White Trash Beautiful
Page 24
I tore open the first box and read over the instructions quickly. They were fairly simple. I go to the bathroom and wait a few minutes for the results. I tore open all of the boxes and lined the tests up on the counter. I grabbed one of the disposable cups from the sink and forced myself to be brave.
The minutes ticked by like hours. I paced the floor, my eyes glued to the alarm clock beside the bed. After the allotted time had passed, I raced back into the bathroom. I took a deep, cleansing breath as my eyes danced over the sticks. The first one had a plus sign, the second had two lines, and the third read pregnant.
The world began to spin around me and I gripped the edge of the sink and squeezed my eyes closed. This couldn’t be happening. How could I be pregnant? From just one night of passion with Tucker? Was that even possible? It couldn’t be true . . . it couldn’t be happening . . . I stared at the little white sticks, willing those lines to disappear, willing that plus sign to turn into a negative. But I knew it wouldn’t happen. A part of me must have known this whole time, known there was a reason for my continued clinging to Tucker. Because now a part of him was in me.
I couldn’t raise a baby by myself. And then there was Jax. . . . Oh, God! I couldn’t think straight. Tucker would be long gone in nine months and I couldn’t raise a baby in that trailer.
I staggered back into the bedroom and collapsed onto the bed, bringing my knees to my chest as I thought about the mess I had gotten myself into.
I squeezed my eyes shut and imagined my new home that I always dreamed of. I struggled to imagine Tucker by my side. I struggled to see him anywhere in my future. I forced myself to take deep breaths as I envisioned him by my side, his hand on my ever-expanding midsection. I could see him being there for me, caring for me. I could also see Jackson. See him destroying everything in my life that made me smile. I shook myself from the horrible vision.
My eyes flicked to the clock. Where was Tucker? I needed him more than ever. I got up from the bed and made my way to the elevator. I had to find him. I pushed the button for the lobby as I wrung my hands together. This elevator trip seemed to last a lifetime.
As the doors finally opened, I scanned the expansive lobby for Tucker. I spotted him from the back by the check-in desk. As I made my way toward him, I realized he wasn’t alone. He was with a young woman. They seemed to be in an intense conversation, but their voices were too quiet for me to understand. I slowed down a few steps from them when the brunette who had been chatting with him locked eyes with me. I immediately recognized her face from the magazine Dorris had left in the diner. The brunette slid her hands up his neck and pulled his face down to hers, kissing him passionately. Suddenly I couldn’t breathe. I felt as if someone had punched me in the stomach, knocked the wind out of me.
“Tucker.” I hated the way my voice shook as I spoke. He pushed back against the girl and twisted his head around to see me. I bolted back to the elevator. I pushed the button repeatedly. I couldn’t believe how stupid I’d been to think that I was as special to Tucker as he’d become to me. Of course not. I’d needed to believe that something better was out there for me. I’d believed in a fantasy that clearly wasn’t real, had never been real.
The doors finally flew open and I hit a random floor number as Tucker raced toward me. The doors closed between us and I began my descent into my own personal hell.
The doors opened and I walked out onto the third floor on shaky legs. I needed to get away from here. I needed to run away. I staggered down the hall as the elevator opened again and Tucker raced up behind me.
“Cass! Cass! Don’t do this. I wouldn’t hurt you.” He reached my side and placed his hand on the small of my back.
“Too late,” I sobbed, and pulled away from his touch.
He stepped in front of me and wrapped his arms around me. “Please let me explain.”
“Explain? I think I know what I saw. No excuse will ever make that go away. Oh my God. Was it her voice I heard on the phone that day? Jesus, it all makes sense now. Was this all just a game to you? Am I really that stupid?” I shoved his body back from mine as hard as I could.
“No! Sweetheart, I didn’t lie to you.”
“I’m not your f**king sweetheart! You know, I thought it was impossible to hurt worse than when Jax hit me, but I was wrong. None of that compares to the pain in my heart right now. I trusted you!” The elevator door behind me reopened and I bolted for it, hitting the button repeatedly. The doors began to close as I stared back into Tucker’s tear-filled eyes. I sank to the floor of the elevator and wrapped my hands around my knees.
I hadn’t known that I could ever hurt this much. I would take whatever punishment Jax had for me any day over this feeling.
The doors opened and I pushed to my feet, staggering out into the lobby full of people oblivious of my inner turmoil. I made my way through the throngs.
“He will never love you like he loves me, Trash,” the voice of a female whispered in my ear from behind.
I froze in my tracks.
“Sweetheart!” Tucker’s voice called from behind us.
“Right here, baby,” the brown-headed bitch replied. I was tired of running from my problems, from people getting joy out of sucking the happiness out of me. It was time to fight for myself for once, figuratively and . . .
I spun around with my fist cocked back. It connected with her cheek and sent her head whipping back, brown hair flying into my face. Her hand shot up to grab her face in shock as her mouth fell open. I grabbed my fist in my other hand as pain throbbed through it.
“Security!” a man yelled from behind the reception desk.
“He was talking to me,” I spat angrily.
Tucker’s lips curved into a cocky smile as he made his way in front of me. I pushed by him back toward the elevator. He followed, not bothering to even glance at the woman I’d smacked.
He stood by my side, reaching out to hit the button for his room. “That was my ex. That was Cadence.”
“I don’t care.” I folded my arms over my chest and tried to ignore the new wave of nausea that had overtaken me.
“Judging by the way you sucker-punched her, I’d say you care a lot, and I owe you an explanation.” I didn’t respond so he went on, “Cadence went to rehab, but I wouldn’t take her back. I couldn’t. Every few months she shows up and tries to change my mind. Sometimes I fall back into her trap. Everything goes well for a few weeks before she relapses. Living this kind of lifestyle isn’t for everyone. I’m sorry . . . I’m sorry you had to see that.”
I turned to look up at his face. “Did you? Did you change your mind?”
He cupped my face with both of his hands. “Never. You are all I want, Cass. I feel like I have been waiting my whole life for you, and I will wait longer if that’s what you need, but I am not going anywhere.”
I stared into his eyes, desperately confused and overwhelmed. I needed to get off this roller coaster I’d been on since the day I’d met Tucker and land on solid ground. Could I trust him? Suddenly, another realization dawned on me. “She’s the one selling your story to the magazines.”
“So you do read them?” He smirked.
“No. I’ve only read the one Dorris left in the diner for me.”
His eyes narrowed and I knew I’d said more than I should have.
“When did Dorris come to the diner?”
“Don’t worry about it, Tucker. I think she was just worried for you. She was just trying to scare me off.”
He clenched his jaw and didn’t respond. I knew I had just caused a new rift between him and his adoptive mother.
The doors opened into his room and I stepped out in front of him, waiting for him to follow.
He did, grabbing my elbow and turning me, pulling me to him. “She has no say in what happens between us, I promise you.”
I pressed my face against his chest and listened to his heart beating rapidly under my cheek. His chin rested on top of my head. I wasn’t sure he would still feel the same way once he saw the results of the pregnancy tests, but I was ready to find out. If he wanted me gone, it was better to know now.
Chapter Twenty-Two
I TOOK THE TEST.” I stepped back and turned toward the bedroom. I felt as if I were walking to my death sentence.
“I didn’t want you to go through that alone. I’m sorry.” He slowly guided me to the bedroom and waited by the bathroom door.
I slipped out from under his arm and took a deep breath. This was it. I grabbed a test and held it out to him. “I’m pregnant.”
He looked down at the test and back to me twice before he scooped me up in his arms and lifted me from the ground into a hug.
“Are you mad at me?”
“No, sweetheart, I’m not mad. How could I be? But . . . I am scared.”
“I’m scared, too.” I buried my face in his neck and inhaled his scent.
“It doesn’t matter if . . .” He was lost for words. “It doesn’t matter to me if it’s not mine. It will be mine. This is our baby, Cass. You don’t need to worry.” He slowly lowered me until my toes touched the ground. My heart swelled. I couldn’t imagine the amount of responsibility this man was willing to take on for me.
“It’s been a long time, Tucker. This baby could be no one else’s.”
His lips found mine hard. His hands slid down my spine, coming to rest at the top of my shorts. I bowed my body toward him, unable to get close enough. I traced his upper lip with my tongue and he groaned into my mouth as he turned us toward the bed. I felt the mattress against my legs and slid myself back onto it without pulling my mouth from Tucker’s. He crawled over me, kissing me hungrily as his body came to rest between my thighs.
My hands felt for the edge of his shirt, pulling it up so I could run my nails up his back. He pushed his hips into mine, and I moaned against his tongue. The phone beside us began to ring. Tucker ignored it, slipping his hand under my tank top and cupping my breast. I arched into his hand. The phone continued to ring.
“Fuck,” Tucker growled as he pulled his mouth from mine and rested his head against my cheek as we caught our breath. “I have to get that.”
I nodded even though I was disappointed.
He reached over our heads and grabbed the receiver. “Yeah?”
The length of him still pressed firmly against me. He sighed loudly and climbed off my body to sit on the edge of the bed, his free hand running through his hair. I rolled to my side and laid my head on my arm as I stared at his muscular back.
“Fine. Come up.” He slammed the phone down and turned back to face me. He ran his finger along my jaw. “That was Dorris. She’s on her way up.” I could tell by his tone he was not happy.
I pushed myself up and crawled onto his lap. I knew this was going to be bad. The woman hated me as it was. She was going to go ballistic when she found out about the pregnancy.
The elevator opened and in walked Dorris. She spotted Tucker and me on the bed and didn’t look surprised. “Why did you change your room, and what the hell was with that circus act in the lobby? Do you have any idea the hoops I’m going to have to jump through to fix this?” Her eyes shot to me and went immediately back to Tucker.
“Needed more space.” He shrugged.
“Tucker, are you going to make it to the concert tonight?”
He eyes flicked back to me. “Of course.” His arms tightened around me. “Afterward, I have to take Cass back home.”
My heart sank. I wasn’t ready to leave him.
I started to pull away from him, but his grip tightened and he placed a quick kiss to my forehead. “We have to get a few of her things.”
My heart leapt back into my throat. Get my things? Was he going to take me with him? I couldn’t just leave my mother and tour the country. Not with a baby. Not after what had happened to his last girlfriend. I thought of the brunette down in the lobby with her hands all over him and felt as if I were going to be sick again.
“Get her things?” Dorris looked down at the floor in front of her and narrowed her eyes.
I pulled from Tucker’s arms just as she bent down and picked up the small white stick in her hand. Her eyes grew wide as saucers as she read pregnant on the front of the test.
“Take care of this, Tucker.” Her teeth were grinding as she spoke.
He replied, “I’m not going to—”
Dorris waved her hand. “Take care of this. Get rid of it.” She looked me up and down as if she were disgusted. I slid off his lap and sat next to him. “You’ve worked too hard. The band has worked too hard for you to ruin it over some . . . some fling.” She turned and stormed out into the living room.
“Get rid of it? Do you even hear what you’re saying?” He pushed from the bed and stood in front of her.
“You don’t need to deal with this.” She placed her hand on his arm.
He shrugged her away. “Like my parents didn’t deal with me? You want me to just throw away my kid? I guess I can just pick one up later down the road like you did.”
“That’s not fair, Tucker. Like it or not, I am your mother, and I only have your best interests in mind.” She threw her hands in the air and stormed off toward the elevator.
“I know what I’m doing,” Tucker called after her.
She didn’t respond. The elevator doors opened and she stepped inside, glaring at Tucker as the doors slid closed.
He squeezed me against his chest and rocked me slowly. “I’m not going to abandon you. I won’t. I don’t give a damn what she thinks.”
I nodded, but I knew that it wasn’t true. Tucker had a future, and I would never forgive myself if he lost it because of me. I placed my hand down to my stomach. It was too late for all of that. I had already destroyed his future. His hand slid over mine.
The minutes ticked by like hours. I paced the floor, my eyes glued to the alarm clock beside the bed. After the allotted time had passed, I raced back into the bathroom. I took a deep, cleansing breath as my eyes danced over the sticks. The first one had a plus sign, the second had two lines, and the third read pregnant.
The world began to spin around me and I gripped the edge of the sink and squeezed my eyes closed. This couldn’t be happening. How could I be pregnant? From just one night of passion with Tucker? Was that even possible? It couldn’t be true . . . it couldn’t be happening . . . I stared at the little white sticks, willing those lines to disappear, willing that plus sign to turn into a negative. But I knew it wouldn’t happen. A part of me must have known this whole time, known there was a reason for my continued clinging to Tucker. Because now a part of him was in me.
I couldn’t raise a baby by myself. And then there was Jax. . . . Oh, God! I couldn’t think straight. Tucker would be long gone in nine months and I couldn’t raise a baby in that trailer.
I staggered back into the bedroom and collapsed onto the bed, bringing my knees to my chest as I thought about the mess I had gotten myself into.
I squeezed my eyes shut and imagined my new home that I always dreamed of. I struggled to imagine Tucker by my side. I struggled to see him anywhere in my future. I forced myself to take deep breaths as I envisioned him by my side, his hand on my ever-expanding midsection. I could see him being there for me, caring for me. I could also see Jackson. See him destroying everything in my life that made me smile. I shook myself from the horrible vision.
My eyes flicked to the clock. Where was Tucker? I needed him more than ever. I got up from the bed and made my way to the elevator. I had to find him. I pushed the button for the lobby as I wrung my hands together. This elevator trip seemed to last a lifetime.
As the doors finally opened, I scanned the expansive lobby for Tucker. I spotted him from the back by the check-in desk. As I made my way toward him, I realized he wasn’t alone. He was with a young woman. They seemed to be in an intense conversation, but their voices were too quiet for me to understand. I slowed down a few steps from them when the brunette who had been chatting with him locked eyes with me. I immediately recognized her face from the magazine Dorris had left in the diner. The brunette slid her hands up his neck and pulled his face down to hers, kissing him passionately. Suddenly I couldn’t breathe. I felt as if someone had punched me in the stomach, knocked the wind out of me.
“Tucker.” I hated the way my voice shook as I spoke. He pushed back against the girl and twisted his head around to see me. I bolted back to the elevator. I pushed the button repeatedly. I couldn’t believe how stupid I’d been to think that I was as special to Tucker as he’d become to me. Of course not. I’d needed to believe that something better was out there for me. I’d believed in a fantasy that clearly wasn’t real, had never been real.
The doors finally flew open and I hit a random floor number as Tucker raced toward me. The doors closed between us and I began my descent into my own personal hell.
The doors opened and I walked out onto the third floor on shaky legs. I needed to get away from here. I needed to run away. I staggered down the hall as the elevator opened again and Tucker raced up behind me.
“Cass! Cass! Don’t do this. I wouldn’t hurt you.” He reached my side and placed his hand on the small of my back.
“Too late,” I sobbed, and pulled away from his touch.
He stepped in front of me and wrapped his arms around me. “Please let me explain.”
“Explain? I think I know what I saw. No excuse will ever make that go away. Oh my God. Was it her voice I heard on the phone that day? Jesus, it all makes sense now. Was this all just a game to you? Am I really that stupid?” I shoved his body back from mine as hard as I could.
“No! Sweetheart, I didn’t lie to you.”
“I’m not your f**king sweetheart! You know, I thought it was impossible to hurt worse than when Jax hit me, but I was wrong. None of that compares to the pain in my heart right now. I trusted you!” The elevator door behind me reopened and I bolted for it, hitting the button repeatedly. The doors began to close as I stared back into Tucker’s tear-filled eyes. I sank to the floor of the elevator and wrapped my hands around my knees.
I hadn’t known that I could ever hurt this much. I would take whatever punishment Jax had for me any day over this feeling.
The doors opened and I pushed to my feet, staggering out into the lobby full of people oblivious of my inner turmoil. I made my way through the throngs.
“He will never love you like he loves me, Trash,” the voice of a female whispered in my ear from behind.
I froze in my tracks.
“Sweetheart!” Tucker’s voice called from behind us.
“Right here, baby,” the brown-headed bitch replied. I was tired of running from my problems, from people getting joy out of sucking the happiness out of me. It was time to fight for myself for once, figuratively and . . .
I spun around with my fist cocked back. It connected with her cheek and sent her head whipping back, brown hair flying into my face. Her hand shot up to grab her face in shock as her mouth fell open. I grabbed my fist in my other hand as pain throbbed through it.
“Security!” a man yelled from behind the reception desk.
“He was talking to me,” I spat angrily.
Tucker’s lips curved into a cocky smile as he made his way in front of me. I pushed by him back toward the elevator. He followed, not bothering to even glance at the woman I’d smacked.
He stood by my side, reaching out to hit the button for his room. “That was my ex. That was Cadence.”
“I don’t care.” I folded my arms over my chest and tried to ignore the new wave of nausea that had overtaken me.
“Judging by the way you sucker-punched her, I’d say you care a lot, and I owe you an explanation.” I didn’t respond so he went on, “Cadence went to rehab, but I wouldn’t take her back. I couldn’t. Every few months she shows up and tries to change my mind. Sometimes I fall back into her trap. Everything goes well for a few weeks before she relapses. Living this kind of lifestyle isn’t for everyone. I’m sorry . . . I’m sorry you had to see that.”
I turned to look up at his face. “Did you? Did you change your mind?”
He cupped my face with both of his hands. “Never. You are all I want, Cass. I feel like I have been waiting my whole life for you, and I will wait longer if that’s what you need, but I am not going anywhere.”
I stared into his eyes, desperately confused and overwhelmed. I needed to get off this roller coaster I’d been on since the day I’d met Tucker and land on solid ground. Could I trust him? Suddenly, another realization dawned on me. “She’s the one selling your story to the magazines.”
“So you do read them?” He smirked.
“No. I’ve only read the one Dorris left in the diner for me.”
His eyes narrowed and I knew I’d said more than I should have.
“When did Dorris come to the diner?”
“Don’t worry about it, Tucker. I think she was just worried for you. She was just trying to scare me off.”
He clenched his jaw and didn’t respond. I knew I had just caused a new rift between him and his adoptive mother.
The doors opened into his room and I stepped out in front of him, waiting for him to follow.
He did, grabbing my elbow and turning me, pulling me to him. “She has no say in what happens between us, I promise you.”
I pressed my face against his chest and listened to his heart beating rapidly under my cheek. His chin rested on top of my head. I wasn’t sure he would still feel the same way once he saw the results of the pregnancy tests, but I was ready to find out. If he wanted me gone, it was better to know now.
Chapter Twenty-Two
I TOOK THE TEST.” I stepped back and turned toward the bedroom. I felt as if I were walking to my death sentence.
“I didn’t want you to go through that alone. I’m sorry.” He slowly guided me to the bedroom and waited by the bathroom door.
I slipped out from under his arm and took a deep breath. This was it. I grabbed a test and held it out to him. “I’m pregnant.”
He looked down at the test and back to me twice before he scooped me up in his arms and lifted me from the ground into a hug.
“Are you mad at me?”
“No, sweetheart, I’m not mad. How could I be? But . . . I am scared.”
“I’m scared, too.” I buried my face in his neck and inhaled his scent.
“It doesn’t matter if . . .” He was lost for words. “It doesn’t matter to me if it’s not mine. It will be mine. This is our baby, Cass. You don’t need to worry.” He slowly lowered me until my toes touched the ground. My heart swelled. I couldn’t imagine the amount of responsibility this man was willing to take on for me.
“It’s been a long time, Tucker. This baby could be no one else’s.”
His lips found mine hard. His hands slid down my spine, coming to rest at the top of my shorts. I bowed my body toward him, unable to get close enough. I traced his upper lip with my tongue and he groaned into my mouth as he turned us toward the bed. I felt the mattress against my legs and slid myself back onto it without pulling my mouth from Tucker’s. He crawled over me, kissing me hungrily as his body came to rest between my thighs.
My hands felt for the edge of his shirt, pulling it up so I could run my nails up his back. He pushed his hips into mine, and I moaned against his tongue. The phone beside us began to ring. Tucker ignored it, slipping his hand under my tank top and cupping my breast. I arched into his hand. The phone continued to ring.
“Fuck,” Tucker growled as he pulled his mouth from mine and rested his head against my cheek as we caught our breath. “I have to get that.”
I nodded even though I was disappointed.
He reached over our heads and grabbed the receiver. “Yeah?”
The length of him still pressed firmly against me. He sighed loudly and climbed off my body to sit on the edge of the bed, his free hand running through his hair. I rolled to my side and laid my head on my arm as I stared at his muscular back.
“Fine. Come up.” He slammed the phone down and turned back to face me. He ran his finger along my jaw. “That was Dorris. She’s on her way up.” I could tell by his tone he was not happy.
I pushed myself up and crawled onto his lap. I knew this was going to be bad. The woman hated me as it was. She was going to go ballistic when she found out about the pregnancy.
The elevator opened and in walked Dorris. She spotted Tucker and me on the bed and didn’t look surprised. “Why did you change your room, and what the hell was with that circus act in the lobby? Do you have any idea the hoops I’m going to have to jump through to fix this?” Her eyes shot to me and went immediately back to Tucker.
“Needed more space.” He shrugged.
“Tucker, are you going to make it to the concert tonight?”
He eyes flicked back to me. “Of course.” His arms tightened around me. “Afterward, I have to take Cass back home.”
My heart sank. I wasn’t ready to leave him.
I started to pull away from him, but his grip tightened and he placed a quick kiss to my forehead. “We have to get a few of her things.”
My heart leapt back into my throat. Get my things? Was he going to take me with him? I couldn’t just leave my mother and tour the country. Not with a baby. Not after what had happened to his last girlfriend. I thought of the brunette down in the lobby with her hands all over him and felt as if I were going to be sick again.
“Get her things?” Dorris looked down at the floor in front of her and narrowed her eyes.
I pulled from Tucker’s arms just as she bent down and picked up the small white stick in her hand. Her eyes grew wide as saucers as she read pregnant on the front of the test.
“Take care of this, Tucker.” Her teeth were grinding as she spoke.
He replied, “I’m not going to—”
Dorris waved her hand. “Take care of this. Get rid of it.” She looked me up and down as if she were disgusted. I slid off his lap and sat next to him. “You’ve worked too hard. The band has worked too hard for you to ruin it over some . . . some fling.” She turned and stormed out into the living room.
“Get rid of it? Do you even hear what you’re saying?” He pushed from the bed and stood in front of her.
“You don’t need to deal with this.” She placed her hand on his arm.
He shrugged her away. “Like my parents didn’t deal with me? You want me to just throw away my kid? I guess I can just pick one up later down the road like you did.”
“That’s not fair, Tucker. Like it or not, I am your mother, and I only have your best interests in mind.” She threw her hands in the air and stormed off toward the elevator.
“I know what I’m doing,” Tucker called after her.
She didn’t respond. The elevator doors opened and she stepped inside, glaring at Tucker as the doors slid closed.
He squeezed me against his chest and rocked me slowly. “I’m not going to abandon you. I won’t. I don’t give a damn what she thinks.”
I nodded, but I knew that it wasn’t true. Tucker had a future, and I would never forgive myself if he lost it because of me. I placed my hand down to my stomach. It was too late for all of that. I had already destroyed his future. His hand slid over mine.
