The Space in Between
Page 21
“Now. Let’s go do something about this hideous hair of yours.”
MS. SALLY STOOD BEHIND me, clipping away at my hair after it had been washed. The amount of hair falling to the ground was somewhat worrisome. I was almost positive I was going to be bald by the time she was done. But I didn’t say anything. Questioning Ms. Sally’s tactics was like questioning God. You just didn’t do it.
Chop chop chop. Gossip gossip gossip. Within that hour, I found out that Rachel had officially moved back into town, Derrick’s mom was on anti-depressants, Fred’s Bakery made a new strawberry jam and…
“Wait. What!?” I looked up to Ms. Sally, who stood with an ‘oh crap’ look pasted on her face. Her eyes shifted towards my mom, who was holding a magazine. She, too, had the ‘oh crap’ look plastered across her face.
“Oh…I thought. I mean, I assumed you knew, honey.” Ms. Sally slapped her chubby arm against her waist. “My gosh Betty, you could have told me Andrea didn’t know! I hate spreading gossip.”
“Is it true?” How could my mom keep this from me? How could she NOT tell me this big detail?
“Well...yes. It happened over Thanksgiving. We were hoping you would come but, well, what did you want Eric to do? Wait until you called? Because you never did.” She huffed and puffed, making up excuses of why it had ‘slipped’ her mind to inform me that my brother and Michelle were now officially engaged.
I returned to my seat. I couldn’t talk. I didn’t want to talk. They were getting married. They were about to begin the journey of their happily ever after. And I was jealous, bitter, and saddened by the idea. What kind of monster had I become?
The outcome of the change in my hair was beautiful. Ms. Sally did a fantastic job. I was now sporting a pixie cut, platinum blond hairdo which was much more me. It felt good to get back to the blondness, yet my blue eyes still stared back at me in the mirror like they didn’t know who I was looking at.
“That’s much better.” My mom smiled at me through the mirror and squeezed my shoulders. The look of joy beaming from her was proof that she was satisfied with my new look. “Now, time to get you to your dance rehearsal.”
Ugh. I shook my head, stood up, tossed on my coat and gloves, and informed her that I would walk. It wasn’t that far, and the fresh air would be nice to knock the grumpy out of my system.
MY HEART SKIPPED a beat as I stood outside the dance studio and saw everyone laughing inside. There were quite a few people in the room, but my eyes landed on the most important people. I saw Eric’s best friend, Bobby, talking with him and Michelle. I saw Ladasha smiling, chatting it up with Steve—Derrick’s best friend. And I saw Cooper in a corner with Rachel, who was laughing hysterically. Surely nothing could have been that funny. Jealousy filled me up while watching Cooper lean in towards Rachel and her beautiful grin. I had no right to be jealous; he was a free man to do whatever the hell he wanted to do, and we were just friends.
It was clear Cooper was the man in my dream, waiting for me to step outside—or in this case, inside—with him and move on. What was I waiting for? And how long could I expect a guy to wait for me? His head rose towards the window and I stumbled back. His dimples appeared as he locked eyes with me. I didn’t look away, but I didn’t move closer. Cooper held up a finger to Rachel, excusing himself and it was less than five seconds before he was standing outside in the chilled winter’s air next to me.
“Hey, you,” he said as I watched his breath hit the cold air. He rubbed his hands together and wrapped his arms around himself. “You look amazing.”
I gave him a half-smile and rubbed my mittens over my new hairdo. “Thank you.”
“What are you doing? It’s freakin’ cold out here. Come on in. They were about to get started.”
My foot shifted on the snow resting against the sidewalk. I pointed towards Ladasha. “That guy with Dasha? That’s Derrick’s best friend.”
“Ahh, I see.” He walked over next to me and stared into the dance room. He was wearing a short-sleeved black t-shirt and jeans, and I could see the hairs standing up on his arms. He was freezing. But he wouldn’t show it because he didn’t want to leave my side. “So here’s what I have learned about Pride and Prejudice dances. They move quickly. You change partners fast. And you hardly have enough time to chat with anyone. So I doubt Steve will even have enough time to notice you. But it’s completely up to you what you want to do. In or out?” he asked. No pressure, just a question.
I let out a breath.
In.
As I opened the door, the room filled with laughter came to a screeching halt. It wasn’t long until the heartrending, poignant glances towards me arrived. They saw me as a sad, abandoned puppy. The air was filled with an overwhelming amount of whispering. At least in my mind that is what I heard. They were questioning how I looked, how skinny I was, how alone and depressed I must have been. They were judging me. They didn’t say it, and I doubt they meant to, but I could feel it.
I took off my coat and tossed it on a chair in a corner. Cooper was wrong—the dancing didn’t start soon enough. As I turned from dropping off my coat, I stood before Steve. Not only was he Derrick’s best friend, but he was a best friend of mine too. I hadn’t spoken to him since the accident, and I’m not sure if I’d even glanced his way at the funeral, yet there we were. Face to face.
Don’t cry.
I opened my mouth to speak but choked on the air. What did you say to your dead fiancé’s best friend? He gave me his gracious smile and ran his hands through his sandy brown hair. I smirked back towards him and tilted my head. He lowered his eyebrows and held a hand out to me. “Wanna dance?”
I grabbed his hand and moved to the dance floor. The lightness of the room returned as everyone realized I wasn’t dead. I was just going through the motions of dealing with death. The laughter came back, which was so much more pleasant than the utter silence. Before I knew it, the dance lessons had began and everything wasn’t as bad as my mind was making it up to be.
So what did you say to your dead fiancé’s best friend?
Absolutely Nothing.
You just looked at each other and came to the realization that words couldn’t bring much comfort, but the touch from an old friend could.
As the night continued, I grew comfortable. These people were still my friends, and it felt good to be around them. During a break, I slid down the wall and sat on the floor. Rachel walked up to me and handed me a water bottle. Cooper was standing across the room, laughing with Eric and Steve. I thanked her for the water and she sat down next to me. Her eyes wandered over to Cooper. “He’s pretty sexy, eh? Do you know if he’s single? I heard rumors about him and his wife, but that’s all I know…”
I rolled my eyes. Rachel thought everyone was sexy. I wanted to tell her he was off limits, but I couldn’t.
Her head lowered and she took a long gulp from her water. “I never got to talk to you at the funeral and…” She grew serious. Much more serious than I was interested in her being. I glanced around the room for an escape, but everyone else was enwrapped in mindless conversations. Crap. She continued, “I mean, I know we were never really close but I wanted to say, I mean. I just wanted to…” She started to stutter. It was as if she were searching for the right words.
“What is it, Rachel?” Something was bothering her—no,—something was eating away at her mind.
“I just. I mean. You’re a good person.” She became teary-eyed. I remained silent. “And what happened to Derrick...”
“What are you two ladies chatting about?” Steve appeared seemingly out of nowhere and joined us on the floor.
Rachel’s eyes locked with his. “Andrea and I were having a talk.” She narrowed her eyes towards him and gave him the ‘get the hell out of here’ look. He returned a stern look and I was confused out of my mind.
“What’s going on?”
Their look broke and they both smiled at me. Before Rachel could speak, Steve opened his mouth. “Nothing. Rachel, that Cooper guy over there was asking about you. Maybe you should go say hi.”
That perked her right up. And pissed me right off. She excused herself to go chat with him and my eyes followed her the whole way.
“What’s her deal? She was acting all weird,” I asked Steve. Steve smiled and stood up.
“You know Rachel.” He tapped the side of his head. “She’s not all there at times.”
I chuckled, took the hand he extended to me, and stood up, ready to continue dance rehearsal.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
THE MOMENT I stepped onto the dance floor, I forgot everything Ladasha had taught me the night prior. I tried my best not to gawk, but Andrea looked so stunning that I couldn’t help it. Her blue eyes really pierced me with her latest hairdo. My eyes traveled down her body, studying every inch of her being. She had a loose cream sweater hanging over her black dress. The dress hugged her in every place I have embraced before. It was a perfect fit. She appeared taller today—she was wearing heels. Nothing too high, but she was almost my height, so I noticed.
“Ouch!” I broke from my trance as I turned towards my cousin and apologized for stepping on her toes. My mind was clearly somewhere else.
“It’s fine. Perhaps we should call it a night, everyone. I have waters and some snacks in the back room if anyone wants to grab some before we head out.” Michelle skipped over to the stereo system and turned off the music.
“You weren’t half bad for a beginner.” I turned to be greeted by a cheerful girl who was nudging me in the side. Rachel was quite a sight to look at. Her long brown locks of hair had been curled prior to her arrival, and they bounced against her shoulders.
I smirked. “I was terrible.”
She stepped closer to me and leaned against the bar attached to the wall full of mirrors. She informed me that the ‘bar’ was actually called a barre and she had taken ballet since the age of three. I guess she wanted me to be aware of how flexible she was. Hell, I really didn’t care. I glanced through the mirror and saw Andrea in the back corner. She was sipping on a water bottle and staring at me and Rachel. If I didn’t know any better…
She looked jealous. Holy shit, she was jealous. The flaring of her nostrils and the narrowing of her eyes were all the conformation I needed. I couldn’t help but feel a little excited by that fact. That meant that somewhere, deep down inside, she had some type of feelings for me. Before I could express that there was nothing to be jealous about, Rachel placed her hand against my chest and said something. I’m not sure what it was, but it was enough to make Andrea roll her eyes and walk away
“I’m sorry, what?” I asked Rachel, who was extra friendly.
“I said we were all planning on going out for a few beers tonight. You should join us.” Her sexy grin almost pulled me in, but my mind was imagining how this must have looked to Andrea. My eyes took a trip around the room—where did she go?
“Yeah. Yeah, that could be fun…” There she was. She was putting on her coat, ready to make her departure. I took the hand Rachel still had placed upon my chest and removed it. I didn’t want to offend or embarrass the poor girl, so I gave her my largest smile. “I’m so sorry. If you can excuse me again.” That was the second time I had excused myself from Rachel’s presence to go chase after Andrea, but hell, I had priorities. Well, I had one priority. And her name was Andrea. I grabbed my jacket, tossed it on, and headed out of the building.
“You have a way of disappearing,” I somewhat shouted to her as she was walking down the street. Andrea turned and stared at me. The snow had started up again and was falling against my eyelashes, forcing me to blink nonstop.
MS. SALLY STOOD BEHIND me, clipping away at my hair after it had been washed. The amount of hair falling to the ground was somewhat worrisome. I was almost positive I was going to be bald by the time she was done. But I didn’t say anything. Questioning Ms. Sally’s tactics was like questioning God. You just didn’t do it.
Chop chop chop. Gossip gossip gossip. Within that hour, I found out that Rachel had officially moved back into town, Derrick’s mom was on anti-depressants, Fred’s Bakery made a new strawberry jam and…
“Wait. What!?” I looked up to Ms. Sally, who stood with an ‘oh crap’ look pasted on her face. Her eyes shifted towards my mom, who was holding a magazine. She, too, had the ‘oh crap’ look plastered across her face.
“Oh…I thought. I mean, I assumed you knew, honey.” Ms. Sally slapped her chubby arm against her waist. “My gosh Betty, you could have told me Andrea didn’t know! I hate spreading gossip.”
“Is it true?” How could my mom keep this from me? How could she NOT tell me this big detail?
“Well...yes. It happened over Thanksgiving. We were hoping you would come but, well, what did you want Eric to do? Wait until you called? Because you never did.” She huffed and puffed, making up excuses of why it had ‘slipped’ her mind to inform me that my brother and Michelle were now officially engaged.
I returned to my seat. I couldn’t talk. I didn’t want to talk. They were getting married. They were about to begin the journey of their happily ever after. And I was jealous, bitter, and saddened by the idea. What kind of monster had I become?
The outcome of the change in my hair was beautiful. Ms. Sally did a fantastic job. I was now sporting a pixie cut, platinum blond hairdo which was much more me. It felt good to get back to the blondness, yet my blue eyes still stared back at me in the mirror like they didn’t know who I was looking at.
“That’s much better.” My mom smiled at me through the mirror and squeezed my shoulders. The look of joy beaming from her was proof that she was satisfied with my new look. “Now, time to get you to your dance rehearsal.”
Ugh. I shook my head, stood up, tossed on my coat and gloves, and informed her that I would walk. It wasn’t that far, and the fresh air would be nice to knock the grumpy out of my system.
MY HEART SKIPPED a beat as I stood outside the dance studio and saw everyone laughing inside. There were quite a few people in the room, but my eyes landed on the most important people. I saw Eric’s best friend, Bobby, talking with him and Michelle. I saw Ladasha smiling, chatting it up with Steve—Derrick’s best friend. And I saw Cooper in a corner with Rachel, who was laughing hysterically. Surely nothing could have been that funny. Jealousy filled me up while watching Cooper lean in towards Rachel and her beautiful grin. I had no right to be jealous; he was a free man to do whatever the hell he wanted to do, and we were just friends.
It was clear Cooper was the man in my dream, waiting for me to step outside—or in this case, inside—with him and move on. What was I waiting for? And how long could I expect a guy to wait for me? His head rose towards the window and I stumbled back. His dimples appeared as he locked eyes with me. I didn’t look away, but I didn’t move closer. Cooper held up a finger to Rachel, excusing himself and it was less than five seconds before he was standing outside in the chilled winter’s air next to me.
“Hey, you,” he said as I watched his breath hit the cold air. He rubbed his hands together and wrapped his arms around himself. “You look amazing.”
I gave him a half-smile and rubbed my mittens over my new hairdo. “Thank you.”
“What are you doing? It’s freakin’ cold out here. Come on in. They were about to get started.”
My foot shifted on the snow resting against the sidewalk. I pointed towards Ladasha. “That guy with Dasha? That’s Derrick’s best friend.”
“Ahh, I see.” He walked over next to me and stared into the dance room. He was wearing a short-sleeved black t-shirt and jeans, and I could see the hairs standing up on his arms. He was freezing. But he wouldn’t show it because he didn’t want to leave my side. “So here’s what I have learned about Pride and Prejudice dances. They move quickly. You change partners fast. And you hardly have enough time to chat with anyone. So I doubt Steve will even have enough time to notice you. But it’s completely up to you what you want to do. In or out?” he asked. No pressure, just a question.
I let out a breath.
In.
As I opened the door, the room filled with laughter came to a screeching halt. It wasn’t long until the heartrending, poignant glances towards me arrived. They saw me as a sad, abandoned puppy. The air was filled with an overwhelming amount of whispering. At least in my mind that is what I heard. They were questioning how I looked, how skinny I was, how alone and depressed I must have been. They were judging me. They didn’t say it, and I doubt they meant to, but I could feel it.
I took off my coat and tossed it on a chair in a corner. Cooper was wrong—the dancing didn’t start soon enough. As I turned from dropping off my coat, I stood before Steve. Not only was he Derrick’s best friend, but he was a best friend of mine too. I hadn’t spoken to him since the accident, and I’m not sure if I’d even glanced his way at the funeral, yet there we were. Face to face.
Don’t cry.
I opened my mouth to speak but choked on the air. What did you say to your dead fiancé’s best friend? He gave me his gracious smile and ran his hands through his sandy brown hair. I smirked back towards him and tilted my head. He lowered his eyebrows and held a hand out to me. “Wanna dance?”
I grabbed his hand and moved to the dance floor. The lightness of the room returned as everyone realized I wasn’t dead. I was just going through the motions of dealing with death. The laughter came back, which was so much more pleasant than the utter silence. Before I knew it, the dance lessons had began and everything wasn’t as bad as my mind was making it up to be.
So what did you say to your dead fiancé’s best friend?
Absolutely Nothing.
You just looked at each other and came to the realization that words couldn’t bring much comfort, but the touch from an old friend could.
As the night continued, I grew comfortable. These people were still my friends, and it felt good to be around them. During a break, I slid down the wall and sat on the floor. Rachel walked up to me and handed me a water bottle. Cooper was standing across the room, laughing with Eric and Steve. I thanked her for the water and she sat down next to me. Her eyes wandered over to Cooper. “He’s pretty sexy, eh? Do you know if he’s single? I heard rumors about him and his wife, but that’s all I know…”
I rolled my eyes. Rachel thought everyone was sexy. I wanted to tell her he was off limits, but I couldn’t.
Her head lowered and she took a long gulp from her water. “I never got to talk to you at the funeral and…” She grew serious. Much more serious than I was interested in her being. I glanced around the room for an escape, but everyone else was enwrapped in mindless conversations. Crap. She continued, “I mean, I know we were never really close but I wanted to say, I mean. I just wanted to…” She started to stutter. It was as if she were searching for the right words.
“What is it, Rachel?” Something was bothering her—no,—something was eating away at her mind.
“I just. I mean. You’re a good person.” She became teary-eyed. I remained silent. “And what happened to Derrick...”
“What are you two ladies chatting about?” Steve appeared seemingly out of nowhere and joined us on the floor.
Rachel’s eyes locked with his. “Andrea and I were having a talk.” She narrowed her eyes towards him and gave him the ‘get the hell out of here’ look. He returned a stern look and I was confused out of my mind.
“What’s going on?”
Their look broke and they both smiled at me. Before Rachel could speak, Steve opened his mouth. “Nothing. Rachel, that Cooper guy over there was asking about you. Maybe you should go say hi.”
That perked her right up. And pissed me right off. She excused herself to go chat with him and my eyes followed her the whole way.
“What’s her deal? She was acting all weird,” I asked Steve. Steve smiled and stood up.
“You know Rachel.” He tapped the side of his head. “She’s not all there at times.”
I chuckled, took the hand he extended to me, and stood up, ready to continue dance rehearsal.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
THE MOMENT I stepped onto the dance floor, I forgot everything Ladasha had taught me the night prior. I tried my best not to gawk, but Andrea looked so stunning that I couldn’t help it. Her blue eyes really pierced me with her latest hairdo. My eyes traveled down her body, studying every inch of her being. She had a loose cream sweater hanging over her black dress. The dress hugged her in every place I have embraced before. It was a perfect fit. She appeared taller today—she was wearing heels. Nothing too high, but she was almost my height, so I noticed.
“Ouch!” I broke from my trance as I turned towards my cousin and apologized for stepping on her toes. My mind was clearly somewhere else.
“It’s fine. Perhaps we should call it a night, everyone. I have waters and some snacks in the back room if anyone wants to grab some before we head out.” Michelle skipped over to the stereo system and turned off the music.
“You weren’t half bad for a beginner.” I turned to be greeted by a cheerful girl who was nudging me in the side. Rachel was quite a sight to look at. Her long brown locks of hair had been curled prior to her arrival, and they bounced against her shoulders.
I smirked. “I was terrible.”
She stepped closer to me and leaned against the bar attached to the wall full of mirrors. She informed me that the ‘bar’ was actually called a barre and she had taken ballet since the age of three. I guess she wanted me to be aware of how flexible she was. Hell, I really didn’t care. I glanced through the mirror and saw Andrea in the back corner. She was sipping on a water bottle and staring at me and Rachel. If I didn’t know any better…
She looked jealous. Holy shit, she was jealous. The flaring of her nostrils and the narrowing of her eyes were all the conformation I needed. I couldn’t help but feel a little excited by that fact. That meant that somewhere, deep down inside, she had some type of feelings for me. Before I could express that there was nothing to be jealous about, Rachel placed her hand against my chest and said something. I’m not sure what it was, but it was enough to make Andrea roll her eyes and walk away
“I’m sorry, what?” I asked Rachel, who was extra friendly.
“I said we were all planning on going out for a few beers tonight. You should join us.” Her sexy grin almost pulled me in, but my mind was imagining how this must have looked to Andrea. My eyes took a trip around the room—where did she go?
“Yeah. Yeah, that could be fun…” There she was. She was putting on her coat, ready to make her departure. I took the hand Rachel still had placed upon my chest and removed it. I didn’t want to offend or embarrass the poor girl, so I gave her my largest smile. “I’m so sorry. If you can excuse me again.” That was the second time I had excused myself from Rachel’s presence to go chase after Andrea, but hell, I had priorities. Well, I had one priority. And her name was Andrea. I grabbed my jacket, tossed it on, and headed out of the building.
“You have a way of disappearing,” I somewhat shouted to her as she was walking down the street. Andrea turned and stared at me. The snow had started up again and was falling against my eyelashes, forcing me to blink nonstop.
