The Heart's Ashes
Page 76
“Mike?” I edged forward, my heart in my throat. “Mike. Please get up.”
Just as David took a step to help him, Mike groaned, rolling up to sit, clutching his jaw. “Shit—that stings.”
“Are you satisfied?” I yelled at David, squatting beside Mike.
“Actually, yes.” He smiled, his fist loosening as he turned away.
“Well, I’m glad my pain brings you satisfaction.” Mike shook his head, using the tree to struggle to his feet.
“If you ever—” David stomped toward Mike, a finger of caution aimed at his chest, “—touch her again, I’ll turn you into a vampire, then torture you for eternity. Got it?”
“Duly noted,” Mike said, almost laughing.
“Excuse me!” I dropped my hands to my hips. “You don’t get to decide who I kiss and who I don’t. You don’t own me.”
“Right now, while I’m here, I do. And that was more than just kissing.” David walked away again.
“I’m not your girlfriend, David. I did nothing wrong.”
“By whose standards, Ara?” He kept walking.
An eye-narrowing infuriation raged in me, stiffening my jaw; I bent down, picked up the nearest rock and, before Mike could react, launched it at David’s head.
“Ow!” He jolted forward, cupping a hand to the site of impact. “You little brat.”
The twisted grimace on my lips slipped away as David started after me—at human pace. I squealed and hid behind Mike, who blocked David’s hand as he reached for me.
“Back off, mate,” Mike said, but his tone was playful.
“Give her to me, Mike.” David stopped and waited. “I’m not going to hurt her, you know that. Now give her to me.”
Mike studied him, his eyes focused, then, he stepped aside.
“Traitor,” I cried as David grabbed my arm, making me feel so small, closed in under his towering height.
“Now you listen to me, missy.” An impetuous grin hid in the corners of his lips. “I love you—more than anything on this earth. I am here because of that, and will not tolerate this friend business any longer.”
“I don’t care what you want.” I made myself taller. “Either you stay permanently, or we’re just friends.”
He dropped my arm. “Fine. We’re friends. But I don’t ever want to see you in the arms of another man. Do you understand me?”
“No. You’re leaving. Why should I have to spend my life alone just because you don’t want me?”
David shook his head. “You’re so stubborn, Ara.”
I straightened my clothes. “And you like me that way.”
A smile crept in under his angry eyes, an odd moment of warmth in a ghastly situation. “Mike seems to think we should share you.”
“Mike?” I thrust my arms to my side, turning as his palms rose.
“I never said that.”
“No, but you thought it.” David walked away.
“It was a fleeting thought—a joke.”
David, keeping his back to us, said, “No, it wasn’t.”
“Okay, maybe it wasn’t.” Mike scratched his upper lip. “But what else can we do, David? We both love her.”
“What about Emily,” I said; David stopped.
“I—” Mike looked at David. “That’s over.”
“Because she’s a vampire?” I said.
“No—because she’s dead.”
“Mike? How can you be so mean?”
“It’s not mean. It’s just how I feel.”
“God!” I threw my hands up. “She still has a heart, Mike. She still has feelings, you know. Feelings for you.”
As Mike closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead, my disapproval softened; his face was bruising pretty badly now, the fist imprint along his jaw rising up under a short gash, the remains of the scratches Emily gave him looking suddenly more severe and painful.
David, I turned to him, give him blood. He’s hurting.
“No, he can suffer,” David concluded. “I’m going home. You two can figure this out on your own.”
“Figure what out—what’s to figure?” I grabbed his arm.
“Which one you want to be with, Ara.” David walked backward, shaking his head. “Let me know when it’s clear.”
Alone, in the cool cover of shade from the trees, Mike and I stared at each other for a while.
Chapter 12
With David on the couch and Mike hiding from Emily in his room, the house had lost the warm, happy feel it usually had at this time of night; no chatting over dinner, no piano and sing-along—just tension, quiet, and no one saying what they really wanted to say. I went to bed early, without telling David I’d met Jason, and without mentioning that we might have as long as three months left together.
David’s right. I looked up at my ceiling, as if my thoughts were easier to piece together on a white, plain surface. I do need to sort out what I want, because I do want Mike. Not like before, though. Not like when I was seventeen.
But there’s a toxic desire flooding through me every time I’m around him; a desire to do things that don’t really involve the heart at all—and it’s growing every day. I can’t breathe when I’m close to him, when I think of him.
I jumped out of bed and headed for the shower—a cold one. I needed to think.
David won’t make love to me, but my body’s obviously more than ready to take that step into adulthood. But if I choose to let Mike have that part of me—friends with benefits—David will leave, Emily will be sad, and I’ll be done with Mike eventually, because I don’t want to marry him.
We had a name for girls like me in high school—not a very nice name.
But it’s my heart; it won’t stop. I can’t help but to feel the need to be touched, and it disturbs me that it’s grown stronger since Jason brought it to my attention. I wonder if he planted something in me, some desire pill that makes me this way, or if he was right, if I really am just that sort of girl.
I let the cold water run over my neck and shoulders, washing away some of the burn of desire.
No one wants to admit what they truly are, in fact, it’s so much easier to lie to yourself than to almost anyone in the world. I don’t want to be promiscuous or needy. I just want to be loved, by someone who wants to be with me, who will fight to stay with me forever, death and imminent torture standing between us, or not. Is that so much to ask?
Just as David took a step to help him, Mike groaned, rolling up to sit, clutching his jaw. “Shit—that stings.”
“Are you satisfied?” I yelled at David, squatting beside Mike.
“Actually, yes.” He smiled, his fist loosening as he turned away.
“Well, I’m glad my pain brings you satisfaction.” Mike shook his head, using the tree to struggle to his feet.
“If you ever—” David stomped toward Mike, a finger of caution aimed at his chest, “—touch her again, I’ll turn you into a vampire, then torture you for eternity. Got it?”
“Duly noted,” Mike said, almost laughing.
“Excuse me!” I dropped my hands to my hips. “You don’t get to decide who I kiss and who I don’t. You don’t own me.”
“Right now, while I’m here, I do. And that was more than just kissing.” David walked away again.
“I’m not your girlfriend, David. I did nothing wrong.”
“By whose standards, Ara?” He kept walking.
An eye-narrowing infuriation raged in me, stiffening my jaw; I bent down, picked up the nearest rock and, before Mike could react, launched it at David’s head.
“Ow!” He jolted forward, cupping a hand to the site of impact. “You little brat.”
The twisted grimace on my lips slipped away as David started after me—at human pace. I squealed and hid behind Mike, who blocked David’s hand as he reached for me.
“Back off, mate,” Mike said, but his tone was playful.
“Give her to me, Mike.” David stopped and waited. “I’m not going to hurt her, you know that. Now give her to me.”
Mike studied him, his eyes focused, then, he stepped aside.
“Traitor,” I cried as David grabbed my arm, making me feel so small, closed in under his towering height.
“Now you listen to me, missy.” An impetuous grin hid in the corners of his lips. “I love you—more than anything on this earth. I am here because of that, and will not tolerate this friend business any longer.”
“I don’t care what you want.” I made myself taller. “Either you stay permanently, or we’re just friends.”
He dropped my arm. “Fine. We’re friends. But I don’t ever want to see you in the arms of another man. Do you understand me?”
“No. You’re leaving. Why should I have to spend my life alone just because you don’t want me?”
David shook his head. “You’re so stubborn, Ara.”
I straightened my clothes. “And you like me that way.”
A smile crept in under his angry eyes, an odd moment of warmth in a ghastly situation. “Mike seems to think we should share you.”
“Mike?” I thrust my arms to my side, turning as his palms rose.
“I never said that.”
“No, but you thought it.” David walked away.
“It was a fleeting thought—a joke.”
David, keeping his back to us, said, “No, it wasn’t.”
“Okay, maybe it wasn’t.” Mike scratched his upper lip. “But what else can we do, David? We both love her.”
“What about Emily,” I said; David stopped.
“I—” Mike looked at David. “That’s over.”
“Because she’s a vampire?” I said.
“No—because she’s dead.”
“Mike? How can you be so mean?”
“It’s not mean. It’s just how I feel.”
“God!” I threw my hands up. “She still has a heart, Mike. She still has feelings, you know. Feelings for you.”
As Mike closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead, my disapproval softened; his face was bruising pretty badly now, the fist imprint along his jaw rising up under a short gash, the remains of the scratches Emily gave him looking suddenly more severe and painful.
David, I turned to him, give him blood. He’s hurting.
“No, he can suffer,” David concluded. “I’m going home. You two can figure this out on your own.”
“Figure what out—what’s to figure?” I grabbed his arm.
“Which one you want to be with, Ara.” David walked backward, shaking his head. “Let me know when it’s clear.”
Alone, in the cool cover of shade from the trees, Mike and I stared at each other for a while.
Chapter 12
With David on the couch and Mike hiding from Emily in his room, the house had lost the warm, happy feel it usually had at this time of night; no chatting over dinner, no piano and sing-along—just tension, quiet, and no one saying what they really wanted to say. I went to bed early, without telling David I’d met Jason, and without mentioning that we might have as long as three months left together.
David’s right. I looked up at my ceiling, as if my thoughts were easier to piece together on a white, plain surface. I do need to sort out what I want, because I do want Mike. Not like before, though. Not like when I was seventeen.
But there’s a toxic desire flooding through me every time I’m around him; a desire to do things that don’t really involve the heart at all—and it’s growing every day. I can’t breathe when I’m close to him, when I think of him.
I jumped out of bed and headed for the shower—a cold one. I needed to think.
David won’t make love to me, but my body’s obviously more than ready to take that step into adulthood. But if I choose to let Mike have that part of me—friends with benefits—David will leave, Emily will be sad, and I’ll be done with Mike eventually, because I don’t want to marry him.
We had a name for girls like me in high school—not a very nice name.
But it’s my heart; it won’t stop. I can’t help but to feel the need to be touched, and it disturbs me that it’s grown stronger since Jason brought it to my attention. I wonder if he planted something in me, some desire pill that makes me this way, or if he was right, if I really am just that sort of girl.
I let the cold water run over my neck and shoulders, washing away some of the burn of desire.
No one wants to admit what they truly are, in fact, it’s so much easier to lie to yourself than to almost anyone in the world. I don’t want to be promiscuous or needy. I just want to be loved, by someone who wants to be with me, who will fight to stay with me forever, death and imminent torture standing between us, or not. Is that so much to ask?
