Incandescent
Page 30
“I want your cock in my pussy.” I lift my hips off the bed, trying to find some friction.
“Fuck, Kadence, don’t be a tease. You know I won't cave.” He pushes my hips down with his body weight. I pout like a child. Asshole.
The doctors put me on strict restrictions for the first month and then limiting physical activity for another 4 weeks. I know I will be fine, but Nix is just too damn stubborn, and as much as the dirty teenager acts help fill the void, there is nothing better than feeling him sink himself deep inside of me.
“Nix, it’s been sixty days. Sixty longs days since I’ve felt you in me, pounding into me, destroying me. I need you.” I try for the begging this time. I’m not lying. I do need him. I need him more than my next breath. I crave that connection. I want the intimacy of what only he can give me.
“And I need you, so fuckin’ bad, but it’s only one more week. You can last,” he smiles, leaning in to kiss me. I let out a sigh of defeat.
“Fine,” I snap, annoyed that he just rejected me again. “Get off me then.” I try not to get upset, but seriously.
Rolling back off me, he reaches over and flicks the light off.
“When I do take you, Kadence, it will be well worth the wait,” he promises, dragging me back in his embrace, his front to my back. “Sleep,” he demands, and I roll my eyes and force myself not to be a smartass. He doesn’t see my struggle, yet I feel the strength of his body as he holds me protectively close. Curling into his side, I hear a faint whisper, words I can't make out. The sound of his voice is a simple, sweet caress and fills me with warmth, helping to lull me to sleep.
***
“Hey, Kadence, will you be my mom?” Z asks the next morning when sitting next to me on the sofa. These past four weeks, Z has been on summer break, no longer my student and now my healing buddy.
“You have a mom, Z,” I say, sitting up to grab the remote to pause the TV. We’ve been watching a marathon of the Walking Dead, something that I’m never going to un-see. That shit is crazy whacked.
“I know things are bad at the moment, Z, but I can’t take that role away from her.” I watch his face fall, devastated I just pretty much told him no. I don’t know how to handle this one. Think, Kadence.
“My mom doesn’t even love me.” His voice cracks a little at the admission.
“Hey, that’s not true. She loves you, Z.” I reach out and take his hand.
“She hasn’t spoken to me since.” He looks down at our joined hands. I can’t help but want to hold him, tell him she doesn’t deserve him and I would love to be his mom, but I can't. Could I?
“I know, honey, and as much as the thought of being your mom sounds amazing, it just doesn’t work like that. But I can be your friend,” I add. “One of your bestest friends. I promise to look after you, drive you when you need to go somewhere, feed you all the food you love and always be here for you to talk to.” I smile down at him.
“So pretty much do all the things a mom should do?”
“Yeah, I guess,” I admit.
“It’s not fair. Why can’t you be my mom?” he questions and I can see his frustrations. “I love you more than my mom,” he softly admits.
I draw in a deep breath through my nose to stop the sting of tears. “I love you as much as a mom should love their son, Z,” I tell him.
“So can we just pretend you’re my mom?” he smiles, hopeful.
I nod letting him know that I’m okay with that. He moves closer, and nestles gently next to me. I feel more love for this little man than his mom has ever shown. If that makes me his pretend mom, so be it.
“I love you, Kadence,” he declares, settling in for the next installment of the zombie madness.
“I love you, Z,” I softly reply, kissing his head. A tingling sensation crawls over my skin. Feeling Nix’s eyes on me, I try to keep calm. I know he just witnessed me telling his son that I loved him. I don’t turn and acknowledge him, afraid of what I may see. Instead, I hold on to Z’s hand and cherish the moment we just had, knowing that the man I love stands behind us, giving us the space we need. And I love him even more for it.
Chapter Thirty
Nix
“He’s gone.”
“Gone for now or gone for good?” I ask down the phone. I’ve been waiting on this call for weeks, waiting for the moment I can either put Gunner Jamieson behind me or for the chance to fucking kill him with my own hands. I know I said I’d let T handle it, but deep down if I had to, I would. I would kill him.
“Gone for good,” he answers.
“Right,” I say, understanding T’s meaning of good. I don’t ask questions. I know how it works.
“He might be gone, but someone else will replace him,” he continues, telling me what I already know.
“Don’t see it being a problem if we don’t have problems, T,” I lay it out for him. The clubs might have the truce, but T never shook on that. He might get a wild hair and pull back on it one day.
“We’re good, Nix. The last few years have been smooth. Got myself a woman and baby on the way. Don’t need more fucking drama.”
“Fuck, I hear ya there,” I agree. “That all?” I ask, ready to go let the boys know about the asshole. They’ve been on some strict lockdown preparing for retaliation.
“Yep, speak again in another few years,” he suggests, enjoying our relationship just as much as I do.
“Make it longer,” I tell him truthfully. I’m grateful for their help, but the less we have to do with them, the better.
“Gotcha,” he says before hanging up. I pocket my phone and head down to the clubhouse. One major shit storm cleared up, now I just have to deal with Addison.
***
“No. Fucking. Way,” Beau nudges me to look up as we walk through the doors of Bare Assets the next day. I knew coming here would be hell. The last thing I wanted to do was see this shit, but looking up at the lit up stage, no more than five meters in front of me and seeing my ex-wife climb a pole like there is gold at the top is worse than fucking hell. I had no fucking idea she was doing this.
“Can I get you guys anything special?” A blonde dancer walks up to us as we approach a table wearing nothing more than a thong and a smile.
“Yeah, you can fuckin’ tell Addison, when she’s done shakin’ her ass, I wanna to speak to her,” I tell her, pointing up at the stage as Addison bends over, playing fucking peek-a-boo between her legs. How the fuck she got a job here confuses me. Sure, she looks the part, fake tits, bleach-blonde hair, but she’s pushing forty. Times must be tough for the owner.
The last time I saw Addison was the afternoon I read Z’s statement. Even after I ripped her a new one, and warned her that she would have a huge fight on her hands, she said she would fight me. Yet she never fucking showed.
“What are you gonna do?” Sy asks beside me.
“What can I do? It’s not my fuckin’ problem now. She wants to ride the pole over being a mother, nothin’ I can do.” He nods agreeing.
I can’t make her be a good mother, but I need to know what the fuck her plans are. Z doesn’t need the uncertainty of when or if he sees her again. This week has been hell. Addison not showing up to the hearing only proved to Z how much she didn’t care. Her shmuck of an attorney tried to reschedule, but the judge denied that request. Said the testimony of Z’s statement and her lack of responsibility goes to show she’s unfit, and full custody was awarded to me. It didn’t feel as good as I thought it would when I saw the look on Z’s face. I know he wants to be with me, but seeing his mom not show, not even try to fight, just broke his heart more.
“What do you want, Nix?” Addison comes up to the table when she finishes up on stage. The only reason I knew she was here was because one of the boys came in last night, saw her shaking hers ass and called me straight away.
“So this is more important than showin’ up for Z? To show your son that you want to be a part of his life?” I accuse.
“Don’t fucking patronize me, Nix. We both know that you would have won custody.” She rolls her eyes, which just pisses me off.
“Fuck, you’re a piece of work. You don’t deserve him. I know that, but he’s fuckin’ eleven years old; he fuckin’ needs his mom.”
“Well, it’s good that your little teacher slut is all moved in, ready to go,” she hisses.
“Don’t even go there, Addison. Kadence has shown more love to my son in the last two months than you ever have. He even asked her to be his mom. How does that feel? Your own son knows how fuckin’ pathetic you’ve been?" I hit her low. She might not want to hear it, but she needs to. Kadence has been more of a mom to Z than his own mother. That day, when I walked in and heard her and Z’s conversation about being his mom, I nearly got down on my knee right there. I was close to demanding that she tell me she loved me and then make her promise to be my wife and Z’s mom. But I didn't. I stood there trying to keep my shit together, listening to her tell him how much she loved him. That’s all I want for my son, to experience that love only a mother can give a child.
"I’m glad for Z then, as I’ll be leaving at the end of the month.”
“You’ve got to be shittin’ me? Fuck I can’t believe I even thought about givin’ you a second chance.” I stand, done with this fucked-up woman.
“Yeah, I’m sure you were gonna give me a second chance, Nix,” she calls out as Sy and I walk away from her.
“I would have for Z,” I tell her, turning back to her. I didn’t want to, not after everything that she has done, but visitations, lunch meet ups, shit like that, I would have tagged along for Z. But she can get fucked now.
“He doesn’t want to see me,” she mumbles, her head dropped, looking at the floor.
“Well, you’ll never know now. I’m done.” Without another word, I turn and walk out. I don’t want to deal with her ever again. The sooner she moves out of town, the better.
***
“Come on, Kadence. Let's get fuckin goin’,” I yell out from the kitchen.
“Hold your horses, you big lump,” she yells back. It’s been nine weeks since Kadence left hospital, nine weeks of pure hell. Having her in my bed, in my home, and not been able to have her, I feel like my balls are about to explode.
With her broken ribs, there was no way I was getting anywhere near her. Not with the way we fuck: hard, fast and fucking explosive. Don’t get me wrong, I can do slow, but the thought of hurting her even in the slightest had my balls crawling up into themselves. That’s not to say we haven’t done other things, but there’s nothing quite like the feeling of sinking yourself into the woman you love. And I do I love her. I’ve loved her since she kneed me in the balls in the bathroom in the bar. I just need her to admit it.
“How do I look?" Kadence steps off the bottom step, pulling me from my thoughts.
“No way you’re fuckin’ wearin’ that. Go change.” I drag my eyes down the low dip in the front of the dress, her sexy tits sit perky, showing the world her delicious cleavage.
“Shut up, Nix. What’s wrong with this?” she asks, looking down at the sexy-as-fuck dress she’s got on.
“Christ, woman, are you trying to kill me? Please go put some fuckin’ clothes on.” I adjust myself, trying not to get hard right now.
“I have clothes on, perfectly fine clothes. Stop being a caveman and let's go. You were only bitching about leaving two minutes ago,” she smirks, walking by me. My gaze follows her as she passes, and I almost come apart when I get a look at her back.
“Kadence,” I try to control my voice.
“Yes, dear?” she smiles over at me. She knows what she’s doing. The damn dress has no fucking back.
“We’re gonna be late,” I tell her, stalking over to where she stands, I don’t give a fuck if the first time I have her is against the kitchen wall.
“Nix,” she warns, backing herself up into the wall
“It’s your own fault, Kadence. You shouldn’t have poked a sleepin’ bear.” My hands come to either side of her head, caging her in. “You got two options here. One, go change, or two, I’m gonna fuck you up against this wall, after I shred this dress off you.
“You wouldn’t.” Her eyes narrow to mine.
“Try me,” I challenge her. No way is she leaving this house with that dress on.
“You forgot about the third option, Nix.” She smiles up at me.
“There is no third option, babe.”
“You see, that’s where you’re wrong, honey.” She drops to her knees and starts unbuckling my belt.
“Kadence,” I warn. The fucking minx and her mouth think she’s gonna outsmart me. No way.
“Nix, there is no way you're getting this dress off,” she explains, taking my cock in her hands. “For one, you’ll ruin the surprise I got going on underneath, and two, there are fifty people waiting for us at the clubhouse.” She leans forward, licking the tip of my glistening head. I don’t care how many people are waiting for us, but I know this night is important to her.
I groan when her hot mouth envelopes my throbbing cock. With my arms still firmly planted on the wall, I drop my head forward and enjoy the warmth of her mouth. The doorbell rings, breaking her suction as she pulls back.
“Don’t fuckin’ stop,” I plead.
“We gotta go, Nix. Jesse’s here,” she replies, coming up from her knees. What the fuck? Why is Jesse here?
“Fuck, Kadence, don’t be a tease. You know I won't cave.” He pushes my hips down with his body weight. I pout like a child. Asshole.
The doctors put me on strict restrictions for the first month and then limiting physical activity for another 4 weeks. I know I will be fine, but Nix is just too damn stubborn, and as much as the dirty teenager acts help fill the void, there is nothing better than feeling him sink himself deep inside of me.
“Nix, it’s been sixty days. Sixty longs days since I’ve felt you in me, pounding into me, destroying me. I need you.” I try for the begging this time. I’m not lying. I do need him. I need him more than my next breath. I crave that connection. I want the intimacy of what only he can give me.
“And I need you, so fuckin’ bad, but it’s only one more week. You can last,” he smiles, leaning in to kiss me. I let out a sigh of defeat.
“Fine,” I snap, annoyed that he just rejected me again. “Get off me then.” I try not to get upset, but seriously.
Rolling back off me, he reaches over and flicks the light off.
“When I do take you, Kadence, it will be well worth the wait,” he promises, dragging me back in his embrace, his front to my back. “Sleep,” he demands, and I roll my eyes and force myself not to be a smartass. He doesn’t see my struggle, yet I feel the strength of his body as he holds me protectively close. Curling into his side, I hear a faint whisper, words I can't make out. The sound of his voice is a simple, sweet caress and fills me with warmth, helping to lull me to sleep.
***
“Hey, Kadence, will you be my mom?” Z asks the next morning when sitting next to me on the sofa. These past four weeks, Z has been on summer break, no longer my student and now my healing buddy.
“You have a mom, Z,” I say, sitting up to grab the remote to pause the TV. We’ve been watching a marathon of the Walking Dead, something that I’m never going to un-see. That shit is crazy whacked.
“I know things are bad at the moment, Z, but I can’t take that role away from her.” I watch his face fall, devastated I just pretty much told him no. I don’t know how to handle this one. Think, Kadence.
“My mom doesn’t even love me.” His voice cracks a little at the admission.
“Hey, that’s not true. She loves you, Z.” I reach out and take his hand.
“She hasn’t spoken to me since.” He looks down at our joined hands. I can’t help but want to hold him, tell him she doesn’t deserve him and I would love to be his mom, but I can't. Could I?
“I know, honey, and as much as the thought of being your mom sounds amazing, it just doesn’t work like that. But I can be your friend,” I add. “One of your bestest friends. I promise to look after you, drive you when you need to go somewhere, feed you all the food you love and always be here for you to talk to.” I smile down at him.
“So pretty much do all the things a mom should do?”
“Yeah, I guess,” I admit.
“It’s not fair. Why can’t you be my mom?” he questions and I can see his frustrations. “I love you more than my mom,” he softly admits.
I draw in a deep breath through my nose to stop the sting of tears. “I love you as much as a mom should love their son, Z,” I tell him.
“So can we just pretend you’re my mom?” he smiles, hopeful.
I nod letting him know that I’m okay with that. He moves closer, and nestles gently next to me. I feel more love for this little man than his mom has ever shown. If that makes me his pretend mom, so be it.
“I love you, Kadence,” he declares, settling in for the next installment of the zombie madness.
“I love you, Z,” I softly reply, kissing his head. A tingling sensation crawls over my skin. Feeling Nix’s eyes on me, I try to keep calm. I know he just witnessed me telling his son that I loved him. I don’t turn and acknowledge him, afraid of what I may see. Instead, I hold on to Z’s hand and cherish the moment we just had, knowing that the man I love stands behind us, giving us the space we need. And I love him even more for it.
Chapter Thirty
Nix
“He’s gone.”
“Gone for now or gone for good?” I ask down the phone. I’ve been waiting on this call for weeks, waiting for the moment I can either put Gunner Jamieson behind me or for the chance to fucking kill him with my own hands. I know I said I’d let T handle it, but deep down if I had to, I would. I would kill him.
“Gone for good,” he answers.
“Right,” I say, understanding T’s meaning of good. I don’t ask questions. I know how it works.
“He might be gone, but someone else will replace him,” he continues, telling me what I already know.
“Don’t see it being a problem if we don’t have problems, T,” I lay it out for him. The clubs might have the truce, but T never shook on that. He might get a wild hair and pull back on it one day.
“We’re good, Nix. The last few years have been smooth. Got myself a woman and baby on the way. Don’t need more fucking drama.”
“Fuck, I hear ya there,” I agree. “That all?” I ask, ready to go let the boys know about the asshole. They’ve been on some strict lockdown preparing for retaliation.
“Yep, speak again in another few years,” he suggests, enjoying our relationship just as much as I do.
“Make it longer,” I tell him truthfully. I’m grateful for their help, but the less we have to do with them, the better.
“Gotcha,” he says before hanging up. I pocket my phone and head down to the clubhouse. One major shit storm cleared up, now I just have to deal with Addison.
***
“No. Fucking. Way,” Beau nudges me to look up as we walk through the doors of Bare Assets the next day. I knew coming here would be hell. The last thing I wanted to do was see this shit, but looking up at the lit up stage, no more than five meters in front of me and seeing my ex-wife climb a pole like there is gold at the top is worse than fucking hell. I had no fucking idea she was doing this.
“Can I get you guys anything special?” A blonde dancer walks up to us as we approach a table wearing nothing more than a thong and a smile.
“Yeah, you can fuckin’ tell Addison, when she’s done shakin’ her ass, I wanna to speak to her,” I tell her, pointing up at the stage as Addison bends over, playing fucking peek-a-boo between her legs. How the fuck she got a job here confuses me. Sure, she looks the part, fake tits, bleach-blonde hair, but she’s pushing forty. Times must be tough for the owner.
The last time I saw Addison was the afternoon I read Z’s statement. Even after I ripped her a new one, and warned her that she would have a huge fight on her hands, she said she would fight me. Yet she never fucking showed.
“What are you gonna do?” Sy asks beside me.
“What can I do? It’s not my fuckin’ problem now. She wants to ride the pole over being a mother, nothin’ I can do.” He nods agreeing.
I can’t make her be a good mother, but I need to know what the fuck her plans are. Z doesn’t need the uncertainty of when or if he sees her again. This week has been hell. Addison not showing up to the hearing only proved to Z how much she didn’t care. Her shmuck of an attorney tried to reschedule, but the judge denied that request. Said the testimony of Z’s statement and her lack of responsibility goes to show she’s unfit, and full custody was awarded to me. It didn’t feel as good as I thought it would when I saw the look on Z’s face. I know he wants to be with me, but seeing his mom not show, not even try to fight, just broke his heart more.
“What do you want, Nix?” Addison comes up to the table when she finishes up on stage. The only reason I knew she was here was because one of the boys came in last night, saw her shaking hers ass and called me straight away.
“So this is more important than showin’ up for Z? To show your son that you want to be a part of his life?” I accuse.
“Don’t fucking patronize me, Nix. We both know that you would have won custody.” She rolls her eyes, which just pisses me off.
“Fuck, you’re a piece of work. You don’t deserve him. I know that, but he’s fuckin’ eleven years old; he fuckin’ needs his mom.”
“Well, it’s good that your little teacher slut is all moved in, ready to go,” she hisses.
“Don’t even go there, Addison. Kadence has shown more love to my son in the last two months than you ever have. He even asked her to be his mom. How does that feel? Your own son knows how fuckin’ pathetic you’ve been?" I hit her low. She might not want to hear it, but she needs to. Kadence has been more of a mom to Z than his own mother. That day, when I walked in and heard her and Z’s conversation about being his mom, I nearly got down on my knee right there. I was close to demanding that she tell me she loved me and then make her promise to be my wife and Z’s mom. But I didn't. I stood there trying to keep my shit together, listening to her tell him how much she loved him. That’s all I want for my son, to experience that love only a mother can give a child.
"I’m glad for Z then, as I’ll be leaving at the end of the month.”
“You’ve got to be shittin’ me? Fuck I can’t believe I even thought about givin’ you a second chance.” I stand, done with this fucked-up woman.
“Yeah, I’m sure you were gonna give me a second chance, Nix,” she calls out as Sy and I walk away from her.
“I would have for Z,” I tell her, turning back to her. I didn’t want to, not after everything that she has done, but visitations, lunch meet ups, shit like that, I would have tagged along for Z. But she can get fucked now.
“He doesn’t want to see me,” she mumbles, her head dropped, looking at the floor.
“Well, you’ll never know now. I’m done.” Without another word, I turn and walk out. I don’t want to deal with her ever again. The sooner she moves out of town, the better.
***
“Come on, Kadence. Let's get fuckin goin’,” I yell out from the kitchen.
“Hold your horses, you big lump,” she yells back. It’s been nine weeks since Kadence left hospital, nine weeks of pure hell. Having her in my bed, in my home, and not been able to have her, I feel like my balls are about to explode.
With her broken ribs, there was no way I was getting anywhere near her. Not with the way we fuck: hard, fast and fucking explosive. Don’t get me wrong, I can do slow, but the thought of hurting her even in the slightest had my balls crawling up into themselves. That’s not to say we haven’t done other things, but there’s nothing quite like the feeling of sinking yourself into the woman you love. And I do I love her. I’ve loved her since she kneed me in the balls in the bathroom in the bar. I just need her to admit it.
“How do I look?" Kadence steps off the bottom step, pulling me from my thoughts.
“No way you’re fuckin’ wearin’ that. Go change.” I drag my eyes down the low dip in the front of the dress, her sexy tits sit perky, showing the world her delicious cleavage.
“Shut up, Nix. What’s wrong with this?” she asks, looking down at the sexy-as-fuck dress she’s got on.
“Christ, woman, are you trying to kill me? Please go put some fuckin’ clothes on.” I adjust myself, trying not to get hard right now.
“I have clothes on, perfectly fine clothes. Stop being a caveman and let's go. You were only bitching about leaving two minutes ago,” she smirks, walking by me. My gaze follows her as she passes, and I almost come apart when I get a look at her back.
“Kadence,” I try to control my voice.
“Yes, dear?” she smiles over at me. She knows what she’s doing. The damn dress has no fucking back.
“We’re gonna be late,” I tell her, stalking over to where she stands, I don’t give a fuck if the first time I have her is against the kitchen wall.
“Nix,” she warns, backing herself up into the wall
“It’s your own fault, Kadence. You shouldn’t have poked a sleepin’ bear.” My hands come to either side of her head, caging her in. “You got two options here. One, go change, or two, I’m gonna fuck you up against this wall, after I shred this dress off you.
“You wouldn’t.” Her eyes narrow to mine.
“Try me,” I challenge her. No way is she leaving this house with that dress on.
“You forgot about the third option, Nix.” She smiles up at me.
“There is no third option, babe.”
“You see, that’s where you’re wrong, honey.” She drops to her knees and starts unbuckling my belt.
“Kadence,” I warn. The fucking minx and her mouth think she’s gonna outsmart me. No way.
“Nix, there is no way you're getting this dress off,” she explains, taking my cock in her hands. “For one, you’ll ruin the surprise I got going on underneath, and two, there are fifty people waiting for us at the clubhouse.” She leans forward, licking the tip of my glistening head. I don’t care how many people are waiting for us, but I know this night is important to her.
I groan when her hot mouth envelopes my throbbing cock. With my arms still firmly planted on the wall, I drop my head forward and enjoy the warmth of her mouth. The doorbell rings, breaking her suction as she pulls back.
“Don’t fuckin’ stop,” I plead.
“We gotta go, Nix. Jesse’s here,” she replies, coming up from her knees. What the fuck? Why is Jesse here?
