The Space in Between
Page 22
“Coop, aren’t you sick of chasing me?”
“Never.”
She ran her hands through her short hair and wiggled her nose as she met me halfway. The streetlights had turned on; each one dressed with wreaths and white Christmas lights. Down the way, I could see a large tree in the center of the park dressed up with a large star placed on the top.
I could tell they took their holidays seriously in this town, and I would be lying if I said it wasn’t a nice treat. I couldn’t remember the last time I had a Christmas tree—or a holiday at that. Iris and I were always working, making money instead of making memories.
“Where are you heading?” I wondered out loud. She couldn’t have been on her way back to my cousin’s place. That was way too far to walk. Especially in this weather.
“I told my mom I would stop by for dinner.”
“You two doing all right?”
She delivered a short smile and ran her hand over her eyebrow. “Better than yesterday. Did you know Eric and Michelle are engaged?”
I nodded. I’d congratulated them yesterday. “Yeah, I saw the ring right away.”
She grumbled to herself and cussed out loud. “How did I miss that?”
“To be fair, you were getting your ass chewed out by your mother.”
“True fact.” She shifted her body and removed her eyes from me. “It looked like Rachel and you were getting along great.”
“Jealous, are we?” I joked. She looked to me and raised an eyebrow.
“Rachel McLean has slept with every guy on the high school football team at least four times around. And I’m sure she did the same when she went to college. So if that’s what you’re into, go for it.”
Her cheeks were turning red, and I doubted it was due to the chill. “Do you have her number?” I laughed as I saw her mouth drop open from shock, and she punched me in the arm. Not a light little tap. No, she f**king slugged me.
“Cooper Michael, I swear if you—” she started to scold me and I gracefully changed the subject.
“Let me give you a ride,” I offered. I had the rental car from the airport and didn’t feel comfortable with her walking alone at night. Sure, this place wasn’t New York City, but who knew what kind of small town creeps there were around?
“It’s right down the way.”
“Andie, come on. Don’t let our friendship suffer like this,” I whimpered. She giggled and nodded as she joined me on the walk to the car. “You really look amazing,” I kept telling her.
Rolling her eyes, she bit her lip. “I’m not going to sleep with you again, so you can stop trying so hard.”
“I’m not looking for sex.”
She paused from walking and faced me. Her petite body was being sprinkled with snowflakes. I took her hand in mine and spun her around in the winter wonderland. It was a gorgeous night and I was pretty damn lucky to be spending this moment with her. After I spun her around, I took her in my arms and dipped her before pulling her in close to me. So close our lips were almost touching. I could see her breath as she tried to control her nerves. She didn’t dare look away, and we held onto the connection for as long as we could. And she spoke softly. “If you’re not looking for sex, what are you looking for?”
I ran my finger across her cheek and let go of her, allowing her to move back if she wished, but she remained close to me. I leaned in closer and whispered into her ear. “You.”
I stepped away from her and continued on to the car. For a moment, I wasn’t sure she was going to follow me. The sounds of her high heels were not heard, but I had to trust my gut. I had to trust Andrea that she would join me in my offer to drive her to her parents.
It took her awhile—her steps were so soft I hardly heard her approaching—but when I opened the passenger’s door and turned around, she was patiently waiting to enter the vehicle.
“DO YOU WANT some more stuffing?” Betty asked as she picked up my plate that had been cleared after round two and headed to the kitchen. I watched Andrea pick around at her food—she was still on her first plate. I could see Betty wanting to say something, but she kept it to herself. A big improvement from the previous night, but I assume she didn’t want her daughter to storm off again. You live and you learn.
I patted my stomach and sat back in my chair. Even if I wanted more stuffing, there was no way it would be able to fit in my gut. Mrs. Evans knew how to cook. I hadn’t had such a wonderful tasting Thanksgiving meal since my mom…
“No, thank you. I am stuffed with stuffing.”
Betty reentered the dining room with a huff and puff holding a chocolate cake. No, not just a chocolate cake. A triple layer, chocolate chip, dark fudge chocolate cake.
I couldn’t be positive, but I was pretty damn sure I drooled.
“Are you sure, honey? There’s cake! I made it this afternoon.”
I rubbed my hand across my face, narrowed my eyes, and poked my bottom lip out, making it look as if I were really thinking of not having the delicious dessert. Hell, I didn’t even have to taste the cake to know it was outstanding. There was no way I wasn’t going to have any of it. But I smirked and nodded. “You know what, Betty? I think I’ll have a small slice.”
She smiled, quite pleased with my reply, and went to get plates. I looked over to the stunning girl sitting across from me and winked at her. Her rosy cheeks which followed my wink made my night.
I looked over to Andrea’s dad, who was reading a car manual. During dinner he told me how he had planned to learn how to fix cars. Andrea informed me that he was Mr. Fix-It. Walter only grinned and informed me that he was Mr. Try-It-Break-It-Throw-It-And-Then-Sometimes-Fix-It.
She loved her dad.
He loved her just as much.
Nothing wrong with a good father figure.
As Betty reentered with the plates and sliced us each a piece I began to devour the hell out of dessert.
I smiled as I watched Andrea ever so nonchalantly rub her finger against her plate pick up the remains of cake crumbs, and eat them. Betty’s eyes sparkled with excitement when she saw this, and she watched as Andrea reached for another piece. In that moment, Andrea made her mama really happy. After they finished, Andrea helped her mom clean off the table and they left us two men to ourselves.
“Walter, your wife really has a way with cooking. This was probably the best meal I’ve had in a long time,” I praised.
Walter sat back in his chair and removed his glasses, placing them on the table. “I lucked out. A perfect wife.” Walter wiggled his nose towards Betty, who was smiling towards him from the kitchen.
“How long have you two been married now?”
“Thirty-six years.” He grinned. He was proud to call her his. And she was equally proud to call him hers. I couldn’t imagine. Iris and I were only married for four years and damaged to the core.
“What are your secrets?”
He thought for a moment. He rubbed the bridge of his nose and narrowed his eyes. His voice lowered to a whisper and I waited for the wisdom. “Whiskey.”
I laughed out loud as he smirked and continued. “But really. The secret is to listen to what she doesn’t say, see what she doesn’t do, and hold her when she doesn’t cry.”
Solid advice.
“And, each night, two shots of whiskey.” I chuckled again at his joke. But I was quick to notice his stern look and I knew the shots of whiskey truly were the key to his successful marriage. If I were to ever get married again, I would need to discover my own secrets to success that didn’t involve drinking.
I saw Betty head back into the room and Andrea walk off down the hallway with her cell phone glued to her ear. Walter raised a brow, nonverbally asking where his daughter was going.
“She’s on her phone, talking to her friend Ladasha.” Her lips frowned when she said Dasha’s name and Walter shook his head.
“Betty, don’t start.”
“What is it?” I asked. I couldn’t stop wondering what it was they were exactly saying without saying. That must be exactly what Walter had been talking about for a successful relationship—listen to what she’s not saying. But I wasn’t trained that well. I needed it to be spelled out for me.
“I don’t feel comfortable with Anders being out in New York with this friend we’ve never actually met until yesterday. And she seems like a nice girl but…” Betty paused and placed her hands in her lap. “I’m not racist.”
“Of course not,” I said.
“And Ladasha seems like a fine girl. But it appears like she has a dark past.”
“Don’t we all?”
“Yes. It’s true. But some people don’t come out of it. And I want Andrea to be able to come out of the dark past and have a future. And I wish I could feel as if Ladasha was a good influence.”
I lowered my brows and rested the tip of my thumb between my teeth. “With all due respect, Mrs. Evans, I had the opportunity to sit down and speak with Ladasha. And her path was carved into shape before she had a chance to inhale her first breath. The odds were stacked against her, but she keeps smiling. She doesn’t live in self-pity and she doesn’t blame the world. She strives to be her best. She keeps pushing to be better, and if I had to choose a best friend for my daughter, if I had one, there would be no doubt in my mind that I would choose Ladasha.”
She rubbed her bottom lip and bit it. I saw where Andrea picked up a few of her traits. “I’ve embarrassed myself,” she said. She had, it was bullshit the way she judged Ladasha. But, I told her she shouldn’t feel that way. Her cheeks became red and she picked up a glass of water to sip. “It’s just, I worry, that’s all.”
“I would, too. About a lot of things. But if I could go ahead and ease some of your worries right now…Ladasha is not something you should worry about.” I grinned and watched her sigh with relief.
“Okay.”
“Okay.” I stood up to step away for a moment. “Now, if you would excuse me please. I must use your bathroom.”
Or, well, go find Andrea.
Same difference.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
I’D NEVER BEEN so frozen in place. It was all the same. I didn’t know why I’d thought my mom would had changed anything around, or taken anything away. She didn’t handle change well—I guess it ran in the family.
The photos were still taped to my mirror and the walls. And looking at Derrick and me smiling made me realize that the photos were still, attached to my heart. But that wasn’t what made me freeze.
My eyes shifted to my open closet. There it was—my wedding dress hanging in the closet, zipped up and sealed in the plastic bag for protection from any harm. I aggressively cleared my throat and murmured to myself. “Don’t be stupid.”
I wanted Order, and I knew if I kept letting myself feel weak and falling into these moments of weakness I would never get to it. I had to face my demons instead of letting them trample over me. It was time to face it.
One step closer.
My heart started to pound in my chest. The blood flow to my brain must have slowed down because a dizzy spell took me over.
Two steps closer.
My tongue pressed against the roof of my mouth as I wrapped my arms around my body. It felt as if the windows were opened. My eyes shifted towards the window frame, but I was shocked to find it sealed shut. How could that be? I was freezing.
Three steps.
There was no going back. The closet was before me and the white bag was peacefully resting on the hanger. It hadn’t been bothered in months. Did I truly have the right to open it? What if it didn’t give me any comfort by looking at it? It would only remind me of him. It would only push me back into the house and away from the porch I was desperate to step off in order to follow Cooper to a new beginning.
“Never.”
She ran her hands through her short hair and wiggled her nose as she met me halfway. The streetlights had turned on; each one dressed with wreaths and white Christmas lights. Down the way, I could see a large tree in the center of the park dressed up with a large star placed on the top.
I could tell they took their holidays seriously in this town, and I would be lying if I said it wasn’t a nice treat. I couldn’t remember the last time I had a Christmas tree—or a holiday at that. Iris and I were always working, making money instead of making memories.
“Where are you heading?” I wondered out loud. She couldn’t have been on her way back to my cousin’s place. That was way too far to walk. Especially in this weather.
“I told my mom I would stop by for dinner.”
“You two doing all right?”
She delivered a short smile and ran her hand over her eyebrow. “Better than yesterday. Did you know Eric and Michelle are engaged?”
I nodded. I’d congratulated them yesterday. “Yeah, I saw the ring right away.”
She grumbled to herself and cussed out loud. “How did I miss that?”
“To be fair, you were getting your ass chewed out by your mother.”
“True fact.” She shifted her body and removed her eyes from me. “It looked like Rachel and you were getting along great.”
“Jealous, are we?” I joked. She looked to me and raised an eyebrow.
“Rachel McLean has slept with every guy on the high school football team at least four times around. And I’m sure she did the same when she went to college. So if that’s what you’re into, go for it.”
Her cheeks were turning red, and I doubted it was due to the chill. “Do you have her number?” I laughed as I saw her mouth drop open from shock, and she punched me in the arm. Not a light little tap. No, she f**king slugged me.
“Cooper Michael, I swear if you—” she started to scold me and I gracefully changed the subject.
“Let me give you a ride,” I offered. I had the rental car from the airport and didn’t feel comfortable with her walking alone at night. Sure, this place wasn’t New York City, but who knew what kind of small town creeps there were around?
“It’s right down the way.”
“Andie, come on. Don’t let our friendship suffer like this,” I whimpered. She giggled and nodded as she joined me on the walk to the car. “You really look amazing,” I kept telling her.
Rolling her eyes, she bit her lip. “I’m not going to sleep with you again, so you can stop trying so hard.”
“I’m not looking for sex.”
She paused from walking and faced me. Her petite body was being sprinkled with snowflakes. I took her hand in mine and spun her around in the winter wonderland. It was a gorgeous night and I was pretty damn lucky to be spending this moment with her. After I spun her around, I took her in my arms and dipped her before pulling her in close to me. So close our lips were almost touching. I could see her breath as she tried to control her nerves. She didn’t dare look away, and we held onto the connection for as long as we could. And she spoke softly. “If you’re not looking for sex, what are you looking for?”
I ran my finger across her cheek and let go of her, allowing her to move back if she wished, but she remained close to me. I leaned in closer and whispered into her ear. “You.”
I stepped away from her and continued on to the car. For a moment, I wasn’t sure she was going to follow me. The sounds of her high heels were not heard, but I had to trust my gut. I had to trust Andrea that she would join me in my offer to drive her to her parents.
It took her awhile—her steps were so soft I hardly heard her approaching—but when I opened the passenger’s door and turned around, she was patiently waiting to enter the vehicle.
“DO YOU WANT some more stuffing?” Betty asked as she picked up my plate that had been cleared after round two and headed to the kitchen. I watched Andrea pick around at her food—she was still on her first plate. I could see Betty wanting to say something, but she kept it to herself. A big improvement from the previous night, but I assume she didn’t want her daughter to storm off again. You live and you learn.
I patted my stomach and sat back in my chair. Even if I wanted more stuffing, there was no way it would be able to fit in my gut. Mrs. Evans knew how to cook. I hadn’t had such a wonderful tasting Thanksgiving meal since my mom…
“No, thank you. I am stuffed with stuffing.”
Betty reentered the dining room with a huff and puff holding a chocolate cake. No, not just a chocolate cake. A triple layer, chocolate chip, dark fudge chocolate cake.
I couldn’t be positive, but I was pretty damn sure I drooled.
“Are you sure, honey? There’s cake! I made it this afternoon.”
I rubbed my hand across my face, narrowed my eyes, and poked my bottom lip out, making it look as if I were really thinking of not having the delicious dessert. Hell, I didn’t even have to taste the cake to know it was outstanding. There was no way I wasn’t going to have any of it. But I smirked and nodded. “You know what, Betty? I think I’ll have a small slice.”
She smiled, quite pleased with my reply, and went to get plates. I looked over to the stunning girl sitting across from me and winked at her. Her rosy cheeks which followed my wink made my night.
I looked over to Andrea’s dad, who was reading a car manual. During dinner he told me how he had planned to learn how to fix cars. Andrea informed me that he was Mr. Fix-It. Walter only grinned and informed me that he was Mr. Try-It-Break-It-Throw-It-And-Then-Sometimes-Fix-It.
She loved her dad.
He loved her just as much.
Nothing wrong with a good father figure.
As Betty reentered with the plates and sliced us each a piece I began to devour the hell out of dessert.
I smiled as I watched Andrea ever so nonchalantly rub her finger against her plate pick up the remains of cake crumbs, and eat them. Betty’s eyes sparkled with excitement when she saw this, and she watched as Andrea reached for another piece. In that moment, Andrea made her mama really happy. After they finished, Andrea helped her mom clean off the table and they left us two men to ourselves.
“Walter, your wife really has a way with cooking. This was probably the best meal I’ve had in a long time,” I praised.
Walter sat back in his chair and removed his glasses, placing them on the table. “I lucked out. A perfect wife.” Walter wiggled his nose towards Betty, who was smiling towards him from the kitchen.
“How long have you two been married now?”
“Thirty-six years.” He grinned. He was proud to call her his. And she was equally proud to call him hers. I couldn’t imagine. Iris and I were only married for four years and damaged to the core.
“What are your secrets?”
He thought for a moment. He rubbed the bridge of his nose and narrowed his eyes. His voice lowered to a whisper and I waited for the wisdom. “Whiskey.”
I laughed out loud as he smirked and continued. “But really. The secret is to listen to what she doesn’t say, see what she doesn’t do, and hold her when she doesn’t cry.”
Solid advice.
“And, each night, two shots of whiskey.” I chuckled again at his joke. But I was quick to notice his stern look and I knew the shots of whiskey truly were the key to his successful marriage. If I were to ever get married again, I would need to discover my own secrets to success that didn’t involve drinking.
I saw Betty head back into the room and Andrea walk off down the hallway with her cell phone glued to her ear. Walter raised a brow, nonverbally asking where his daughter was going.
“She’s on her phone, talking to her friend Ladasha.” Her lips frowned when she said Dasha’s name and Walter shook his head.
“Betty, don’t start.”
“What is it?” I asked. I couldn’t stop wondering what it was they were exactly saying without saying. That must be exactly what Walter had been talking about for a successful relationship—listen to what she’s not saying. But I wasn’t trained that well. I needed it to be spelled out for me.
“I don’t feel comfortable with Anders being out in New York with this friend we’ve never actually met until yesterday. And she seems like a nice girl but…” Betty paused and placed her hands in her lap. “I’m not racist.”
“Of course not,” I said.
“And Ladasha seems like a fine girl. But it appears like she has a dark past.”
“Don’t we all?”
“Yes. It’s true. But some people don’t come out of it. And I want Andrea to be able to come out of the dark past and have a future. And I wish I could feel as if Ladasha was a good influence.”
I lowered my brows and rested the tip of my thumb between my teeth. “With all due respect, Mrs. Evans, I had the opportunity to sit down and speak with Ladasha. And her path was carved into shape before she had a chance to inhale her first breath. The odds were stacked against her, but she keeps smiling. She doesn’t live in self-pity and she doesn’t blame the world. She strives to be her best. She keeps pushing to be better, and if I had to choose a best friend for my daughter, if I had one, there would be no doubt in my mind that I would choose Ladasha.”
She rubbed her bottom lip and bit it. I saw where Andrea picked up a few of her traits. “I’ve embarrassed myself,” she said. She had, it was bullshit the way she judged Ladasha. But, I told her she shouldn’t feel that way. Her cheeks became red and she picked up a glass of water to sip. “It’s just, I worry, that’s all.”
“I would, too. About a lot of things. But if I could go ahead and ease some of your worries right now…Ladasha is not something you should worry about.” I grinned and watched her sigh with relief.
“Okay.”
“Okay.” I stood up to step away for a moment. “Now, if you would excuse me please. I must use your bathroom.”
Or, well, go find Andrea.
Same difference.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
I’D NEVER BEEN so frozen in place. It was all the same. I didn’t know why I’d thought my mom would had changed anything around, or taken anything away. She didn’t handle change well—I guess it ran in the family.
The photos were still taped to my mirror and the walls. And looking at Derrick and me smiling made me realize that the photos were still, attached to my heart. But that wasn’t what made me freeze.
My eyes shifted to my open closet. There it was—my wedding dress hanging in the closet, zipped up and sealed in the plastic bag for protection from any harm. I aggressively cleared my throat and murmured to myself. “Don’t be stupid.”
I wanted Order, and I knew if I kept letting myself feel weak and falling into these moments of weakness I would never get to it. I had to face my demons instead of letting them trample over me. It was time to face it.
One step closer.
My heart started to pound in my chest. The blood flow to my brain must have slowed down because a dizzy spell took me over.
Two steps closer.
My tongue pressed against the roof of my mouth as I wrapped my arms around my body. It felt as if the windows were opened. My eyes shifted towards the window frame, but I was shocked to find it sealed shut. How could that be? I was freezing.
Three steps.
There was no going back. The closet was before me and the white bag was peacefully resting on the hanger. It hadn’t been bothered in months. Did I truly have the right to open it? What if it didn’t give me any comfort by looking at it? It would only remind me of him. It would only push me back into the house and away from the porch I was desperate to step off in order to follow Cooper to a new beginning.
