Take a Bow
Page 59
“I’m going to the Manhattan School of Music.”
“What about Berklee?”
“I don’t want to leave New York. There are too many things that are changing as is. I don’t want to move to another city on top of it all. And, to be honest, you getting into Juilliard confirms I made the right decision. My parents wrote out the deposit check last night.” He looks at me hopefully.
“Oh.” I move closer to him.
Ethan moves his hand so it’s around my waist and he rests his chin on my shoulder.
“We did it.” My quivering voice betrays the calm façade I’m trying to maintain being so close to him.
“Yes, we did. I’m so proud of you, Emme. I truly am.”
I rest my head against his and we sit there quietly for a few minutes. I try to comprehend everything that has changed in the last hour or so. I know my fate: I’m going to Juilliard. And Ethan will be in Manhattan.
“So what did you want to tell me?” he finally asks. “Please don’t say you’re taking back what you said to me outside. Because those words will never leave my mind.”
I pull away so I can look into his eyes. “No, I don’t take those back. I’m really sorry about the past few weeks. I was just overwhelmed.”
“There was a lot going on.”
He’s always been understanding, but I know I’m not being clear. Oddly enough, my stress had nothing to do with school coming to an end.
“No, I’ve been overwhelmed by you. You overwhelm me … in the best possible sense. You once told me that you wish I could see myself through your eyes, but I can. Because I’ve always seen how you look at me. I didn’t know it was possible to be loved in the way you love me. I’ve always kind of thought that kind of love was the stuff of movies and cheesy ballads. I didn’t think it existed and I’ll admit, it frightened me. What if I couldn’t live up to your image of me? What if once you got me, I wouldn’t be enough? But I’m not fighting it. I want to be with you.”
Ethan smiles and pulls me closer. “So does this mean I get to take you on a proper date?”
I giggle nervously. We know each other so well and have gone out to eat so many times, I wonder how differently things will feel on an “official” date?
“Hmm, I guess you can take me to dinner to celebrate.”
“That I can do.”
I lean in. “And maybe write a song about how you saw your way to forgive a silly girl.”
“That I won’t do.”
I don’t even have time to be disappointed by his reaction. He cups his hand around my face. “Because you’ve done nothing wrong. And you’re here now. That’s all that matters.”
We kiss. And at no point does either of us pull away or apologize.
Because we don’t have anything to be sorry for.
I can’t wait for this ridiculous ceremony to get over with so I can move on with my life.
After Emme decided to shove a knife in my back, I realized that CPA doesn’t deserve to showcase my talent. So I waited out the last few months of school. I wasn’t going to waste my time auditioning for parts that nobody wants me to have. I’ll never understand what these administrators have against me. Probably they know that I have more talent in my pinky than the entire faculty combined.
They’ll be begging me to come back and speak to future classes. I’ll be on that screen. They’ll be bragging about me. I can’t wait to turn them down.
Starting tomorrow, I can do what I want. I won’t have anybody holding me back. No teachers, no Sarah Moffitt, no Emme.
I’ll have my CPA diploma. And let me just say that my education here has certainly prepared me for the real world.
If you can survive having your alleged best friend betray you, what’s the worst thing a casting director can do?
In one hour, I’ll be free.
I’ll have a new Plan that doesn’t revolve around anybody but me.
Next step — Sophie Jenkins, superstar.
Check.
While I’m sitting only a dozen or so rows behind the graduating class, I feel like I’m a world away from the student I was when I started here.
I’ve got a long way to go, but I’m working on painting and getting my portfolio ready for my own auditions for art school next year.
My last episode of the soap aired two weeks ago. I enjoyed the media attention this time around, because I knew I was ending a chapter of my life and beginning a new one.
I’m not sure where any of this will lead me, but for the first time, I’m taking charge of my life. I’m not acting. I’m being me.
That’s all I ever wanted.
I’m well aware that I have a goofy grin on my face while an Oscar-winning alumna gives our commencement address. It has nothing to do with whatever it is she’s saying.
I’ve got a lot to smile for. I’m staying in New York to study music, I’m with the one person I’ve longed to be with, and, above all, there’s silence.
For the first time in my life, those screaming voices in my head have disappeared.
The only thoughts that circle my mind are happy and practically serene.
And, of course, the dominant thought that controls my mind is love.
The love of Emme, the love of my family, the love of my friends, and the love that I finally have for myself.
I can’t wait to see what I can do, now that I’m no longer standing in my own way.
The four of us wait in the wings. Ethan playfully flicks at the tassel on my cap.
“What about Berklee?”
“I don’t want to leave New York. There are too many things that are changing as is. I don’t want to move to another city on top of it all. And, to be honest, you getting into Juilliard confirms I made the right decision. My parents wrote out the deposit check last night.” He looks at me hopefully.
“Oh.” I move closer to him.
Ethan moves his hand so it’s around my waist and he rests his chin on my shoulder.
“We did it.” My quivering voice betrays the calm façade I’m trying to maintain being so close to him.
“Yes, we did. I’m so proud of you, Emme. I truly am.”
I rest my head against his and we sit there quietly for a few minutes. I try to comprehend everything that has changed in the last hour or so. I know my fate: I’m going to Juilliard. And Ethan will be in Manhattan.
“So what did you want to tell me?” he finally asks. “Please don’t say you’re taking back what you said to me outside. Because those words will never leave my mind.”
I pull away so I can look into his eyes. “No, I don’t take those back. I’m really sorry about the past few weeks. I was just overwhelmed.”
“There was a lot going on.”
He’s always been understanding, but I know I’m not being clear. Oddly enough, my stress had nothing to do with school coming to an end.
“No, I’ve been overwhelmed by you. You overwhelm me … in the best possible sense. You once told me that you wish I could see myself through your eyes, but I can. Because I’ve always seen how you look at me. I didn’t know it was possible to be loved in the way you love me. I’ve always kind of thought that kind of love was the stuff of movies and cheesy ballads. I didn’t think it existed and I’ll admit, it frightened me. What if I couldn’t live up to your image of me? What if once you got me, I wouldn’t be enough? But I’m not fighting it. I want to be with you.”
Ethan smiles and pulls me closer. “So does this mean I get to take you on a proper date?”
I giggle nervously. We know each other so well and have gone out to eat so many times, I wonder how differently things will feel on an “official” date?
“Hmm, I guess you can take me to dinner to celebrate.”
“That I can do.”
I lean in. “And maybe write a song about how you saw your way to forgive a silly girl.”
“That I won’t do.”
I don’t even have time to be disappointed by his reaction. He cups his hand around my face. “Because you’ve done nothing wrong. And you’re here now. That’s all that matters.”
We kiss. And at no point does either of us pull away or apologize.
Because we don’t have anything to be sorry for.
I can’t wait for this ridiculous ceremony to get over with so I can move on with my life.
After Emme decided to shove a knife in my back, I realized that CPA doesn’t deserve to showcase my talent. So I waited out the last few months of school. I wasn’t going to waste my time auditioning for parts that nobody wants me to have. I’ll never understand what these administrators have against me. Probably they know that I have more talent in my pinky than the entire faculty combined.
They’ll be begging me to come back and speak to future classes. I’ll be on that screen. They’ll be bragging about me. I can’t wait to turn them down.
Starting tomorrow, I can do what I want. I won’t have anybody holding me back. No teachers, no Sarah Moffitt, no Emme.
I’ll have my CPA diploma. And let me just say that my education here has certainly prepared me for the real world.
If you can survive having your alleged best friend betray you, what’s the worst thing a casting director can do?
In one hour, I’ll be free.
I’ll have a new Plan that doesn’t revolve around anybody but me.
Next step — Sophie Jenkins, superstar.
Check.
While I’m sitting only a dozen or so rows behind the graduating class, I feel like I’m a world away from the student I was when I started here.
I’ve got a long way to go, but I’m working on painting and getting my portfolio ready for my own auditions for art school next year.
My last episode of the soap aired two weeks ago. I enjoyed the media attention this time around, because I knew I was ending a chapter of my life and beginning a new one.
I’m not sure where any of this will lead me, but for the first time, I’m taking charge of my life. I’m not acting. I’m being me.
That’s all I ever wanted.
I’m well aware that I have a goofy grin on my face while an Oscar-winning alumna gives our commencement address. It has nothing to do with whatever it is she’s saying.
I’ve got a lot to smile for. I’m staying in New York to study music, I’m with the one person I’ve longed to be with, and, above all, there’s silence.
For the first time in my life, those screaming voices in my head have disappeared.
The only thoughts that circle my mind are happy and practically serene.
And, of course, the dominant thought that controls my mind is love.
The love of Emme, the love of my family, the love of my friends, and the love that I finally have for myself.
I can’t wait to see what I can do, now that I’m no longer standing in my own way.
The four of us wait in the wings. Ethan playfully flicks at the tassel on my cap.
