The Heart's Ashes
Page 19
I’d better stay away from Eric. If he keeps pressing me, I will give in. I want to give in.
But, no more vampires. I have to stay away from anyone who is at risk of my falling in love with them.
Chapter 3
As I knew it would, the weekend finally arrived. I slammed the front door on the Friday behind me and called into the house to see if anyone was home.
“In here, baby.”
Emily, when I walked into the dining area, sat back in her chair, wiping tears of obvious hilarity from her eyes. “Mike’s been filling me in on all your quirky little habits, Ara.”
“Mike!” I dropped my purse onto the hallstand near the archway.
“What?” He shrugged. “You’re funny.”
Emily stifled another giggle when I glared at her.
“Well, I have a few funny tales of my own.”
“Go ahead.” Mike stood up and carried his and Emily’s plates to the bench. “But there’s no way any stories about me will be as funny as your Perkins Park one.”
My eyes widened. “You didn’t?”
He chuckled, looking at Emily, who couldn’t hold it back any longer. “Oh my God. I’m gonna wet myself,” she cried, running from the room.
Mike and I looked at each other for a second before we both chuckled.
“I can’t believe you told her that.”
“Aw, Ar, she doesn’t care. She’s your friend. She loves you.”
“Hm.” I walked over and plonked down on the kitchen chair. “Well, I’m glad to see you two are getting along.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? We’ve always gotten along.”
I shrugged. “I dunno. It’s just weird that she doesn’t hate you anymore.”
“She never hated me.”
My arched brow responded.
“Well, she musta got over it pretty quick. My devilishly handsome face’ll do that.” He took on the pose of a male model, strutting his stuff as he placed a glass plate on the table in front of me. The warm smell of rice and green beans filled the air with a homely feel—Mike’s homely feel.
“So, what did you get up to today?” I asked.
“Stayed home. Em did too.”
“She did?”
“Yeah, well, she came out all dressed for classes, but we got talking, and she ended up just staying home.”
“You’re a bad influence,” I said, digging into my dinner. “But I’m glad to see her smile. I was worried about her today.”
“She’s worried about you, too.”
“Me? Why?” I said with my mouthful.
“She thinks you’re not eating.” Mike laughed, looking at my full gob. “I told her you’re incapable of starvation.”
“Why would she think that?”
He lifted my wrist with his fingertips. “This.”
“What, so I’m a little skinny—so what?”
“She thinks you’re starving yourself deliberately.”
“Why would I do that?”
He shrugged, then wandered over to the kitchen again.
“Wait, you don’t agree with her, do you?”
He shrugged again and folded his arms, leaning his butt on the edge of the bench. “Are you?”
“No.”
“Okay then.”
Incredulity rose up in me like heat. I wanted to jump up and wipe the smug grin off his face, then erase all the gossip those two had shared today. Conspirers. How dare they. They don’t know me! They don’t know what’s going on in my life. I dropped my fork onto my plate. “You big fat jerk. You do agree with her, don’t you?”
“I don’t know. I don’t really know what to believe. The fact is, Ar—” he turned back to face me, pointing to his thumb, “—you are thinner than usual. Emily says she never sees you eat, and—” He stopped.
“And what?”
“And...Emily thinks it might be ‘cause of me.”
“What? Why?”
“She...she thinks you’re not over me.” He turned back to the sink, resting his hands on the edge of the bench; I caught a flash of yellow from the corner of my eye and turned to look at Emily, hiding behind the wall with a look of apology in her awkward grin. She waved at me; I scowled at her, then smiled.
“What would not being over you have to do with starving myself,” I said the last words a little louder, aiming them at Emily with a hint of spite.
“Sorry,” she whispered.
“That maybe...you’re punishing yourself. That maybe you...maybe you feel like you made a mistake and now you...want me back.”
“Oh.” I looked down at my dinner; the steam had wafted away, the cold turning the rice gluggy. “She’s right in one sense.”
He turned his head a fraction to gaze sideways at me, past his shoulder.
“I know I made a mistake leaving you, but—”
“Ara.” Mike rolled his head back. “Don’t say things like that.”
“Mike, you know I still love you. Why is it so ridiculous to think I might be aware of what a big mistake it was to let you go?”
“Because I’m really struggling with losing you. I’m not okay. So please don’t hurt me by saying things like that.”
“I’m sorry, Mike.”
In the hallway, Emily covered her mouth, her eyes filling with signs of concern. I sighed heavily. There’s no way to fix this. I don’t know how to be just friends with Mike—how to be around him without wishing he’d love me.
“You see?” I said, feeling like an idiot. “This is why I didn’t take your calls, Mike.”
He stood, wordless, by the edge of the sink, looking into the drain of useless emotions. “I needed to see you, Ara,” he said out of the blue. “I need to have you in my life, but you have to be careful. I’ll always be your friend, but if you don’t want to love me then please don’t say it—it burns me.”
“I’m sorry. But I do love you, and you being here has unearthed all those feelings. I forced myself to let you go, for your own good—and now you’re back.”
“I promised you, Ara.” He turned to face me, and even though I could see anger in his eyes, it still felt so good to see his face—here, in my kitchen, where I never thought I’d see him. “I promised I’d always be here, and I intend to keep that promise. When I left you, I was only going home to tie up loose ends. There’s nothing there for me now.”
But, no more vampires. I have to stay away from anyone who is at risk of my falling in love with them.
Chapter 3
As I knew it would, the weekend finally arrived. I slammed the front door on the Friday behind me and called into the house to see if anyone was home.
“In here, baby.”
Emily, when I walked into the dining area, sat back in her chair, wiping tears of obvious hilarity from her eyes. “Mike’s been filling me in on all your quirky little habits, Ara.”
“Mike!” I dropped my purse onto the hallstand near the archway.
“What?” He shrugged. “You’re funny.”
Emily stifled another giggle when I glared at her.
“Well, I have a few funny tales of my own.”
“Go ahead.” Mike stood up and carried his and Emily’s plates to the bench. “But there’s no way any stories about me will be as funny as your Perkins Park one.”
My eyes widened. “You didn’t?”
He chuckled, looking at Emily, who couldn’t hold it back any longer. “Oh my God. I’m gonna wet myself,” she cried, running from the room.
Mike and I looked at each other for a second before we both chuckled.
“I can’t believe you told her that.”
“Aw, Ar, she doesn’t care. She’s your friend. She loves you.”
“Hm.” I walked over and plonked down on the kitchen chair. “Well, I’m glad to see you two are getting along.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? We’ve always gotten along.”
I shrugged. “I dunno. It’s just weird that she doesn’t hate you anymore.”
“She never hated me.”
My arched brow responded.
“Well, she musta got over it pretty quick. My devilishly handsome face’ll do that.” He took on the pose of a male model, strutting his stuff as he placed a glass plate on the table in front of me. The warm smell of rice and green beans filled the air with a homely feel—Mike’s homely feel.
“So, what did you get up to today?” I asked.
“Stayed home. Em did too.”
“She did?”
“Yeah, well, she came out all dressed for classes, but we got talking, and she ended up just staying home.”
“You’re a bad influence,” I said, digging into my dinner. “But I’m glad to see her smile. I was worried about her today.”
“She’s worried about you, too.”
“Me? Why?” I said with my mouthful.
“She thinks you’re not eating.” Mike laughed, looking at my full gob. “I told her you’re incapable of starvation.”
“Why would she think that?”
He lifted my wrist with his fingertips. “This.”
“What, so I’m a little skinny—so what?”
“She thinks you’re starving yourself deliberately.”
“Why would I do that?”
He shrugged, then wandered over to the kitchen again.
“Wait, you don’t agree with her, do you?”
He shrugged again and folded his arms, leaning his butt on the edge of the bench. “Are you?”
“No.”
“Okay then.”
Incredulity rose up in me like heat. I wanted to jump up and wipe the smug grin off his face, then erase all the gossip those two had shared today. Conspirers. How dare they. They don’t know me! They don’t know what’s going on in my life. I dropped my fork onto my plate. “You big fat jerk. You do agree with her, don’t you?”
“I don’t know. I don’t really know what to believe. The fact is, Ar—” he turned back to face me, pointing to his thumb, “—you are thinner than usual. Emily says she never sees you eat, and—” He stopped.
“And what?”
“And...Emily thinks it might be ‘cause of me.”
“What? Why?”
“She...she thinks you’re not over me.” He turned back to the sink, resting his hands on the edge of the bench; I caught a flash of yellow from the corner of my eye and turned to look at Emily, hiding behind the wall with a look of apology in her awkward grin. She waved at me; I scowled at her, then smiled.
“What would not being over you have to do with starving myself,” I said the last words a little louder, aiming them at Emily with a hint of spite.
“Sorry,” she whispered.
“That maybe...you’re punishing yourself. That maybe you...maybe you feel like you made a mistake and now you...want me back.”
“Oh.” I looked down at my dinner; the steam had wafted away, the cold turning the rice gluggy. “She’s right in one sense.”
He turned his head a fraction to gaze sideways at me, past his shoulder.
“I know I made a mistake leaving you, but—”
“Ara.” Mike rolled his head back. “Don’t say things like that.”
“Mike, you know I still love you. Why is it so ridiculous to think I might be aware of what a big mistake it was to let you go?”
“Because I’m really struggling with losing you. I’m not okay. So please don’t hurt me by saying things like that.”
“I’m sorry, Mike.”
In the hallway, Emily covered her mouth, her eyes filling with signs of concern. I sighed heavily. There’s no way to fix this. I don’t know how to be just friends with Mike—how to be around him without wishing he’d love me.
“You see?” I said, feeling like an idiot. “This is why I didn’t take your calls, Mike.”
He stood, wordless, by the edge of the sink, looking into the drain of useless emotions. “I needed to see you, Ara,” he said out of the blue. “I need to have you in my life, but you have to be careful. I’ll always be your friend, but if you don’t want to love me then please don’t say it—it burns me.”
“I’m sorry. But I do love you, and you being here has unearthed all those feelings. I forced myself to let you go, for your own good—and now you’re back.”
“I promised you, Ara.” He turned to face me, and even though I could see anger in his eyes, it still felt so good to see his face—here, in my kitchen, where I never thought I’d see him. “I promised I’d always be here, and I intend to keep that promise. When I left you, I was only going home to tie up loose ends. There’s nothing there for me now.”
