Desertion
Page 16
“We do. We help a few groups, but this sounds a bit different. How long has she been missing?”
“Six years,” I whisper. “She didn’t come home from work one night. She just vanished.” It still seems so fresh, so new, and brings tears to my eyes remembering the night.
“It’s not really our deal,” he repeats, and the small amount of hope I was holding onto flies away.
“I understand.” I try to keep my disappointment hidden but he notices.
“My brother, he’s a detective. Maybe I can have a word with him,” he offers, and the glimmer of hope ignites again.
“You would?” I ask, more excited than I should be. The local sheriff’s department were great to begin with, but as the years have gone on, they seem to have lost interest. Maybe a fresh set of eyes will help.
“Yeah, we can put some feelers out as well. Ask if anyone knows anything,”
“Oh, God, Jesse, that would be amazing.”
“I can’t promise anything, but we can see if anyone knows something.” He shrugs like it’s no big deal, but to me it’s huge.
“Thank you.” I step into him and throw my arms around him. He takes my arms, breaking my embrace and steps back.
“On one condition,” he adds, halting my excitement.
I stop and look up. “One condition?” I repeat back to him.
“You give me a do over, one night.”
“A do over?” I know I’m repeating everything, but I’m trying to process it all. He might still be able to help, but on one condition. Is he propositioning me? “You want me to sleep with you?” I gather my assumption and put it back on him.
“Don’t sound so shocked. I‘ve made it clear how much fucking you would please me, Bell.”
“Please you?”
“One night. One night and I’ll help you find your sister,” he repeats, and I have to shove down the unease forming in my stomach.
“I won’t sleep with you, Jesse, if that’s what you’re asking.” I need to make myself clear. I can’t. There’s no way. Would I?
“Who said anything about sleeping, Bell?”
“A date?” I ask, unsure what he’s implying.
“I don’t date either.”
“Well, I don’t fuck, as you put it so charmingly,” I counter, not getting where he’s heading. He holds my stare before a broad smile crosses his face.
“Are you sure, Bell? In my dreams, you fuck real good.”
“Ugh, your lines are not impressive, Jesse,” I tell him, almost laughing at how lame he is. He shrugs, as if he doesn’t care and holds my stare. I don’t budge, knowing I’m not ready for what he’s suggesting. I might have walked way out of my comfort zone over the weekend, but it was a one-time deal. Nothing else.
“Fine, a date,” he finally agrees, conceding to my terms, but I know his game. Jesse Carter might say he doesn’t play games, but the man is the biggest player around.
“No sex,” I add, shutting it down before it it’s thrown on the table.
“Never say never, Bell,”
“I didn’t say never. I said no.” I keep my face straight and will any blushing away.
“You won’t be saying no by the time I’m done with you. That’s a promise.” I try not to think about his promise, but questions start to creep in. Would I let this man between my legs? My head says no but my body doesn’t know what to think about it right now. How far am I willing to go for Paige? Could I sacrifice this part of me? I shake my head clear of thoughts of Paige. This is more than Paige. This is on me. I might not be ready to admit it, but as much as I want to say it’s for her, I’d be lying.
I just need to remember the bigger picture here.
Paige.
I will do anything for her.
Anything.
Seven Jesse
“So, do you think you can put the word out?” I ask Beau the next day after our weekly club meet. I left Bell at the hospital yesterday relieved I didn’t fuck her, but also disappointed. I don’t know what my hang up with her is about, but it’s like every time I get near her, my brain short circuits and I forget she is not my type at all.
“I’ll put the word out, but if I were you, I wouldn’t hold my breath. Six years is a long fucking time. Any info I get or Tiny gets, might not be accurate.” I nod, understanding what he’s saying, but I know Beau; he’ll do his best to get what he needs.
“Just see what you can find out,” I say, knowing it’s going to be a waste of time, but I would feel like an asshole for telling Bell I would help, to then not follow through.
I shouldn’t have gone after her yesterday. I should’ve ignored myself when I thought it would be easy to talk face-to-face with her. I went to her pissed, ready to rip her a new one for fucking with me, but left agreeing to help her. When she told me her situation, I knew I was fucked. I don’t know why I felt the need to bargain with her. If I’m being honest, I would’ve helped regardless. The way she looked up at me telling me about her sister, all-innocent, and me turning it into a chance to get in her pants just proves what an asshole I really am.
“What’s this about?” Sy asks, catching the last few lines of our conversation.
“Paige Johnson, you remember her?” I ask, surprised Beau knew the name when I asked.
“Name doesn’t sound familiar.” Sy stops to think.
“Six years,” I whisper. “She didn’t come home from work one night. She just vanished.” It still seems so fresh, so new, and brings tears to my eyes remembering the night.
“It’s not really our deal,” he repeats, and the small amount of hope I was holding onto flies away.
“I understand.” I try to keep my disappointment hidden but he notices.
“My brother, he’s a detective. Maybe I can have a word with him,” he offers, and the glimmer of hope ignites again.
“You would?” I ask, more excited than I should be. The local sheriff’s department were great to begin with, but as the years have gone on, they seem to have lost interest. Maybe a fresh set of eyes will help.
“Yeah, we can put some feelers out as well. Ask if anyone knows anything,”
“Oh, God, Jesse, that would be amazing.”
“I can’t promise anything, but we can see if anyone knows something.” He shrugs like it’s no big deal, but to me it’s huge.
“Thank you.” I step into him and throw my arms around him. He takes my arms, breaking my embrace and steps back.
“On one condition,” he adds, halting my excitement.
I stop and look up. “One condition?” I repeat back to him.
“You give me a do over, one night.”
“A do over?” I know I’m repeating everything, but I’m trying to process it all. He might still be able to help, but on one condition. Is he propositioning me? “You want me to sleep with you?” I gather my assumption and put it back on him.
“Don’t sound so shocked. I‘ve made it clear how much fucking you would please me, Bell.”
“Please you?”
“One night. One night and I’ll help you find your sister,” he repeats, and I have to shove down the unease forming in my stomach.
“I won’t sleep with you, Jesse, if that’s what you’re asking.” I need to make myself clear. I can’t. There’s no way. Would I?
“Who said anything about sleeping, Bell?”
“A date?” I ask, unsure what he’s implying.
“I don’t date either.”
“Well, I don’t fuck, as you put it so charmingly,” I counter, not getting where he’s heading. He holds my stare before a broad smile crosses his face.
“Are you sure, Bell? In my dreams, you fuck real good.”
“Ugh, your lines are not impressive, Jesse,” I tell him, almost laughing at how lame he is. He shrugs, as if he doesn’t care and holds my stare. I don’t budge, knowing I’m not ready for what he’s suggesting. I might have walked way out of my comfort zone over the weekend, but it was a one-time deal. Nothing else.
“Fine, a date,” he finally agrees, conceding to my terms, but I know his game. Jesse Carter might say he doesn’t play games, but the man is the biggest player around.
“No sex,” I add, shutting it down before it it’s thrown on the table.
“Never say never, Bell,”
“I didn’t say never. I said no.” I keep my face straight and will any blushing away.
“You won’t be saying no by the time I’m done with you. That’s a promise.” I try not to think about his promise, but questions start to creep in. Would I let this man between my legs? My head says no but my body doesn’t know what to think about it right now. How far am I willing to go for Paige? Could I sacrifice this part of me? I shake my head clear of thoughts of Paige. This is more than Paige. This is on me. I might not be ready to admit it, but as much as I want to say it’s for her, I’d be lying.
I just need to remember the bigger picture here.
Paige.
I will do anything for her.
Anything.
Seven Jesse
“So, do you think you can put the word out?” I ask Beau the next day after our weekly club meet. I left Bell at the hospital yesterday relieved I didn’t fuck her, but also disappointed. I don’t know what my hang up with her is about, but it’s like every time I get near her, my brain short circuits and I forget she is not my type at all.
“I’ll put the word out, but if I were you, I wouldn’t hold my breath. Six years is a long fucking time. Any info I get or Tiny gets, might not be accurate.” I nod, understanding what he’s saying, but I know Beau; he’ll do his best to get what he needs.
“Just see what you can find out,” I say, knowing it’s going to be a waste of time, but I would feel like an asshole for telling Bell I would help, to then not follow through.
I shouldn’t have gone after her yesterday. I should’ve ignored myself when I thought it would be easy to talk face-to-face with her. I went to her pissed, ready to rip her a new one for fucking with me, but left agreeing to help her. When she told me her situation, I knew I was fucked. I don’t know why I felt the need to bargain with her. If I’m being honest, I would’ve helped regardless. The way she looked up at me telling me about her sister, all-innocent, and me turning it into a chance to get in her pants just proves what an asshole I really am.
“What’s this about?” Sy asks, catching the last few lines of our conversation.
“Paige Johnson, you remember her?” I ask, surprised Beau knew the name when I asked.
“Name doesn’t sound familiar.” Sy stops to think.
