Take a Bow
Page 58
I head to my locker after class. While packing my bag, I open my phone and check my e-mail. I have one from Carter telling me he’s passed the GED. I’m about to e-mail him back when another message comes in. A chill rushes through me as I see the one e-mail I’ve been waiting for my entire life.
“Hey, Red!” Jack comes up to me. “I got this —”
“Have you seen Ethan?” I blurt out.
Jack stops and points toward the exit. “He was walking out the —”
I sprint toward the door and run down the street to try to catch Ethan. I weave through the mass of students heading home and the tourists going to Lincoln Center. I’ve walked to Ethan’s house with him so many times that I have his route memorized. I turn the corner and spot his red and gray backpack in the distance. I ignore the sharp pain in my side and continue to run.
I try calling out his name, but he has his earphones in and can’t hear me. I’m less than a block away. I concentrate on him and nearly run over a group of tourists trying to take a picture.
“ETHAN!” I scream, although I know he can’t hear me.
I’m only a few feet away from him and I reach my hand out to tap him. He stops dead in his tracks and I run right into him.
Before I know what hits me, I find myself lying on the sidewalk. Ethan’s eyes are wide as he takes out his headphones. “Are you okay?”
He reaches down and helps me up.
“What’s goin’ on over here?” A police offer approaches us. “Did you not see the traffic light?”
I brush the dirt off my pants. “Sorry, officer. I was trying to catch up to my friend.” I’m trying to catch my breath; all the cold air is burning my lungs.
“You could’ve gotten hit by a car.” He shakes his head and goes back to directing traffic.
The light changes, and Ethan and I cross the street.
He finally speaks. “What was that all about?”
“Sorry, I was trying to catch up to you. I didn’t see that you were at a crosswalk.”
“No, I mean, why are you here?”
I stop walking. “Ethan, I got into Juilliard.”
His face lights up. “Emme, congratulations!” It’s the first smile I’ve seen from him in weeks. He gives me one of his Ethan hugs. I thought I missed him, but being here with him, in his arms, makes the reality of what I lost much more traumatic.
“But that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about. I mean, it is. But …” I try to compose myself. I didn’t really have a plan but to find him. “When I saw the e-mail, you were the first person I thought of. It’s like nothing happens to me unless you know about it. And it’s like these last two weeks didn’t exist because you weren’t a part of them. My biggest fear this entire time was losing you, but all I was doing was pushing you away. I don’t want you to be away. I want you to be here. I need you, and not because of the band or because you help me, but because I love you. And as much as I was trying to pretend that it was just in a friendly way, it wasn’t.
“You being with Kelsey made me not ever have to come to terms with my feelings for you. And the reason I got so mad at you for cheating was because I always felt like you were cheating on me as well. And when you two finally broke up, it frightened me. Because then I was going to have to figure out how I really felt. When I think back to the alumni night, the memory that sticks in my head isn’t being onstage, it is afterward when you kissed me. And then when you apologized I thought you saw me like those girls who throw themselves at you during our shows. But I never regretted that kiss. The only thing I regret is that I didn’t have the courage to take a chance on us.”
Ethan entwines his hand in mine. “Let’s walk.”
“Oh.” I’m surprised and a little disappointed that’s all he has to say to me.
“We need to stop having these conversations in front of people.” He gestures toward the group of people drinking coffee outside. “Plus, it would be nice to not have an audience when I kiss you again.”
The shortness of breath I have is no longer from running.
“So I’m going to need you to excuse me because it is going to be very hard for me to contain myself for the next three blocks.”
Ethan doesn’t say anything, but picks up his pace as we walk into his apartment building. We stand only inches apart in the elevator and I find myself utterly aware of his presence.
He stays silent until we get to his room. He turns around and studies me. I’ve seen that look one other time from him and it was before he kissed me.
“Wait!” It takes me a second to realize that came from me. “I’m sorry, I just I need you to know something….”
He sits down on his bed. “I need to tell you something first.”
A numbness falls over me. Did I just ruin the moment? Last time he said that to me, he made a wonderful confession. I’m not so sure this time.
“I didn’t get into Juilliard.”
I collapse on his bed. “What?”
“It’s okay, really it is.” He rubs my back. Why is he comforting me?
“When did you find out?”
“Yesterday. I didn’t want to say anything until you knew about your application. I don’t want this to change how you feel. It’s unbelievably incredible, Emme. You should be really proud of yourself.”
Ethan didn’t get in, but I did? Out of all the confusing things to have happened this year, this is the one thing that makes the least sense.
“Hey, Red!” Jack comes up to me. “I got this —”
“Have you seen Ethan?” I blurt out.
Jack stops and points toward the exit. “He was walking out the —”
I sprint toward the door and run down the street to try to catch Ethan. I weave through the mass of students heading home and the tourists going to Lincoln Center. I’ve walked to Ethan’s house with him so many times that I have his route memorized. I turn the corner and spot his red and gray backpack in the distance. I ignore the sharp pain in my side and continue to run.
I try calling out his name, but he has his earphones in and can’t hear me. I’m less than a block away. I concentrate on him and nearly run over a group of tourists trying to take a picture.
“ETHAN!” I scream, although I know he can’t hear me.
I’m only a few feet away from him and I reach my hand out to tap him. He stops dead in his tracks and I run right into him.
Before I know what hits me, I find myself lying on the sidewalk. Ethan’s eyes are wide as he takes out his headphones. “Are you okay?”
He reaches down and helps me up.
“What’s goin’ on over here?” A police offer approaches us. “Did you not see the traffic light?”
I brush the dirt off my pants. “Sorry, officer. I was trying to catch up to my friend.” I’m trying to catch my breath; all the cold air is burning my lungs.
“You could’ve gotten hit by a car.” He shakes his head and goes back to directing traffic.
The light changes, and Ethan and I cross the street.
He finally speaks. “What was that all about?”
“Sorry, I was trying to catch up to you. I didn’t see that you were at a crosswalk.”
“No, I mean, why are you here?”
I stop walking. “Ethan, I got into Juilliard.”
His face lights up. “Emme, congratulations!” It’s the first smile I’ve seen from him in weeks. He gives me one of his Ethan hugs. I thought I missed him, but being here with him, in his arms, makes the reality of what I lost much more traumatic.
“But that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about. I mean, it is. But …” I try to compose myself. I didn’t really have a plan but to find him. “When I saw the e-mail, you were the first person I thought of. It’s like nothing happens to me unless you know about it. And it’s like these last two weeks didn’t exist because you weren’t a part of them. My biggest fear this entire time was losing you, but all I was doing was pushing you away. I don’t want you to be away. I want you to be here. I need you, and not because of the band or because you help me, but because I love you. And as much as I was trying to pretend that it was just in a friendly way, it wasn’t.
“You being with Kelsey made me not ever have to come to terms with my feelings for you. And the reason I got so mad at you for cheating was because I always felt like you were cheating on me as well. And when you two finally broke up, it frightened me. Because then I was going to have to figure out how I really felt. When I think back to the alumni night, the memory that sticks in my head isn’t being onstage, it is afterward when you kissed me. And then when you apologized I thought you saw me like those girls who throw themselves at you during our shows. But I never regretted that kiss. The only thing I regret is that I didn’t have the courage to take a chance on us.”
Ethan entwines his hand in mine. “Let’s walk.”
“Oh.” I’m surprised and a little disappointed that’s all he has to say to me.
“We need to stop having these conversations in front of people.” He gestures toward the group of people drinking coffee outside. “Plus, it would be nice to not have an audience when I kiss you again.”
The shortness of breath I have is no longer from running.
“So I’m going to need you to excuse me because it is going to be very hard for me to contain myself for the next three blocks.”
Ethan doesn’t say anything, but picks up his pace as we walk into his apartment building. We stand only inches apart in the elevator and I find myself utterly aware of his presence.
He stays silent until we get to his room. He turns around and studies me. I’ve seen that look one other time from him and it was before he kissed me.
“Wait!” It takes me a second to realize that came from me. “I’m sorry, I just I need you to know something….”
He sits down on his bed. “I need to tell you something first.”
A numbness falls over me. Did I just ruin the moment? Last time he said that to me, he made a wonderful confession. I’m not so sure this time.
“I didn’t get into Juilliard.”
I collapse on his bed. “What?”
“It’s okay, really it is.” He rubs my back. Why is he comforting me?
“When did you find out?”
“Yesterday. I didn’t want to say anything until you knew about your application. I don’t want this to change how you feel. It’s unbelievably incredible, Emme. You should be really proud of yourself.”
Ethan didn’t get in, but I did? Out of all the confusing things to have happened this year, this is the one thing that makes the least sense.
