White Trash Beautiful
Page 15
“Nothing to be sorry about. I’m happy with how my life turned out. I would do it all over again knowing I would be standing here with you one day.”
I pulled back from him and gazed at his face. He was smiling down at me, and I knew he was telling the truth. He was content with his life and didn’t need or want any pity.
“I could stay here forever,” he whispered.
That brought me back to reality. “Oh, my God. I have to get back. It’s at least a half-hour drive to my place.” Panic began to set in as I thought about Jax’s figuring out I was gone. There would be hell to pay, and my mother didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of it in my absence.
Tucker let out a deep sigh. “Okay. Let’s go.”
We made our way back through the warm water and to the beach. Tucker grabbed his shoes and handed me my sandals. He slipped his shirt over his head. We walked straight to the parking lot ahead instead of taking another leisurely stroll on the beach. The mood had shifted considerably. I didn’t say a word. Nothing would make this situation any different. My life was waiting for me back in Eddington. My mother needed me and I wouldn’t abandon her the way my father had. I hated that I had become the parent in our situation, but she needed me and I wouldn’t let her down.
Tucker led me to his hotel so we could clean the sand from our feet and call a cab.
When we reached his room, Dorris was standing outside with her arms crossed over her chest. She was livid. “You wanna explain your little disappearing act to me?”
Tucker squeezed my hand and slid his key card into the door. He stood back so I could enter, then turned to Dorris. “I’m taking Cass home. I’ll see you in Florida.” With that, he shut the door in Dorris’s stunned face.
I’m sure mine didn’t look much different when he turned to face me. “You’re taking me home?”
He grinned as he walked past me toward the bathroom.
I followed him.
“I don’t have another concert for two days, and I still owe a visit to that ass**le.” He shrugged as he turned on the faucet in the tub. He held his hand under it for a minute, ensuring it was a good temperature, before gesturing for me to clean my feet.
“You can’t, Tucker. You won’t be there for the repercussions.”
Anger flashed in his eyes. “I wasn’t planning on leaving him in any shape to lay a finger on you ever again.”
“Tucker . . .” I sat on the edge of the tub and dangled my feet in the pool of water. It was perfectly warm, like the ocean. I didn’t realize how much I’d missed that feeling—the simple comfort of warm water.
He propped himself on the edge of the tub beside me, letting his feet dip into the warm water.
“You’re not that kind of person.”
“What kind of person would I be if I let him hurt you?”
He’d be like every other person in my life. I struggled for something, anything, to change the direction of our conversation. “Tell me something else about you.” I needed to know more. “What’s it like to play to crowds of screaming girls?”
“The first time we played a gig that people actually paid to see, it was surreal. I couldn’t believe that people knew me by name and sang along to the lyrics of my songs. It was . . . terrifying.”
“I couldn’t imagine.”
“Don’t get me wrong. We lived up to the rock-star image. There was a different party every night, in a different city. The girls were always different but also exactly the same. No one cared who you were as long as you were in a band.”
I nodded, not knowing how to respond. I didn’t want to picture Tucker with women hanging all over him.
“It’s crazy, going from feeling like the most important woman in your life regretted even having you, to every woman throwing herself at you and telling you she loves you. Eventually, I realized none of them did. Not any of them.” He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “Money, fame, fans . . . none of it really means anything. It doesn’t make you happy. I mean, I love my music, but if you don’t have someone to share that stuff with, you’ll still be lonely.” I felt his eyes on me. “Tell me something about you, Cass.”
“There’s nothing to tell.”
“What do you want to be when you grow up?” He chuckled.
“Happy.”
He sighed, reaching over to take my hand in his. “You don’t have to put up with him. I could help get you out of there.”
“No, Tucker. I have to do it myself, and I can’t leave my mother behind.” I pulled my hand free from his and placed it on my lap.
“Come on. Let’s get you home, Cinderella.” He grabbed my hand again, helping me from the tub.
He handed me a white towel and I dried my feet and slipped my sandals back on my feet. He did the same and threw a few items in a backpack before leading me out of the room.
Dorris was still in the hallway, looking even more pissed off. If that was even possible.
Tucker grabbed my hand and kept walking. “I’ll be there, Dorris,” he called over his shoulder.
If she didn’t like me before, she definitely hated me now. We hurried through the stairwell and out the back door of the building. His motorcycle sat close to the door.
“Here.” He slipped my arms through the straps of the book bag and pulled it tight. “Okay?”
I nodded and he smiled, turning to grab a helmet and putting it on my head. He pushed a few strands of hair from my face and secured the straps. I felt like a bobble-head. He grabbed his helmet and slid it on his head before straddling the bike and standing it upright.
I hoisted my leg over the giant machine and slid my arms around his waist, squeezing him tightly. His hand met mine and he rubbed over my knuckles with his thumb. “Let’s get you home.”
We took off into the darkness, snaking our way through the crowd. The ocean air mixed with the smell of coconuts made it easy to forget that I was going home to a broken-down trailer. I laid my cheek against his back and closed my eyes.
Tucker pointed out landmarks as we drove. He told me one day we would have to go there. The idea warmed my heart, even though I knew he probably wouldn’t be around once his tour took him to Florida.
Chapter Fifteen
WE PULLED INTO the dusty lot of Aggie’s Diner. My legs were sore from the ride, but I didn’t want to move my body from Tucker’s.
His hand found mine again, rubbing it gently. “I’m going to get a room down on the river walk. The Bohemian, overlooking the water. If you need me . . . if you need anything . . . please come.” I could feel his heart rate quicken under my fingers. “I will have to leave for Florida tomorrow. I don’t know when I can make it back here. . . .” His voice trailed off.
I nodded my head against his back, fighting off the lump that had formed in my throat. I held him as tightly as I could for a few minutes before I forced myself to pull away.
He followed, propping the bike on its kickstand. He took off his helmet and set it on the bike, running his hands through his hair a few times. He stepped toward me, smiling at how ridiculous I looked. He unbuckled my helmet and set it on the bike behind him. Taking a step closer, he pushed the book bag from my shoulders and let it fall to the ground behind me. His hand slipped behind my neck, into my tangled hair. His eyes were a vibrant shade of blue that reminded me of the ocean.
“If I never see you again, I want you to know that the time I have spent with you has meant more to me than you will ever know. I’ve never been able to talk about my life with anyone. I never realized how much I needed that, needed someone who really understands what I’ve gone through . . . needed you.”
“I was so mean to you . . .” My voice trailed off and he let out a quiet chuckle, pressing his forehead against mine, his eyes falling closed. I inhaled deeply, relishing the smell of coconut . . . of freedom. My heart wrenched in my chest as his fingers tightened into a fist in my hair and he pressed his lips against my bruised cheek. I put my hands against his chest as his frantic heartbeat pulsed against my fingertips.
He pulled his mouth back but kept his head resting against mine. I slowly stepped back, and he let his arms fall to his sides. I turned and walked across the parking lot toward the diner, forcing myself not to break into a run as the tears threatened to fall down my cheeks.
As I reached the employee entrance, I turned back to look at Tucker one last time. He was staring at me, his hands shoved deep in his pockets. I gave him a small smile before pulling open the door and slipping inside.
By the time I opened the bathroom door, I was no longer strong enough to hold back my sadness. I sobbed as I pulled my bag of work clothes from under the sink and began to undress. I held the yellow dress to my face and inhaled the faint scent of coconut that still lingered on the fabric. I missed him already and I barely knew him. He had turned my entire pathetic existence upside down.
I shrugged my work clothes on and folded my dress, placing it in the bag along with my sandals. My fingers went to the delicate piece of metal around my neck. The tears grew heavier as I fumbled with the tiny clasp and tossed it in my little blue purse. I made sure everything was in the bag and tied it closed. The faint roar of his motorcycle drifted away as a second round of tears began to fall.
I knew he wouldn’t be around forever; I just didn’t realize how much it would hurt me when he left.
I turned on the sink and splashed my face with cold water several times before I was able to get my emotions under control. My face was red and blotchy. Not that anyone would notice.
I left the dingy diner and made the trek across the dusty parking lot. My fingers traced my lips where his had been. They still tingled from his touch. I wondered how long it would last before I couldn’t feel him, couldn’t smell him. Before he became a memory that I couldn’t even be certain was ever real.
I looked up at the door of my dilapidated trailer.
“This is our new place?” I made a face at Jackson.
“It’s not that bad. It just needs a little TLC, that’s all. We can fix it up while we live in it.”
I stepped inside the front door and inhaled the musky smell. “I don’t know Jax. This looks pretty run-down. Maybe we can find something toward the city.”
“Baby, you’re looking at this all wrong. Sure she could use some fresh paint and a good scrubbing, but it’s got a good foundation.” He turned me toward him. “It’s like us.”
“Smelly?”
He laughed and rolled his tongue over his lower lip. “No.” He grabbed his shirt and pulled it to his nose to sniff it. “No. It’s had a rough life but with a little love it can be good as new again.”
“Awww!” I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him. “This is a new beginning then.”
He smiled and kissed me on the cheek.
“Get a room!” my mother yelled at us as she brought in a box from outside.
“I got us a room. I got us a whole house.” Jackson laughed.
It was time to go back to reality. I snuck over to my bedroom window and tossed my bag of clothes inside. Smoothing my hands over my apron and pushing my hair back from my face, I stepped inside. I wanted to run the other way, run to Tucker, but if I got caught missing in the middle of the night, I would pay.
Jax sat on the couch in a pair of basketball shorts and nothing else. He nodded at me as I entered. I smiled and walked across the living room toward the hallway.
“How was work?” he called after me, stopping me dead in my tracks.
“Fine,” I replied without turning around.
He flicked through the channels on the television and didn’t say anything else. I let out a heavy breath and made my way back to my bedroom.
“I’m home, Mom,” I called down the hall. I heard her mumble something as I closed my door. I grabbed the bag of clothes from my bed and shoved it into my closet, burying it deep beneath my boxes. Most people had skeletons in their closets. I had pretty little dresses that I had to hide from the world.
I changed into shorts and a tank top before leaving my room. Pulling open the fridge, I searched for something to drink. I grabbed a bottle of beer and closed the door with my hip as I twisted the cap off the bottle.
“Grab me one?” Jax’s words were slurred.
I rolled my eyes and pulled the door open to grab him a bottle. “This case is almost empty.” I wasn’t talking to anyone in particular. Jax didn’t bother to respond.
I carried the beers into the living room and handed him his bottle. He snatched it without looking up. I tilted my bottle to my lips and began to drink as much as I could before having to come up for air. I had warned myself not to develop feelings for Tucker, but somehow he had gotten under my skin. Another long sip and my bottle was empty. I made my way back into the kitchen and grabbed another from the fridge.
“What’s up with you?” Jackson raised an eyebrow at me as he drank his beer.
“Nothing. Can’t I ever just have fun and relax?” I was snapping at him, and if I didn’t watch it, I would be dealing with an angry drunk.
“Fuck you, Cass” was all he mumbled before turning his attention to the television.
Tonight was going to be hard. I had hoped that Jax would treat me with a little bit of kindness, but clearly that was asking too much. I grabbed an extra beer from the fridge for Jax. If he couldn’t be nice, maybe he could just pass out instead.
I handed him his drink and sat on the far end of the couch, keeping distance between us.
“You’ve been different lately,” he said, pointing the top of his bottle in my direction.
My heart was pounding out of my chest. I focused on the television as I took another drink. “I’m the same as I’ve always been. You’re the one who’s changed.”
I pulled back from him and gazed at his face. He was smiling down at me, and I knew he was telling the truth. He was content with his life and didn’t need or want any pity.
“I could stay here forever,” he whispered.
That brought me back to reality. “Oh, my God. I have to get back. It’s at least a half-hour drive to my place.” Panic began to set in as I thought about Jax’s figuring out I was gone. There would be hell to pay, and my mother didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of it in my absence.
Tucker let out a deep sigh. “Okay. Let’s go.”
We made our way back through the warm water and to the beach. Tucker grabbed his shoes and handed me my sandals. He slipped his shirt over his head. We walked straight to the parking lot ahead instead of taking another leisurely stroll on the beach. The mood had shifted considerably. I didn’t say a word. Nothing would make this situation any different. My life was waiting for me back in Eddington. My mother needed me and I wouldn’t abandon her the way my father had. I hated that I had become the parent in our situation, but she needed me and I wouldn’t let her down.
Tucker led me to his hotel so we could clean the sand from our feet and call a cab.
When we reached his room, Dorris was standing outside with her arms crossed over her chest. She was livid. “You wanna explain your little disappearing act to me?”
Tucker squeezed my hand and slid his key card into the door. He stood back so I could enter, then turned to Dorris. “I’m taking Cass home. I’ll see you in Florida.” With that, he shut the door in Dorris’s stunned face.
I’m sure mine didn’t look much different when he turned to face me. “You’re taking me home?”
He grinned as he walked past me toward the bathroom.
I followed him.
“I don’t have another concert for two days, and I still owe a visit to that ass**le.” He shrugged as he turned on the faucet in the tub. He held his hand under it for a minute, ensuring it was a good temperature, before gesturing for me to clean my feet.
“You can’t, Tucker. You won’t be there for the repercussions.”
Anger flashed in his eyes. “I wasn’t planning on leaving him in any shape to lay a finger on you ever again.”
“Tucker . . .” I sat on the edge of the tub and dangled my feet in the pool of water. It was perfectly warm, like the ocean. I didn’t realize how much I’d missed that feeling—the simple comfort of warm water.
He propped himself on the edge of the tub beside me, letting his feet dip into the warm water.
“You’re not that kind of person.”
“What kind of person would I be if I let him hurt you?”
He’d be like every other person in my life. I struggled for something, anything, to change the direction of our conversation. “Tell me something else about you.” I needed to know more. “What’s it like to play to crowds of screaming girls?”
“The first time we played a gig that people actually paid to see, it was surreal. I couldn’t believe that people knew me by name and sang along to the lyrics of my songs. It was . . . terrifying.”
“I couldn’t imagine.”
“Don’t get me wrong. We lived up to the rock-star image. There was a different party every night, in a different city. The girls were always different but also exactly the same. No one cared who you were as long as you were in a band.”
I nodded, not knowing how to respond. I didn’t want to picture Tucker with women hanging all over him.
“It’s crazy, going from feeling like the most important woman in your life regretted even having you, to every woman throwing herself at you and telling you she loves you. Eventually, I realized none of them did. Not any of them.” He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “Money, fame, fans . . . none of it really means anything. It doesn’t make you happy. I mean, I love my music, but if you don’t have someone to share that stuff with, you’ll still be lonely.” I felt his eyes on me. “Tell me something about you, Cass.”
“There’s nothing to tell.”
“What do you want to be when you grow up?” He chuckled.
“Happy.”
He sighed, reaching over to take my hand in his. “You don’t have to put up with him. I could help get you out of there.”
“No, Tucker. I have to do it myself, and I can’t leave my mother behind.” I pulled my hand free from his and placed it on my lap.
“Come on. Let’s get you home, Cinderella.” He grabbed my hand again, helping me from the tub.
He handed me a white towel and I dried my feet and slipped my sandals back on my feet. He did the same and threw a few items in a backpack before leading me out of the room.
Dorris was still in the hallway, looking even more pissed off. If that was even possible.
Tucker grabbed my hand and kept walking. “I’ll be there, Dorris,” he called over his shoulder.
If she didn’t like me before, she definitely hated me now. We hurried through the stairwell and out the back door of the building. His motorcycle sat close to the door.
“Here.” He slipped my arms through the straps of the book bag and pulled it tight. “Okay?”
I nodded and he smiled, turning to grab a helmet and putting it on my head. He pushed a few strands of hair from my face and secured the straps. I felt like a bobble-head. He grabbed his helmet and slid it on his head before straddling the bike and standing it upright.
I hoisted my leg over the giant machine and slid my arms around his waist, squeezing him tightly. His hand met mine and he rubbed over my knuckles with his thumb. “Let’s get you home.”
We took off into the darkness, snaking our way through the crowd. The ocean air mixed with the smell of coconuts made it easy to forget that I was going home to a broken-down trailer. I laid my cheek against his back and closed my eyes.
Tucker pointed out landmarks as we drove. He told me one day we would have to go there. The idea warmed my heart, even though I knew he probably wouldn’t be around once his tour took him to Florida.
Chapter Fifteen
WE PULLED INTO the dusty lot of Aggie’s Diner. My legs were sore from the ride, but I didn’t want to move my body from Tucker’s.
His hand found mine again, rubbing it gently. “I’m going to get a room down on the river walk. The Bohemian, overlooking the water. If you need me . . . if you need anything . . . please come.” I could feel his heart rate quicken under my fingers. “I will have to leave for Florida tomorrow. I don’t know when I can make it back here. . . .” His voice trailed off.
I nodded my head against his back, fighting off the lump that had formed in my throat. I held him as tightly as I could for a few minutes before I forced myself to pull away.
He followed, propping the bike on its kickstand. He took off his helmet and set it on the bike, running his hands through his hair a few times. He stepped toward me, smiling at how ridiculous I looked. He unbuckled my helmet and set it on the bike behind him. Taking a step closer, he pushed the book bag from my shoulders and let it fall to the ground behind me. His hand slipped behind my neck, into my tangled hair. His eyes were a vibrant shade of blue that reminded me of the ocean.
“If I never see you again, I want you to know that the time I have spent with you has meant more to me than you will ever know. I’ve never been able to talk about my life with anyone. I never realized how much I needed that, needed someone who really understands what I’ve gone through . . . needed you.”
“I was so mean to you . . .” My voice trailed off and he let out a quiet chuckle, pressing his forehead against mine, his eyes falling closed. I inhaled deeply, relishing the smell of coconut . . . of freedom. My heart wrenched in my chest as his fingers tightened into a fist in my hair and he pressed his lips against my bruised cheek. I put my hands against his chest as his frantic heartbeat pulsed against my fingertips.
He pulled his mouth back but kept his head resting against mine. I slowly stepped back, and he let his arms fall to his sides. I turned and walked across the parking lot toward the diner, forcing myself not to break into a run as the tears threatened to fall down my cheeks.
As I reached the employee entrance, I turned back to look at Tucker one last time. He was staring at me, his hands shoved deep in his pockets. I gave him a small smile before pulling open the door and slipping inside.
By the time I opened the bathroom door, I was no longer strong enough to hold back my sadness. I sobbed as I pulled my bag of work clothes from under the sink and began to undress. I held the yellow dress to my face and inhaled the faint scent of coconut that still lingered on the fabric. I missed him already and I barely knew him. He had turned my entire pathetic existence upside down.
I shrugged my work clothes on and folded my dress, placing it in the bag along with my sandals. My fingers went to the delicate piece of metal around my neck. The tears grew heavier as I fumbled with the tiny clasp and tossed it in my little blue purse. I made sure everything was in the bag and tied it closed. The faint roar of his motorcycle drifted away as a second round of tears began to fall.
I knew he wouldn’t be around forever; I just didn’t realize how much it would hurt me when he left.
I turned on the sink and splashed my face with cold water several times before I was able to get my emotions under control. My face was red and blotchy. Not that anyone would notice.
I left the dingy diner and made the trek across the dusty parking lot. My fingers traced my lips where his had been. They still tingled from his touch. I wondered how long it would last before I couldn’t feel him, couldn’t smell him. Before he became a memory that I couldn’t even be certain was ever real.
I looked up at the door of my dilapidated trailer.
“This is our new place?” I made a face at Jackson.
“It’s not that bad. It just needs a little TLC, that’s all. We can fix it up while we live in it.”
I stepped inside the front door and inhaled the musky smell. “I don’t know Jax. This looks pretty run-down. Maybe we can find something toward the city.”
“Baby, you’re looking at this all wrong. Sure she could use some fresh paint and a good scrubbing, but it’s got a good foundation.” He turned me toward him. “It’s like us.”
“Smelly?”
He laughed and rolled his tongue over his lower lip. “No.” He grabbed his shirt and pulled it to his nose to sniff it. “No. It’s had a rough life but with a little love it can be good as new again.”
“Awww!” I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him. “This is a new beginning then.”
He smiled and kissed me on the cheek.
“Get a room!” my mother yelled at us as she brought in a box from outside.
“I got us a room. I got us a whole house.” Jackson laughed.
It was time to go back to reality. I snuck over to my bedroom window and tossed my bag of clothes inside. Smoothing my hands over my apron and pushing my hair back from my face, I stepped inside. I wanted to run the other way, run to Tucker, but if I got caught missing in the middle of the night, I would pay.
Jax sat on the couch in a pair of basketball shorts and nothing else. He nodded at me as I entered. I smiled and walked across the living room toward the hallway.
“How was work?” he called after me, stopping me dead in my tracks.
“Fine,” I replied without turning around.
He flicked through the channels on the television and didn’t say anything else. I let out a heavy breath and made my way back to my bedroom.
“I’m home, Mom,” I called down the hall. I heard her mumble something as I closed my door. I grabbed the bag of clothes from my bed and shoved it into my closet, burying it deep beneath my boxes. Most people had skeletons in their closets. I had pretty little dresses that I had to hide from the world.
I changed into shorts and a tank top before leaving my room. Pulling open the fridge, I searched for something to drink. I grabbed a bottle of beer and closed the door with my hip as I twisted the cap off the bottle.
“Grab me one?” Jax’s words were slurred.
I rolled my eyes and pulled the door open to grab him a bottle. “This case is almost empty.” I wasn’t talking to anyone in particular. Jax didn’t bother to respond.
I carried the beers into the living room and handed him his bottle. He snatched it without looking up. I tilted my bottle to my lips and began to drink as much as I could before having to come up for air. I had warned myself not to develop feelings for Tucker, but somehow he had gotten under my skin. Another long sip and my bottle was empty. I made my way back into the kitchen and grabbed another from the fridge.
“What’s up with you?” Jackson raised an eyebrow at me as he drank his beer.
“Nothing. Can’t I ever just have fun and relax?” I was snapping at him, and if I didn’t watch it, I would be dealing with an angry drunk.
“Fuck you, Cass” was all he mumbled before turning his attention to the television.
Tonight was going to be hard. I had hoped that Jax would treat me with a little bit of kindness, but clearly that was asking too much. I grabbed an extra beer from the fridge for Jax. If he couldn’t be nice, maybe he could just pass out instead.
I handed him his drink and sat on the far end of the couch, keeping distance between us.
“You’ve been different lately,” he said, pointing the top of his bottle in my direction.
My heart was pounding out of my chest. I focused on the television as I took another drink. “I’m the same as I’ve always been. You’re the one who’s changed.”
