Out of the Shallows
Page 54
Dad shook his head, smirking. “He should teach that stuff.”
My dad liked Beck. He’d gotten to know him a little when they joined my family for Christmas. Dad liked the way he was with Claudia and was just as susceptible to his easy charm as everybody else was. But it was more than that. The death of his father had made Beck a little grave. He seemed to have an understanding of what was important and how little time we have to appreciate it. An air of maturity floated around Beck that hadn’t been there before, and my dad liked it.
I chuckled. “He’s only speaking the truth. It’s hard to compete with someone like Claudia.”
“Yeah, but if they get famous, they’ll get the crazy girls who don’t care how beautiful a rocker’s girlfriend is or how much in love with her he is. They’ll do anything to get in his pants,” Andie warned.
“I know. And Claudia knows that. But she trusts Beck and so do I.”
And that was a good thing now that he and Claud were a package deal. They alternated weekends at each other’s apartment, so I saw quite a bit of him. When Claudia was in Chicago for the weekend, I hung out with Alex and friends from college.
I didn’t hang out with the rest of The Stolen. For obvious reasons.
I talked to Lowe on the phone occasionally and caught up with the guys’ antics through him and Beck. And also through Jake.
Jake and I emailed one another now. We hadn’t spoken on the phone and we hadn’t seen each other since San Francisco, but we hadn’t completely let go of one another yet, either.
It started with me. I knew I wasn’t ready to deal with our relationship or lack thereof, but I also didn’t want us to be strangers. So I sent him an email, telling him about my reconciliation with Andie and asking him about the rest of the road trip.
And so we became pen pals. I received and sent an email once a week, and I looked forward to Jake’s email like I was waiting on a million-dollar check to arrive. I even sent him a birthday present last month. It was an imported seven-inch red vinyl of Pearl Jam’s “Daughter.” I thought it would look cool on his wall, and Jake seemed to agree when he emailed to thank me.
I wish I could’ve seen his face when he opened it.
“Your mom and I were thinking it might be nice to rent a place in Grand Haven this summer. Thought the five of us could spend a long weekend up there.”
Andie grinned. “Sounds good, Dad. Just let me know what dates so I can schedule it, and so Rick can get time off.”
Dad turned to me. “Charley?”
“I’m there, definitely.”
Pleased, he nodded and returned to his brisket.
I felt Mom’s eyes on me and I looked up to meet her gaze. She gave me a small smile that I wasn’t quite sure I understood. It didn’t matter what it meant. There was peace in it and comfort in the air around us—not an ounce of brittle tension to be found.
I was finally getting my family back.
My phone had vibrated in my pocket over an hour ago, but I hadn’t wanted to be rude and bail on my family to check my email. I waited impatiently until Andie called it a night and I quickly did the same. Once in my old room, I shut the door and hurried to my laptop.
The email from Jake was waiting in my inbox.
I felt a flutter of nerves in my belly as I sank into my desk chair and clicked the mail open.
Charley,
My mom asked me home for dinner tonight. Sounds innocent enough, huh? Well, let me tell you it wasn’t. I expected a home-cooked meal and watching sports with my dad. Instead I walked in on my little brother having sex with his shy little librarian.
I’m scarred for life.
Let’s just say shy librarian has a kinky side and I now know more about my brother’s sex life than anyone should ever know, let alone a blood relative. I went back to my apartment as quickly as possible to try to rid myself of the image. I think if I return to therapy sessions, I’ll somehow get back on track with my life.
Speaking of, I got accepted into the University of Chicago graduate school for molecular engineering. The parents are very proud. I’m crapping myself. The guys are finished with school after graduation, and I’m going to continue to be a student for the next however many years. I still feel like I’m deliberately prolonging the inevitability of adulthood. Knowing you’ll be going to law school makes me feel better about it, though.
On that subject… are you ever going to tell me which schools you got accepted into? Are you deserting the Midwest for Stanford like you said you probably would?
Inquiring minds would like to know.
It’s going to be weird next year without the guys. I know they’ll be there, but they’ll be doing their band stuff and whatever manual labor they can find until the day they hopefully get signed. Our worlds are going to be different. All of our worlds are, I guess. I didn’t realize how much I depended on them. Don’t tell them that, though. Matt gets clingy when you show him too much affection.
Claudia is here at the apartment. She said you’re home with your parents this weekend. That’s good. I take it that’s good, right? You, Andie, and your folks are finally back to normal? Claudia seems a whole lot less worried about you and you sound better in your emails, so I’m guessing things are starting to pull together for you. I’m glad to hear it. I know what it’s like to be where you are and it’s not great. But you’re strong, Charley. I knew you’d get through it.
As for Claudia, it’s cool to see how much she’s changed since Barcelona. I thought we’d f**ked up majorly taking her to meet that dick, but it’s all turned out okay. Beck’s crazy about her. It’s a little unsettling but I’m learning to live with it since Claud’s happy and deserves to be. Although I would like it if she’d stop making soup. Our apartment reeks. Maybe you could casually mention it to her for me?
I gotta go now. Denver’s yelling at me to get my ass out the door to some party. Have a nice weekend with your folks.
Talk soon.
Jake
I stared at the screen, feeling a whole bunch of emotions I wasn’t sure I had any right to feel. Jake’s emails always made me laugh and this time was no exception. Yet there was panic upon hearing we’d both be at U of C next fall. There was the stupid jealousy I felt over the fact that Claudia got to spend time with him when I didn’t. There was anxiety over him going to a party and possibly meeting someone. That question plagued me all the time. I didn’t know if he was seeing anybody. I didn’t know if he’d meant it when he told me that he’d wait for me. All I knew was that as much as I loved reading his emails, they also kind of devastated me. He never flirted. He never alluded to his feelings, our broken relationship, or if there was a future for us. So I didn’t, either.
My dad liked Beck. He’d gotten to know him a little when they joined my family for Christmas. Dad liked the way he was with Claudia and was just as susceptible to his easy charm as everybody else was. But it was more than that. The death of his father had made Beck a little grave. He seemed to have an understanding of what was important and how little time we have to appreciate it. An air of maturity floated around Beck that hadn’t been there before, and my dad liked it.
I chuckled. “He’s only speaking the truth. It’s hard to compete with someone like Claudia.”
“Yeah, but if they get famous, they’ll get the crazy girls who don’t care how beautiful a rocker’s girlfriend is or how much in love with her he is. They’ll do anything to get in his pants,” Andie warned.
“I know. And Claudia knows that. But she trusts Beck and so do I.”
And that was a good thing now that he and Claud were a package deal. They alternated weekends at each other’s apartment, so I saw quite a bit of him. When Claudia was in Chicago for the weekend, I hung out with Alex and friends from college.
I didn’t hang out with the rest of The Stolen. For obvious reasons.
I talked to Lowe on the phone occasionally and caught up with the guys’ antics through him and Beck. And also through Jake.
Jake and I emailed one another now. We hadn’t spoken on the phone and we hadn’t seen each other since San Francisco, but we hadn’t completely let go of one another yet, either.
It started with me. I knew I wasn’t ready to deal with our relationship or lack thereof, but I also didn’t want us to be strangers. So I sent him an email, telling him about my reconciliation with Andie and asking him about the rest of the road trip.
And so we became pen pals. I received and sent an email once a week, and I looked forward to Jake’s email like I was waiting on a million-dollar check to arrive. I even sent him a birthday present last month. It was an imported seven-inch red vinyl of Pearl Jam’s “Daughter.” I thought it would look cool on his wall, and Jake seemed to agree when he emailed to thank me.
I wish I could’ve seen his face when he opened it.
“Your mom and I were thinking it might be nice to rent a place in Grand Haven this summer. Thought the five of us could spend a long weekend up there.”
Andie grinned. “Sounds good, Dad. Just let me know what dates so I can schedule it, and so Rick can get time off.”
Dad turned to me. “Charley?”
“I’m there, definitely.”
Pleased, he nodded and returned to his brisket.
I felt Mom’s eyes on me and I looked up to meet her gaze. She gave me a small smile that I wasn’t quite sure I understood. It didn’t matter what it meant. There was peace in it and comfort in the air around us—not an ounce of brittle tension to be found.
I was finally getting my family back.
My phone had vibrated in my pocket over an hour ago, but I hadn’t wanted to be rude and bail on my family to check my email. I waited impatiently until Andie called it a night and I quickly did the same. Once in my old room, I shut the door and hurried to my laptop.
The email from Jake was waiting in my inbox.
I felt a flutter of nerves in my belly as I sank into my desk chair and clicked the mail open.
Charley,
My mom asked me home for dinner tonight. Sounds innocent enough, huh? Well, let me tell you it wasn’t. I expected a home-cooked meal and watching sports with my dad. Instead I walked in on my little brother having sex with his shy little librarian.
I’m scarred for life.
Let’s just say shy librarian has a kinky side and I now know more about my brother’s sex life than anyone should ever know, let alone a blood relative. I went back to my apartment as quickly as possible to try to rid myself of the image. I think if I return to therapy sessions, I’ll somehow get back on track with my life.
Speaking of, I got accepted into the University of Chicago graduate school for molecular engineering. The parents are very proud. I’m crapping myself. The guys are finished with school after graduation, and I’m going to continue to be a student for the next however many years. I still feel like I’m deliberately prolonging the inevitability of adulthood. Knowing you’ll be going to law school makes me feel better about it, though.
On that subject… are you ever going to tell me which schools you got accepted into? Are you deserting the Midwest for Stanford like you said you probably would?
Inquiring minds would like to know.
It’s going to be weird next year without the guys. I know they’ll be there, but they’ll be doing their band stuff and whatever manual labor they can find until the day they hopefully get signed. Our worlds are going to be different. All of our worlds are, I guess. I didn’t realize how much I depended on them. Don’t tell them that, though. Matt gets clingy when you show him too much affection.
Claudia is here at the apartment. She said you’re home with your parents this weekend. That’s good. I take it that’s good, right? You, Andie, and your folks are finally back to normal? Claudia seems a whole lot less worried about you and you sound better in your emails, so I’m guessing things are starting to pull together for you. I’m glad to hear it. I know what it’s like to be where you are and it’s not great. But you’re strong, Charley. I knew you’d get through it.
As for Claudia, it’s cool to see how much she’s changed since Barcelona. I thought we’d f**ked up majorly taking her to meet that dick, but it’s all turned out okay. Beck’s crazy about her. It’s a little unsettling but I’m learning to live with it since Claud’s happy and deserves to be. Although I would like it if she’d stop making soup. Our apartment reeks. Maybe you could casually mention it to her for me?
I gotta go now. Denver’s yelling at me to get my ass out the door to some party. Have a nice weekend with your folks.
Talk soon.
Jake
I stared at the screen, feeling a whole bunch of emotions I wasn’t sure I had any right to feel. Jake’s emails always made me laugh and this time was no exception. Yet there was panic upon hearing we’d both be at U of C next fall. There was the stupid jealousy I felt over the fact that Claudia got to spend time with him when I didn’t. There was anxiety over him going to a party and possibly meeting someone. That question plagued me all the time. I didn’t know if he was seeing anybody. I didn’t know if he’d meant it when he told me that he’d wait for me. All I knew was that as much as I loved reading his emails, they also kind of devastated me. He never flirted. He never alluded to his feelings, our broken relationship, or if there was a future for us. So I didn’t, either.
