Pretend

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“We have a major problem in Durango. Money is missing and a manager MIA. We’ve been having problems there for a while but I kept ignoring it, hoping it would get better. That obviously isn’t the case. I need to go there for a few months to clean up and get things back on level ground. I’m going to close Creekside while I’m gone. I—”
“Fuck that.” Gavin shoved off the wall. “You have no reason to close the bar. Why are you really doing it? Let me guess, you know about the job and you’re trying to make my decisions for me? Fuck you for that, Mason. I’m an adult. I can handle my own shit. Even if I did want to take the job, that wouldn’t stop me from working at the bar now. Don’t be like everyone else in my life. Don’t think you know who I am or what I want better than I do.” Damn Mason for that. He’d never treated Gavin that way before. Gavin’s family told him he wasn’t gay, and Braden had always thought he’d known what was best for Gavin. And maybe when they were younger, he had, but not anymore.
Mason shoved to his feet. “But would you? Would you take that job if I’m still gone when it started and I needed you? Christ, I love that about you. You give one hundred percent of yourself to people you care about, but I’m not going to be the one to hold you back. Plus,” Mason went back down to the bed.
“We both have so much shit going on, Gav. I’m torn between my family loyalty, business, and fucked in the head over my parents. You’re the same way about yours and your career. Don’t get me wrong. I want you. I feel you, right fucking here.” He touched his chest. “But our relationship so far is based on feeling screwed up because of other people. It’s based on you being there for me at the bar, and me being the one to push you when you need it. That’s shit we need to be doing on our own. I don’t want to be what teaching at that school was to you. I don’t give a shit if you take that job or not, as long as whatever you do is what you want. Right now you’re living your life dependent on what I need or what your family needs. You just replaced me with your old job. Don’t you see that? You’re still not living for yourself, music man. I’m using you to forget about all the shit going on in my head. I don’t want that for us.”
Every one of Mason’s words slammed into him, rained down on him in punch after punch, hitting every one of his internal organs.
Mason was right. As much as he hated it, Mason was right.
“I love you, ya know?” And he did. He knew that. Despite all the other shit, he knew that. He felt Mason in a way he’d never felt anyone else.
“I know. I love you, too. I’ve fucked up too much in my life, though, and I don’t want to do that with you. If we don’t get our own shit figured out on our own, it’s always going to weigh us down. It’ll just fuck us up later. I can’t be your excuse for not knowing what you want for your life, or for not going for it. I can’t let you be my distraction, either. Maybe I really do want the restaurants. Maybe that’s why I’d originally planned on going back. Maybe not. Maybe Mom is right and I need to sort things out with my birth mother. I just know I can’t give you everything you deserve right now, no matter how much I want to.”
Could Gavin say he gave Mason everything he deserved as well? He didn’t know.
His feet felt like they were made of lead as Gavin walked over to his lover. He stopped in front of him, stood between Mason’s legs. His arms went around the man, and Mason’s did the same to him. He slid his hands down the back of Gavin’s underwear, rested his head against Gavin’s chest.
The tension in the room suffocated him. Somehow, even though they were walking away, it didn’t feel like running. It felt like fighting—for themselves and each other.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Mason worked every day straight for the next three weeks. The accounting was a disaster, as was the restaurant itself. He still wasn’t sure he’d found all the discrepancies, and he had their accountant scouring the books now, too.
They’d lost two employees, which meant being short-staffed and trying to hire new people on top of everything else.
In a lot of ways, it was a rush—the feeling of building this place up again. It was almost the way he felt when he’d bought Creekside. His dad wasn’t able to be here, and Isaac kept busy with Denver and Boulder.
The responsibility of Durango fell completely on his shoulders, and as stressful as that was, Mason realized something about himself: he loved that feeling as well.
He wasn’t sure what to do with that. All he knew was he felt like he was accomplishing something here. He worked to bring his father’s favorite restaurant back to its former glory, which it deserved. And he was honoring his father at the same time.