Still Jaded
Page 66
He smiled, but his eyes were sad. "I am too. I wasn't, but I am now."
"What does that mean?"
He looked up and shook his head. I knew that he was trying to tell me that he didn't know, but he did. He always did.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Bryce drove me home that night. At first, I felt horrible that we were going to my place while Corrigan was alone. Then I remembered that he'd gone behind my back with Bryce—that's when I started getting angry again. How dare they play with my emotions. How dare they manipulate me and make me feel like a fool! It wasn't just about them. I was involved. I'd be losing someone. I could lose both of them.
When I kept looking at Bryce, my anger went to him. How dare he?! He was a part of it. He'd always known. What else was a lie? Who else lied?! And as soon as the door shut behind us, I was ready for whatever was coming at me that night. I wanted it all out. I was sick and tired of being in the dark, and I didn't care what I'd have to do to get it out. It was my right to know.
So I took a breath, closed my eyes, counted to five, and then dropped my purse. "Okay. Are you going to explain the whore that you shacked up with or are you going to pretend that I didn't overhear any of that?!"
Bryce froze and then studied me. His eyes were lidded, but his jaw didn't move.
"Really? Nothing? Really?"
"What do you expect? Give me a second to group my thoughts together." His eyes narrowed, and that's when I knew he was lying. He knew I heard everything. He knew I'd be pissed. He certainly knew I'd be ready to lay everything on the table.
He was stalling.
I didn't care. He wasn't stalling on my watch.
"Tell me the truth!" I shouted even though I know I shouldn't. This was Bryce. He didn't cower or tremble underneath anger like that. He met it and raised it a notch. In the past he would've had me against the wall by now, but this was a new stage for us and neither of us knew the rules. Screw the rules. "Were you in love with me when you f**ked her? I never f**ked Corrigan—"
"What you and Corrigan did was worse. He told me what happened. You kissed him and you felt something for him. He told me!" Bryce shouted back, chest heaving.
We hadn't made it two seconds inside my house, and we were both heated. The night was not going to end well. I threw my head back. "I never screwed him!"
"You kissed, and you had feelings. You felt him, Sheldon. You stopped because of that. If you hadn't had any feelings, you would've screwed him. We're not that couple. We never were. You wanted me to screw other girls in high school. Remember? You screwed Denton. And you did it because you didn't give one shit about him. But Corrigan—you kiss him and turn away? Isn't that what happened?"
My mouth snapped shut. I wasn't sure what to say, but I was livid. The ass**le made me furious.
Bryce's eyes were ugly as he ground out, "You felt something for him and this is you. You're emotionally handicapped. You're blunted in the head when it comes to emotions."
"I am not!" I might be...
Bryce opened his mouth, but shut it again. Then he repeated the motion along with some more chest heaving. After a moment, after he had clenched and unclenched his hands repeatedly, he managed out, "Okay. That was below the belt, not untrue, but below the belt."
Snorting, I rolled my eyes. He could kiss my ass. "Are you going to tell me the truth or are you going to sugarcoat everything? Because you do it all the time, and that's why we're in half the messes we get in."
Bryce half laughed at that but half groaned too. He was caught between the two and then arched his eyebrows. "You wanna talk to me about who gets us in messes and who doesn't? Who screwed Denton two years ago. Who had a stalker after them? Who wanted her pseudo boyfriend to screw other girls because she couldn't handle being the only focal point of his emotions? Yeah. Not me—again."
"Who left me?" I stepped closer, one foot. Stalking.
He rolled his eyes.
I added, "Who walked away? Who started sleeping with someone else? And why did you do it—for some stupid media thing?" I was seeing red. "Think of a better excuse."
Bryce watched me with lidded eyes. He didn't show any emotion, but I knew it was there. I felt it. It was brimming underneath his surface, and it was powerful. He was angry—no. He was furious. I was calling all his cards and throwing them away. The truth was the only thing he could give and he knew it. I was taking away all his games, but what did he expect? This was me after all.
This was me and him. This was how we fought.
I stared at him. He stared back, but the fire was there. Then I grinned. It was a small smile, but it was there and it was cruel.
Bryce took it as such and stalked forward one step. "What do you want me to say? You want to know why I started dating Guadalupe or why I screwed her? You pick."
"Which was first?"
"I screwed her."
"Then that's the one I want to know." I was cold, and I knew my eyes were too. This had been coming for a long time.
He moved forward again, one step. It was slow but smooth. Dangerous. "I screwed her because I was fed up watching the girl I loved be in love with someone else—and not just anyone, but my best friend. My best friend, Sheldon! Of all people, it had to be him? I love him too. Besides you, he's my only friend and you had to go and fall in love with him?"
"I didn't fall in love with him—" I stopped abruptly.
Bryce knew why I shut up. "That's right. You didn't just fall in love with him. You always were in love with him, weren't you? Since high school. Since us. Did you love him before you and I started together?"
I gulped. When he said it like that… Hanging my head, I closed my mouth. I had no answer because a part of me didn't want to give him the answer.
"I know that you know, Sheldon. You're right. Corrigan and I did a little experiment with you. We wanted you to admit what you were feeling for both of us, because all of us know you could repress that you're Ghandi if you wanted. So you know now. What do you know? You can't hide anymore."
How did his voice sound like it was taunting me?
"Go ahead. Ask me what you want to know." I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned back on my heels. Bryce was right. Since my breakthrough with Corrigan and since the car accident, a lot more facts had surfaced within me. He was right. I did know how I felt about both, how long I had, and when the feelings had surfaced. I wasn't ready to handle those feelings yet, not just yet.
"What does that mean?"
He looked up and shook his head. I knew that he was trying to tell me that he didn't know, but he did. He always did.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Bryce drove me home that night. At first, I felt horrible that we were going to my place while Corrigan was alone. Then I remembered that he'd gone behind my back with Bryce—that's when I started getting angry again. How dare they play with my emotions. How dare they manipulate me and make me feel like a fool! It wasn't just about them. I was involved. I'd be losing someone. I could lose both of them.
When I kept looking at Bryce, my anger went to him. How dare he?! He was a part of it. He'd always known. What else was a lie? Who else lied?! And as soon as the door shut behind us, I was ready for whatever was coming at me that night. I wanted it all out. I was sick and tired of being in the dark, and I didn't care what I'd have to do to get it out. It was my right to know.
So I took a breath, closed my eyes, counted to five, and then dropped my purse. "Okay. Are you going to explain the whore that you shacked up with or are you going to pretend that I didn't overhear any of that?!"
Bryce froze and then studied me. His eyes were lidded, but his jaw didn't move.
"Really? Nothing? Really?"
"What do you expect? Give me a second to group my thoughts together." His eyes narrowed, and that's when I knew he was lying. He knew I heard everything. He knew I'd be pissed. He certainly knew I'd be ready to lay everything on the table.
He was stalling.
I didn't care. He wasn't stalling on my watch.
"Tell me the truth!" I shouted even though I know I shouldn't. This was Bryce. He didn't cower or tremble underneath anger like that. He met it and raised it a notch. In the past he would've had me against the wall by now, but this was a new stage for us and neither of us knew the rules. Screw the rules. "Were you in love with me when you f**ked her? I never f**ked Corrigan—"
"What you and Corrigan did was worse. He told me what happened. You kissed him and you felt something for him. He told me!" Bryce shouted back, chest heaving.
We hadn't made it two seconds inside my house, and we were both heated. The night was not going to end well. I threw my head back. "I never screwed him!"
"You kissed, and you had feelings. You felt him, Sheldon. You stopped because of that. If you hadn't had any feelings, you would've screwed him. We're not that couple. We never were. You wanted me to screw other girls in high school. Remember? You screwed Denton. And you did it because you didn't give one shit about him. But Corrigan—you kiss him and turn away? Isn't that what happened?"
My mouth snapped shut. I wasn't sure what to say, but I was livid. The ass**le made me furious.
Bryce's eyes were ugly as he ground out, "You felt something for him and this is you. You're emotionally handicapped. You're blunted in the head when it comes to emotions."
"I am not!" I might be...
Bryce opened his mouth, but shut it again. Then he repeated the motion along with some more chest heaving. After a moment, after he had clenched and unclenched his hands repeatedly, he managed out, "Okay. That was below the belt, not untrue, but below the belt."
Snorting, I rolled my eyes. He could kiss my ass. "Are you going to tell me the truth or are you going to sugarcoat everything? Because you do it all the time, and that's why we're in half the messes we get in."
Bryce half laughed at that but half groaned too. He was caught between the two and then arched his eyebrows. "You wanna talk to me about who gets us in messes and who doesn't? Who screwed Denton two years ago. Who had a stalker after them? Who wanted her pseudo boyfriend to screw other girls because she couldn't handle being the only focal point of his emotions? Yeah. Not me—again."
"Who left me?" I stepped closer, one foot. Stalking.
He rolled his eyes.
I added, "Who walked away? Who started sleeping with someone else? And why did you do it—for some stupid media thing?" I was seeing red. "Think of a better excuse."
Bryce watched me with lidded eyes. He didn't show any emotion, but I knew it was there. I felt it. It was brimming underneath his surface, and it was powerful. He was angry—no. He was furious. I was calling all his cards and throwing them away. The truth was the only thing he could give and he knew it. I was taking away all his games, but what did he expect? This was me after all.
This was me and him. This was how we fought.
I stared at him. He stared back, but the fire was there. Then I grinned. It was a small smile, but it was there and it was cruel.
Bryce took it as such and stalked forward one step. "What do you want me to say? You want to know why I started dating Guadalupe or why I screwed her? You pick."
"Which was first?"
"I screwed her."
"Then that's the one I want to know." I was cold, and I knew my eyes were too. This had been coming for a long time.
He moved forward again, one step. It was slow but smooth. Dangerous. "I screwed her because I was fed up watching the girl I loved be in love with someone else—and not just anyone, but my best friend. My best friend, Sheldon! Of all people, it had to be him? I love him too. Besides you, he's my only friend and you had to go and fall in love with him?"
"I didn't fall in love with him—" I stopped abruptly.
Bryce knew why I shut up. "That's right. You didn't just fall in love with him. You always were in love with him, weren't you? Since high school. Since us. Did you love him before you and I started together?"
I gulped. When he said it like that… Hanging my head, I closed my mouth. I had no answer because a part of me didn't want to give him the answer.
"I know that you know, Sheldon. You're right. Corrigan and I did a little experiment with you. We wanted you to admit what you were feeling for both of us, because all of us know you could repress that you're Ghandi if you wanted. So you know now. What do you know? You can't hide anymore."
How did his voice sound like it was taunting me?
"Go ahead. Ask me what you want to know." I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned back on my heels. Bryce was right. Since my breakthrough with Corrigan and since the car accident, a lot more facts had surfaced within me. He was right. I did know how I felt about both, how long I had, and when the feelings had surfaced. I wasn't ready to handle those feelings yet, not just yet.
