White Trash Beautiful
Page 25
“I promise,” he said.
I let him hold me for a few more minutes before sliding off his lap. “You have a concert to get ready for.” I smiled down at him as he leaned down and placed a kiss on my stomach.
“Let’s go take our baby to its first concert.” He stood up and made his way to the bathroom to get himself ready.
I sank back down on the mattress and let my head fall into my hands, overwhelmed.
Tucker came out of the bathroom with his toothbrush in his mouth and leaned against the doorframe. “It’s going to be okay.” He cocked his head to the side.
“I know,” I sighed.
He flashed me a big smile and slipped back into the bathroom to finish up.
“Tucker?”
He leaned back so I could see him through the bathroom doorway.
“What did you mean about going to get some of my stuff? Are you taking me on tour with you?” I was nervous.
He gave me an odd look and spit into the sink before answering. “That wouldn’t really be a good idea for a baby.” He turned on the water and rinsed out his mouth. My heart sank again. Could he not just tell me everything he was thinking? The water shut back off and Tucker came out of the bathroom and knelt down in front of me. He lifted my chin with his fingers so I would look him in the eye.
“I don’t want our baby growing up on a tour bus. I want us to have a home. I want to make a home for us. You and me. Together.”
I practically flew into his arms and wrapped my own around his neck. I’d never felt so cared for, so . . . loved. Could this really be happening? It was overwhelming after the day I’d had.
“Now let’s go. I need to put on a kick-ass show.”
I gave him a quick kiss on the tip of his nose. “Let’s go, rock star.”
Tucker pulled me from the bed and wrapped his arm around my waist as we walked to the elevator. The day couldn’t have gone any better considering all of the things that had happened, but I was still worried about Tucker. I couldn’t be responsible for destroying his dreams and his relationship with Dorris. There was also the nagging question of whether we would ever have taken a big step like this if I weren’t pregnant. Was I forcing him into this? Was he committing to me out of a sense of chivalry, or did he really want to make a life with me?
We stepped inside the elevator to leave. I wrapped my arms around Tucker’s waist from the side and squeezed him closer to me. I was terrified of what the rest of the night would bring, but I pushed it to the back of my mind. I was going to watch Tucker perform and I couldn’t wait.
We slipped out of the back entrance of the lobby and hopped on Tucker’s motorcycle.
“I guess we’ll need something more practical soon,” he said over his shoulder. I hugged him tightly as his bike roared to life and we shot out onto the main highway on the island.
I closed my eyes and pressed my face into Tucker’s back. I didn’t want to forget this moment. I felt hopeful and wanted to hang on to that feeling for as long as possible. I thought over all of the time I had spent with Tucker. I’d taken a lot of chances to be with him, and now he was taking a big chance on me. The idea of starting a family terrified me. I hadn’t had a good home life since my dad left, so I had never wanted a family of my own. I didn’t think I could ever create a happy home for a child given that I could barely provide one for myself.
The bike slowed and veered to the left, pulling onto a small back road that was lined by trees and large beach houses. We wove down a few more streets and through a small park with tennis courts and a large, hidden soccer field.
Tucker pulled up next to a small building and backed his bike into a parking spot before shutting off the engine.
“Where are we?” I pulled off my helmet and shook my hair.
“You’ll see.”
I slipped my leg over the bike and stretched as I held out my helmet for Tucker to store.
“Come on.” He held out his hand and smiled. I laced my fingers with his, and he pulled me across the small road and onto a blacktop walkway surrounded by trees.
“This is beautiful!” I pointed to a small pond on our left.
“It gets better.” Tucker’s thumb traced small circles on the back of my hand as we made our way through a clearing into another small parking lot. The path resumed, but this time it was sand.
“We’re at the beach?” I shielded my eyes with my hand and tried to look ahead, but I couldn’t see any water. Tucker nodded and I squealed. We walked a little farther before the giant, glittering body of water came into view.
Along the water, I also saw a large mass of people crowded around a black stage that was erected in front of the ocean. Dorris stood at the base of the path waiting for us. She shot me a glare and quickly ushered us to the rest of the band, who were hanging out behind the stage with the crew and a few other bands.
“Hey, bro.” Chris slapped Tucker’s hand and pulled him in to bump shoulders with him. He nodded his head toward me with a grin. “ ’Sup, Cass?”
I smiled and tucked my hair behind my ears, but didn’t even know where to begin to answer his question.
A man took the stage and began to hype up the crowd. They cheered and hollered so deafeningly loudly that it was impossible for me to hear my own thoughts. That wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.
Apparently, Damaged was the first band to take the stage tonight. Tucker pulled me into his chest and gave me a quick kiss before nodding to Dorris. She looped her arm in mine and guided me to the front of the crowd before the stage so we could watch the show. As soon as we arrived, I quickly pulled my arm free from hers.
The man was still onstage talking, and Dorris leaned in closer to me so I could hear her. “Tucker is a good man and he would do anything he had to if he thought it was right, but this band has been his dream and I will not see him throw that away.” Her eyes stayed focused on the stage ahead as she spoke.
“Then we’re on the same page,” I assured her as Damaged stepped onto the stage.
The people around us went nuts, effectively ending our tense conversation.
I cheered along with everyone else as Tucker stepped into view. He smiled as he saw me and winked, making my heart melt into a puddle at my feet. The Twisted Twins began to play their guitars, and the crowd’s enthusiasm only intensified. They started by playing “Loved.” My heart melted at the sound of Tucker’s voice.
His eyes locked on mine as he sang of driving miles and miles and winding up at my door. My hand went to my stomach and I swayed with the crowd as he sang to me. I snuck a glance at Dorris, who was smiling proudly at the band. She was right to be worried about Tucker’s future. I was, too. I didn’t want to take this from him. It was what he was born to do. Still, the idea of spending my life with Tucker was too much to resist. Even if he was on the road for months at a time, we could make it work, right? People did it all the time.
The song ended and the band flowed seamlessly into the next as he sang about trying harder and being scared. I could definitely relate to the lyrics, and they brought tears to my eyes. This song was much more intense, and he sang most of it with his eyes pressed closed.
Our entire world was crashing down around us and Tucker was able to make me feel safe and loved for the first time I could remember in my life. The day he’d stepped into the diner changed my life and set off a chain of events that would ultimately change the course of our lives forever, good or bad. I didn’t know what brought him to me, if it was fate or karma, but I was grateful to have him in my life, even if it was all crumbling around us.
The sun was fading fast behind us and sparkled off the water behind the stage. It was magical. The women around me sang along to the beautiful lyrics and I even joined in.
Tucker transitioned into a new song that I hadn’t heard yet, about secrets. I blushed as his eyes locked on mine as he sang, “I want you so bad.” I loved every minute of it. I never wanted it to end, but as soon as this song finished, it was time for the next band.
I followed Dorris to the back of the stage, where Tucker was taking a long swig from a water bottle. His eyes lit up when he saw me. His arm hooked around my neck and he pressed his damp lips to my forehead.
“Hey, guys,” Dorris called to the bandmates, who were already scouting the crowd for women. They gathered around Tucker and me as they waited to hear what she had to say. “Go ahead, Tucker. Share your news with the band. It’s their future you’re toying with as well.”
Tucker’s arm tightened around me. “I’m sorry,” he whispered in my ear before kissing me on the cheek. “Cass and I are going to have a baby.”
Everyone’s eyes moved between Tucker and me, and at first no one spoke. I held my breath as I waited for them to say something, anything.
“Jesus Christ.” Chris stepped forward, running his hand over his face in shock before pulling Tucker into his embrace. Terry followed suit, patting Tucker on the back and whispering something to him. You could see the looks of concern in their eyes, but mostly they were struggling to look happy for Tucker.
“Eric?” Tucker was looking at his drummer, waiting for a response as we held our breath.
Eric’s eyes cut to me before he turned to the stage and punched a large trunk that was propped against the back of it.
“Don’t do this, man.”
“Don’t do this? Do what, Tucker? Fuck up our entire future while only thinking of ourselves? Is that what I’m doin’, man?”
“This wasn’t planned. It just happened.”
“Yeah, well, it can unhappen.” Eric was fuming and a small crowd was starting to take notice.
Tucker stepped forward, shoved against Eric’s chest, and pointed his finger at him. “Don’t ever f**king talk about my child like that again!”
“Think about what you’re saying.” Terry stepped between them.
“He’s only saying what you’re all thinking,” Dorris said, folding her arms over her chest.
“That’s enough!” Tucker yelled at her before taking a deep breath. “Dorris, I love you like a mother. I could really use a mother right now. You know this band has always been my dream, and none of that has changed.” He ran his hand through his hair. “You’re like my family.” His eyes scanned the band. “Cass is family now, too.” He met each of their gazes. “Don’t make me choose.” The warning did not go unnoticed. “Because I’ll choose her.”
Eric stepped forward, his eyes challenging Tucker, who refused to look away. He wasn’t bluffing, he was going to throw it all on the line for me and this baby. Eric sighed and looked up at the sky for a moment before pulling Tucker into a one-armed hug. The other members followed suit.
I was incredibly relieved. I didn’t want to be the cause of any problems with Tucker’s band, although clearly there would be a much longer conversation when I wasn’t around.
The next band took the stage and it was impossible to talk any further. Tucker leaned in to Terry and talked directly into his ear and he nodded, giving Tucker one last hug before he pulled me back toward the sandy path we’d walked in on.
Chapter Twenty-Three
WHERE ARE WE going?” I shot Tucker a quizzical look.
“To get your things.” He grinned and gave my hip a squeeze. I swallowed against the lump in my throat as reality came crashing down around me. I was going to have to face Jax. “It will be fine, don’t worry. This is only the beginning.”
I gave Tucker a weak smile. He was right. After tonight, we could be together and I wouldn’t have to worry about anything but our future and our family. I took a deep breath and tried to push the worry out of my head as we traveled back the narrow path.
When we reached his bike, he pulled me into his arms and held me tightly while he whispered in my ear, “I know you’re scared. I’m scared, too. We can get through this together.” He pressed his lips to my neck before pulling back to look me in the eye. I nodded and grabbed my helmet from the back of the bike.
“How can you be so certain this will all work out?” I was terrified and I couldn’t understand his calm demeanor.
He shrugged and looked off in the distance. “It has to. I couldn’t live with myself if it didn’t. I won’t make the same mistakes my parents made.” He pressed his hand to my belly and his mood lightened.
I ran my fingers over his cheek and along his jaw as it flexed under my fingers. I still couldn’t understand how he’d made it through so much in his life and turned out so amazing. “Let’s go begin our new life.” I slipped my helmet over my head.
Tucker brushed my hair back from my face and buckled the clasp beneath my chin. He gave me a quick kiss on the lips and put on his helmet as well.
The drive back to the trailer park always seemed to go faster than the trip to leave. I knew Jax would most likely be passed out cold and I had little to worry about, but I was fearful nonetheless. Storms were approaching, and thunder cracked as lightning streaked across the sky. It seemed fitting for the day we had had. Today everything would change, either for good or bad, but I was ready for it.
As we pulled into the parking lot of the diner, Tucker parked near the trailer-park fence and I slowly forced myself to get off the bike. There was an eerie silence. Everyone was inside preparing for Mother Nature to unleash her fury.
“Wait for me in Aggie’s. I just need to grab a few things and talk to my mom.” I pulled off my helmet and handed it to Tucker.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go alone.” He stepped off the bike. I watched him place our helmets over the handlebars. I sighed, not wanting to have this argument. If Jax was awake, things would quickly escalate with Tucker there.
I let him hold me for a few more minutes before sliding off his lap. “You have a concert to get ready for.” I smiled down at him as he leaned down and placed a kiss on my stomach.
“Let’s go take our baby to its first concert.” He stood up and made his way to the bathroom to get himself ready.
I sank back down on the mattress and let my head fall into my hands, overwhelmed.
Tucker came out of the bathroom with his toothbrush in his mouth and leaned against the doorframe. “It’s going to be okay.” He cocked his head to the side.
“I know,” I sighed.
He flashed me a big smile and slipped back into the bathroom to finish up.
“Tucker?”
He leaned back so I could see him through the bathroom doorway.
“What did you mean about going to get some of my stuff? Are you taking me on tour with you?” I was nervous.
He gave me an odd look and spit into the sink before answering. “That wouldn’t really be a good idea for a baby.” He turned on the water and rinsed out his mouth. My heart sank again. Could he not just tell me everything he was thinking? The water shut back off and Tucker came out of the bathroom and knelt down in front of me. He lifted my chin with his fingers so I would look him in the eye.
“I don’t want our baby growing up on a tour bus. I want us to have a home. I want to make a home for us. You and me. Together.”
I practically flew into his arms and wrapped my own around his neck. I’d never felt so cared for, so . . . loved. Could this really be happening? It was overwhelming after the day I’d had.
“Now let’s go. I need to put on a kick-ass show.”
I gave him a quick kiss on the tip of his nose. “Let’s go, rock star.”
Tucker pulled me from the bed and wrapped his arm around my waist as we walked to the elevator. The day couldn’t have gone any better considering all of the things that had happened, but I was still worried about Tucker. I couldn’t be responsible for destroying his dreams and his relationship with Dorris. There was also the nagging question of whether we would ever have taken a big step like this if I weren’t pregnant. Was I forcing him into this? Was he committing to me out of a sense of chivalry, or did he really want to make a life with me?
We stepped inside the elevator to leave. I wrapped my arms around Tucker’s waist from the side and squeezed him closer to me. I was terrified of what the rest of the night would bring, but I pushed it to the back of my mind. I was going to watch Tucker perform and I couldn’t wait.
We slipped out of the back entrance of the lobby and hopped on Tucker’s motorcycle.
“I guess we’ll need something more practical soon,” he said over his shoulder. I hugged him tightly as his bike roared to life and we shot out onto the main highway on the island.
I closed my eyes and pressed my face into Tucker’s back. I didn’t want to forget this moment. I felt hopeful and wanted to hang on to that feeling for as long as possible. I thought over all of the time I had spent with Tucker. I’d taken a lot of chances to be with him, and now he was taking a big chance on me. The idea of starting a family terrified me. I hadn’t had a good home life since my dad left, so I had never wanted a family of my own. I didn’t think I could ever create a happy home for a child given that I could barely provide one for myself.
The bike slowed and veered to the left, pulling onto a small back road that was lined by trees and large beach houses. We wove down a few more streets and through a small park with tennis courts and a large, hidden soccer field.
Tucker pulled up next to a small building and backed his bike into a parking spot before shutting off the engine.
“Where are we?” I pulled off my helmet and shook my hair.
“You’ll see.”
I slipped my leg over the bike and stretched as I held out my helmet for Tucker to store.
“Come on.” He held out his hand and smiled. I laced my fingers with his, and he pulled me across the small road and onto a blacktop walkway surrounded by trees.
“This is beautiful!” I pointed to a small pond on our left.
“It gets better.” Tucker’s thumb traced small circles on the back of my hand as we made our way through a clearing into another small parking lot. The path resumed, but this time it was sand.
“We’re at the beach?” I shielded my eyes with my hand and tried to look ahead, but I couldn’t see any water. Tucker nodded and I squealed. We walked a little farther before the giant, glittering body of water came into view.
Along the water, I also saw a large mass of people crowded around a black stage that was erected in front of the ocean. Dorris stood at the base of the path waiting for us. She shot me a glare and quickly ushered us to the rest of the band, who were hanging out behind the stage with the crew and a few other bands.
“Hey, bro.” Chris slapped Tucker’s hand and pulled him in to bump shoulders with him. He nodded his head toward me with a grin. “ ’Sup, Cass?”
I smiled and tucked my hair behind my ears, but didn’t even know where to begin to answer his question.
A man took the stage and began to hype up the crowd. They cheered and hollered so deafeningly loudly that it was impossible for me to hear my own thoughts. That wasn’t necessarily a bad thing.
Apparently, Damaged was the first band to take the stage tonight. Tucker pulled me into his chest and gave me a quick kiss before nodding to Dorris. She looped her arm in mine and guided me to the front of the crowd before the stage so we could watch the show. As soon as we arrived, I quickly pulled my arm free from hers.
The man was still onstage talking, and Dorris leaned in closer to me so I could hear her. “Tucker is a good man and he would do anything he had to if he thought it was right, but this band has been his dream and I will not see him throw that away.” Her eyes stayed focused on the stage ahead as she spoke.
“Then we’re on the same page,” I assured her as Damaged stepped onto the stage.
The people around us went nuts, effectively ending our tense conversation.
I cheered along with everyone else as Tucker stepped into view. He smiled as he saw me and winked, making my heart melt into a puddle at my feet. The Twisted Twins began to play their guitars, and the crowd’s enthusiasm only intensified. They started by playing “Loved.” My heart melted at the sound of Tucker’s voice.
His eyes locked on mine as he sang of driving miles and miles and winding up at my door. My hand went to my stomach and I swayed with the crowd as he sang to me. I snuck a glance at Dorris, who was smiling proudly at the band. She was right to be worried about Tucker’s future. I was, too. I didn’t want to take this from him. It was what he was born to do. Still, the idea of spending my life with Tucker was too much to resist. Even if he was on the road for months at a time, we could make it work, right? People did it all the time.
The song ended and the band flowed seamlessly into the next as he sang about trying harder and being scared. I could definitely relate to the lyrics, and they brought tears to my eyes. This song was much more intense, and he sang most of it with his eyes pressed closed.
Our entire world was crashing down around us and Tucker was able to make me feel safe and loved for the first time I could remember in my life. The day he’d stepped into the diner changed my life and set off a chain of events that would ultimately change the course of our lives forever, good or bad. I didn’t know what brought him to me, if it was fate or karma, but I was grateful to have him in my life, even if it was all crumbling around us.
The sun was fading fast behind us and sparkled off the water behind the stage. It was magical. The women around me sang along to the beautiful lyrics and I even joined in.
Tucker transitioned into a new song that I hadn’t heard yet, about secrets. I blushed as his eyes locked on mine as he sang, “I want you so bad.” I loved every minute of it. I never wanted it to end, but as soon as this song finished, it was time for the next band.
I followed Dorris to the back of the stage, where Tucker was taking a long swig from a water bottle. His eyes lit up when he saw me. His arm hooked around my neck and he pressed his damp lips to my forehead.
“Hey, guys,” Dorris called to the bandmates, who were already scouting the crowd for women. They gathered around Tucker and me as they waited to hear what she had to say. “Go ahead, Tucker. Share your news with the band. It’s their future you’re toying with as well.”
Tucker’s arm tightened around me. “I’m sorry,” he whispered in my ear before kissing me on the cheek. “Cass and I are going to have a baby.”
Everyone’s eyes moved between Tucker and me, and at first no one spoke. I held my breath as I waited for them to say something, anything.
“Jesus Christ.” Chris stepped forward, running his hand over his face in shock before pulling Tucker into his embrace. Terry followed suit, patting Tucker on the back and whispering something to him. You could see the looks of concern in their eyes, but mostly they were struggling to look happy for Tucker.
“Eric?” Tucker was looking at his drummer, waiting for a response as we held our breath.
Eric’s eyes cut to me before he turned to the stage and punched a large trunk that was propped against the back of it.
“Don’t do this, man.”
“Don’t do this? Do what, Tucker? Fuck up our entire future while only thinking of ourselves? Is that what I’m doin’, man?”
“This wasn’t planned. It just happened.”
“Yeah, well, it can unhappen.” Eric was fuming and a small crowd was starting to take notice.
Tucker stepped forward, shoved against Eric’s chest, and pointed his finger at him. “Don’t ever f**king talk about my child like that again!”
“Think about what you’re saying.” Terry stepped between them.
“He’s only saying what you’re all thinking,” Dorris said, folding her arms over her chest.
“That’s enough!” Tucker yelled at her before taking a deep breath. “Dorris, I love you like a mother. I could really use a mother right now. You know this band has always been my dream, and none of that has changed.” He ran his hand through his hair. “You’re like my family.” His eyes scanned the band. “Cass is family now, too.” He met each of their gazes. “Don’t make me choose.” The warning did not go unnoticed. “Because I’ll choose her.”
Eric stepped forward, his eyes challenging Tucker, who refused to look away. He wasn’t bluffing, he was going to throw it all on the line for me and this baby. Eric sighed and looked up at the sky for a moment before pulling Tucker into a one-armed hug. The other members followed suit.
I was incredibly relieved. I didn’t want to be the cause of any problems with Tucker’s band, although clearly there would be a much longer conversation when I wasn’t around.
The next band took the stage and it was impossible to talk any further. Tucker leaned in to Terry and talked directly into his ear and he nodded, giving Tucker one last hug before he pulled me back toward the sandy path we’d walked in on.
Chapter Twenty-Three
WHERE ARE WE going?” I shot Tucker a quizzical look.
“To get your things.” He grinned and gave my hip a squeeze. I swallowed against the lump in my throat as reality came crashing down around me. I was going to have to face Jax. “It will be fine, don’t worry. This is only the beginning.”
I gave Tucker a weak smile. He was right. After tonight, we could be together and I wouldn’t have to worry about anything but our future and our family. I took a deep breath and tried to push the worry out of my head as we traveled back the narrow path.
When we reached his bike, he pulled me into his arms and held me tightly while he whispered in my ear, “I know you’re scared. I’m scared, too. We can get through this together.” He pressed his lips to my neck before pulling back to look me in the eye. I nodded and grabbed my helmet from the back of the bike.
“How can you be so certain this will all work out?” I was terrified and I couldn’t understand his calm demeanor.
He shrugged and looked off in the distance. “It has to. I couldn’t live with myself if it didn’t. I won’t make the same mistakes my parents made.” He pressed his hand to my belly and his mood lightened.
I ran my fingers over his cheek and along his jaw as it flexed under my fingers. I still couldn’t understand how he’d made it through so much in his life and turned out so amazing. “Let’s go begin our new life.” I slipped my helmet over my head.
Tucker brushed my hair back from my face and buckled the clasp beneath my chin. He gave me a quick kiss on the lips and put on his helmet as well.
The drive back to the trailer park always seemed to go faster than the trip to leave. I knew Jax would most likely be passed out cold and I had little to worry about, but I was fearful nonetheless. Storms were approaching, and thunder cracked as lightning streaked across the sky. It seemed fitting for the day we had had. Today everything would change, either for good or bad, but I was ready for it.
As we pulled into the parking lot of the diner, Tucker parked near the trailer-park fence and I slowly forced myself to get off the bike. There was an eerie silence. Everyone was inside preparing for Mother Nature to unleash her fury.
“Wait for me in Aggie’s. I just need to grab a few things and talk to my mom.” I pulled off my helmet and handed it to Tucker.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go alone.” He stepped off the bike. I watched him place our helmets over the handlebars. I sighed, not wanting to have this argument. If Jax was awake, things would quickly escalate with Tucker there.
