Hearts on Air
Page 83
“Let me help—”
“You can’t. This is something I need to ride out on my own. Just . . . give me time.”
Trev’s eyes flickered back and forth between mine and he looked afraid. I turned around and started pressing buttons on the dryer. A second later two arms wrapped around me tight, knocking the air from my lungs. I froze as Trev hugged me like his life depended on it and my heart did a quick, hard thump in my chest. He buried his face in my hair and murmured, “I’m sorry. I’ll never do anything like that ever again. I love you.”
Almost as quick as he caught me in his hug, he let go, turned around, and left the room. I slumped back onto the dryer as it rumbled to life and blew out a long breath. Every year I mourned July. Mourned the loss of family and the hatred they felt for me. But being in Madrid, being amongst Spanish-speaking people, the language of my family, and then being cast aside again, my heart just wasn’t capable of healing so easily.
The pain burned, as if it was searing an irreparable hole in my heart. Perhaps when I agreed to take this job, I should have guessed that Madrid would be the hardest part of the trip. I never imagined the minefield it would turn out to be, nor the multitude of see-sawing emotions I’d experience along the way.
Twenty-Six.
When I returned to my room, Leanne sat on her bed talking on the phone. I went to check my own phone for any messages or missed calls, my fingers brushing a folded piece of paper in the process. It was the list of Escrima classes Karla put together for me. Unfolding the paper, I scanned down the list and saw there was a class in Madrid tonight.
With my mind made up, I threw on some yoga pants and a T-shirt and headed out. By the time the class finished I felt a million times better, and I scolded myself for not checking out that list sooner. Practicing always had a way of making me feel in control again.
The following morning the group were filming at El Retiro, a gorgeous public park in the middle of the city. It boasted a large, manmade pond where people could rent boats and go paddling. I was busy procuring two such boats, because Barry wanted to get some shots of the group in the pond to add to the episode. I watched from the sideline as Trev, Callum and Paul took one boat, while Leanne, James and Isaac took the other.
When they were done filming at the pond Barry called for a break, and I handed out soft drinks and sandwiches. When I sat down on a step to eat my own, a shadow fell over me. Glancing to the side, I saw Trev looking at me with a hesitant expression.
“Can I sit?”
I gave him a warm smile and waved a hand at the space beside me. Somehow, my feelings weren’t as raw as they were yesterday. Having the night to digest everything and mentally move forward had helped. I knew his heart had been in the right place, even if it did turn out to be a clusterfuck. And I still loved him. That hadn’t changed. “Go ahead.”
He sat and there was a moment of quiet before he spoke. “This place is pretty cool, huh?”
I swallowed a bite of my sandwich and nodded. “Yeah, I took a little look around the gardens earlier. They’re really beautiful.”
“You’re beautiful,” Trev blurted, like he couldn’t hold back the words. His expression was so full of adoration that my chest felt too tight.
I flushed and tucked some hair behind my ear. He watched the movement with rapt attention, his bright eyes translucent in the midday sun. “Thanks,” I replied, my voice a little breathy.
Trev glanced back over at the pond, where tourists rowed boats through the water. When he returned his attention to me his voice was tender. “You’ve got a gig tonight, don’t you?”
“Yes, you can come if you like,” I said, hopeful. Before I’d always been wary of him coming to see me play, but now I wanted it. I felt like after yesterday, we needed to reconnect. Maybe I could finish that song I started writing for him.
His expression was regretful. “I promised Isaac we’d go for a run, but I can cancel—”
“No, don’t do that. It was just a thought.”
Trev’s face brightened then, like he just remembered something, “I completely forgot to tell you, Karla and Lee are coming to see us when we hit up Barcelona. Alexis and King, too. Lee and King have been planning the surprise for a while.”
“Really?” I exclaimed at the news. It seriously cheered my spirits to know I was going to see my friends. I’d especially missed Karla. She was the person I always spoke my feelings to, so it made me happy to know I’d be seeing her sooner than I thought. “That’s great. I can’t wait.”
Trev’s eyes crinkled in an affectionate smile. “Yeah, I thought so. Apparently, King and Alexis have some friends performing at a circus there, so they’re killing two birds with one stone.”
I nodded. “Right, yeah. Alexis told me about that place. King’s older sister is like the ringmaster or something.”
Trev’s brows shot up at that. “No shit? Now I definitely need to tag along.”
I chuckled. “Yeah, he actually travelled with her for a couple years.”
“You learn something new every day,” said Trev, just as Barry’s assistant came to say the director needed him for the next shot. He surprised me when he pressed a soft, loving kiss to my lips then went to get back to work.
I ate a bite of my sandwich and noticed Callum standing nearby, casting me side glances as though waiting to be invited over. I smiled, wondering what he was after, and called out, “Want to join me, Cal?”
He pulled off his sunglasses and nodded, all casual. “Oh yeah, sure. Didn’t see you there.”
I shot him a funny look as he took the step just below mine. “This place is gorgeous.”
“It is. You should’ve come out on the boats with us. Paul was freaked by the water because he can’t swim.”
I was sure my expression showed surprise. “He can jump between buildings but he can’t swim? That’s crazy.”
Callum chuckled. “He kept thinking he was gonna fall into the pond.”
“And I bet you teased him relentlessly for it.”
“Hey, I’m not a complete arsehole,” he said, defending himself then winked. “I only teased a little.”
My expression sobered as I studied him. “That’s not how I think of you, you know.”
“You can’t. This is something I need to ride out on my own. Just . . . give me time.”
Trev’s eyes flickered back and forth between mine and he looked afraid. I turned around and started pressing buttons on the dryer. A second later two arms wrapped around me tight, knocking the air from my lungs. I froze as Trev hugged me like his life depended on it and my heart did a quick, hard thump in my chest. He buried his face in my hair and murmured, “I’m sorry. I’ll never do anything like that ever again. I love you.”
Almost as quick as he caught me in his hug, he let go, turned around, and left the room. I slumped back onto the dryer as it rumbled to life and blew out a long breath. Every year I mourned July. Mourned the loss of family and the hatred they felt for me. But being in Madrid, being amongst Spanish-speaking people, the language of my family, and then being cast aside again, my heart just wasn’t capable of healing so easily.
The pain burned, as if it was searing an irreparable hole in my heart. Perhaps when I agreed to take this job, I should have guessed that Madrid would be the hardest part of the trip. I never imagined the minefield it would turn out to be, nor the multitude of see-sawing emotions I’d experience along the way.
Twenty-Six.
When I returned to my room, Leanne sat on her bed talking on the phone. I went to check my own phone for any messages or missed calls, my fingers brushing a folded piece of paper in the process. It was the list of Escrima classes Karla put together for me. Unfolding the paper, I scanned down the list and saw there was a class in Madrid tonight.
With my mind made up, I threw on some yoga pants and a T-shirt and headed out. By the time the class finished I felt a million times better, and I scolded myself for not checking out that list sooner. Practicing always had a way of making me feel in control again.
The following morning the group were filming at El Retiro, a gorgeous public park in the middle of the city. It boasted a large, manmade pond where people could rent boats and go paddling. I was busy procuring two such boats, because Barry wanted to get some shots of the group in the pond to add to the episode. I watched from the sideline as Trev, Callum and Paul took one boat, while Leanne, James and Isaac took the other.
When they were done filming at the pond Barry called for a break, and I handed out soft drinks and sandwiches. When I sat down on a step to eat my own, a shadow fell over me. Glancing to the side, I saw Trev looking at me with a hesitant expression.
“Can I sit?”
I gave him a warm smile and waved a hand at the space beside me. Somehow, my feelings weren’t as raw as they were yesterday. Having the night to digest everything and mentally move forward had helped. I knew his heart had been in the right place, even if it did turn out to be a clusterfuck. And I still loved him. That hadn’t changed. “Go ahead.”
He sat and there was a moment of quiet before he spoke. “This place is pretty cool, huh?”
I swallowed a bite of my sandwich and nodded. “Yeah, I took a little look around the gardens earlier. They’re really beautiful.”
“You’re beautiful,” Trev blurted, like he couldn’t hold back the words. His expression was so full of adoration that my chest felt too tight.
I flushed and tucked some hair behind my ear. He watched the movement with rapt attention, his bright eyes translucent in the midday sun. “Thanks,” I replied, my voice a little breathy.
Trev glanced back over at the pond, where tourists rowed boats through the water. When he returned his attention to me his voice was tender. “You’ve got a gig tonight, don’t you?”
“Yes, you can come if you like,” I said, hopeful. Before I’d always been wary of him coming to see me play, but now I wanted it. I felt like after yesterday, we needed to reconnect. Maybe I could finish that song I started writing for him.
His expression was regretful. “I promised Isaac we’d go for a run, but I can cancel—”
“No, don’t do that. It was just a thought.”
Trev’s face brightened then, like he just remembered something, “I completely forgot to tell you, Karla and Lee are coming to see us when we hit up Barcelona. Alexis and King, too. Lee and King have been planning the surprise for a while.”
“Really?” I exclaimed at the news. It seriously cheered my spirits to know I was going to see my friends. I’d especially missed Karla. She was the person I always spoke my feelings to, so it made me happy to know I’d be seeing her sooner than I thought. “That’s great. I can’t wait.”
Trev’s eyes crinkled in an affectionate smile. “Yeah, I thought so. Apparently, King and Alexis have some friends performing at a circus there, so they’re killing two birds with one stone.”
I nodded. “Right, yeah. Alexis told me about that place. King’s older sister is like the ringmaster or something.”
Trev’s brows shot up at that. “No shit? Now I definitely need to tag along.”
I chuckled. “Yeah, he actually travelled with her for a couple years.”
“You learn something new every day,” said Trev, just as Barry’s assistant came to say the director needed him for the next shot. He surprised me when he pressed a soft, loving kiss to my lips then went to get back to work.
I ate a bite of my sandwich and noticed Callum standing nearby, casting me side glances as though waiting to be invited over. I smiled, wondering what he was after, and called out, “Want to join me, Cal?”
He pulled off his sunglasses and nodded, all casual. “Oh yeah, sure. Didn’t see you there.”
I shot him a funny look as he took the step just below mine. “This place is gorgeous.”
“It is. You should’ve come out on the boats with us. Paul was freaked by the water because he can’t swim.”
I was sure my expression showed surprise. “He can jump between buildings but he can’t swim? That’s crazy.”
Callum chuckled. “He kept thinking he was gonna fall into the pond.”
“And I bet you teased him relentlessly for it.”
“Hey, I’m not a complete arsehole,” he said, defending himself then winked. “I only teased a little.”
My expression sobered as I studied him. “That’s not how I think of you, you know.”
