Trailer Park Heart
Page 63
My smile was genuine. “That would be great. There are a surprising amount of projects like this in elementary school I’m unqualified for.”
“I remember,” Darcy laughed gently. “Logan and Levi seemed to always need something sewn or hot-glued or put back together. Not to mention their clothes. Boys are so hard on their pants especially. If you need holes patched or buttons put back on, I’d love to help with those.”
My dry throat made it hard to say, “Thank you,” but I choked it out.
She smiled at me. “I can’t wait to see him. I’m sure he’ll be amazing. He has that presence about him.”
I was surprised by her enthusiasm. I mean, he had no lines and held a pool cue we’d bought from Goodwill and wrapped with masking tape as a staff. It was safe to say, no performance tonight was going to be Oscar worthy. “I’m so glad you got good seats,” I told her.
She blushed, the planes of her cheeks heating red and reminding me of Levi. “I was so excited for tonight, we showed up a little early.”
Rich leaned forward and grumbled, “Yeah, an hour and a half early. I’m going to have to see the chiropractor tomorrow for my sore ass.”
I cackled a surprise laugh just as the house lights turned off and the principal came out to greet everyone. I relaxed back in my seat feeling lighter than I ever had.
Levi leaned in, his breath lifting the hair around my ear. “I told you.”
I waved him off and focused on Mrs. Detrick, the principal. I didn’t know how to navigate this new territory with Levi.
Clearly it was safer for us to keep our distance from each other. And I could tell he hadn’t fully forgiven me for keeping Max a secret and probably for sleeping with his brother, although he would never admit that out loud.
We were back to our old ways of picking on each other and avoiding when we could. There were still those tender moments between us, but I supposed there always would be. There was too much history there for us to totally hate each other.
And so this must be the new normal. It sucked. And yet, like the addict I was, I would take whatever sweetness I could from him. And in the interlude, I’d wear my pride like armor and let his shortness with me bounce off.
Rich and Darcy enjoyed the play immensely. They cheered loudly for Max when he walked from behind the curtain in the makeshift shepherd’s costume, herding kindergarten sheep from one side of the stage to the other.
Even Levi seemed entertained by the cuteness of the kids and the holiday spirit filling the air. He whistled loudly at the end, shouting Max’s name and embarrassing the poor kid until his ears turned pink.
My lashes were wet by the time the last curtain fell. Max had never had a cheering section before. He’d only ever had me. And I clapped and hollered as much as I could, but it wasn’t the same as this, as his entire family showing up to cheer him on.
A piece of my mama heart relaxed into the peace that it wouldn’t always be just the two of us. I wouldn’t be the only person he could ever count on. I wouldn’t be the only person to believe in him.
“Do you mind if we say hi to him?” Darcy asked as we filled into the crowded aisles. “We brought him a little something.”
“Not at all,” I told her. “We just have to pick him up from his classroom.”
Ten minutes later, I watched Darcy and Rich present Max with a box of chocolates and a dinosaur stuffed animal for doing so well in his play. His entire face lit up with excitement and he threw his arms around Darcy in a tight hug.
I tried to make things special, but gifts were usually only given at Christmas and his birthday. I hadn’t brought anything tonight. And I probably should have felt self-conscious about that, but instead, I enjoyed how special it was watching him get something sweet from his grandparents.
“Mommy, Daniel’s parents are taking him out for ice cream tonight. Can we do that too?”
Everyone’s attention turned to me and I suddenly felt like I was under a very hot, bright spotlight. “Oh, I don’t know buddy… it’s a school night and I have to be up really early in the morning.”
“We could take him,” Rich interjected quickly. When Max’s big, bright eyes turned to him, Rich added, “Unless of course, you don’t want him to go. You’re the mom.”
“Oh, yeah, I just… I don’t know…” I looked at Max and tried to navigate the situation. I didn’t think they wanted me to go. And I was too chicken to invite myself along.
Did I trust them enough to take my son somewhere? My mind fast-forwarded through the night. They would have to drop him off too. And I really hated the idea of them seeing where I lived. They would judge me. They wouldn’t think it was appropriate for Max to live there.
Obviously, I didn’t know any of that for sure. But they felt like those kinds of people. They’d had wealth and comfort for so long, they didn’t understand how the rest of us lived, the sacrifices we were forced to take to make ends meet.
“I’ll bring him home,” Levi offered from behind me, reading my mind apparently.
Turning to look at him, I searched his face for answers. “Are you sure? I could come pick him up too.” He’d already seen my house, so I was safe there. I was still nervous about letting Max go with them alone, but I also didn’t have a strong enough reason to keep him with me. I mean, other than being his mom.
They were his grandparents after all. And as far as I knew, upstanding, good people. They should take their grandson out for ice cream, right? It would be unreasonable of me to deny him this.
Besides, the voice inside me, the gut instinct I relied so heavily on, whispered that I could trust them.
“Can you have him home by nine?” I asked Levi specifically. That was an hour past his bedtime, but I figured one night wouldn’t hurt.
Darcy looked at her watch, noting that was only an hour and a half with him. “I suppose that’s fine,” she said. “Maybe we could get more time with him this weekend?”
“Let’s tackle ice cream first, Mom,” Levi said, rescuing my pounding heart from beating straight out of my chest. “Then we’ll bother Ruby about this weekend.”
I tried to smile reassuringly, but it trembled. “He’ll love ice cream,” I said. “This is a great idea.”
“Okay, wonderful.” Darcy sounded so confident, so like she had her life together and could protect my son and get him home to me safe. I knew I needed to trust her and let this part of Max go, but it was hard. I had to pay my mother to babysit him. She rarely volunteered to keep him on her own. I just wasn’t used to this.
It was hard for me to even want to get used to it.
“I need to give you his booster seat,” I told them.
“I’ll grab it,” Levi volunteered. “Dad, you could pull the car around?”
With a plan made, I kissed Max goodbye and made him promise to be good. He smiled and asked if he could get a double scoop. I told him it was up to Darcy and nearly swallowed my tongue giving up that small amount of control to another person.
God, I really was a helicopter mom.
“He’ll be fine,” Levi promised as he followed me out to my car. “My parents won’t let anything happen to him.”
“I know,” I said.
“Is this really that hard for you?”
The snow had started coming down in big, fat flakes that clung to my hair and dress. The only winter coat I had was a big, bulky thing that I only broke out in emergency situations and when the Nebraska winters dipped below zero. Otherwise, I toughed it out without one.
“I remember,” Darcy laughed gently. “Logan and Levi seemed to always need something sewn or hot-glued or put back together. Not to mention their clothes. Boys are so hard on their pants especially. If you need holes patched or buttons put back on, I’d love to help with those.”
My dry throat made it hard to say, “Thank you,” but I choked it out.
She smiled at me. “I can’t wait to see him. I’m sure he’ll be amazing. He has that presence about him.”
I was surprised by her enthusiasm. I mean, he had no lines and held a pool cue we’d bought from Goodwill and wrapped with masking tape as a staff. It was safe to say, no performance tonight was going to be Oscar worthy. “I’m so glad you got good seats,” I told her.
She blushed, the planes of her cheeks heating red and reminding me of Levi. “I was so excited for tonight, we showed up a little early.”
Rich leaned forward and grumbled, “Yeah, an hour and a half early. I’m going to have to see the chiropractor tomorrow for my sore ass.”
I cackled a surprise laugh just as the house lights turned off and the principal came out to greet everyone. I relaxed back in my seat feeling lighter than I ever had.
Levi leaned in, his breath lifting the hair around my ear. “I told you.”
I waved him off and focused on Mrs. Detrick, the principal. I didn’t know how to navigate this new territory with Levi.
Clearly it was safer for us to keep our distance from each other. And I could tell he hadn’t fully forgiven me for keeping Max a secret and probably for sleeping with his brother, although he would never admit that out loud.
We were back to our old ways of picking on each other and avoiding when we could. There were still those tender moments between us, but I supposed there always would be. There was too much history there for us to totally hate each other.
And so this must be the new normal. It sucked. And yet, like the addict I was, I would take whatever sweetness I could from him. And in the interlude, I’d wear my pride like armor and let his shortness with me bounce off.
Rich and Darcy enjoyed the play immensely. They cheered loudly for Max when he walked from behind the curtain in the makeshift shepherd’s costume, herding kindergarten sheep from one side of the stage to the other.
Even Levi seemed entertained by the cuteness of the kids and the holiday spirit filling the air. He whistled loudly at the end, shouting Max’s name and embarrassing the poor kid until his ears turned pink.
My lashes were wet by the time the last curtain fell. Max had never had a cheering section before. He’d only ever had me. And I clapped and hollered as much as I could, but it wasn’t the same as this, as his entire family showing up to cheer him on.
A piece of my mama heart relaxed into the peace that it wouldn’t always be just the two of us. I wouldn’t be the only person he could ever count on. I wouldn’t be the only person to believe in him.
“Do you mind if we say hi to him?” Darcy asked as we filled into the crowded aisles. “We brought him a little something.”
“Not at all,” I told her. “We just have to pick him up from his classroom.”
Ten minutes later, I watched Darcy and Rich present Max with a box of chocolates and a dinosaur stuffed animal for doing so well in his play. His entire face lit up with excitement and he threw his arms around Darcy in a tight hug.
I tried to make things special, but gifts were usually only given at Christmas and his birthday. I hadn’t brought anything tonight. And I probably should have felt self-conscious about that, but instead, I enjoyed how special it was watching him get something sweet from his grandparents.
“Mommy, Daniel’s parents are taking him out for ice cream tonight. Can we do that too?”
Everyone’s attention turned to me and I suddenly felt like I was under a very hot, bright spotlight. “Oh, I don’t know buddy… it’s a school night and I have to be up really early in the morning.”
“We could take him,” Rich interjected quickly. When Max’s big, bright eyes turned to him, Rich added, “Unless of course, you don’t want him to go. You’re the mom.”
“Oh, yeah, I just… I don’t know…” I looked at Max and tried to navigate the situation. I didn’t think they wanted me to go. And I was too chicken to invite myself along.
Did I trust them enough to take my son somewhere? My mind fast-forwarded through the night. They would have to drop him off too. And I really hated the idea of them seeing where I lived. They would judge me. They wouldn’t think it was appropriate for Max to live there.
Obviously, I didn’t know any of that for sure. But they felt like those kinds of people. They’d had wealth and comfort for so long, they didn’t understand how the rest of us lived, the sacrifices we were forced to take to make ends meet.
“I’ll bring him home,” Levi offered from behind me, reading my mind apparently.
Turning to look at him, I searched his face for answers. “Are you sure? I could come pick him up too.” He’d already seen my house, so I was safe there. I was still nervous about letting Max go with them alone, but I also didn’t have a strong enough reason to keep him with me. I mean, other than being his mom.
They were his grandparents after all. And as far as I knew, upstanding, good people. They should take their grandson out for ice cream, right? It would be unreasonable of me to deny him this.
Besides, the voice inside me, the gut instinct I relied so heavily on, whispered that I could trust them.
“Can you have him home by nine?” I asked Levi specifically. That was an hour past his bedtime, but I figured one night wouldn’t hurt.
Darcy looked at her watch, noting that was only an hour and a half with him. “I suppose that’s fine,” she said. “Maybe we could get more time with him this weekend?”
“Let’s tackle ice cream first, Mom,” Levi said, rescuing my pounding heart from beating straight out of my chest. “Then we’ll bother Ruby about this weekend.”
I tried to smile reassuringly, but it trembled. “He’ll love ice cream,” I said. “This is a great idea.”
“Okay, wonderful.” Darcy sounded so confident, so like she had her life together and could protect my son and get him home to me safe. I knew I needed to trust her and let this part of Max go, but it was hard. I had to pay my mother to babysit him. She rarely volunteered to keep him on her own. I just wasn’t used to this.
It was hard for me to even want to get used to it.
“I need to give you his booster seat,” I told them.
“I’ll grab it,” Levi volunteered. “Dad, you could pull the car around?”
With a plan made, I kissed Max goodbye and made him promise to be good. He smiled and asked if he could get a double scoop. I told him it was up to Darcy and nearly swallowed my tongue giving up that small amount of control to another person.
God, I really was a helicopter mom.
“He’ll be fine,” Levi promised as he followed me out to my car. “My parents won’t let anything happen to him.”
“I know,” I said.
“Is this really that hard for you?”
The snow had started coming down in big, fat flakes that clung to my hair and dress. The only winter coat I had was a big, bulky thing that I only broke out in emergency situations and when the Nebraska winters dipped below zero. Otherwise, I toughed it out without one.
