Kaleidoscope
Page 75
“I thought you were just a loner,” he went on. “You’re not. You’re just determined to be alone.”
“I’m not a puzzle to figure out, Jacob,” I told him, my voice quieter.
“You are, Emme, the most frustrating one I ever found and the one it’s most important to solve.”
“I’m just me.”
“No, baby,” he said gently. “You’re not just you anymore. Now you’re mine. That means you’re part of an us.”
At that, I just quit breathing.
“You’re damaged,” he declared.
“I’m not,” I forced out.
But I was thinking I was.
“Broken,” he went on.
“I’m not,” I repeated on a wheeze even though I was thinking I was that too.
“And I’m going to piece the parts back together, Emme.”
I shook my head but said nothing.
“For you and for me.”
“We don’t work,” I replied, pushing it and I didn’t know why.
“We’ve always worked, Emme. Always.”
I loved that. That was beautiful.
Beautiful.
I shook my head again but this time did it hard, suddenly so panicked, it was near paralyzing.
Shoving down the panic, I held onto the angry with everything I had in me.
Doing so, I remembered seeing him with Elsbeth, how that destroyed me and I thought… no way. I wasn’t spending another hour of my life now or in the future feeling like I felt the last two days.
He wasn’t the man for me. I thought he was. He just wasn’t.
He wasn’t.
I was better off alone so hurt like this couldn’t touch me.
I had to end this now.
“You collude with my father. You keep important things from me. You’re an uber-alpha and I’m an independent woman. You want kids and I don’t. And… and… you’re a Republican.”
It was a lame finish but it was all I had.
Jacob knew it was lame and he smiled.
God, he was handsome when he smiled.
He started walking toward me.
I started backing up.
Unfortunately, this time he didn’t stop but he did start moving fast when I hit wall and made to change directions and dart through the doorway to the hall.
He cut me off and fenced me in.
I tipped my head back and caught his eyes.
“You’re scary liberal,” he whispered.
“Jacob—”
“And I don’t give that first f**k.”
“You—”
“You want kids, you just won’t admit it. Or, alternately and more likely, you won’t allow yourself to have them.”
“Please—”
“You love me but won’t let yourself have me.”
“I—”
“And, baby,” he lifted his hand to my jaw and dropped his face closer to mine, “I’m gonna figure out why. Fix what’s broke in you. Then turn my attention to givin’ you the best life I can for the rest of the time you’re on this earth breathin’.”
Too much. Too beautiful. Too everything.
So much, it terrified me.
As in full-blown-panic, heart-beating-so-hard-I-thought-it-would-burst, -have-to-get-out-of-here! terrified-me-in-a-way-I-couldn’t-hold-it-in-check kind of panic.
“Please move back,” I whispered.
“I will. I’ll also give you space. A strategic decision that might bite me in the ass but you need time to think. Seein’ as you’re goin’ to Krys and Lauren when you got time to think, you might get yourself to good women who can give you advice. So that tactic, I reckon, is gonna work for me. What I won’t do is give up. And when I walk away in a second, baby, that’s the only thing you gotta take from this. I’m walkin’ away but I’m not givin’ up. Not on you. Not on us. And straight up, it’s selfish, because I’m doin’ all this shit for me.”
“Why?” I asked, and I genuinely wanted to know.
And I wanted to know because I was scared, freaked, angry, panicked, wondering what the hell was wrong with me but I also was clearly a pain in the ass.
“”Cause you piss me off. You make me laugh. You make me think. You’re absolutely fine with me bein’ nothin’ but me. You’re f**kin’ gorgeous. You’re a great lay. And you like my dog.”
I stared in his eyes, still terrified, still feeling too much of everything but I said nothing.
This time, Jacob didn’t either.
Not until he bent his head, touched his mouth to mine and I felt that soft touch spread through every part of me.
Only when he lifted his head did he say, “Later, baby. And, heads up, there will be a later, Emme. And it’ll be soon.”
He shifted two inches away, lifted a hand to sweep the bangs out of my eyes, slid his finger down my temple, over the corner of my lip and along my jaw.
That touch spread through every part of me too.
Then his hand dropped away and I watched him walk to the door.
But he stopped in it and turned to me.
“Pisses me off you took it. Pisses me off I gotta live without you for a while at the same time live without it for the first time in a decade. But for now, I’ll let you have it. When I come back, though, Emme, I’ll want my kaleidoscope back.”
I blinked in surprise.
Before I could tell him I didn’t have the kaleidoscope, Jacob disappeared.
Chapter Sixteen
Confirm It’s Her
Three days later…
What was I doing?
I heard the door to the café open, I lifted my head to look toward it and saw her.
Elsbeth.
God, she was still beautiful.
“What am I doing?” I muttered to myself.
I’d asked for and received her email from a still-mutual friend. I’d emailed her. I’d asked her to meet me for lunch. She’d said yes. So I’d taken a day off work and drove to Denver.
Now I was about to have lunch with my ex–best friend, my maybe-still boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend.
And I had no idea why.
Except for the fact that evidence was suggesting it was a good possibility I was totally f**king psycho.
She stopped by the table.
“Emme, wow, you look… you look amazing.”
She did too. But she always had. Lots of blond hair. Warm green eyes. Fabulous figure. Fantastic outfit.
“Hello, Elsbeth,” I said.
“Uh… hi,” she replied.
I tipped my head to the seat opposite me. “Do you wanna sit down?”
She looked at the seat then at me, both uncertain.
“I’m not a puzzle to figure out, Jacob,” I told him, my voice quieter.
“You are, Emme, the most frustrating one I ever found and the one it’s most important to solve.”
“I’m just me.”
“No, baby,” he said gently. “You’re not just you anymore. Now you’re mine. That means you’re part of an us.”
At that, I just quit breathing.
“You’re damaged,” he declared.
“I’m not,” I forced out.
But I was thinking I was.
“Broken,” he went on.
“I’m not,” I repeated on a wheeze even though I was thinking I was that too.
“And I’m going to piece the parts back together, Emme.”
I shook my head but said nothing.
“For you and for me.”
“We don’t work,” I replied, pushing it and I didn’t know why.
“We’ve always worked, Emme. Always.”
I loved that. That was beautiful.
Beautiful.
I shook my head again but this time did it hard, suddenly so panicked, it was near paralyzing.
Shoving down the panic, I held onto the angry with everything I had in me.
Doing so, I remembered seeing him with Elsbeth, how that destroyed me and I thought… no way. I wasn’t spending another hour of my life now or in the future feeling like I felt the last two days.
He wasn’t the man for me. I thought he was. He just wasn’t.
He wasn’t.
I was better off alone so hurt like this couldn’t touch me.
I had to end this now.
“You collude with my father. You keep important things from me. You’re an uber-alpha and I’m an independent woman. You want kids and I don’t. And… and… you’re a Republican.”
It was a lame finish but it was all I had.
Jacob knew it was lame and he smiled.
God, he was handsome when he smiled.
He started walking toward me.
I started backing up.
Unfortunately, this time he didn’t stop but he did start moving fast when I hit wall and made to change directions and dart through the doorway to the hall.
He cut me off and fenced me in.
I tipped my head back and caught his eyes.
“You’re scary liberal,” he whispered.
“Jacob—”
“And I don’t give that first f**k.”
“You—”
“You want kids, you just won’t admit it. Or, alternately and more likely, you won’t allow yourself to have them.”
“Please—”
“You love me but won’t let yourself have me.”
“I—”
“And, baby,” he lifted his hand to my jaw and dropped his face closer to mine, “I’m gonna figure out why. Fix what’s broke in you. Then turn my attention to givin’ you the best life I can for the rest of the time you’re on this earth breathin’.”
Too much. Too beautiful. Too everything.
So much, it terrified me.
As in full-blown-panic, heart-beating-so-hard-I-thought-it-would-burst, -have-to-get-out-of-here! terrified-me-in-a-way-I-couldn’t-hold-it-in-check kind of panic.
“Please move back,” I whispered.
“I will. I’ll also give you space. A strategic decision that might bite me in the ass but you need time to think. Seein’ as you’re goin’ to Krys and Lauren when you got time to think, you might get yourself to good women who can give you advice. So that tactic, I reckon, is gonna work for me. What I won’t do is give up. And when I walk away in a second, baby, that’s the only thing you gotta take from this. I’m walkin’ away but I’m not givin’ up. Not on you. Not on us. And straight up, it’s selfish, because I’m doin’ all this shit for me.”
“Why?” I asked, and I genuinely wanted to know.
And I wanted to know because I was scared, freaked, angry, panicked, wondering what the hell was wrong with me but I also was clearly a pain in the ass.
“”Cause you piss me off. You make me laugh. You make me think. You’re absolutely fine with me bein’ nothin’ but me. You’re f**kin’ gorgeous. You’re a great lay. And you like my dog.”
I stared in his eyes, still terrified, still feeling too much of everything but I said nothing.
This time, Jacob didn’t either.
Not until he bent his head, touched his mouth to mine and I felt that soft touch spread through every part of me.
Only when he lifted his head did he say, “Later, baby. And, heads up, there will be a later, Emme. And it’ll be soon.”
He shifted two inches away, lifted a hand to sweep the bangs out of my eyes, slid his finger down my temple, over the corner of my lip and along my jaw.
That touch spread through every part of me too.
Then his hand dropped away and I watched him walk to the door.
But he stopped in it and turned to me.
“Pisses me off you took it. Pisses me off I gotta live without you for a while at the same time live without it for the first time in a decade. But for now, I’ll let you have it. When I come back, though, Emme, I’ll want my kaleidoscope back.”
I blinked in surprise.
Before I could tell him I didn’t have the kaleidoscope, Jacob disappeared.
Chapter Sixteen
Confirm It’s Her
Three days later…
What was I doing?
I heard the door to the café open, I lifted my head to look toward it and saw her.
Elsbeth.
God, she was still beautiful.
“What am I doing?” I muttered to myself.
I’d asked for and received her email from a still-mutual friend. I’d emailed her. I’d asked her to meet me for lunch. She’d said yes. So I’d taken a day off work and drove to Denver.
Now I was about to have lunch with my ex–best friend, my maybe-still boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend.
And I had no idea why.
Except for the fact that evidence was suggesting it was a good possibility I was totally f**king psycho.
She stopped by the table.
“Emme, wow, you look… you look amazing.”
She did too. But she always had. Lots of blond hair. Warm green eyes. Fabulous figure. Fantastic outfit.
“Hello, Elsbeth,” I said.
“Uh… hi,” she replied.
I tipped my head to the seat opposite me. “Do you wanna sit down?”
She looked at the seat then at me, both uncertain.
