Trailer Park Heart
Page 62
Some of that focus had shifted when Max was born. But I still kept us isolated from the town, from opening up to other people. I was so worried about gossip and becoming the topic of conversation, I’d made us an island in the middle of a landlocked state.
In the process I’d hurt a lot of people. I was working on lifting my eyes and seeing those around me, letting other people in, thinking about other people besides Max and me. It wasn’t easy. My gut reflex was to hold Max close and shut the world out. But I wasn’t going to give up on it.
It was time to give this town and these people a chance.
It was time to let Max flourish in the place he would forever call home, no matter what he did with the rest of his life.
“I get that,” Jamie said kindly. “But I’m glad the truth is out now. That must have been a heavy burden to carry.”
It had been. But I didn’t realize how heavy until it was off my shoulders. “I’m glad the truth is out, too,” I said honestly. “I’m glad the Coles get to know Max. And I’m beyond happy he gets to know them. They’re wonderful people. I guess… I guess I judged them before I ever knew them. I didn’t give them enough credit.”
She gave me a funny look. “It’s funny how we do that, huh?”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
She nudged my shoulder with hers. “Oh, I don’t know, maybe it means that I basically had to beg you to be friends with me. You’re a tough nut to crack, Ruby Dawson.”
My cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “You didn’t have to beg me to be friends with you.”
Her eyes bugged. “Um, do you remember me practically throwing Halloween supplies at you? Yes, I did.”
I tipped my head back and laughed. “Is that what you were doing? I assumed all the other moms knew what you wanted them to do and ran away screaming.”
She shrugged. “Okay, maybe there was a little bit of that, too. But I also wanted to be your friend. You’re the only other normal mom in that classroom.”
“I’d hardly consider myself normal.”
“Ha! Normal to me is not sitting around, getting drunk on wine at four o’clock in the afternoon and talking about how not hot all the guys we graduated high school with have gotten.”
“That’s what I’m missing in the Mommy and Me classes? I think I’m okay with that. I don’t see any problem with the wine though. Totally on board with the wine.”
She snorted a laugh. “Okay, that makes two of us. We can start our own Mommy and Me wine date. But only if you promise me we can talk about normal things and not high school.”
“Done and done.”
Her eyes flickered behind me and she leaned in to whisper, “Although there are some men we graduated with that are worth mentioning now and again.”
I spun around to see who she was talking about and came face to face with Levi. His eyes swept over me, head to toe, taking in my form fitting emerald sweater dress and knee-high boots. It was an outfit Coco had donated to my Ruby’s-closet-needs-help fund. It made sense for her, even though she’d handed it off to me claiming it suited my coloring better than hers. She had the junk in the trunk to make it look banging. My junk didn’t stay in the trunk and was currently being contained by Spanx and sheer will.
I fidgeted self-consciously and refused to speak first. Mostly because I didn’t know what to say or how to speak to him or what our new, weird, strictly-platonic relationship looked like. Besides his eyes were unfairly bright against the ivory, cable-knit sweater he wore.
“I was just stepping out to look for you,” he said. No hello. No smile. “They’ve dimmed the lights.”
“Okay, thanks.” If he wasn’t going to smile at me, I wasn’t going to smile at him. Two could play at this game. Although he managed to look casually aloof, while I was sure I resembled a lost pod person.
He didn’t move. I didn’t either.
Finally, his patience thinned, revealed by his ticking jaw. “Are you coming?”
I licked dry lips and tugged on my dress. “Right behind you.”
He shot Jamie a curt smile and turned around, disappearing back inside. I gave her a “help me” look. “Did that feel like a scolding to you?”
She pursed her lips together to hide her smile. “Mm-hmm. Little bit.”
My eyes widened. “Nobody’s ever reprimanded me over Max before. I’m the only one that shows up for that kid.”
She couldn’t help the grin that stretched across her face. “Not anymore.”
Not anymore. What a weird, strange, bizarre, all-the-other-adjectives-for-not-normal feeling.
I said goodbye to Jamie and hurried down the sloping auditorium aisle until I found the Coles. Levi had remained in the aisle, like an attendant with a chip on his shoulder.
He held out his hand, showing the way and I realized he intended for me to sit between him and his mom. “Go ahead,” I told him, mortified.
He sighed again. “She wants to sit by you.”
Glancing around the tightly packed seats, I quickly looked for somewhere, anywhere, else to sit. I was happy to be on good terms with the Coles, but I did not want to be a Cole sandwich. That was going way, way too far.
Levi seemed to sense my panic and put his hand on my waist to stop me from fleeing. “She’s harmless.”
The heat of his hand penetrated the not-thick-enough material of my dress. My belly flipped unexpectedly. “This feels weird,” I managed to say, despite the pounding of my heart.
He leaned in, his mouth settling next to my ear. “She just wants to get to know you.”
I nearly laughed. Nobody wanted to get to know me. My own mother barely wanted to know me. “She scares me,” I whispered back, voice trembling.
His sudden smile was enough to make my knees knock together. God, I’d missed that look on his face.
“Her bark is bigger than her bite,” he whispered. “I promise.”
“Promise to save me if I start putting my foot in my mouth?”
He shook his head. “Eventually. I’ll probably enjoy the show for a while first.”
My mouth pursed in a disapproving pinch. “You’re insufferable, Levi Cole.”
His grin kicked up another notch. “And you’re making my mother nervous by not sitting down, Ruby Dawson.” I turned around at that warning, anxious to get to my seat before the program started, when I felt his hand pat me on the bum at the same time he made a clicking sound with his mouth—the kind you’d use on a horse when you were trying to get the beast to move faster.
My eyes bulged but I refused to turn around and acknowledge that completely inappropriate, not to mention, rude gesture. By the time we sat down his snickers had died down at least.
It was nice to know one of us thought he was funny.
“Hi,” I said breathlessly to Darcy and Rich, deciding it was better to ignore Levi altogether. Hot or cold, he was an enigma I didn’t understand. “Sorry I’m so late. We had some major costume malfunctions tonight.” At Darcy’s concerned look, I rushed to assure her, “We got everything figured out. My amateur sewing skills were severely tested tonight.”
“Oh, well any time you need help with that, just call me,” she offered like all the other times I’d spoken to her since Thanksgiving. “I know my way around a sewing machine. I can do whatever you need.”
In the process I’d hurt a lot of people. I was working on lifting my eyes and seeing those around me, letting other people in, thinking about other people besides Max and me. It wasn’t easy. My gut reflex was to hold Max close and shut the world out. But I wasn’t going to give up on it.
It was time to give this town and these people a chance.
It was time to let Max flourish in the place he would forever call home, no matter what he did with the rest of his life.
“I get that,” Jamie said kindly. “But I’m glad the truth is out now. That must have been a heavy burden to carry.”
It had been. But I didn’t realize how heavy until it was off my shoulders. “I’m glad the truth is out, too,” I said honestly. “I’m glad the Coles get to know Max. And I’m beyond happy he gets to know them. They’re wonderful people. I guess… I guess I judged them before I ever knew them. I didn’t give them enough credit.”
She gave me a funny look. “It’s funny how we do that, huh?”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
She nudged my shoulder with hers. “Oh, I don’t know, maybe it means that I basically had to beg you to be friends with me. You’re a tough nut to crack, Ruby Dawson.”
My cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “You didn’t have to beg me to be friends with you.”
Her eyes bugged. “Um, do you remember me practically throwing Halloween supplies at you? Yes, I did.”
I tipped my head back and laughed. “Is that what you were doing? I assumed all the other moms knew what you wanted them to do and ran away screaming.”
She shrugged. “Okay, maybe there was a little bit of that, too. But I also wanted to be your friend. You’re the only other normal mom in that classroom.”
“I’d hardly consider myself normal.”
“Ha! Normal to me is not sitting around, getting drunk on wine at four o’clock in the afternoon and talking about how not hot all the guys we graduated high school with have gotten.”
“That’s what I’m missing in the Mommy and Me classes? I think I’m okay with that. I don’t see any problem with the wine though. Totally on board with the wine.”
She snorted a laugh. “Okay, that makes two of us. We can start our own Mommy and Me wine date. But only if you promise me we can talk about normal things and not high school.”
“Done and done.”
Her eyes flickered behind me and she leaned in to whisper, “Although there are some men we graduated with that are worth mentioning now and again.”
I spun around to see who she was talking about and came face to face with Levi. His eyes swept over me, head to toe, taking in my form fitting emerald sweater dress and knee-high boots. It was an outfit Coco had donated to my Ruby’s-closet-needs-help fund. It made sense for her, even though she’d handed it off to me claiming it suited my coloring better than hers. She had the junk in the trunk to make it look banging. My junk didn’t stay in the trunk and was currently being contained by Spanx and sheer will.
I fidgeted self-consciously and refused to speak first. Mostly because I didn’t know what to say or how to speak to him or what our new, weird, strictly-platonic relationship looked like. Besides his eyes were unfairly bright against the ivory, cable-knit sweater he wore.
“I was just stepping out to look for you,” he said. No hello. No smile. “They’ve dimmed the lights.”
“Okay, thanks.” If he wasn’t going to smile at me, I wasn’t going to smile at him. Two could play at this game. Although he managed to look casually aloof, while I was sure I resembled a lost pod person.
He didn’t move. I didn’t either.
Finally, his patience thinned, revealed by his ticking jaw. “Are you coming?”
I licked dry lips and tugged on my dress. “Right behind you.”
He shot Jamie a curt smile and turned around, disappearing back inside. I gave her a “help me” look. “Did that feel like a scolding to you?”
She pursed her lips together to hide her smile. “Mm-hmm. Little bit.”
My eyes widened. “Nobody’s ever reprimanded me over Max before. I’m the only one that shows up for that kid.”
She couldn’t help the grin that stretched across her face. “Not anymore.”
Not anymore. What a weird, strange, bizarre, all-the-other-adjectives-for-not-normal feeling.
I said goodbye to Jamie and hurried down the sloping auditorium aisle until I found the Coles. Levi had remained in the aisle, like an attendant with a chip on his shoulder.
He held out his hand, showing the way and I realized he intended for me to sit between him and his mom. “Go ahead,” I told him, mortified.
He sighed again. “She wants to sit by you.”
Glancing around the tightly packed seats, I quickly looked for somewhere, anywhere, else to sit. I was happy to be on good terms with the Coles, but I did not want to be a Cole sandwich. That was going way, way too far.
Levi seemed to sense my panic and put his hand on my waist to stop me from fleeing. “She’s harmless.”
The heat of his hand penetrated the not-thick-enough material of my dress. My belly flipped unexpectedly. “This feels weird,” I managed to say, despite the pounding of my heart.
He leaned in, his mouth settling next to my ear. “She just wants to get to know you.”
I nearly laughed. Nobody wanted to get to know me. My own mother barely wanted to know me. “She scares me,” I whispered back, voice trembling.
His sudden smile was enough to make my knees knock together. God, I’d missed that look on his face.
“Her bark is bigger than her bite,” he whispered. “I promise.”
“Promise to save me if I start putting my foot in my mouth?”
He shook his head. “Eventually. I’ll probably enjoy the show for a while first.”
My mouth pursed in a disapproving pinch. “You’re insufferable, Levi Cole.”
His grin kicked up another notch. “And you’re making my mother nervous by not sitting down, Ruby Dawson.” I turned around at that warning, anxious to get to my seat before the program started, when I felt his hand pat me on the bum at the same time he made a clicking sound with his mouth—the kind you’d use on a horse when you were trying to get the beast to move faster.
My eyes bulged but I refused to turn around and acknowledge that completely inappropriate, not to mention, rude gesture. By the time we sat down his snickers had died down at least.
It was nice to know one of us thought he was funny.
“Hi,” I said breathlessly to Darcy and Rich, deciding it was better to ignore Levi altogether. Hot or cold, he was an enigma I didn’t understand. “Sorry I’m so late. We had some major costume malfunctions tonight.” At Darcy’s concerned look, I rushed to assure her, “We got everything figured out. My amateur sewing skills were severely tested tonight.”
“Oh, well any time you need help with that, just call me,” she offered like all the other times I’d spoken to her since Thanksgiving. “I know my way around a sewing machine. I can do whatever you need.”
