into the foyer, a little blur flew past me. I looked down and watched Kate, in socked feet, using the wood floor as her personal skating rink. She ran past me again and then stopped before quickly scurrying back in front of me.
“I’m skating, dad!”
“I see that,” I chuckled.
The instant I saw her brilliant blue eyes, a large piece of my heart unclenched and I scooped her up. Her arms wrapped around my neck and we squeezed each other like we hadn’t just been eating dinner together only a few hours ago. This is how she greeted me every time I went away, either to work or just to the gym. How could I ever live without out this again? How had I not suffocated, living without it for so long? No matter what happened with Rae, she would be my constant and I swore I would be hers.
But I didn't plan on letting her mom and brother go anywhere either.
“Daddy,” she began quickly, “we get to have special daddy and Kate time. Mommy is having special time with Braden. I really miss bubba. But I got to play with the baby. I even helped Auntie Audrey give her a bath and she really liked it. She kicked her feet really hard! Do you know when they’re coming back?”
A small part of me had hoped that Rae and Braden were in the house somewhere—that they hadn’t actually gone anywhere. But her words confirmed what Braden’s missing terrarium had already told me. They weren’t here.
I looked up and noticed everyone was sitting in the family room, watching us. The whole crew was there, minus two of the most important ones.
“How about you take this bag to Aunt Em and have her help you get into your swimsuit. We’re going to have special daddy and Kate time.”
Her face lit up and she squirmed out of my arms, bouncing on her toes when they reached the floor. “We can swim when it’s dark?” she shrieked excitedly. “Can we eat ice cream, too?”
With a laugh, I asked, “Does that sound like fun to you?”
“So much fun!”
“Well then, of course we’ll swim at night and eat ice cream too! Go on, get your suit on and meet me out back.”
She skipped away, half sliding and half hopping across the wood floor, straight toward Em and Quinn. I pointed to Audrey and Jace and nodded my head toward the backyard. Jace flipped on the pool lights as we headed out, which cast a black glow across the darkened concrete. Their pool had a black bottom, which at nighttime made it appear like glass on the ground.
I tugged my shirt over my shoulders and decided my gym shorts would have to do for swimming tonight. When Audrey returned from lighting candles, I approached them both.
“Where is she?”
“At a hotel,” Jace responded.
My fingers moved raggedly through my hair and I looked to Audrey with clear stress in my eyes. “I freaked her out, right?”
“You?” she questioned. “I only got the scene second-hand, but I think she believes you’ll never be able to look at her the same.”
“Why the f**k would she think that?”
“Dude, that guy just admitted that Raegan was the reason your daughter was kidnapped.” Leave it to Jace to cut to the chase.
“That disgusting as**ole was the reason. Not Rae,” I bit out.
Audrey dashed toward me, slamming into my chest and throwing her arms around my neck. I instinctively squeezed her tightly.
“You could’ve been hurt. You could’ve gone to jail, you idiot,” she babbled.
“I know, I know. It was bad.”
“I think you should really think hard before you go chasing after her,” she said, completely shocking me.
“What the hell do I have to think about?”
“The situation.” She gestured toward the house. “Your daughter was kidnapped, Lane. Raegan’s boyfriend was the one that made that happen. Think hard about your feelings toward that. When you look at Jocelyn when she’s a year old and she’s just starting to walk, you’ll think about what Kate looked like when she was that age. Will you look at Raegan and wonder, if she hadn’t been your nanny, would you have lost all those years?”
“So Raegan should be punished for her scumbag ex? Which, by the way, punishes all four of us?”
“No, I don’t think that all. But I do know how resentment can build over time. Even irrational, nonsensical resentment. I just want you to know your true feelings now, so they don’t surprise you later.”
“Take the night to process everything you were told tonight, man. Let Raegan process it as well. I know she feels terrible,” Jace added.
I began pacing the length of the black pool. How could they tell me she was feeling terrible and expect me to sleep on it tonight?
“You paid for her hotel?” I asked. He didn't answer so I helped him out. “I know she didn’t. I found her wallet on the floorboard of my car. She must have left it there earlier today, and she didn’t even have it with her at dinner.”
“Yeah, I paid for it,” he sighed.
“You’re sending me that bill.” Before he could protest, I said, “That’s my family. I take care of them. Now which hotel is she at?”
“Lane, you already promised Kate you would be with her tonight,” Audrey warned.
“And that’s exactly where I’ll be until she passes out from all the fun. After that, I’m going to get Raegan and Braden. Now please, what hotel is she at?”
“She’s at the NYLO Dallas, but I don’t know her room number,” Jace responded.
“That’s fine, I’ll just call her.”
“She left your phone here.” Audrey cringed.
“You guys really aren’t making this easy on me tonight,” I groaned.
A few beats later, my little ball of energy came flying out the patio doors with a bright pink swimsuit on. It was difficult, but I managed to put the majority of my thoughts aside so I could enjoy our daddy/daughter night. Worries about Raegan and Braden were still in the back of my mind though, relentlessly taunting me, reminding me that I needed to go get them.
- TWENTY-ONE -
RAEGAN -
The hotel where Jace and Audrey had made reservations for us was a really interesting place. The rooms were set up as if they were downtown New York City lofts, complete with exposed brick walls and modern furnishings. The walls that weren’t covered in light red brick were industrial concrete. The bedroom area held a giant king-size, all-white bed, and there were deep purple curtains adorning the windows. The living room had a modern couch, which pulled out into a full-size bed that faced a huge flat-screen television.
It was almost one in the morning, and I was still lounging on the pullout bed with Braden, because the king-size only reminded me of strong arms that should have been holding me from behind. Braden had passed out a few hours earlier. Once I knew he was out for the night, I finally let the tears fall.
I always understood that I might have not known Adam as well as I thought I had, but never would I have expected this from him. I mean, I never pressured him to tell me where he was heading off to or even how he got the money he seemed to always have. I just never thought to ask, honestly. Money had never been a big player in my life. My aunt made enough to keep the apartment and buy food. We never had cable and she tried to use the electricity as little as possible. So I never cared whether or not Adam had money.
How could I have misjudged him so poorly though? He bet our child in a game with Flores. He bet our child, knowing he would lose… hoping he would lose. All so he could have me to himself. My only consolation in all of this was that Flores’ wife was greedy and took me too. Not only would I have been lost without Braden, but she did me a favor by getting me away from Adam. This terrible kidnapping didn't seem so terrible for me and Braden anymore, but I couldn’t help but to think about Lane and the fact that he should have never lost his daughter and then ultimately… his wife.
But if the kidnapping hadn’t happened I would have never been thrown into a situation that allowed Lane and I to fall in love with one another. I was shown just how wonderful a man could truly be. How deeply a man could love his children—and his woman. But now I was going to have to look him in the eyes, knowing I was the reason for the years he had to endure without his daughter.
A fresh round of silent sobs rattled through me and I tried to mop up the tears with the sleeves of Lane’s shirt. When Jace took us by the house to grab some clothes, I couldn't help myself when I saw the shirt that Lane had worn yesterday tossed across our bed. It still smelled like him, and I was almost able to imagine his big arms wrapped around me and his soft whispers in my ear telling me all the ways he loved me.
I hated giving him this moment to himself. It went against everything inside of me to step back and let him come to terms with what he had leaned. But maybe Jace, Jaxon, and Audrey were right. I just needed to give him time.
A soft tapping sound jolted me upright, and I paused to see if I was actually hearing something or if it had been noises from the city outside. Right around the time I had convinced myself the sound was coming from the streets, I heard it again. Tap, Tap, Tap. With a speed I didn't know I possessed, I raced for the door and gazed through the peephole. The most gorgeous sight stood there with his eyes glaring at the door between us.
I swiped my fingers underneath my eyes and tried to scrub any running mascara away. I flipped the deadbolt and quickly pulled the chain free. As I was pulling the door open, Lane pushed his way in. He took a long, hard look at me and I gulped at his intense gaze. His hair was wet and he was breathing heavily, and I couldn’t help but notice that he didn’t look too happy to see me.
With a cold politeness, he moved me to the side and scrutinized the little living room. He tapped Braden’s terrarium on the dining table as he passed it. Braden had insisted that he wouldn’t be able to sleep without it tonight. I watched as Lane quickly made his way across the living area and then lowered his body softly onto the pullout next to Braden.
I knew that Kate and Braden hadn’t really understood the reason for us spending time away from each other tonight, but they took it in stride when we were saying good-bye. I had tried to explain it away as a fun night of one-on-one time, and with Braden it had worked for about the first hour. While I made a true effort to have a good time with him at the hotel, he still asked about Kate and Lane until the moment he fell asleep. Even worse, I missed Kate something terrible. I didn't know how I would ever be able to not live with her.
Lane pulled Braden’s sleeping body out from under the covers and into his embrace. His massive arms surrounded my little boy’s body like a giant, warm cocoon. He pressed Braden’s head to his chest and there was a deep sadness written across his face as he hugged my son tightly. I watched from the doorway as he rocked Braden back and forth in his arms.
Braden’s hand materialized from its entrapment in Lane’s arms and patted his scruffy face.
“Daddy?” Braden croaked with a sleepy voice. I gasped at the word and Lane’s eyes shot wide. He squeezed him tighter and buried his face into Braden’s shoulder.
I could barely hear Lane’s voice, but I was able to make out that he responded, “I’m here.” He looked as if he were breathing Braden in. “I’m here, I’m here,” he repeated.
Braden had never—not ever—called anyone daddy. We had never spoken of a father for him, and for him to say that word all on his own, broke me—especially in light of this evening. I had to hold a hand out to brace myself against the wall as my whole body shook from my heaving breaths.
I must have stood there for at least a good ten minutes before Lane finally lowered Braden’s sleeping form back underneath the covers and meticulously tucked him back in. He tried to quietly remove himself from the bed without any of the springs squeaking. When he was free, he strode purposefully back toward me.
“Lane…”
“Don’t.”
My legs were in the air in one swift movement and my arms shot out to grab a hold of his neck to balance myself. Without a word or even much emotion on his face, he carried me to the bedroom, closing and locking the door behind us. I shoved my face into the crook of his neck and eventually my legs made their way around his waist. I was only wearing his t-shirt and my panties, so I shivered when his warm hands cupped my ass in support.
The bed dipped as he climbed on top with me securely wrapped around him. He pulled back the sheets and then laid us down on our sides, facing one another.
“Did you hear what he called me?” His hoarse whisper brushed across my cheeks. I nodded against his chest and held my arms tightly around him. I could hear the awe in his voice, as if he didn't believe what he had actually heard. “Don’t ever do that again. Don’t ever leave me. Don’t ever take him from me. He’s mine just as much as you are mine.” His hand clutched the back of my head like he didn’t want to let me go. It wasn’t necessary though, because I never wanted to be anywhere else. “Please, just don’t ever do that again.”
“No, she wouldn’t,” Jax confirmed.
“I can’t stand the other option either.”
“What’s that?” he asked, turning onto the dirt driveway.
“Her leaving Kate. Leaving me.”
Before he could push the gear into park, I went flying up the porch steps and shoved inside Audrey and Jace’s door. Just as I stomped into the foyer, a little blur flew past me. I looked down and watched Kate, in socked feet, using the wood floor as her personal skating rink. She ran past me again and then stopped before quickly scurrying back in front of me.
“I’m skating, dad!”
“I see that,” I chuckled.
The instant I saw her brilliant blue eyes, a large piece of my heart unclenched and I scooped her up. Her arms wrapped around my neck and we squeezed each other like we hadn’t just been eating dinner together only a few hours ago. This is how she greeted me every time I went away, either to work or just to the gym. How could I ever live without out this again? How had I not suffocated, living without it for so long? No matter what happened with Rae, she would be my constant and I swore I would be hers.
But I didn't plan on letting her mom and brother go anywhere either.
“Daddy,” she began quickly, “we get to have special daddy and Kate time. Mommy is having special time with Braden. I really miss bubba. But I got to play with the baby. I even helped Auntie Audrey give her a bath and she really liked it. She kicked her feet really hard! Do you know when they’re coming back?”
A small part of me had hoped that Rae and Braden were in the house somewhere—that they hadn’t actually gone anywhere. But her words confirmed what Braden’s missing terrarium had already told me. They weren’t here.
I looked up and noticed everyone was sitting in the family room, watching us. The whole crew was there, minus two of the most important ones.
“How about you take this bag to Aunt Em and have her help you get into your swimsuit. We’re going to have special daddy and Kate time.”
Her face lit up and she squirmed out of my arms, bouncing on her toes when they reached the floor. “We can swim when it’s dark?” she shrieked excitedly. “Can we eat ice cream, too?”
With a laugh, I asked, “Does that sound like fun to you?”
“So much fun!”
“Well then, of course we’ll swim at night and eat ice cream too! Go on, get your suit on and meet me out back.”
She skipped away, half sliding and half hopping across the wood floor, straight toward Em and Quinn. I pointed to Audrey and Jace and nodded my head toward the backyard. Jace flipped on the pool lights as we headed out, which cast a black glow across the darkened concrete. Their pool had a black bottom, which at nighttime made it appear like glass on the ground.
I tugged my shirt over my shoulders and decided my gym shorts would have to do for swimming tonight. When Audrey returned from lighting candles, I approached them both.
“Where is she?”
“At a hotel,” Jace responded.
My fingers moved raggedly through my hair and I looked to Audrey with clear stress in my eyes. “I freaked her out, right?”
“You?” she questioned. “I only got the scene second-hand, but I think she believes you’ll never be able to look at her the same.”
“Why the f**k would she think that?”
“Dude, that guy just admitted that Raegan was the reason your daughter was kidnapped.” Leave it to Jace to cut to the chase.
“That disgusting as**ole was the reason. Not Rae,” I bit out.
Audrey dashed toward me, slamming into my chest and throwing her arms around my neck. I instinctively squeezed her tightly.
“You could’ve been hurt. You could’ve gone to jail, you idiot,” she babbled.
“I know, I know. It was bad.”
“I think you should really think hard before you go chasing after her,” she said, completely shocking me.
“What the hell do I have to think about?”
“The situation.” She gestured toward the house. “Your daughter was kidnapped, Lane. Raegan’s boyfriend was the one that made that happen. Think hard about your feelings toward that. When you look at Jocelyn when she’s a year old and she’s just starting to walk, you’ll think about what Kate looked like when she was that age. Will you look at Raegan and wonder, if she hadn’t been your nanny, would you have lost all those years?”
“So Raegan should be punished for her scumbag ex? Which, by the way, punishes all four of us?”
“No, I don’t think that all. But I do know how resentment can build over time. Even irrational, nonsensical resentment. I just want you to know your true feelings now, so they don’t surprise you later.”
“Take the night to process everything you were told tonight, man. Let Raegan process it as well. I know she feels terrible,” Jace added.
I began pacing the length of the black pool. How could they tell me she was feeling terrible and expect me to sleep on it tonight?
“You paid for her hotel?” I asked. He didn't answer so I helped him out. “I know she didn’t. I found her wallet on the floorboard of my car. She must have left it there earlier today, and she didn’t even have it with her at dinner.”
“Yeah, I paid for it,” he sighed.
“You’re sending me that bill.” Before he could protest, I said, “That’s my family. I take care of them. Now which hotel is she at?”
“Lane, you already promised Kate you would be with her tonight,” Audrey warned.
“And that’s exactly where I’ll be until she passes out from all the fun. After that, I’m going to get Raegan and Braden. Now please, what hotel is she at?”
“She’s at the NYLO Dallas, but I don’t know her room number,” Jace responded.
“That’s fine, I’ll just call her.”
“She left your phone here.” Audrey cringed.
“You guys really aren’t making this easy on me tonight,” I groaned.
A few beats later, my little ball of energy came flying out the patio doors with a bright pink swimsuit on. It was difficult, but I managed to put the majority of my thoughts aside so I could enjoy our daddy/daughter night. Worries about Raegan and Braden were still in the back of my mind though, relentlessly taunting me, reminding me that I needed to go get them.
- TWENTY-ONE -
RAEGAN -
The hotel where Jace and Audrey had made reservations for us was a really interesting place. The rooms were set up as if they were downtown New York City lofts, complete with exposed brick walls and modern furnishings. The walls that weren’t covered in light red brick were industrial concrete. The bedroom area held a giant king-size, all-white bed, and there were deep purple curtains adorning the windows. The living room had a modern couch, which pulled out into a full-size bed that faced a huge flat-screen television.
It was almost one in the morning, and I was still lounging on the pullout bed with Braden, because the king-size only reminded me of strong arms that should have been holding me from behind. Braden had passed out a few hours earlier. Once I knew he was out for the night, I finally let the tears fall.
I always understood that I might have not known Adam as well as I thought I had, but never would I have expected this from him. I mean, I never pressured him to tell me where he was heading off to or even how he got the money he seemed to always have. I just never thought to ask, honestly. Money had never been a big player in my life. My aunt made enough to keep the apartment and buy food. We never had cable and she tried to use the electricity as little as possible. So I never cared whether or not Adam had money.
How could I have misjudged him so poorly though? He bet our child in a game with Flores. He bet our child, knowing he would lose… hoping he would lose. All so he could have me to himself. My only consolation in all of this was that Flores’ wife was greedy and took me too. Not only would I have been lost without Braden, but she did me a favor by getting me away from Adam. This terrible kidnapping didn't seem so terrible for me and Braden anymore, but I couldn’t help but to think about Lane and the fact that he should have never lost his daughter and then ultimately… his wife.
But if the kidnapping hadn’t happened I would have never been thrown into a situation that allowed Lane and I to fall in love with one another. I was shown just how wonderful a man could truly be. How deeply a man could love his children—and his woman. But now I was going to have to look him in the eyes, knowing I was the reason for the years he had to endure without his daughter.
A fresh round of silent sobs rattled through me and I tried to mop up the tears with the sleeves of Lane’s shirt. When Jace took us by the house to grab some clothes, I couldn't help myself when I saw the shirt that Lane had worn yesterday tossed across our bed. It still smelled like him, and I was almost able to imagine his big arms wrapped around me and his soft whispers in my ear telling me all the ways he loved me.
I hated giving him this moment to himself. It went against everything inside of me to step back and let him come to terms with what he had leaned. But maybe Jace, Jaxon, and Audrey were right. I just needed to give him time.
A soft tapping sound jolted me upright, and I paused to see if I was actually hearing something or if it had been noises from the city outside. Right around the time I had convinced myself the sound was coming from the streets, I heard it again. Tap, Tap, Tap. With a speed I didn't know I possessed, I raced for the door and gazed through the peephole. The most gorgeous sight stood there with his eyes glaring at the door between us.
I swiped my fingers underneath my eyes and tried to scrub any running mascara away. I flipped the deadbolt and quickly pulled the chain free. As I was pulling the door open, Lane pushed his way in. He took a long, hard look at me and I gulped at his intense gaze. His hair was wet and he was breathing heavily, and I couldn’t help but notice that he didn’t look too happy to see me.
With a cold politeness, he moved me to the side and scrutinized the little living room. He tapped Braden’s terrarium on the dining table as he passed it. Braden had insisted that he wouldn’t be able to sleep without it tonight. I watched as Lane quickly made his way across the living area and then lowered his body softly onto the pullout next to Braden.
I knew that Kate and Braden hadn’t really understood the reason for us spending time away from each other tonight, but they took it in stride when we were saying good-bye. I had tried to explain it away as a fun night of one-on-one time, and with Braden it had worked for about the first hour. While I made a true effort to have a good time with him at the hotel, he still asked about Kate and Lane until the moment he fell asleep. Even worse, I missed Kate something terrible. I didn't know how I would ever be able to not live with her.
Lane pulled Braden’s sleeping body out from under the covers and into his embrace. His massive arms surrounded my little boy’s body like a giant, warm cocoon. He pressed Braden’s head to his chest and there was a deep sadness written across his face as he hugged my son tightly. I watched from the doorway as he rocked Braden back and forth in his arms.
Braden’s hand materialized from its entrapment in Lane’s arms and patted his scruffy face.
“Daddy?” Braden croaked with a sleepy voice. I gasped at the word and Lane’s eyes shot wide. He squeezed him tighter and buried his face into Braden’s shoulder.
I could barely hear Lane’s voice, but I was able to make out that he responded, “I’m here.” He looked as if he were breathing Braden in. “I’m here, I’m here,” he repeated.
Braden had never—not ever—called anyone daddy. We had never spoken of a father for him, and for him to say that word all on his own, broke me—especially in light of this evening. I had to hold a hand out to brace myself against the wall as my whole body shook from my heaving breaths.
I must have stood there for at least a good ten minutes before Lane finally lowered Braden’s sleeping form back underneath the covers and meticulously tucked him back in. He tried to quietly remove himself from the bed without any of the springs squeaking. When he was free, he strode purposefully back toward me.
“Lane…”
“Don’t.”
My legs were in the air in one swift movement and my arms shot out to grab a hold of his neck to balance myself. Without a word or even much emotion on his face, he carried me to the bedroom, closing and locking the door behind us. I shoved my face into the crook of his neck and eventually my legs made their way around his waist. I was only wearing his t-shirt and my panties, so I shivered when his warm hands cupped my ass in support.
The bed dipped as he climbed on top with me securely wrapped around him. He pulled back the sheets and then laid us down on our sides, facing one another.
“Did you hear what he called me?” His hoarse whisper brushed across my cheeks. I nodded against his chest and held my arms tightly around him. I could hear the awe in his voice, as if he didn't believe what he had actually heard. “Don’t ever do that again. Don’t ever leave me. Don’t ever take him from me. He’s mine just as much as you are mine.” His hand clutched the back of my head like he didn’t want to let me go. It wasn’t necessary though, because I never wanted to be anywhere else. “Please, just don’t ever do that again.”
