Trailer Park Heart
Page 60
Farm life.
I grabbed his hand, more for my moral support than his, and we walked up the steps to face Thanksgiving dinner with the Coles.
“Hey,” I said to Levi as we passed him.
“Hey, Max,” he said with a smile, ignoring me completely.
“Levi!” Max threw himself at the larger man, wrapping his arms around his legs. I’d seen him hug Coco and Emilia like this a hundred times, even Rosie got hugs this enthusiastically, but it was strange to see him so affectionate with Levi. It did things to my insides that I wasn’t totally comfortable with. Like make them warm and gooey.
Of course the second Levi was totally off the table I would want him. Cue epic eye roll.
“Whoa,” Levi laughed, taking a step back to keep his balance.
“Are you really my uncle?” Max asked, sounding beyond excited at the prospect.
Levi’s sharp gaze cut to mine. I maybe should have warned him that I’d told Max. Oops.
When Levi looked back at my son, his gaze was soft again, open. My throat dried out and my heart started pounding again when his eyes watered unexpectedly. “Yeah, buddy. You’re my older brother’s son,” he explained with a broken voice. “That makes me your uncle and you’re my nephew.” He sniffled, holding back the emotions I could see pounding at his intent gaze and tight mouth and I had to look away. It was too much. It was too hard.
“That’s so cool,” Max said, not understanding the grief aspect at all. He’d been sad last night when I told him his dad was in heaven and he’d never get to meet him on earth, but since he already didn’t have a dad in his life, it hadn’t taken long for him to get over.
I knew that as he got older this would become harder to process, but now he had Logan’s family in his life. I hoped they would be able to fill in all the blanks I knew nothing about.
Figures appeared in the doorway. Darcy and Rich. They didn’t move beyond the foyer inside. They just watched Max with his arms wrapped around Levi’s legs as Levi tried to hold it together.
“My god,” Darcy gasped at the sight of them. “He’s the spitting image of him.” She turned into her husband, clutching his shirt and practically collapsed on him as she burst into tears.
Helplessly I looked at Rich to find tears streaming down his cheeks. “I didn’t believe it,” he said through a choked whisper. “I didn’t believe it was true until now.”
Max pulled back from Levi to watch the elder Coles sob. He glanced at me with a look of uncertainty, unsure why all the grown-ups were crying. I held out my hand for him and he jumped from Levi to me, clinging to me the way little boys clung to their mothers. I buried my hand in his hair and waited for the Coles to collect themselves.
“Mom, Dad,” Levi said, sounding composed again. “This is Ruby Dawson. And this is Max, her son. Your grandson.”
Darcy spun around again, her hands still gripping her husband’s denim shirt. “I-I’m so sorry,” she rasped. She covered her mouth with a shaking hand and visibly worked to calm down. “It’s just… I feel as though I’m seeing a ghost.”
I looked down at Max. “I’ve always thought he looked like me,” I whispered. And then I worried that I’d offended them.
“Oh, no,” Darcy assured me, sounding firm but not mad. “I’ll show you pictures of Logan at this age.” Her voice broke again and more tears poured down her face. “He’s the spitting image. Glasses and all.”
“Mommy, why are they crying?” Max asked loudly. “Do I make them sad?”
“Not at all,” Levi jumped in before I could speak. “We’re just so happy to get to know you. That’s all. We didn’t think it was possible for you to be here. And it makes us so happy that you are.”
Now my eyes were wet. Thanks a lot, Levi.
We stood there for a few minutes more, while Darcy, Rich and my son continued to stare at each other. Their intent gazes were out of grief and hope and amazement. Max’s was out of wide-eyed curiosity at the crazy people that were supposed to be his grandparents.
“Should we head inside?” Rich finally asked, seeming to come back to himself. “Darcy’s made a lovely spread. We’d all hate ourselves if we let it get cold.”
I nodded, putting pressure on Max’s back so he’d walk into their house. Rich led the way to the dining room, but Darcy stood where she was, letting us pass in front of her before she moved. Carefully, she reached out as Max walked by and let her hands brush through his hair.
Levi entered behind us and I heard her throw herself into his arms, sobbing deeply once more. I encouraged Max forward when he wanted to turn around and gape at them.
“Let’s give them a moment of privacy,” I whispered to him.
Rich took us through the open concept living room and kitchen to a sunroom at the back of the house that had been set for supper.
“We usually eat in the dining room,” he explained. “But the weather’s been so nice, we thought it would be comfortable in here today.” Windows were barely cracked so a crisp fall breeze cooled the room down. The smell of campfire and crushed leaves mingled with the heavenly scents of Thanksgiving dinner and I inhaled deeply. It smelled amazing—just like I’d always imagined a holiday as beautifully executed as this one to smell.
“This is great,” I told him.
“Max, you’re over there,” he said, pointing to where a kid’s plastic plate was set with a Star Wars coloring book and crayons. It was thoughtful and so grandparent-y that my heart swelled with appreciation.
“Cool!” Max exclaimed and lunged for his chair.
Rich and I stood there awkwardly for a minute while we waited for Levi and Darcy to catch up with us. I had a practiced speech in my head that I’d been working on for a constant twenty-four hours and now felt like the perfect time to give it.
But the words jumbled in my mouth, and the rehearsed, polished things I’d wanted to say came out in a rushed, basic version. “I know this is strange,” I told him quietly. “And I know it’s completely out of the blue. So if you’d like to do a blood test or paternity test or whatever, I’m happy to cooperate in any way I can.”
Rich flinched at my words and the hollow feeling in my chest was back, digging deeper, encompassing more of me. “I-I’m sure that would be the smart thing to do,” he said, his voice gruff with sorrow once again. “But, I think that if we were to find out Logan wasn’t the father at this point, we’d be devastated. That might sound silly to you and I truly hope you’re not lying to us or trying to extort us by dangling a living memory of our dead son in front of us. But the thing is, having a piece of Logan in our lives, a living, breathing grandchild that we can get to know and watch grow up is a miracle for us. You’ve given us a gift, Ruby. One that we can only thank God for and live our lives grateful for.” He brushed at his stray tears and I found myself doing the same thing.
“I’m not lying,” I rushed to say. “Logan is the father.”
“You know without a doubt?” Rich asked, barely able to speak the words.
“He was the only man I had ever been with,” I confessed, feeling awkward and too honest all at once. But I knew the explanation was necessary. They deserved the whole truth. They deserved peace after all this time. “And I wasn’t with someone again until years after. Max is Logan’s. Without a doubt.”
I grabbed his hand, more for my moral support than his, and we walked up the steps to face Thanksgiving dinner with the Coles.
“Hey,” I said to Levi as we passed him.
“Hey, Max,” he said with a smile, ignoring me completely.
“Levi!” Max threw himself at the larger man, wrapping his arms around his legs. I’d seen him hug Coco and Emilia like this a hundred times, even Rosie got hugs this enthusiastically, but it was strange to see him so affectionate with Levi. It did things to my insides that I wasn’t totally comfortable with. Like make them warm and gooey.
Of course the second Levi was totally off the table I would want him. Cue epic eye roll.
“Whoa,” Levi laughed, taking a step back to keep his balance.
“Are you really my uncle?” Max asked, sounding beyond excited at the prospect.
Levi’s sharp gaze cut to mine. I maybe should have warned him that I’d told Max. Oops.
When Levi looked back at my son, his gaze was soft again, open. My throat dried out and my heart started pounding again when his eyes watered unexpectedly. “Yeah, buddy. You’re my older brother’s son,” he explained with a broken voice. “That makes me your uncle and you’re my nephew.” He sniffled, holding back the emotions I could see pounding at his intent gaze and tight mouth and I had to look away. It was too much. It was too hard.
“That’s so cool,” Max said, not understanding the grief aspect at all. He’d been sad last night when I told him his dad was in heaven and he’d never get to meet him on earth, but since he already didn’t have a dad in his life, it hadn’t taken long for him to get over.
I knew that as he got older this would become harder to process, but now he had Logan’s family in his life. I hoped they would be able to fill in all the blanks I knew nothing about.
Figures appeared in the doorway. Darcy and Rich. They didn’t move beyond the foyer inside. They just watched Max with his arms wrapped around Levi’s legs as Levi tried to hold it together.
“My god,” Darcy gasped at the sight of them. “He’s the spitting image of him.” She turned into her husband, clutching his shirt and practically collapsed on him as she burst into tears.
Helplessly I looked at Rich to find tears streaming down his cheeks. “I didn’t believe it,” he said through a choked whisper. “I didn’t believe it was true until now.”
Max pulled back from Levi to watch the elder Coles sob. He glanced at me with a look of uncertainty, unsure why all the grown-ups were crying. I held out my hand for him and he jumped from Levi to me, clinging to me the way little boys clung to their mothers. I buried my hand in his hair and waited for the Coles to collect themselves.
“Mom, Dad,” Levi said, sounding composed again. “This is Ruby Dawson. And this is Max, her son. Your grandson.”
Darcy spun around again, her hands still gripping her husband’s denim shirt. “I-I’m so sorry,” she rasped. She covered her mouth with a shaking hand and visibly worked to calm down. “It’s just… I feel as though I’m seeing a ghost.”
I looked down at Max. “I’ve always thought he looked like me,” I whispered. And then I worried that I’d offended them.
“Oh, no,” Darcy assured me, sounding firm but not mad. “I’ll show you pictures of Logan at this age.” Her voice broke again and more tears poured down her face. “He’s the spitting image. Glasses and all.”
“Mommy, why are they crying?” Max asked loudly. “Do I make them sad?”
“Not at all,” Levi jumped in before I could speak. “We’re just so happy to get to know you. That’s all. We didn’t think it was possible for you to be here. And it makes us so happy that you are.”
Now my eyes were wet. Thanks a lot, Levi.
We stood there for a few minutes more, while Darcy, Rich and my son continued to stare at each other. Their intent gazes were out of grief and hope and amazement. Max’s was out of wide-eyed curiosity at the crazy people that were supposed to be his grandparents.
“Should we head inside?” Rich finally asked, seeming to come back to himself. “Darcy’s made a lovely spread. We’d all hate ourselves if we let it get cold.”
I nodded, putting pressure on Max’s back so he’d walk into their house. Rich led the way to the dining room, but Darcy stood where she was, letting us pass in front of her before she moved. Carefully, she reached out as Max walked by and let her hands brush through his hair.
Levi entered behind us and I heard her throw herself into his arms, sobbing deeply once more. I encouraged Max forward when he wanted to turn around and gape at them.
“Let’s give them a moment of privacy,” I whispered to him.
Rich took us through the open concept living room and kitchen to a sunroom at the back of the house that had been set for supper.
“We usually eat in the dining room,” he explained. “But the weather’s been so nice, we thought it would be comfortable in here today.” Windows were barely cracked so a crisp fall breeze cooled the room down. The smell of campfire and crushed leaves mingled with the heavenly scents of Thanksgiving dinner and I inhaled deeply. It smelled amazing—just like I’d always imagined a holiday as beautifully executed as this one to smell.
“This is great,” I told him.
“Max, you’re over there,” he said, pointing to where a kid’s plastic plate was set with a Star Wars coloring book and crayons. It was thoughtful and so grandparent-y that my heart swelled with appreciation.
“Cool!” Max exclaimed and lunged for his chair.
Rich and I stood there awkwardly for a minute while we waited for Levi and Darcy to catch up with us. I had a practiced speech in my head that I’d been working on for a constant twenty-four hours and now felt like the perfect time to give it.
But the words jumbled in my mouth, and the rehearsed, polished things I’d wanted to say came out in a rushed, basic version. “I know this is strange,” I told him quietly. “And I know it’s completely out of the blue. So if you’d like to do a blood test or paternity test or whatever, I’m happy to cooperate in any way I can.”
Rich flinched at my words and the hollow feeling in my chest was back, digging deeper, encompassing more of me. “I-I’m sure that would be the smart thing to do,” he said, his voice gruff with sorrow once again. “But, I think that if we were to find out Logan wasn’t the father at this point, we’d be devastated. That might sound silly to you and I truly hope you’re not lying to us or trying to extort us by dangling a living memory of our dead son in front of us. But the thing is, having a piece of Logan in our lives, a living, breathing grandchild that we can get to know and watch grow up is a miracle for us. You’ve given us a gift, Ruby. One that we can only thank God for and live our lives grateful for.” He brushed at his stray tears and I found myself doing the same thing.
“I’m not lying,” I rushed to say. “Logan is the father.”
“You know without a doubt?” Rich asked, barely able to speak the words.
“He was the only man I had ever been with,” I confessed, feeling awkward and too honest all at once. But I knew the explanation was necessary. They deserved the whole truth. They deserved peace after all this time. “And I wasn’t with someone again until years after. Max is Logan’s. Without a doubt.”
