If I Die
Page 10
My?
My aunt was suffering an eternity of torture in the Netherworld at the hands of the hellion shed sold her soul to. But Nurse Nolan meant Danicas mom. When Danica said her mother was sick, Id assumed from the way she said it that sick was a euphemism for drunk, or stoned, or psychotic.
Sure I said at last, hoping the nurse hadnt followed the progression of my thoughts across my expression. What kind of fake cousin would I be if I didnt visit my fake aunt while I was there?
Room 348, at the end of the hall, she said, still whispering. Ill give you ten minutes, if you promise not to tell.
Of course. Thank you. Id hoped to sneak out when she went back to the nurses station, but I never got the opportunity because she escorted me down the hall to a perfect strangers hospital room, while my heart pumped panic-fueled fire through my veins.
How the hell am I going to explain this to my not-aunt? If Mrs. Sussman ratted me out, my dad was going to be pissed. Especially considering I hadnt yet told him about the gruesome miscarriage or my nonhuman math teacher, or Sabines theory about a possible connection between the two. I wonder if encroaching death is a plausible excuse for temporary insanity?
I held my breath as Nolan opened the door, scrambling for some way to explain and excuse my intrusion. But if hearing about Danicas private pain and loss was heartbreaking, meeting her mother was downright creepy.
Mrs. SussmanAmanda, according to the bracelet on her wristwas sleeping. Deeply. So deeply that her chest barely moved with each breath.
How long has she been like this? I asked, and the nurse looked at me strangely, like I should already know the answer to that. The days all run together. I said, scrambling to fix my mistake.
Its been almost four weeks now, the nurse said as we stood at the bedside, shaking her head over the tragedy. Her daughter comes in on the weekends, and her ex-husband has even come a couple of times. But theres nothing any of us can do for her.
What happened? I asked, before I realized that a real niece would already know the answer to that. Fortunately, Nurse Nolan thought I was asking for medical specifics.
The doctors arent sure. And theyve brought in several of them. She came in like thisyour cousin found her, you know.
I nodded, like Id really known.
Brain-dead from the moment she arrived, but she keeps breathing, and as long as they keep feeding her Nolan ran one hand gently over the tube protruding from Mrs. Sussmans left arm shell be here just like this.
How awful At least mymotherd had a clean death. This was I didnt even have words for what this was, though it had to come close to my own aunts eternal torture. Thanks, but I I have to go. I backed away from the bed, suddenly grateful for the knowledge that I wouldnt have to linger like this. At least, not for more than six days.
In the hall I jogged for the elevator, running away from pain and anguish that put my own into startling perspective, and ran right into Tod. Literally.
You okay? he said, and I knew without asking that no one else could see or hear him, though he was fully corporeal for me.
What are you doing here? I whispered, tugging him toward the elevator, grateful that Nurse Nolan had evidently found something to do in Mrs. Sussmans room.
Tod dug for something in his pocket while I jabbed the call button. Your dad asked me to find you. You forgot your phone. He handed me my cell, and when my fingers brushed his, there was a sudden swell of color in his eyesnot quite a swirl, butsomething. And thats not all you forgot.
Huh? I stepped into the elevator, and he stepped in after me, grinning, the teasing light in his eyes comfortable for its familiarity when everything else around me now felt cold, and foreign, and sharp.
You forgot your date.
Crap! I closed my eyes, cursing myself silently. Id forgotten all about Nash.
4
What were you doing at the hospital? Tod asked, as I shifted into Reverse and backed out of my parking space.
Trying to distract myself from the fact that next week, my address changes from a house number to a plot number. But that distraction had proved temporary, and without Danicas problems to occupy my mind, my own tumbled back in, clamoring for attention like a dog willing to howl until its fed.
Tod chuckled, and oddly enough, coming from a reaper, laughter in the face of death didnt seem terribly inappropriate. Yeah. Been there.
And suddenly, as I pulled out of the lot and onto the street, I realized Tod was the only person I knew who might possibly understand how I felt.
I glanced at his profile as I braked for the stop sign at the corner. Did you know you were going to die before it actually happened? My voice was barely a whispera trembling reflection of the quiet terror lurking at the back of my mind, leaping into the spotlight every time a failed distraction left me vulnerable.
Only for about five minutes.
Were you scared? Because I felt like the pendulum on a grandfather clock, ticking toward my last seconds, dizzy from the motion, but unable to stop.
Like Ive never been, before or since.
My aunt was suffering an eternity of torture in the Netherworld at the hands of the hellion shed sold her soul to. But Nurse Nolan meant Danicas mom. When Danica said her mother was sick, Id assumed from the way she said it that sick was a euphemism for drunk, or stoned, or psychotic.
Sure I said at last, hoping the nurse hadnt followed the progression of my thoughts across my expression. What kind of fake cousin would I be if I didnt visit my fake aunt while I was there?
Room 348, at the end of the hall, she said, still whispering. Ill give you ten minutes, if you promise not to tell.
Of course. Thank you. Id hoped to sneak out when she went back to the nurses station, but I never got the opportunity because she escorted me down the hall to a perfect strangers hospital room, while my heart pumped panic-fueled fire through my veins.
How the hell am I going to explain this to my not-aunt? If Mrs. Sussman ratted me out, my dad was going to be pissed. Especially considering I hadnt yet told him about the gruesome miscarriage or my nonhuman math teacher, or Sabines theory about a possible connection between the two. I wonder if encroaching death is a plausible excuse for temporary insanity?
I held my breath as Nolan opened the door, scrambling for some way to explain and excuse my intrusion. But if hearing about Danicas private pain and loss was heartbreaking, meeting her mother was downright creepy.
Mrs. SussmanAmanda, according to the bracelet on her wristwas sleeping. Deeply. So deeply that her chest barely moved with each breath.
How long has she been like this? I asked, and the nurse looked at me strangely, like I should already know the answer to that. The days all run together. I said, scrambling to fix my mistake.
Its been almost four weeks now, the nurse said as we stood at the bedside, shaking her head over the tragedy. Her daughter comes in on the weekends, and her ex-husband has even come a couple of times. But theres nothing any of us can do for her.
What happened? I asked, before I realized that a real niece would already know the answer to that. Fortunately, Nurse Nolan thought I was asking for medical specifics.
The doctors arent sure. And theyve brought in several of them. She came in like thisyour cousin found her, you know.
I nodded, like Id really known.
Brain-dead from the moment she arrived, but she keeps breathing, and as long as they keep feeding her Nolan ran one hand gently over the tube protruding from Mrs. Sussmans left arm shell be here just like this.
How awful At least mymotherd had a clean death. This was I didnt even have words for what this was, though it had to come close to my own aunts eternal torture. Thanks, but I I have to go. I backed away from the bed, suddenly grateful for the knowledge that I wouldnt have to linger like this. At least, not for more than six days.
In the hall I jogged for the elevator, running away from pain and anguish that put my own into startling perspective, and ran right into Tod. Literally.
You okay? he said, and I knew without asking that no one else could see or hear him, though he was fully corporeal for me.
What are you doing here? I whispered, tugging him toward the elevator, grateful that Nurse Nolan had evidently found something to do in Mrs. Sussmans room.
Tod dug for something in his pocket while I jabbed the call button. Your dad asked me to find you. You forgot your phone. He handed me my cell, and when my fingers brushed his, there was a sudden swell of color in his eyesnot quite a swirl, butsomething. And thats not all you forgot.
Huh? I stepped into the elevator, and he stepped in after me, grinning, the teasing light in his eyes comfortable for its familiarity when everything else around me now felt cold, and foreign, and sharp.
You forgot your date.
Crap! I closed my eyes, cursing myself silently. Id forgotten all about Nash.
4
What were you doing at the hospital? Tod asked, as I shifted into Reverse and backed out of my parking space.
Trying to distract myself from the fact that next week, my address changes from a house number to a plot number. But that distraction had proved temporary, and without Danicas problems to occupy my mind, my own tumbled back in, clamoring for attention like a dog willing to howl until its fed.
Tod chuckled, and oddly enough, coming from a reaper, laughter in the face of death didnt seem terribly inappropriate. Yeah. Been there.
And suddenly, as I pulled out of the lot and onto the street, I realized Tod was the only person I knew who might possibly understand how I felt.
I glanced at his profile as I braked for the stop sign at the corner. Did you know you were going to die before it actually happened? My voice was barely a whispera trembling reflection of the quiet terror lurking at the back of my mind, leaping into the spotlight every time a failed distraction left me vulnerable.
Only for about five minutes.
Were you scared? Because I felt like the pendulum on a grandfather clock, ticking toward my last seconds, dizzy from the motion, but unable to stop.
Like Ive never been, before or since.
